꧁ 𝔸𝕕𝕒'𝕤 ℙ.𝕆.𝕍 ꧂
I hide under the blankets, in my self-made fort, I am seven, and safe. My father has an extremely slight hint of playfulness in his voice as he calls to me in a sing-song manner, "I'm going to find you, Ada. You can't hide forever." I press a hand against my mouth to stop myself from smiling or giggling. "Don't scare her please. What if she screams?" "Oh don't be such a killjoy, Evelyn. Something tells me that this blanket fort isn't just hiding nothing." My heart fills with anticipation, then my father rips the pillow from my entrance, yelling, "Found you!" Even though our voices are monotone and our faces are blank, I still recall that it was the happiest day of my entire life. I could feel the playful glee that was supposed to be shining on my face in a giggle. The way my eyes were supposed to light up and shine like suns. I could feel the triumphant smile that was supposed to be plastered across my father's face as he scooped me up, the taunt he was supposed to sing to tease me. I could feel the disapproving yet motherly smile and glance my mother was supposed to wear. The love she was supposed to feel. That's what would be normal.
I hate the government. I hate them so much. For taking away what was supposed to be a happy, normal moment.
And now, I'm going to die. I recall that memory of when I was young, because I feel a cold barrel jammed against the back of my head. Think quick. Think fast. But I can't think of anything at all. Except for the fact that I'm going to die. Until, I look at the corner of the room again. It's been there the whole time. My answer. I look at the officer and plead, "You can kill me, I'll let you, but please, can it be in that corner?" I point to the corner I've been looking at. The officer is intrigued, "Why?" I force the saddest look onto my face, into my eyes when I answer, "Why not? If my blood is too be spilled, I don't want to make a mess. It's my dying request." The officer looks vaguely suspicious, "Why should we grant you anything? You are causing global uprisings." I lower my head, "I know. You've caught me though, and you're going to kill me no matter what, may I at least have this? And it'll be easier for you to clean up." The officer stands.
"What if we kill you publicly? I want to humiliate you the most I can for your crime." I lift my head again, "You want to show my face to the whole world? Is that really a smart choice? You want the world to know that a government couldn't stop a tiny girl? There'll be more renegades then, because everyone will think, 'If this weakling can, then so can I.' Wouldn't it be better to kill me here and now? Then you can clean up the announcement like you'll clean up my spilled blood in a few seconds, and nobody will know. You can say it was a malfunction, sweep it under the rug." Like you sweep your other problems under the rug. I put on a sincere tone in my voice, "All I'm saying is, you can kill me out there and humiliate yourselves as well as me, or you can do it quietly in here, and save the president's ego." The officer looks stumped but like he's reached a dead end, "Weird for you to be so concerned about the man who's reputation you tried to ruin." I nod, "So will you let me walk over there?" The head officer thinks for a while, "Lower your guns."
"Also, can you shoot on my count of three?" "Why?" "I want to whisper a goodbye first." "Alright."
I get up, and my feet feel like lead when I try to walk. My throat is as dry as sandpaper, but I'm glad that I've managed to convince the officer. He could have ordered for me to be shot while I was rambling, but I'd made sure to speak clearly, and convincingly as well. My plan is simple, but I have a good change of still dying in the process. The officer watches me as an trudge into the corner. Then I whisper. I whisper all my pain and fury and sadness to my family and friends. I dedicate the last sentence to Min, who's been the best friend possible to me. After all, who can say they've wrecked a government with someone? "Min, I'm sorry that I've dragged you into all of this. It's none of your fault that we got caught, it's all on me. I hope you make it out alive. I hope I do too, so I can see you again. I have to see you again.
Then something hits me hard, in the chest, knocking the wind out of my lungs, striking me senseless, leaving me breathless. I let out a slow gasp. Pain is stinging and throbbing in my lungs and heart. It's been there all along, the pounding, nagging feeling. It's been there all this time. My mother's been there all this time, sitting at home, very alive, and all I've done is look past her. I've been ignoring it, but it grew, so big and now it's towering over me. I had time with her, but did I actually treat her as anything else but a caretaker? And now I'm possibly going to die, and in pain.
All because I couldn't tell her that I love her.
I need to make it alive, I can't die, I have to live on for her. I've never felt motivation to live as much as I feel now, and it burns so badly in my chest, flowing through my veins. I finish whispering and tell the officer, while still facing the wall, "I'm going to count down now, you can shoot on 'zero'." I feel the guns lifting, aiming at my back.
"Three."
Do it for your mother, Ada.
"Two."
Do it for her, Ada.
"One."
Do it for the world, Ada.
Do it.
"Zero." I grab the fire extinguisher and duck, I feel bullets whistling above me, crashing into the wall and deafening me. They narrowly miss me and I clutch my fire extinguisher tight. They're reloading now. I reflexively stand up when the bullets stop for a few seconds, turn around and press down on the handle, filling the room with white fog. Now they're blind, and I take advantage of their blindness. I rush up to a guard and grab his gun, he struggles a little but I wrench it from his grasp and hear half-reloaded bullets clink everywhere on the floor. Pushing past many other guards, I hear them yell and make a wild and blind grab for me, some grab ahold of me but I struggle with my whole body weight. I decide to drop down and crawl instead, and since I don't know where I'm going, I just keep moving until I reach the wall. They're firing randomly now and I shuffle sideways until I find the door. I yank it open and practically launch myself out. Once I'm out of the room, I slam and lock the door with the bunch of keys I was entrusted on my first day of work. Being a janitor does really come in handy. There's no time to waste. I rush to Min's room. Fire burns in my body and every breath is a blessing. I have to get to her. Before the bullets do. I have to get there. But can you? I can if I better myself. And if I enhance. And if I refine.
And If I Improve.
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