Alexander's POV
She let herself go as she leaned on me. Her head rested on my chest as my hand drew circles at the back of her hand. With my hand that was behind her head, I started playing with her hair slowly, passing my figures through her soft curls. I stayed in the same position for the next few minutes, giving her time to calm down.
After a long time, I actually felt at peace. Holding her in my arms was probably one of the best feelings I ever felt. It was strangely calm yet made me feel alive as sparks went off all over me. My chest tightened as the image of her having a panic attack flashed in my mind. I held her closer, circling both my arms around her and she shifted slightly.
Ever since we talked in that room, I have not been able to stop thinking about her. About us and about what we could have. After contemplating several things over the past few days with the help of Elias, I finally came to terms that I totally deserved being called an asshole, maybe even worse.
Furthermore, I finally figured out what I should do. I had decided to clear certain things with her first and slowly build up trust between both of us. I could not just ask her to forget everything I said and everything that happened and then just start over and live happily. I did not deserve that. I knew I was at fault here. Besides, I doubt that Analise would agree with that easily.
Once we had enough trust and a pretty good relationship between us – a type of camaraderie- I would try to open up to her. I had no idea what would happen once I opened up to her about my past. She could hate me, she could understand or leave me. Though what I knew for sure was that she would not jump to conclusions without hearing me out entirely.
I knew this would not be easy. I never opened up to anyone, not even my best friends. I did not know how to do it and I did not want to be vulnerable in front of her or be seen as weak or worse, as a monster.
I had to do it though. After the countless times she tried talking to me to clear things between us but instead I ended up hurting her, I owed her this much. She did not deserve how I was treating her. She deserved to know the truth because like she said, I could not decide what's wrong or right for her. What she would do after knowing the truth would be entirely up to her. If she no longer deemed me as her mate after that and decided to reject me, I would understand her.
Then, when I set foot in her room, everything I had planned was forgotten when I saw her state. The feeling was still engraved in my mind- The clenching of my heart, tightening of my chest and the light shock of fear. After so many years, I felt fear again and my aversion towards that feeling only got stronger. I have felt fear before but it was very rare I felt fear for someone else.
I feared losing her.
That feeling only made me more determined to sort things out between us. Even if not today but eventually, day by day I would try my best. I never want to see her in that state ever again and if ever she got another panic attack, I did not want her to be alone while going through it. She merited having someone by her side to stick with her through thick and thin, even if it was not me.
A few minutes later, I thought she had calmed down but then I realised she had fallen asleep most probably from the draining experience. Carefully, I slid one of my hands under her knees and the other one around her waist as I got up. I treaded through the maze of broken glass as I advance towards her bed.
I laid her on her bed, adjusting the pillow behind her head as I lowered her head slightly. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she stirred a little, mumbling incoherent words but relaxed seconds later. Careful not to wake her up, I removed her heels and her jacket before pulling the covers over her.
With her belongings in my hand, I moved towards the chaise in her room, setting it all down on it. I assessed her room, surprised by the damage over the place. However, I could not understand what happened. At first, I thought that she thrashed the place when she was panic-stricken. But, when I got here, she was on the floor, yet, things kept crashing as if it was being controlled by an invisible force.
There are many suspicious things that happened during my stay here. How she easily opened the door that time without having to tell anyone to remove whatever spell was on it. Then how she easily got my people to obey her. Most recently, how she easily won the fight despite her brother's foul play but then later, Rayan choked and fainted. I was getting more questions everyday but not a single answer.
My eyes landed on a box on the floor, near where we were minutes ago. I immediately recognised the blood smeared on its side. I picked it up cautiously, a foul stench hitting my nose as I assessed the contents in the box. Was this what triggered her attack? Who would even place this horrid thing here.
I first thought of it as a way Rayan could have used to get back at her for his embarrassment the other day. Everybody cold see the change in his demeanour over the past few days. He would always object to Analise's ideas and the glares he sent towards ever second did not go unnoticed by many. If this was not pulled by him, it could very well be Rayna's plan. Before I could reach any conclusions, a crumpled piece of paper a few feet away caught my attention.
I place the box down as I reached for the paper. Unfolding it, I read the words scribbled on it. This must have been what triggered her attack and it was clear who sent this– King Knox. More questions popped in my mind but still no answers.
Why did he want her?
What happened during the first attack?
What should I do?
I moved near the windows to check the surroundings. Dense trees stretched out for another mile and I could not make out anything suspicious but then I saw the two guards on the floor. I mind linked my people to go check on them and do a check around the castle before returning to my spot near the chaise again as I inspected the box for any clue and read the letter again but found nothing.
I let the paper fall on the floor again as I approached her bed. A small smile played on my lips at her peaceful, sleeping form. Her pink lips formed a cute pout and her dark lashes slightly brushed her cheekbones. She seemed at ease with the steady rise and fall of her chest. I let out a sigh as I realised that I would be willing to do anything to see her so carefree again, without being stressed out about the other things.
I crouched down next to her bed on the floor and gently tucked the strands of hair falling on her face behind her ears. I did not what took me to hold her hand that was outside the cover but I was glad I did when she tightened her hold around my hand. I adjusted my position as I leaned against the nightstand that was previously on my side, still holding her hands. I drew small circles on her hand as I looked away from her so that I would not look like a creep.
For the next few hours, I stayed in the same position, occasionally peaking glances at her to make sure she was still asleep.
