"I hate to break up the fun, but Miss Jane needs Lola." I smile at the both of them.
"I can't leave. We are in the middle of a game." Lola says, clearly stalling.
"Its fine. I was crushing you anyways." William shrugs his shoulders while looking bored.
"Way to throw me under the bus." Lola playfully glares at William.
"Lola," I laugh. "He is a kid and don't worry. Miss Jane is great. You will be fine."
"But," Lola pouts.
"Just go!" I laugh as I pull her up. Lola nervously walks into the kitchen. I turn to William and say, "do you want to keep playing cards?"
"Are you any good?" William raises an eyebrow.
"I think I can hold my own." I smirk, because card games were my jam when I was William's age. I used to play with my mom's assistant. "I have played quite a bit."
"That's what blondie said." William rolls his eyes.
"Just shuffle the cards." I say while I hold back a laugh.
After three hours of playing old maid and go fish William decides he wants to go outside and play. I want to explore, so we get bundled up in our coats, hats, and gloves and go outside. I don't have a hat or gloves, so William let's me borrow some of Miss Jane's. Once we are outside William runs all over. I chase after him when he gets too far ahead. The running feels good. My ankle feels a little stiff, but overall it's good.
"Follow me!" William yells as he runs faster.
I start jogging and keep a steady and slow pace behind him. He is taking me right to the barn. He swings the door open and walks inside. I follow him into the barn. It looks like a typical barn from the outside, but inside, there are stairs that lead to a window. It's like a second story, but there is small area to stand. It looks like it was made to be a look out spot. My stomach drops, because it probably is a look out spot.
"William, are you allowed to play in here?" I ask as I look around. There is a tractor and a huge black Escalade in here. The pairing is weird, but I don't want to know the reasoning behind it. "Let's go back out and play."
"I really want to see what everyone is talking about." William turns and runs to the stairs.
"William, no!" I yell, but he ignores me. William is almost halfway up the stairs. I walk over and examine the stairs. They are made of old wood, but they look sturdy. I slowly take one stair at a time. When I reach the top my focus is on William. "Let's go. Time to get back to the house."
"Look! They are fighting." William points out the window.
I look out the window and we have a perfect view of what's happening in the shop. The barn window is a little higher than the shop's window. We are looking down into the shop. Niall is yelling and pointing a finger at everyone. Zayn has his hands in the air like he is surrendering. Liam looks apologetic. Harry and Louis both have their arms crossed like they couldn't care less. George is rubbing his neck. What has everybody so upset? Nathan then comes into view. I can't see any of the other younger boys. I obviously can't hear what is being said so millions of questions come rushing in.
"William, is there a way to hear what they are saying?" I whisper like the guys will hear me.
"I don't know. I have never been over here. I'm not allowed." William keeps his eyes glued to the window. "Brad said he saw a guy get shot in there. Is that true?"
"It most certainly is not. Let's go back inside." I grab William by the shoulders and lead him down the stairs.
We get outside and I hold his hand so he can't do anything crazy. I could see him barge into the shop. I force us to keep walking until I hear yelling.
"YOU FUCKING PROMISED!" Niall yells. I turn and see him storm out of the shop.
"Nothing is official yet." George says in a normal tone.
Niall must be able to hear him, because Niall turns and yells, "LIAR."
Niall catches up to us. He completely ignores us and walks into the house. We then follow him into the house.
"Niall, come with me." I hear Miss Jane say in a calming voice.
"William, why don't you go get washed up?" I say as we take off our coats and other winter accessories. "Then meet me in the kitchen."
"Okay." William turns and walks down the hallway.
I walk into the kitchen to find Lola and Eleanor sitting at the table.
"Hey! How did I get stuck chasing William while you two chatted." This doesn't seem fair.
"Miss Jane wanted to give you some space." Lola says, but that doesn't make sense.
"She thinks you are too innocent to be wrapped up in this. Miss Jane thinks you are barely figuring out what Niall does for a living," Eleanor explains.
