You observed the forever rain that pattered against your closed window. You couldn't recall the last time it had been opened to let the fresh air inside.
These days you couldn't risk it without the rain making its way inside. It seemed as though there was never a time before this never ending rain. As though there was never a time when sunshine and blue skies existed.
You exhaled heavily and tried to focus on the book you were reading. You had once enjoyed reading and had treated it as a fun activity, preferable to watching television or playing sports. Now you found yourself unable to concentrate as the words swam over the pages, barely registering in your mind amongst the crowded mess of mental instability.
Sleep-deprived and constantly on edge, you found it near impossible to relax. Not since the nightmares.
They had always been there, but they were worsening each day. While before it had simply been dreams of losing your favourite stuffed animal, they had now become your worst fears come to life.
"(Y/n)?"
You flinched at the sound of your brother's voice and met his worried gaze. His wheat-coloured hair fell softly over warm brown eyes. His tall height was accentuated by his strong shoulders.
You were struck once again by how little alike the two of you were in appearance. While you were the splitting image of your parents, he stood out from the three of you like a sore thumb. At times he joked that he wasn't really your brother or that he was adopted. Even if he was, you loved him more than anything. He took care of you even more than your parents did.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he said gently.
"It's okay Jin. I wasn't scared," you replied.
That was a lie. But there was no need to cause him worry. He already treated you as though you were fragile. He was never far from you, constantly at ready to calm you down and make you feel safe.
The bags under his eyes were signs that he got as little sleep as you did. Perhaps even less.
Your brother walked over and sat next to you on your bed. You used to have a beautiful bed that stood in the middle of the room. It had deep, white drawers underneath where you stashed your supply of stuffed animals and toys. Now it was plain black and shoved in the furthest corner, no space between the base and the floor.
Upon turning seventeen you had gotten rid of all your teddy bears, leaving just one behind. It had been a gift from Jin for your seventeenth birthday and was almost as big as you were. Initially you had complained that you were too old but now you found yourself feeling grateful for it as it offered comfort from the nightmares.
"Has Cornelius been helping?" Jin questioned as he took the chocolate-coloured bear and hugged it tightly. You couldn't recall where you got the name Cornelius from but it was beginning to grow on you.
You nodded and gave him a sheepish grin. "I still think a dog would be better."
Jin smiled and reached over to ruffle your hair. "Mom and dad would not be happy with me if they came home to find a dog in their house."
Right. You had almost forgotten that they had gone away to...
Where did they go?
"Uh, where did they go again?"
Jin sighed. He was accustomed to you forgetting little pieces of information but lately it seemed to be getting worse. You felt a pang of guilt as you thought of how burdened he must feel because of you.
"On a business trip," he reminded you patiently.
"Right. A business trip."
Aren't they dentists?
You decided to drop the subject. Jin had already suggested seeing a psychiatrist and you didn't want him pushing the idea. Your parents had already sent you to three therapists and they had been no help. The nightmares still came.
You gazed out the window once more and perceived that the rain now bucketed down. You squinted through the grey fog and glimpsed a flash of black pass by your garden.
You blinked and it was gone.
"Are you okay here by yourself?" Jin broke through your thoughts. "I was gonna visit Jimin for a bit."
"That's fine."
"Or we could do something here instead?" he suggested worriedly.
You shook your head. Jimin was your next door neighbour and Jin's best friend. They were two years apart but had lived next door to each other for most of their lives. You used to play with them when you were younger before you slowly started shrinking into your shell, avoiding most of the people around you.
"I'll call Namjoon shall I? He can keep you company."
"I'm fine by myself Jin," you rolled your eyes at him, "it's at night when..." you trailed off, not wanting to be reminded of your nightly struggle.
Jin stood up. "I'll call him anyway. I know schools are back tomorrow but you haven't seen him in awhile."
You nodded and allowed him to walk off and call your best friend.
Namjoon was the only person apart from your family and Jimin that knew about your nightmares. You had met him when you were twelve years old and he was thirteen and he had followed you around, ignoring your protests of wanting to be left alone.
It was when you were twelve that they started getting worse and you began hating human interaction. No one understood or knew what you were going through, and if they did they worried and constantly watched you.
Namjoon wasn't like that. When you had fallen asleep on the way to a field trip and started having a nightmare, he woke you up and held you as you cried. You finally told him about the nightmares and he didn't judge you or look at you with pity.
Instead he ran straight to the library and started researching ways to help with your problem. He hadn't found anything certain but he was far better than any therapist your parents had sent you to.
You didn't understand why he had stuck around for so long. It's not like you were a great friend. You were so wrapped up in your own problems and fears that it had taken three years of your friendship to find out about his home situation.
You still felt awful about it and made sure to take care of him as much as he did for you. Only he kept everything to himself and refused any aid.