♛ ♛ ♛
I felt her move as she woke up. A yawn left her mouth as she rubbed her eyes with her free hand, stirring around a little. As she tried lifting her other hand to stretch herself, she realised that someone was holding it. Her eyes snapped on our interlocked hands before they landed on me. A slight blush crept on her cheeks as she sat up, retracting her hand. Much to my dismay, I already missed holding her hand.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice still sleepy but the shock evident in her voice. She held her head in her hands as she let out a small groan. "What happened?" I got up from my position and stood next to her. Before I changed my mind, I placed my hands on the top of her head before I started massaging her scalp slowly.
I honestly felt nervous how she would react to my action. At first she visibly tensed but she slowly relaxed, letting me continue. After having gotten this type of massage countless of times when I was younger and stressed, I knew this would relieve her a little.
"What happened? I don't remember." She asked once again, still holding her head in her hands as confusion quoted her words.
"You had a panic attack." I said simply. I felt her tense again, no doubt all the events rushing to her head at once. As a previous victim of countless of these panic attacks, I knew how she must have felt as the overwhelming chain of thoughts played in her mind. "It's fine." I tried reassuring her.
She finally looked up and looked around her room, a gasp escaping her as she took in her surroundings. "How long have you been here?" She tilted her head, looking at me. I retracted my hands. "How long since I fell asleep?" She questioned again, not letting me answer.
"Not long." I said calmly.
"You should leave." She said in a small voice. "I am fine now."
"We need to talk first." I said firmly.
She threw a sharp glare at me. "There is nothing to talk about."
Not saying anything, I walked around the bed until I was near the chaise. I picked up the box and the letter from the floor, holding it out for her to see. "We need to talk about this." Her eyes widened a little as they darted between the box, me and the letter.
"Its nothing." She said, throwing the sheets off her as she tried getting up from the bed. Before she could move, I was next to her.
"You are not wearing shoes and there are glass everywhere." I reminded her. Reluctantly, she pulled her legs back on the bed.
"I can take care of myself King Denver." She said stubbornly. "You can leave now. Thank you for helping me earlier." Her voice was monotonous, kind of how she spoke in meetings. It pained to hear her talk to me as if I was just an ally but I knew that I was responsible for this.
"You cannot just ignore this threat." I told her as I moved away and kept the box away.
"It is most probably a prank. The palace is properly guarded." She ignored what I said, trying to dismiss the subject as she kept her persistent glare on me.
"By the guards who were knocked down earlier?" I retorted, crossing my arms in front of me. She did not look away. "Don't you think it is a bit too farfetched for a prank?"
"Why do you care?" She scoffed. "Don't you have better things to do? Like going out with my sister?" She bit out.
I let out a sigh. "That was a misunderstanding. There was a problem between her and my second in command." I explained. "It's not what you were thinking."
Her eyes still held an uncertainty in them as she stayed quite. "Good for you then." She finally spoke up. "Can you leave now?"
"I know you don't want me here right now but can we focus on this letter?"
"There is nothing-" Before she could finish her sentence, I cut her off. "They want you dead." I stated firmly. "Is that nothing to you?"
"It's not." She replied. "But it is to you. Right?" No matter what situation we were in, her snarky comments would never stop.
"Do you know why he wants you?" I ignored her previous question.
"None of your problem." She said lightly, the fire in her eyes burning hot as she continues glaring at me. "Now leave." Her voice was firm.
'Don't you dare leave Alex' Elias warned me.
"I know we are not on good terms at all." I admitted. "Can we focus on this for now?"
"Stop with the caring act." She rolled her eyes. "I must say though, you are pretty good at it." I refrained from letting my irritation get the best of me like it did during our previous encounters.
I counted silently till five in my head before answering. "You can continue hating me later. Why does he want you?"
"I am pretty sure you read the letter. He wants me dead." She deadpanned.
"Why?" I asked again, this time my voice firmer. She let out a breath as contemplated an answer.
"I-I don't know." Her voice trembled slightly as she answered, looking away. I saw her eyes water a little and immediately felt bad for inundating her with these questions as well as started fearing she might get another panic attack due to the memories playing in her head again.
"Fuck. I am so sorry." I said as I approached her and held her face in my hands. Thankfully this time she did not pull away from my touch. Her eyes had welled up with tears and I saw the slight trembled of her chin. I wiped the lone tear that escaped with my thumb. "I am sorry. I should not have forced you to answer these questions."
She sniffled, looking up at me. "I really don't know."
"Does your family know about this?" I carefully asked, this time a bit gentler.
"No." Her voice was barely a whisper. I was not surprised about it given the relationship between them. Chances were if they knew about this, they would hand her over to the vampires. "They cannot know about this. Please." I nodded.
She stayed quite but then reluctantly extended her hand forward, her pinkie figure extended. "Promise?" Her cheeks were slightly tinted as she looked at me expectantly. Out of nowhere, I wanted to take out my phone and capture this moment forever. She looked too cute.
'Lock your finger stupid' Elias urged me.
I pulled one of my hand away from her face and interlocked it with hers. "Promise." A small smile touched her lips and I stopped the grin threatening to break out on my lips at her sight. She retracted her hand and I pulled both my hands to my side.
"Can we talk about this later?" She sounded exhausted as she looked at me with pleading eyes. "I want to rest. Please."
"Ok." I gave in. Her shoulders dropped as she let out a sigh. Twisting the doorknob, I stopped and said, "I came to clear certain things with you today. I just want you to know that I never intended to hurt you." I left the room.