When I woke up this morning, I woke up to an empty bed with the side where Theo was sleeping in made. On the nightstand on the side he was sleeping on was a note, propped up with my name written neatly.
I sat up in my bed, tying my messy hair back with the hair tie on my wrist and reached over to the nightstand to grab the note. Underneath the note was a small gift wrapped with a dark scarlet red wrapping paper. I grabbed both the note and the gift, placing the gift in my lap as I unfolded the note.
Stella,
I'm sorry to leave like this but I thought it would be a good idea if your parents didn't find me in your bed. Send me an owl soon so we can talk about last night. Merry Christmas.
- Theodore F. Nott
My heart sank a little knowing that he wanted to leave early before anyone saw us but I understand why he did it. Leading up to last night, I never gave Theo a slight hint that I wanted to be with him or even hook up with him. I just sprung it on him last minute without any real warning. It was probably uncomfortable for him to wake up next to me knowing that we've been shagging all night.
With my mother continuously bothering him about proposing to me and his best friend, who is also my ex-boyfriend, trying to come between us and our friendship, Theo had every right to just run away before the awkward hellos in the morning. I would too if it were the other way around.
I folded the note back up and placed it to the side, picking the gift from Theo up from my lap. I started to rip the wrapping paper, tossing it to the side on the bed. Underneath the blood red wrapping paper was a book, Emma by Jane Austen. The corners of my lips turned up.
"Of course a romance novel", I said to myself, smiling at the thought of Theo wandering around a bookstore.
I got up from my bed and walked over to the bookshelf in my room, sliding the novel into a slot right next to my other Jane Austen book, Pride and Prejudice. Then, I went into my bathroom and got myself cleaned up and ready for breakfast with my parents.
Once I finished my personal needs, I picked up the gifts I got for my parents up from the Christmas tree in the living room before entering the dining room. My mother and father sat across from each other at the end of the table, leaving the head for me to sit in. This is strange because my father always sat at the head because he said it's the closest thing he'll ever be to a king. Can you see my eyes rolling?
"Good morning, Mummy", I greeted giving my mother a kiss on the cheek and sliding her gift to her on the table.
"Merry Christmas, Sweetheart", she replied with a kiss on the cheek.
I pranced to the other side of the table and gave my father a kiss on the cheek, placing his gift in his lap. "Good morning, Daddy."
"Good morning, My Angel."
Right when I sat down in my seat at the head of the table, my mother cleared her throat as she set her teacup down on the saucer. "I saw Theodore leaving this morning."
I froze right when I reached for my glass of orange juice. Both my mother and father were staring at me. My mother had more of straight and my father had a shocked one. It's probably the first time he heard about this.
"Stella, Sweetheart", my mother breathed. "I know that you are an adult now and you can do whatever with whom ever you please, but—"
"Can we please not talk about this", I begged.
"Point is, if you're going to have a boy sleepover, at least don't have him walk across the driveway like he just left a brothel at four in the morning."
"What do you mean by 'if you're going to have a boy sleepover'?", my father asked my mother. "There is no 'ifs' because it's never going to happen again. Stella will not be having boys over in this house."
"Charles", my mother sighed. "She's a grown woman. She do whatever she pleases."
"No, she's still my little girl. God knows what she is doing three doors down from—"
"It won't do it again", I blurted, trying to keep my father from making me even more uncomfortable about this conversation. "It's just one time thing and from now on, I'll keep the boys at my flat instead of here."
"That's no better", my father muttered as he took a sip of his coffee.
A few minutes passed and the three of us ate our breakfast in silence. There were a few looks being passed here and there between my parents. I would try to start a conversation with them by asking how the party was last night but the answers were one worded.
My father mentioned the whole "three doors down" thing and now I'm feeling a little paranoid that he's hitting at how he heard Theo and I last night. It's not secret that we were loud (more like I was), but I just thought that with a whole ball going on downstairs, no one was going to hear or come upstairs. What if my parents came upstairs during the party and heard? What if my mother didn't just wake up at the crack of dawn and instead she stayed up all night to see who was in my bedroom? Fuck I want to just drown in a pool right now.
My father wiped his mouth with his napkin, throwing it on the table as he cleared his throat. "How about we open our gifts?"
"Yes, that's perfect", my mother agreed, snapping her fingers. Our house-elf came in with four gift boxes and handed them to her. "This one is for you. From your father and I", she said handing me two boxes.
"Thank you", I said to both of my parents.
