one bullet is a lifetime supply
Isabella
It isn't about right or wrong. Some choices don't have to be either of them. They're just choices our minds make, hoping they would lead us somewhere good.
I don't know what happened between Jacob and them. But I do know that whatever happened left a scar that no amount of makeup can hide. And the choice I made, of spending the rest of yesterday with Jacob, I don't regret.
When times change a lot of things fail to remain the same. Like how Jacob brushed away the topic by keeping up the constant chit-chat. He feared to let it all out. It was like he was walking on eggshells, cautious of every step.
I bought another pillbox but I had to pay extra money because I had no prescription. I never had one, but the US never charged me extra for it. I hid it safely inside my bag and I knew actually the moment I calmed down.
Our trip to the gift store later was fun. He helped me buy the simplest of gifts and then added the spark by helping me customize them. It's a sketch of the five of us in the pool from about eight years ago. I don't know how Jacob made that happen but I just gave the picture of the five of us from eight years back and he got the sketching done, looking exactly like how the scene went on. The frame is big and colorful. I guess my eyes dwelling up was one of the signs that the gift is good enough.
Along with a frame, I bought a small platinum pendant with a trash bin charm and a recycle symbol on the trash bin. The pendent's design is copied down on the Girard-Perregaux watch.
I safely kept it in my side of the closet and walked back to the clubhouse. It was almost time for dinner. My stomach was beginning to growl. All I did today was attend the meetings online and spend a refreshing hour on therapy. With all the strange things happening, I had to update Katherine before I completely lost my sanity.
There was still time for the restaurant to open, so I joined the huddle around the casino table in the clubhouse. As soon as I neared them, Jason and Austin kept staring at me and then they just looked away.
"Hey, the backstabber's back," Austin mocked me loudly just as I stood behind May's chair.
I looked up straight from May's chair to find him gawking at me. I frowned but I didn't ask him to explain.
"Austin, come on, give it up," Julie nudged him from the other side. "It's getting annoying."
I wanted to thank her for making sense but my ego was too big to thank the girl who had potentially taken my place in his life.
"Honesty is annoying, Jules. But I'm not kidding. She could actually write a book, about the hundred different ways of backstabbing your friends. She's an expert now." Austin declared again and I sighed, turning around and deciding to skip dinner.
It was embarrassing enough that he was the one saying it and now when he's doing it shamelessly in front of everyone, I don't know how long I was going to stand there and take it. I was about to leave when Liam held my wrists and shook his head.
"Austin, that's enough," Lee nodded with a more authoritative voice, "Continue the game,"
Austin smirked looking at me as he slowly shook his head. "Everyone wants to protect the damsel in distress. Well done, your plan is working." He showed me a thumbs up.
"Austin. Enough," Julie yelled and he shut up, but he didn't look away.
They were playing poker. A lot of chips were already dealt. I glanced at Austin smirking as he glanced at everyone. He sucked at keeping a poker face. He had all the cards in his favor and his face showed it like an open book.
"Okay, May?" Julie asked tapping the table.
"I'm out," May said bored. She threw her cards on the table and pouted. "I hate this game,"
"Oh, I hate it too," Liam muttered throwing his cards away too. "I'm out."
Julie shrugged and continued putting in the last of her chips. She sipped her wine and cocked her eyebrow at Austin. He took the challenge.
"Cody?" He asked glancing beside him.
"I fold," Jason said pouting.
Chloe and Brittney discarded their cards as well. It was down to only Austin and Julie. I watched how they stared at each other, intensely smirking.
"I'm calling your fifty. What do you got?" Julie said holding her cards and curiously staring at his stack.
Wrong move.
He smiled, looking down. He looked back up scratching his eyebrows. I noticed how Austin wasn't stopping his smile. He turned to me and his eyes continued to linger his gaze on me.
He turned his cards around, "Straight flush," he muttered.
"Damn it," Julie yelled throwing her cards.
"How is he so lucky all the time?" Jason cooed. "We're always dealt with such shitty cards and he gets a royal flush?"
Because he makes all of his bluffs look like legitimate bets and no one sees through it.
"Fate." Brittney shrugged.
"You know what they say, the better the gambler the worse the man," Chloe smirked at Austin. I agreed to that statement, except I didn't want to spike something new again.
They all stood up and May hugged me, fake crying that she lost. I hugged her back.
