Some Fall By Virtue

Chapter Nineteen: but everything that hurt

"And you're so very certain of that, aren't you?" she spat, hands coming up to tear at her pink locks. She hated them. Hated their trickery and deception and how they made her seem beautiful outwardly when she was anything but inwardly. She hated the hands which came up to encircle her own that much more. Why couldn't he have just left it alone – left her to her pain and attempted mockery of redemption?

"Lothien, calm yourself..."

Sakura snarled, glaring at him then, fighting against the larger hands which ensconced her own in their strong grasp. The one which belonged to the elf who thought he knew the truth of her but had been so very misguided in his assumptions. All thanks to you, the voice purred. What a wonderful creature of trickery and deception you are... Her teeth ground together at the words rattling about in her head. "No!"

"Then at the very least, please stop attempting to tear your hair out. It is very beautiful—"

"No!" Sakura hissed, vaguely aware she was acting like some sort of petulant child, denying him verbally like that. Not that she particularly cared in that moment. All which mattered was an outlet for that burning bubble of hatred and anger within her. "It's my hair, and I'll do what I want with it!"

"Lothien, I have the strangest inclination that you will regret tearing your hair out – not the least because you do not appear to be in the right state of mind—"

Fury bubbled over. She was in the best state of mind. A guttural snarl escaped her then, and she shifted as best as she could within his grasp. If he knew what she did, there was little doubt he would approve of all that she was inflicting upon herself. He was the one who was wrong. Even if he was her perfect soulmate. He only believed what he did because she was tricking him, deceiving them all. "No!" she hissed yet again, launching herself at him with enough force to take the both of them down to the ground. If she used her chakra to bolster her strength, then that was her business, and hers alone.

His hands stuck around her own throughout the entirety of it all, and Sakura felt all the air escape her lungs, along with a sharp rush of pain through her ribs and back as she fell on top of him. A moan of pain escaped her, the jolt of disturbing her injuries snapping her back to her senses somewhat. Elves didn't seen fine with allowing her pain and tearing out her hair would be so very obvious. There were more decidedly less noticeable ways for her to accomplish that which she wished. Her eyelids drooped, the rush of annoyance and anger fading like the bubble had been burst, fading as quickly as it had set upon her. Dark feelings washed away, like water down a drain, and Sakura was left with regret and shame. Old friends by that point in time.

"Lothien!"

His chest shifted, elbows propping him up enough to glance down at where she had fallen – and still lay. "'m fine," she grumbled, words muffled by the fabric of his tunic. It was terribly comfy, lying atop her soulmate, that was. Sakura rather wanted to bask in that warmth forever. But you don't deserve it, the voice murmured.

Her temporary mattress moved then, a hand moving down to steady her, and Sakura knew he was about to move. She didn't want him to. She screwed her eyes shut. What a greedy, selfish dragon you are...

"If you knew that which I do..." The words fell from her lips unbidden. "You would approve of my pain and suffering," she murmured, wondering about the way he tensed beneath her at that, a near silent 'Lothien' falling from his lips in a croon. She couldn't figure out the emotion behind it – couldn't figure out why he was so attached to her without even knowing the truth behind their respective soulmarks. "You would probably approve of my death too..."

"Lothien—"

Tears bit at the corners of her eyes, hands moving up to clutch at him, a wordless, barely muffled sob escaping her before she could rein herself in. Because she was all but tormenting herself with that which she could never have. "Can we just... stay like this for a little while?" she asked, mouth still moving independently of her brain. Following that accursed heart of hers which still hoped and longed for love. "Please."

A sigh escaped him then, and Sakura closed her eyes as she felt his gaze fall from her – turning instead towards the ceiling above. "Very well," he whispered, voice perilously soft. As though if he spoke at normal volume she might shatter like glass.

She felt as though she honestly might.

Sakura buried her face in his chest, tears pouring from her eyes as though someone had turned a tap on. She couldn't turn it off, no matter how much she wanted to – no matter how much she wanted to stop bothering her soulmate. She clamped her lips shut, silently apologising over and over again within the depths of her mind to her kind, wonderful, perfect soulmate whom she really didn't deserve.

Soft shushing sounds mingled with the noise of her tears and quiet sobs for that which she could never have. A hand wove its way into her locks, smoothing her hair down to reach the top of her back – the lowest he could really reach what with her lying on top of him. Glorfindel could easily get up if he wanted, Sakura knew him strong enough to cast her aside. But he didn't. Sakura wondered over what it meant, and why he allowed it. Only because he doesn't know, the voice reminded, and Sakura felt her heart sink.

But that greedy part of her refused to let go of him in that instant, and only when the beckoning of sleep called, did she relinquish her grip on her soulmate.

Noeneth and Lord Elrond found them hours later in that same position.

::

There was nothing quite like waking up in the arms of one's soulmate. Though the elated feelings were soon quashed by the reminder that Glorfindel knew nothing really. Not about the truth of the matter about their strange connection. Besides, it wouldn't last when the secrets came out, as they were all but guaranteed to do. Sakura knew she ought to be preparing herself for that day, however one was meant to. But you don't, do you, greedy dragon? the voice whispered, seeming as ever present as it had been as of late.

Glorfindel sat by her bed by that point in time, grey eyes watching her far more intently than before as she ate her dinner, the hour late by then, thanks to her impromptu nap. It made her rather want to squirm, but her poker face was well and truly in place. Deception is what you're good at, the voice chimed in.

"Lothien." The sound of her name on his lips came when she had set her tray aside. With some degree of help, since she had made her injuries somewhat worse with her... activity before. The look Lord Elrond had given her at that announcement had made her want to scurry into a deep, dark hole, never to be seen again.

Sakura stared listlessly across the room, praying he wasn't about to start asking questions. She was calm by then, but...

"Will you not look at me?" he asked and she could see the movement of his hands at the side of her bed, hesitating just before they could touch her own. As though he wanted to hold her hand and tell her all would be alright. Sakura barely concealed the snort at that thought. That was nothing but a mere delusion of her hope-addled heart.

She tilted her head away from him, hands clenching ever so slightly because how could she look at him after everything, ashamed as she was?

"Will you not at least tell—"

"Don't." Her voice was weak, slightly hoarse from the crying and wailing she had done before. You did bawl like a little baby, after all. "Please."

Glorfindel opened his mouth, but whatever he had been about to say died on his lips. His shoulders sunk, hand seemingly moving of its own volition to capture one of her own. Sakura didn't know why he wanted to hold her hand. It wasn't like he knew... But that was what everything boiled down to in the end.

He didn't know.

Sakura didn't want him to. Not yet, at the very least, because she was far too cowardly to face the consequences of her past actions. Because she was far too frightened to even try and bear the hatred which would be set upon her when the truth came to light.

That, in the end, was what it all boiled down to.