"And she thought chasing a twelve year old around would mature me to be okay with everything," I joke.
"I think she wants you to pull Niall away from this life," Eleanor whispers. "Do you know what has Niall so upset?"
"No, but William and I sneaked into the barn and saw from a window that the guys were having a heated discussion. Nathan was there, so my guess is that it's about him." I say as I sit down next to them. There is now a piece of paper and a pen. I grab them and start doodling.
"That can only mean one thing." Eleanor keeps talking in a lower voice. I set the pen down and look at her. "Nathan must want to join the family business."
"Wait," I whisper.
Before I can ask any questions we hear the front door open. In a matter of seconds, Harry and Louis come walking into the kitchen. They sit opposite of Eleanor and Lola.
"I don't understand why he is so shocked." Louis shakes his head. "We have talked about this before."
"It has always been hypothetical or something that wouldn't happen for years. Even Dad surprised me. Give him some time to think." Harry tells Louis. "Or just maybe some time with Francesca."
"I always thought Niall would turn out gay." Louis jokes, but I can tell he is serious. "Frannie here has changed my mind."
"Why?" I ask cautiously.
"He has gone through so many girls." Louis shakes his head. "Niall never seemed interested in them."
"So he is a player with commitment issues?" That's a little surprising. I haven't seen that side of Niall.
"No, its not that he can't commit." Harry looks behind him and then to the back door nervously. "He wants that one true love. He gave everything to those other women. There was always just one tiny issue."
"Is feeling repulsed by a woman's touch a tiny issue?" Louis acts like this is a big joke.
"What do you mean?" I think back to all of the times I have touched Niall. The first time we had sex and our make out sessions. He has never seemed repulsed, but the last two days he has kept his distance. "I have never noticed that."
"You would be the first." Harry nods his head in understanding of what I'm saying. "Or he could be hiding it. None of the other women knew how he felt."
"Niall always tries to ignore it," Louis smirks.
"This isn't funny Louis." I glare at him. "Why does he feel like this?"
"Why does who feel like what?" Niall asks as he walks into the kitchen.
We all jump in surprise. I wait for Harry or Louis to say something, but they don't. I look over at Harry. Niall turns and opens the fridge. Harry grabs my pen and paper and scribbles out a few words.
He doesn't know that we know.
"They were just telling me about your previous relationships." I say as I watch Niall's back. I wait for a reaction. "Sounds like there were a lot of them."
"Jealous," Louis jokes.
"Here I thought I was the only woman you kidnapped." I completely ignore Louis.
Niall sighs and turns around with a bottle of orange juice. "You are the only woman I have taken."
"Then what's with all the women?" I'm finally getting a glimpse into Niall's past.
"You know how girls have daddy issues?" Harry asks and I nod my head yes. "Well Niall here, he has mommy issues."
I look over at Niall in understanding. It makes sense. He thankfully doesn't have that obsession with his mom like some men do. What kind of issues does he have?
"Thanks you guys." Niall sets the bottle down and looks annoyed.
"She was going to find out." Louis defends himself. Niall glares at him and for a moment I'm nervous about Louis. "We are just going to give you guys space."
Louis and Harry scramble to leave the kitchen with Eleanor and Lola right behind them. I laugh at how scared they are of Niall.
"Do I get to know why you have mommy issues?" I ask excited.
"No."
"Why not?" I frown.
"Because you will over analyze it."
"I could help you." I could fix him.
"You have helped me enough." Niall walks over and grabs my hand. I watch as he carefully places my palm on his cheek. Niall visibly relaxes. "Much better."
Interesting.
Harry, Louis, Eleanor, and Lola come walking right back into the kitchen. The girls look scared while Louis and Harry look annoyed.
"Dad and mum want to talk to you." Louis points over his shoulder.
"He brought Miss Jane into this?" Niall sighs. He drops my hand and starts walking away. "You do realize she will take my side, right?"
