Bad In Common

Chapter 30 ??

" I'm sorry." she whisper before the deathing sound flows through the gun.

" NO!" I yell and start to cry immediately as Maddie falls down onto the floor and blood starts leaking from her skull.

I rush over to her. My eyes are filled with tears so it's hard to see where I'm going. Blood surrounds me as I pull the lifeless body of my sister closer to me. I'm not able to hear anything but the sobs escaping my mouth. I don't know why but I still check for her pulse even though deep down I know that I'm not going to find one.

She's gone.

I can't seem to register the reality from what's happening as I continue to shout out her name in pain. I hear my parents muffled screams as they burst through the door. Their eyes grow wide as they notice the lifeless body I'm holding onto and the blood surrounding us.

So much blood.

Mom falls down to her knees and closes her mouth with her hands to muffle the screams leaving her body. Dad is fast on his feet as he pulls out his phone and rushes over to me. His face is red and stained with tears as he notices his gun laying on the floor. He looks over at me in pure guilt. He gulps before starting to talk on the phone.

I'm not able to register what he's saying as my sobs continue to fill the room.

" Maddie no." I cry in pain. I try and shake her, hoping that she'll open her eyes. Even if it's just one eye. I just want to see some movement in her.

" Maddie come back!" I yell. Dad comes over to me and tries to pull me away. I fight against his hold and cling onto my sister. I'm not letting her go. She's my sister. We're supposed to be in this together.

" No!" I yell as dad manages to pull me away from her limp body.

He crashes me into his chest and my sobs seem to increase as I cry into his chest.

" She's not gone." I state more to myself than anyone else.

She can't be gone. She just can't. We're twins. We don't do anything apart. She's my other half, without each other we're just one missing puzzle piece. We haven't been separated for more than a day since birth. How the hell am I supposed to handle the fact that I'm going to be separated from her for the rest of my life? I'll never be able to fight with her again. I won't hear her laughter from when I trip and fall down. I won't be able to hold her while she's crying over a boy. We won't be able to get ready for prom together nor move in with each other for college. I won't see her smile or the glint in her eyes when she's up to something. She's not going to be there for all those things to happen.

She's won't be there at all.

" Honey listen to me." dad tries to shake me out of my thoughts.

I shake my head as the sobs continue to spill out from my mouth. Dad looks unsure of what to do. He just witnessed his own daughter's lifeless body, his wife is crying her to death a few feet away from us while he's trying to keep his other daughter from falling apart from seeing her sister commit suicide.

It's too late.

I've already fallen apart and I'm afraid that no one is going to be able to help me get up.

Maddie was always the one who knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. She gave the best advice even though I didn't want to accept it. She was wise for her age and sometimes even shocked mom and dad with the things she had to say. She was the better twin in my perspective even though she started acting up a few months ago by partying until late hours, coming home high, getting arrested.

How could I have not known that she was trying to reach out to me by doing these sorts of stuff? I thought she was only going through a phase. She was asking for help and I just brushed it off. How could I be this stupid?

Two men who I assume are paramedics rush into the room and over to my sister's body. There's nothing they can do and I know it. When one of them turns around and looks at the three of us, I can see the sympathy in his eyes. Something about his eyes slapped some sense into me. That's when I knew that it was over. She was really gone.

" I'm sorry for your loss." the guy says as he walks over to us.

Dad has let go of me seeing as I stopped crying. He's now holding onto mom who is still bawling her eyes out. I don't know why I've stopped crying. I can feel the tears still roll down my cheeks as I watch them cover her up but not a sound leaves my body.

One of the men lead us out of the room as the other one calls in for more people to come help with the body. My thoughts are blank as the man leads us down the stairs and outside of the house. He says a few reassuring words but I don't hear anything. I only see the movement of his lips. Dad slings his arm over my shoulder and holds both mom and I tightly in his arms.

Still no sound is leaving my mouth. I think my body has gone into shock and this is the only way it can register what's going on.

We watch as they roll Maddie's body out on a stretcher. I don't even know where they are taking her. I just want to cling onto her and never let her go. That's my sister. They're taking her away from me.

Finally a sob comes out of my mouth again. I continue to cry as a few people come over to talk to us. Their words don't seem to make sense as I burry my head into my dad's chest.

I should've been there for her. If I just went up a few minutes earlier I could've prevented this. I could've talked her out of doing such a horrible thing. I could've helped her grasp a sense of reality.

But I was too late.

And because of that my sister is gone.

She's not coming back.

It's all my fault.

* End of Flashback *

After that day things have never been the same. Both my parents became distant by throwing themselves into work. It's as if their love for each other vanished. They don't talk to one another and I had noticed that dad had been staying in one of the guest bedrooms not long after the insident. They barley acknowledge my presence when I'm in the same room as them. Do they even know that they still have a daughter who is struggling with mental battles?

I think it's because I look like her.

When they see me it's as if their whole body tense up. I'm a reminder to them of what they lost.

They forget that I'm the one who had to witness Maddie shoot herself.

Dad couldn't come to terms with the fact that it was his gun who took his daughter's life. When I look at him I can see the guilt eating him away.

Some people even had the nerve to come up to me and ask why I didn't notice that something was up with her. We're identical twins. We share a special bond. Why didn't I use it to my advantage?

All the guilt that was being thrown my way made me realize that I was the guilty one. I could have done something. Anything. Instead of learning to live with the never ending guilt I got involved with the things that made me forget. Only if it was for a little while. That time span was the only thing keeping me sane.

I know mom worries about me because I'm acting up just like Maddie did before she took her own life but I'm not her. We might have been twins but I live my own life. No matter how tough things get I know that I'm stronger than Maddie was. I won't be able to do what she did.

As if losing my other half wasn't already bad enough, mom and dad had to go and turn their backs on me when I needed them the most. My family couldn't look at me without tearing up. I had no one to talk to besides the therapists I was forced to see.

I was alone.

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For anyone who is struggling with depression or who just seems to be more down than usual, just know that you are not alone and that there are people around you who love you no matter what ❤️

Please don't hesitate on sending me a message if you just want to get something off your chest. I don't always have the right advice but I'm a good listener 😌

Peace out ✌️