Tainted hands

Chapter 4

"without saying goodbye?" Juan and Diego gave me sympathetic smiles while John came and gave me a tight hug. "sorry princess, papa just didn't want to wake you mamma thinks you aren't sleeping well lately."

"Mamma needs to stop worrying I am fine." I voiced out my thoughts as I put my towel and sneakers in the bag. Juan scoffed loudly and slumped down on my bed.

"Angel you know that she and Papa will always worry about you." John smiled at me reassuringly as he watched me pack the bag.

"we will always worry about the little baby." Diego taunted squeezing my cheeks cooing and capturing chuckles from  the rest of my brothers. I huffed out and pushed him aside narrowing my eyes at Diego with a slight glare.

"I am going to the gym." John watched me for a moment as if he was trying to study me. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Alright but just make sure you take Henry with you. We all have to go to the decks to sort out some business."

My brothers left my room, Juan groaning as he left my bed. "Oh, and make sure you eat breakfast and have your medicine before you leave." I smiled back at Diego before shutting my bedroom door.

I quickly got changed and grabbed both my gym bag and another bag to get ready for this day. Today is the first day to a long six months ahead of me. And already I am losing hope. Imagine spending six hours of hard research and again and again only getting nothing. I have no idea what to do. It felt as if someone had shoved a knife in my chest and plunged it as deep it would go inside my head.

I have never hated myself so much until now. Everyone has enemies and people they hate but the person who I hate the most is myself. There is no one but myself to blame and the only person who can fix this mess is me.

My brothers had already left the large mansion doing whatever business papa ordered them to do. I have lived here in this stupid mansion all my life and I remember a long time ago I used to call this place home. But for me now, it is just another place to sleep. The mansion was just another façade to the lie I live in daily.

My heart hammered out of my chest heavily and my knuckles were stained white as I gripped the steering wheel. My mind raced as I drove past the buildings and people who walked by. Everyone was living their average normal lives and going on with their lives. I envied them most of them hardly have anything to worry about. Some were probably worrying about dinner, or theirs, or money or maybe their job. I wished that was my case. I would trade my life with anything right now.

Why couldn't I just be like Laura and act as a perfect golden child? Or why couldn't I act like Sophie or Rebecca? Then everything would be perfect and life would just go by normally. I was a true shadow in my family I lived in the corner observing everything. No one understood.   My parents used to think I had an anxiety order when I was a child. I hardly ever spoke but that wasn't because I had something 'wrong' with me.

It was just me.

The girls all wanted to wear the pretty dresses what their mothers wore. I had no interest in that and instead of wanting one of the new barbie dolls I wanted a weapon. I didn't want to play dress-ups with the girls I wanted to train with the boys.

But unfortunately change doesn't happen like that.

Not in this world

I dressed quickly, putting my special gym clothes on and mask on in one of the gross restrooms. Although I hate the base the gym what they have here is my favourite.

Men fighting in spars and silly boys picking fights with the wrong people was just a normal day here. Women aren't accepted in this world if a woman was even seen doing something like this she would be shot on sight. The only thing what a woman is 'good' for is being a so-called 'trophy wife'.