"Yeah, but dad doesn't," Harry chuckles.
"Get ready Fran. You will need to head in there once Niall gets upset," Louis jokes.
"Why are you calling her Frannie?" Eleanor asks. "Do you even like being called that?"
"No, but it is better than being called Chessie," I answer. "Francesca does not have very good nicknames."
"I like Fran!" Louis is excited and I laugh. "Can I call you that?"
"Why not? Liam calls me Google. Might as well add Fran to the list." I sigh dramatically.
"I DON'T-" Niall starts yelling, but stops abruptly.
It's silent, which is confusing. Niall and his maybe adoptive parents are just in the other room. Why can't we hear them?
"Why can't we hear them?" I finally ask.
"Mum hates yelling and being a bad hostess. She is probably trying to keep the peace right now." Louis looks at Lola and me. "Its a good thing you two are here."
We stand in the kitchen in a circle awkwardly for almost twenty minutes. Every once in awhile George or Niall start to raise their voice, but then they are quieted down.
Eventually we hear someone stomping on some stairs while the front door is being slammed shut. We all look at each other nervously. Miss Jane walks in with a forced smile.
"Francesca, will you go work your magic on Niall?" She keeps her forced smile as she walks further into the kitchen.
"You want me to go talk to him when he is angry?" I ask nervously.
"Is that a problem?" Miss Jane looks so upset, I can't tell her the truth.
"No, of course not. I just wanted to prepare myself." I turn and my whole body tenses.
"He is in his old bedroom. It is the second door to the right." Miss Jane informs me.
I force myself to move from the kitchen. I take slow steps as I have an out of body experience. It's like I'm watching myself walk to my own death. Niall isn't happy and there isn't anything I can do about that. I walk up the stairs and when I reach the second door to the right, I pause. What am I going to say? I knock on the door, trying to give myself more time.
"Come in, Francesca." Niall says from inside the bedroom.
I open the door and say, "how did you know it was me?"
"Its an old house. You can hear every step someone takes. Your footsteps are light, so I guessed." Niall shrugs his shoulders. "Besides, there is no one else they would send."
I look at Niall and take in the view in front of me. Niall is sitting on a small twin sized bed. The bed frame is made of wood and has faded. The walls are painted blue. A few posters of different bands are on the wall. A blue, grey, and black flannel duvet covers the bed.
"Who's room is this now?" I ask.
"No one's." Niall shakes his head. "Miss Jane refuses to change it."
"You are definitely her favorite," I laugh.
"Nah, she just pities me the most." Niall says honestly.
"Niall, she loves you." I walk into the room and shut the door. "Its clear to anyone who sees."
"Not to everyone." Niall looks away.
"Why can't you see that?" I ask, feeling like a psychiatrist.
"My mum used to beat me. It was bad and I never understood why no one would help me. I guess they didn't know." Niall pauses and looks up at me. "Or they didn't care."
"Niall, you don't have to explain if you don't want to." I really want to know, but I feel bad forcing him into telling me.
Niall ignores me and continues. "Mum came from a rich family and after dad left she was still taken care of. She loved my older sister and my younger brother, but for some reason, she didn't like me. I don't ever remember a time where she did. She would act like a good doting mother in public. The nicer she was the meaner she would be when we got home. She refused to feed me and torturing me was a game to her. The only reason why I had nice clothes was to keep up appearances. As long as I can remember she tortured me. I begged my dad to take me with him, but he refused. I was never actually in the system. I met the lads at school. They all showed up together our tenth year. The boys' home became my second home. The more time I was here, the less time I would get beat."
"Niall, I can't imagine what you went through." I shake my head. "Why didn't you fight back?"
"Why didn't I fight my mother who is five foot two and weighs maybe a hundred and ten pounds?" Niall looks at me in disbelief. "I would have been thrown in jail." Niall shakes his head. "I moved out when I was sixteen. George let me stay here. He was the first adult to ever give a damn about me. Miss Jane is the only woman to not hurt me."
