Conan The Dandelion (Boyxboy) ?

Chapter 17: Homophobic

He continued to smoke his cigarette in silence, but instead of looking out the window, he looked at me instead. I felt myself shrink under his intimidating gaze. I pulled my knees to my chest for comfort, wondering when he'd look away. But strangely, part of me didn't want him to look elsewhere.

"You scare me," Parker whispered, letting the cigarette burn between his fingers, which was when I had realized that he had stopped smoking it for a while. "I feel if I close my eyes and let you out of my sight for even a second, the wind will take you away and you'll become a million particles. I'll never be able to see again. That's what dandelions do, don't they? You make a wish and they vanish."

He smiled sadly. Well, his lips had the form of a smile, but the muscles in his face pulled as if they were forced.

"You'll stay, right?"

My chest tugged.

"I'm sorry for being a dick," he said, now staring out the window.

"You were drunk."

"Drunk or not, I'm always doing and saying things that I shouldn't. Especially around you." A nervous laughed followed as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't have a mother to teach me patience."

I blinked in surprise. "She passed away?"

"She died giving birth to me."

There was a pause.

"Aren't you gonna say you're sorry about her death?" he smirked.

"I don't think I should apologize for a natural phenomenon. That's like apologizing for water being clear, or air containing oxygen," I said. I never understood the concept of apologizing after hearing one's death. Were they sorry for their loss? But why should one be sorry? It was nobody's fault whether one lived or died unless it was murder. Parker blinked, then smiled.

"You're right. I always hate it when people apologize for her death. There's nothing to be sorry about. I never knew her, so I don't feel as sad as I would be if I did."

I nodded. "That's very optimistic of you."

He laughed softly.

"Though, I do feel guilty."

"Why?"

"If it weren't for me, she'd still be alive, but she refused to give an abortion and wanted to have me," he murmured, his jaw tightening. "She gave her life for me. I'm pretty sure I'm not exactly the ideal son she dreamt of, but I'm here. Alive."

He let out a quiet sigh.

"I'm pretty sure my dad would have chosen her over me if he knew I'd turn out like this." Then he shook his head. "No, I'm pretty sure he would haven chosen her no matter what."

I could see guilt in Parker's eyes. He blamed himself for something that wasn't his fault. I could tell many things weighed in his heart, and I was sure it affected his relationship with his dad.

"I'm sure your dad loves you very much," I frowned.

"But was I worth losing the woman he loved?"

The question struck me, and I didn't know how to reply.

"Have you asked him?

"He and I get along, but we aren't that close. Dads and sons have this strange pride where we barely tell each other how we feel. We only tell each other the good things," he said. "I'd never be able to ask him."

"Would you like me to ask him for you?"

It was a genuine question, but Parker looked at me, and laughed. He ran a hand through his hair with a look in his eyes I couldn't quite put my finger on.