"Oh, I disagree." Austin shook his head at Chloe. "Miss Cosmo is the worst gambler and still the worst person there is."
He was so wrong when he called me the worst gambler.
May's grip tightened around me. She immediately pulled back and glared at him. "She is not the worst person. I will kick you if you don't stop this."
"It's okay." I assured May, "I'm fine. It doesn't affect me."
"Of course it doesn't, I see your silent reaction and raise you a fuck off," Austin wasn't laughing either. He was just trying to make me react and I know I wasn't going to.
Jason punched Austin's shoulder and shook his head. Austin just shrugged.
"I think you're pushing it, Austin," Chloe whispered to him. "It doesn't seem funny anymore to anyone."
"Who said it was supposed to be funny?" Austin was quick. "It was never funny, I was always being serious."
"She's not giving a reaction. That should hint you something?" Brittney whispered to him.
"That's because she's guilty. To name a few reasons why, oh, where do I even begin with--"
"Oh, come on," Jason shook his head ask him to let it go.
"But well, we should have known, how they were raised is how they will love," Austin glowered at me and I heard a few gasps and curses.
My jaw clenched and my hands balled into fists. I closed my eyes trying to push it away but he'd just gone too far. It was fine with him insulting me but he dragged my family and I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore, it disgusted me.
He took another step front to completely stand in front of my face when he saw my reaction. I heard May call his name but that didn't make him stop.
I opened my eyes and watched his chest right in front of me, "Just because I'm silent it doesn't mean I don't have dirt on you." I whispered so only he could hear every word carefully.
I instantly regretted it because I caved in and gave him a reaction.
He scoffed, standing up straight. "And that is the second biggest mistake you've done in your life."
His lips curled and I could at any moment believe Austin Cooper had become dangerous. He wasn't the careful soft guy he was in high school. His actions and words were rugged, rough, and anything but sweet. He was sopping with hatred. All of it was directed to me.
He took a step front, making me lean on the poker table. I see Jason's hand pull his shoulder but he pushed the hand away. I move as far away from him as I can. He bends to my ears and I'm internally whimpering.
"I warned you not to cross me. You just dug your own grave," he whispered. "But I know better. You're bluffing your threats just like you bluffed your promises. All lies."
My eyes shot up to him. I felt a pang in my chest. His words cut through my chest like a knife.
He wasn't wrong. My threats were just like my promises, all a bluff. I had no dirt on this man. He didn't have a speck of dirt on himself. He was clean, like God's perfect child. He wouldn't wrong anyone in his life except me. Maybe I was his first in this.
"Let it go, Austin," I heard Lee sigh. "It happened eight years ago."
"Yet, it still hurts." He was fast with a reply.
At this, I just stared at him. His eyes were darker in the dim-lit room. He moved away from me, putting his hand around Jason. May beckoned me to join her. After a moment, I did. She tried to comfort me, trying to be sweet and making me understand that he had the worst breakdowns and he still hasn't been able to cope with that. I did understand that. Heck, I was prepared for this. I know he was trying to take out all the frustration he had in himself, bottled up for all these years. Jason hugged me too. He apologized for Austin's behavior. I know they wanted to stop him from saying those harsh things but a part of them wanted him to get it out because watching him suffer and hold it all back inside was too heartbreaking to see. Even for me. I wanted him to take it out too, I guess. Maybe that's why I wasn't stopping him.
I told them I had to use the washroom to get some time alone. They said they would wait but May and Liam had a lot of guests to attend to and Jason was too hungry. I forced them to carry on. I went inside the cubicle of the washroom and locked the door shut. I exhaled out loudly, gulping all the tension and anxiety that I held on to for so long.
It's okay. It's completely okay. I saw this coming. I am prepared. I've been through worse, this is nothing. I can get through this in a snap. I'm alright. I'm completely in control and I'm alright.
Too many emotions were clouding up above my numb heart as I felt the hurting in my chest. My breathing was very loud and the only affirmation that I was singing to my mind was that I didn't need the pills. I know the pills are in my bag and I could just swallow one and I would be fine in minutes but I didn't want to. I promised her I wouldn't until it was level 10 again. I clench my jaw and squeeze my eyes, digging my nails into my palms and biting my lip to snap back into reality.
I can't. I need it. Just one and I won't take it again. I decide to just take one and I opened my eyes.
"Shit--What are you doing?" I almost yelled.