Niall's pain radiates off him and pulls me to him. With a sharp intake of breath, I sit next to him on the bed. Nervously and hesitantly I grab Niall's hand.
"You know that your mom hurting you and your dad leaving, isn't your fault, right?" I look at Niall nervously.
"It had to have been. My mum didn't hurt my siblings. Dad left, because of the abuse. He said he couldn't stand it. He told me he couldn't take a damaged kid like me with him." Niall shakes his head and I squeeze his hand. "I begged my primary school teachers for help. They never did a damn thing. I had one teacher accuse me of lying. She went to the head master and called my mum. I ended up with a broken wrist that required surgery." My eyes dart down to Niall's arms. I look at his wrists and find a scar on his left arm. I run my fingertips over it. Niall tenses for a second and then relaxes. "I gave up after that. No one, especially women, were going to help me."
"You were hurt by the adults in your life that were meant to protect you." As I say the words, everything clicks into place. "How did you get into dealing drugs?"
"That's what George does. He never planned for the lads and I to get involved. It just kind of happened. We did a run for him one night. Each of us got pulled in for one reason or another." As Niall says this he lays back on the bed.
"Why did you get sucked in?" I turn my body to face Niall. I grab his left arm in one hand. With my other hand I run my fingers over the surgical scar.
"George and Miss Jane asked me to. George wanted my help and Miss Jane asked me to keep everyone safe." Niall is talking about a hard thing, but he sounds at ease.
I want to tell Niall that he is only doing this, because of his need to please parental figures and to have adults who care and love him. I know if I mention this, Niall will accuse me of analyzing him.
"What's with the constant revolving door of women? How does that tie into your history?" I want to test Harry and Louis' theory.
"I couldn't trust them." Niall looks over at me. "You are the first woman I saw that didn't make me revolt. The way it feels when our bodies touch is nothing I have experienced before. Before you, I had to force myself to be intimate with women. I hated the way they would touch me. It has always felt uncomfortable."
"And this feels good?" I ask as my fingers keep brushing over his skin.
"This feels heavenly." Niall sighs in content.
"Your mom has always abused you?" I cautiously ask.
"My earliest memory is when I was three. My younger brother was just born. He was asleep in his swing. As I walked past he woke up crying. Mum thought I woke him up. I probably did. He wasn't a good sleeper." Niall looks up at the ceiling and it is like he is taken back to this memory. "Mum was in the kitchen. Once she heard the baby crying she came out and saw me next to him. Anger flashed through her eyes. She went from calm to infuriated within seconds. She marched over to me and grabbed me by my wrist. She dragged me into the kitchen. I kept apologizing, but it wasn't enough. She grabbed her cooking utensil that had been sitting in hot water. She pulled my pants down and spanked me with it. As hard as she could too. I was forced to go to my room. I tried leaving my room, but the door was locked. The next morning she came in with red puffy eyes. She apologized and promised it would never happen again. That lasted a month. The first few times she would apologize and buy me a new toy or ice cream. One day she stopped apologizing and tried to out do herself. It became a regular thing."
"And this happened right after she had your baby brother?"
"Yeah. I think he was only a few days old." Niall closes his eyes like he is trying to forget.
"Niall, I think your mom was sick. If she didn't hurt you before then she probably had postpartum depression." It makes sense. This sort of thing wasn't talked about ten years ago. Let alone twenty years ago.
"Don't defend her." Niall sits up in a rage. "She continued it until the day I left."
"I'm not defending her in any way, shape, or form." I grip Niall's arm so he doesn't move. "Your dad or someone who knew your mom well should have picked up on her personality changes."
"She isn't some victim. She enjoyed torturing me." Niall's eyes are haunted.
"Tell me about your dad. Did he hurt you?" I ask to take his mind off his mom.
