I lift up my shirt and scan the bandage Abby had placed over my wound. I desperately wanted to look at it. I feel different. A lot different and it's either because I came back to life or it's this stupid gun wound. I'm pretty sure it's the being brought back to life. A sigh escapes my lips as I put the shirt down and reach down picking up my jacket but just as I do I hear the door open. My eyes quickly move towards the door spotting an angry looking Clarke coming in shutting the door behind her.
"What the hell?" She asks, tilting her head to the side.
"Hello to you too Clarke," I respond gently putting on the jacket.
"Y/N now is not that time for that-" Clarke pauses taking a step forward. I pick up my head after getting the jacket on and locking with her eyes. "You just killed a person!"
"And he didn't deserve it?" I question, raising my voice to match with the Griffin. Clarke shakes her head.
"It doesn't matter if he deserves it or not. He's on our side-"
"He is?" I shout cutting the girl off. "Because from where I stood it appeared like he was trying to make up for what he did! Something like that can't just be swept under the rug Clarke!"
"He was trying! Yes, he killed hundreds but he was trying to make-"
"NO CLARKE! Nothing he could have done would make up for killing my people!"
"You're people? Y/N the grounders aren't your people! We are! Pike was!"
"Lexa and the grounders are my people Clarke..." My voice trails as I shake my head. "And you're my people too. Raven, Bellamy, Octavia, Murphy, Monty, Jasper, Abby, Kane- All of you. But I belong here and Pike... Pike had to pay for what he did..." Clarke remains silent shaking her head. I could see it in her eyes that she was frustrated. Clarke Griffin wasn't hard to read especially when you grow up with her. A gentle sigh escapes my lips as I look away briefly crossing my arms over my chest.
"Did she ask you to do it?" Clarke questions after moments of silence. I clench my jaw picking up my head and looking to the girl. "Did Lexa ask you to kill him?"
"No." I say it brief, stern shaking my head before adding. "When I saw what he did... It angered me. It angered her and Indra. Hell it should've angered you. I know it made Octavia upset. I could see it on her face when she walked into that tent. But no one did anything about it did they? They didn't do anything so I had too. I promised myself and Lexa-"
"You shouldn't have made those promises Y/N- When our people know-"
"Do you really think they'll care? You and I both know people hated Pike! I didn't even know the guy but I hated it!"
"Because you've been living here!"
"So? You're just as much of a killer as they are. Hell! We're all killers now aren't we Clarke?" A chuckle escapes my lips shaking my head. I drop my arms from my chest letting them swing at my sides.
"I did what I had to, to make sure we all survived-" Clarke pauses shaking her head. "You did what you did out of vengeance! There's a difference!"
"Is there now?" I shake my head at the girl, looking away for a moment before looking back to her. Both of our eyes raging with frustration and anger. "You did what you did because you choose who lives and dies! You chose to kill Finn-"
"Shut up," Clarke whispers.
"You chose to kill Finn the boy you loved and the boy Raven loved because you didn't want a war with Lexa and the rest of Trikru! Who else did you kill Clarke? Huh? I bet if you had the chance you'd Lexa! Hell you'd probably kill me too-"
"SHUT UP!" Clarke shouts. "You don't know the half of it Y/N. I've made decisions, some I'm not proud of, but what else was I suppose to do? I didn't have a choice!"
"Didn't have a choice? CLARKE WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE!" Clarke throws her head back shaking her head. Her face was red and I could feel my own beating read too. And it's not till I see Clarke out her head down and take a step forward placing her hand to her chest that I knew what she was going to say to trigger me.
"You don't know what I've been through..."
"What you've been through?" I start, letting my voice out calmly for a minute. But her words ring in my head and I can't let them go. "WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH? CLARKE I WAS BEATEN, KIDNAPPED REPEATEDLY and I WAS DEAD! I SAW NOTHING BUT DARKNESS AND PAIN."
"WE BROUGHT YOU BACK!"
"I DIDNT WANT TO COME BACK!" I shout immediately regretting the words to escape my lips. I drop my head quickly as Clarke's eyes widen and her jaw drops a bit. I clench my jaw and take a step back.
"What do you mean you didn't want to come back?" Clarke asks, her voice softer than it was. I shake my head closing my eyes.
"I-I didn't mean it," I say. It's the only thing I can say.
"Yes you did... Y/N talk to me-" Clarke pauses as her eyes burn into me. I shake my head once more clenching my jaw and picking up my head. My eyes open and I'm met with concerned one.
"I didn't think it would work. I was hoping when Lexa said to trust her that it wouldn't work. I was better off dead than I was living-" I pause dropping my head once more. "But now I'm here with a stupid bloody chip in the back of my neck."
Silence takes over the two of us as I reach up my hand and rub the back of my neck. There was no bump. But I knew there was a scar, I could feel the outline of it. I close my eyes dropping my arm feeling Clarke's fingers brush against my hand but I quickly back away opening my eyes. There's a slight knock at the door causing me to look at it and speak up, "come in." Within moments the door opens with Indra coming in.
"The commander wishes to see you," Indra speaks her eyes on me but after she's done speaking I could see her eyes switch back and forth between Clarke and I. A sigh escapes my lips as I nod and begin walking past Clarke. As I past she grabs my arm stopping me. I keep my eyes away from her and to the ground feeling her eyes on me.
"You deserve to be here," Clarke whispers. I clench my jaw and gently shrug the girl off walking off to the door and out with Indra following behind me.