Austin was glaring at me in the mirror. His arms were folded across his chest. He still didn't lose the anger on his face. I was confused and I turned to the door, gasping when I saw it locked. When did he come in and for how long has he been there? And did he really enter the women's restroom without any care?
"Why is the door locked?" My tone was high and interrogative. I cursed at myself to hide the loud breathing.
He rolled his eyes looking away from the mirror and settled his gaze back on me, completely unbothered. I took a gulp and I decided not to react although my nerves were threatening to explode.
I ignored his presence as I grabbed my bag and hurried to the door. I need to get out of the restroom.
Just before my hand touched the doorknob, his hand caught mine. I gasped, trying to free my hand. But his hands only gripped me tighter, rougher, harsher. My chest began to heave while breathing. I didn't want to elbow his face so I chose the alternative defense; words.
"Austin, leave my hand," I said with gritted teeth, trying to calm my heart.
Either he ignored me or didn't hear me because his hold on my wrist only tightened. I grunted, trying to free myself without hurting him. I began wiggling out and pushing him away. I tensed when my hands touched his shoulder but I didn't budge down.
Rude talking as and when he preferred was hard enough to give a blind eye to, now this physical torture was something I wanted to alienate from. Physical forcing and I have a bad history and I don't plan on re-running its surface, irrespective of the person on the other end.
He was not just holding my hands, I realized what he was doing when his palms patted on the pocket of my jacket and then on the other side. He touched the pocket of my pants, both the sides. I frowned when I cracked his security checking mission. He was checking for the pills. How inhuman. He spun me around and he glowered. But that didn't stop me from fighting, what made me stop was how he was having no remorse in checking me, just to take the one thing he knows I badly need.
His hands brushed my back pocket, but when he bent down to check it, I remembered every single time he bent down to hug me. It broke my heart and I bit my lip because I was starting to tear up and I didn't want to. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of how badly he was affecting me. I looked away, pushing all the memories back to where I'd shut them.
When he didn't find the pills on me, he snatched my bag. I closed my eyes in defeat. It didn't take him more than five seconds to pull it out. He checked if there were more and I just stood there watching him mercilessly take it away without any concern. He really hated me. I'd lost him forever. There was no hope, and he was not going to give me a second chance. My mistake mattered to him more than I did. I have to be okay with his decision.
He pushed my pillbox inside his pockets and he charged at me. I wasn't looking at him, nor was I trying to escape. I did not have the strength to even fight him mentally.
He wrapped his hand around me, slowly gracing my body frame. He dipped his head until his lips were inches away from my ear.
"Warn Jacob that if he steps in to protect you, I'm going to break his nose."
I feared the proximity. I stopped fighting when my body was alerted by him being extremely close. He waited for a while, his breath fanning my ears and neck at an angle. What happened next was shocking. Austin's teeth lightly bit my ear lobe and my whole body shivered.
I had goosebumps everywhere, and my eyes invariably closed. My hands fisted on the counter and my body seemed to relax but my heart just grew more excited, fonder, and attracted to the touch. I shouldn't be liking this. He was torturing me. He did it again, slowly wrapping both his hands on my waist and caressing my ears with the tip of his nose. His breathing was heavy now, he was angry.
His hands were stern when he lightly pushed me to the countertop. He spun me around to face the mirror. I felt the spur of chemicals in my body when his chest touched my back. I gasped when he stared at me through the mirror ahead of us. This was not the same Austin. This Austin was different. Not kind, not sweet, not gentle. He was more aggressive, emotionless, and dangerous. He was full of spite.
I gulped, watching him pull his shirt to his elbows and not wait a second before holding my waist and pulling me closer to himself. He was making sure my back rubbed his chest at all times. His hold on my waist tightened more. What was he doing and why wasn't he careful like before. Heck, why wasn't I stopping him?
He pulled out my hair tie and my hair spilled all over my back. He landed his lips on my other ear, heavily breathing as he whispered, "Never seen this side of me, have you?" I slowly shook my head to a no, not looking away from his blue eyes in the mirror. "This is how I am when I am the opposite of being in love with you." His hands tightened around my waist and I flinched. "Shocked?" I nodded. "Good, get used to it."
I see him get close to my ear again and I close my eyes, expecting the worst. But when I open my eyes, he's gone, leaving the door wide open.
. . .
[edited]