"My father left when I was nine and as he was leaving he said he couldn't handle the abuse. I threw myself at him and latched onto his leg. He dragged me through the foyer. I begged him to take me, but he couldn't be bothered. He got remarried two years later and had more kids." Niall shakes his head. "He just forgot about us."
"Niall, I am so sorry. You deserve better. George and Miss Jane seem better. Are they," I ask hopeful.
"Yeah, they are. They are the parents I hoped for." Niall looks over at me. "But they aren't my parents though. Nothing will change the truth. My birth parents hated me so much that they found enjoyment in torturing me."
Niall looks at me and I see it. I see for the first time all of the pain he is in. I see him yelling for help. Help I can give him. This is what I have been studying. Niall has been broken into a million little pieces. I can support him while he puts those pieces back together. Fixing Niall feels like my destiny. It's like my life has been leading me to this moment. The only problem is that I can't fix him how I have been trained. I am going to have to continue my charade of pretending to like him. I think my physical touch will actually help him. It will cure him of his revulsion to women. Is using sex to cure someone unethical? Maybe in a normal situation, but nothing about this is normal. His issues with authority figures will take some time, but I can manage it. Once I cure Niall, I will be set free. He will see how crazy it was to kidnap me.
I have my work cut out for me. Good thing I have Lola, because she will be able to give me advice along the way. Operation fix Niall Horan is underway.
"Why do you hit me?" My voice is quiet and shaky. "You know what it feels like to be hit by someone who is never supposed to hurt you."
"I don't know. Its just the first thing that comes to mind." Niall looks at me and I can see he regrets hurting me. "I guess it's all I know. When mum was upset she hit me. It didn't matter who caused it. She always hit me."
"Niall," I sigh. "You hate your mom for what she did. How am I supposed to feel about you?"
"I get it, Francesca." Niall's tone is sharp. "I'm a fucked up person."
"That's not what I'm saying. I just don't understand why you do it when you know how terrible it is." I keep my voice steady and calm.
"I don't know how to act. I get so angry and the only thing that makes it better is to let my fist connect with anything." Niall looks down at his hands ashamed. "I can't handle my anger."
"What did you do before me? Did you hit your ex-girlfriends?"
"No, never. They were all so willing to please me." Niall glances over with a smirk. "Nobody pushes me like you do."
"That conversation you were having earlier didn't upset you?" I can't be the only one who upsets him.
"I have killed people with my bare hands when necessary. I thought I knew what I was capable of." Niall looks away again ashamed. "If someone would have told me a month ago that I would kidnap you and do the things I would have done." Niall shakes his head. "The first time I hit you was a shock to me as much as it was to you."
"Oh."
Its quiet and its awkward. What do I say to that? Do I thank him for realizing how crazy he has been acting?
"I know this doesn't change the past, but I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for losing my cool at the club last night and almost killing that guy in front of you." Niall stands up, but pauses. "I'm going to try and keep my anger in check. Today was a start, but at least I didn't hit my dad."
"You didn't scare me last night." I stand up as well so we are face to face. "I just don't do well with blood and I drank way too much alcohol. That guy would have raped me. I'm sure he has raped other women. He probably deserved to die. Also I'm proud of you for not hitting your dad."
"I promise I will do better with you." Niall moves swiftly and before I know it he is facing me while cupping my face in his hands. "I only ever want to protect you."
"Okay." I rack my brain for something else to say.
My silence is making this even more uncomfortable. Niall sighs and pulls me slightly towards him and then kisses the top of my head.
"We better get down there before they come looking for us."
Niall drops his hands and walks around me. Confused by his confessions, apologies, and overall tenderness, I follow. Niall Horan is so broken that my heart breaks for him.
I am a damn fool.
***
A/N
Well, there it is. Niall's depressing past. Honestly, I'm not too sure if I like how I wrote this chapter. I keep wanting to rewrite it, but I'm super sick. The thought of writing exhausts me haha. That is probably why there are so many Grammer errors. I did my best at editing, but I keep falling asleep. Enjoy this chapter for all it's glory haha.
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