Fifteen minutes later, Namjoon appeared at the doorway to your room. His silver hair poked over Jin's head as he stood behind the elder. Namjoon was taller than your older brother and always made sure to rub it in when he got the chance.
"Hey Kim," he smiled. Kim was his nickname for you. He started calling you that after he found out you both shared the surname. He said it made you feel like a sibling.
"I really wish you would stop calling me that," you complained as you walked over to hug him.
He chuckled and wrapped his arms around you. "Too bad. I like it far too much to stop."
You rolled your eyes and looked over at Jin who watched the exchange with a small smile. He always gushed about how great of a friend Namjoon was, though he would never admit it to the silver haired.
"Well I'm gonna head over to Jimin's now. See you kids later."
Namjoon scoffed loudly at Jin's comment. He was only a year younger than Jin and a year older than you but Jin insisted on calling the two of you kids.
Jin grinned cheekily and left your room.
Namjoon walked over to your bed and plopped down, hugging Cornelius tightly. You joined him and stared up at the glow in the dark stars on your ceiling. They were a gift from Namjoon for your thirteenth birthday and you refused to get rid of them or move them to a new spot. Sometimes when you couldn't get back to sleep after a nightmare, you would stare at the faded glow and attempt to make out their shape in the darkness.
"Is it still raining heavily?" you asked your friend.
He sat up and looked towards your window. "Yup. It's actually worse now."
"Great." You used to love the rain but now that it was always there you began to miss the sunlight. "Do you remember the days when it didn't rain?"
Namjoon laughed. "No. Why would I? It's been years."
You sat up as well and stared at the silver haired. "What?"
He creased his eyebrows. "What, what?"
"What do you mean it's been years? It's hasn't been that long has it?"
He leaned closer and peered into your eyes worriedly. "Kim, it's been seventeen years since the last time it stopped raining here. That's why they call it Forever Rain. No one in town can remember a time when it didn't rain."
"But I remember," you replied in a small voice.
Namjoon shook his head. "You weren't even born yet so you're probably just getting confused with what you see on tv."
You bit back a retort. He was probably right. Namjoon was the smartest person you knew. Besides, you couldn't trust your memory lately.
~
Once Namjoon left, you joined Jin for dinner and took your time washing up in the bathroom. When you couldn't postpone it any longer, you slumped over to your bed and slipped under the covers. You left the light on, not wanting to be abandoned to the darkness.
You shuffled over until your back was pressed right against the wall and placed Cornelius between you and the floor.
After about five minutes, Jin came in to say goodnight.
"Are you gonna be okay?"
You hesitated before nodding. "Yeah, I'll be fine."
He wrapped you in a tight hug and started tucking you in. "I'm right next door okay? Call me if you need me."
You nodded again and watched as he walked out the room.
Don't go, you thought. But you couldn't bring yourself to call out for him to stay. He was as much in need of sleep as you were. It wasn't fair to make him stay awake for you.
You lay there with wide eyes, not daring to close them for fear of what lay behind your eyelids. The hours dragged by and yet you couldn't bring yourself to close your eyes.
When the digital clock next to your bed read 03:00 a.m, you found yourself unable to keep your eyes open any longer. They gradually drifted closed and you slipped into a restless sleep.
Your eyes slowly opened and you blinked at the sudden brightness. You sat up and smiled at the sunshine that shone through your open window.
Wait, sunshine?
You gasped and jumped out of bed, racing to breathe in the warm rays of sun. Outside, the grass had never looked greener. Dew drops hung on brightly colored flowers and birds sang in the blue sky.
"Mom! Dad! It stopped raining!"
Your parents ran into the room and laughed with you. You waited for Jin to appear but he never did. "Where's Jin?"
Your mom's smile faltered. "Who?"
"Jin," you repeated exasperatedly.
How could they not know I was talking about their son?
"Who's Jin?"
"What are you talking about? My brother of course!" you exclaimed. If this was a joke then it wasn't very funny.
Your mother took your hand gently. "Sweetie your brother's gone. He died years ago."
"What?" You backed away from your parents until you felt the windowsill digging into your lower back. Feeling something wet drip onto your shoulder, you turned around and saw that the sky had darkened once more. The flowers began to drown in the pouring rain and the birds sought safety amidst the trees.
Your parents' worried gazes hardened and your father glared at you. "Get away from the window."
Before you could say anything he marched forward and grabbed your wrist, harshly yanking you back towards your bed. "Go back to sleep. Your mother and I are leaving."
"You're leaving?" You blinked back tears as your parents glared at you accusingly.
"You're too much of a burden. What kind of daughter puts her parents through something like this?!" your mother yelled.
Your chest tightened and you tried to say something. Anything. But the words wouldn't come.
Your parents slammed your bedroom door shut and you sat gasping for air. The rain started pouring through your open window and flooded the room. The shadows crept towards you and surrounded you 'til they were all that you could see.
The darkness swallowed you whole and you ran out of air.