I opened the first gift that was marked from my father. Inside of the small box was a silver charm bracelet from Tiffany's. The next gift I opened was from my mother. What she got me was a Burberry trench coat for the "rough winter weather in Massachusetts". I don't see how a trench coat is going to help battle the snow, but I'm not complaining.
"Here", my father said holding his hand out. "Let me help put the bracelet on." I handed him the silver chain bracelet and held out my wrist. "So... are you and Theodore dating again?"
"No."
"Then why was he your date last night and sleeping over in your bedroom?"
"Because we're friends."
My father raised his brow. "You sleep with all of your friends like that? Are we going to be catching Blaise Zabini doing the walk of shame across our lawn next week?"
I rolled my eyes and folded my arms across my chest.
"Honey, don't tease the poor girl", my mother scolded from across the table. She turned to me and asked, "What about Draco? I saw that he was here with the girl you don't like."
Ah, yes. Pansy fucking Parkinson. It's like the pug-faced bitch can't leave me alone.
"What about him?", I shrugged. "We had one dance and that's it."
"Are things truly over with him? Because you don't want to move onto someone when new when things aren't fully over with someone else. Also, do you think it's appropriate to be bouncing back and forth between your ex-boyfriends? It can—"
"I think I'm going to go back to my room", I said getting up from the table. "I'm still tired from last night. Thank you so much for breakfast and Merry Christmas."
"Stella", my mother called as I walked out of the dinning room.
"Love you guys", I said blowing them a kiss.
The last thing I want right now is to sit at the dining table and talk to my parents about my love life. It's already complicated enough, I don't need my parents chiming in to give me their opinions on how I'm doing things.
I already know I'm the root of most of my problems. Kissing Theo and then turning it into more than a kiss was all me. He was expecting the get that out of attending the ball with me last night and honestly, I didn't either. It was a spur of the moment kind of deal. I knew that it was going to complicate things last night and I did it anyways because I didn't care. I was hungry and Theo was there to feed me.
On the other hand, I know that my situation with Draco isn't my fault, it's his. It's not my fault that he can't process the fact that I don't want to get back together with him because every time we go get back together, we always end up hurting each other. As much as I love him, I have to love myself more and be selfish by saying "no". The passion between us there but I don't know if it's worth another heart break, especially when he's still the childish boy I dated back when I was a teenager.
When I got to my bedroom, Stass was sitting at the foot of my bed with her legs crossed and the note Theo left for me in her hand. Her head shot up and she asked, "What the bloody hell is this?"
"Um..." I can't even lie to her because she obviously read the note. "Theo slept over last night."
"Yeah, I read that. So are you going to explain to me what happened last night?"
I walked over to her and snatched the note from her hand. "Nothing."
"Yeah right", she scoffed. "You ran off with him and we never saw you two again. You totally shagged him."
"Doesn't mean it meant anything", I said sitting down on my bed next to her.
"Is it another one of those 'I hook up with my ex because I'm bored' things?"
Was it? When Draco and I hooked up in the bathroom, I was touch deprived and drunk off of wine. Last night was not like that. Maybe I was a little touch deprived but I wasn't drunk. I was fully aware of what I was doing and I wanted it to happen. With Draco, it was just a bad habit. Like getting off of a drug and accidentally taking it again. I needed my fix our else I was going to go off the rails. With Theo, it was more of a revelation. I was overwhelmed by the past of our relationship and I wanted to revisit it.
"No", I admitted. "What happened with Theo last night was more than that."
Stass raised her eyebrows. "Really? Do tell more."
"It was like being at the Snowflake Ball with Theo and slow dancing with him brought me back to when we were kids. It just felt like this is where we're supposed to be and it was supposed to happen. We talked about the plans we made when were kids and not once did Theo try to force me to go along with him even though he's still in love with me."
"What?", she gasped.
"I overheard him telling Alex a couple weeks ago, but anyways... Draco forces me to get back together with him. He says and does things to guilt me into saying "yes" to being with him again. But Theo", I sighed saying his name. "Theo doesn't make me feel that way. He supports me without pushing his feelings on me."
"Okay... Now how does that lead to you taking your clothes off for him?"
I rolled my eyes. "It just felt right."
"Did it feel right when you hooked up with Draco?"
"I just felt horny."
She scrunched her nose in disgust. "I didn't need to hear that."
"And I needed to hear about your wild nights with Adrian?"
"That's different. You didn't grow up with Adrian and are best friends with him. I've known Draco and Theo for way too long to know his size and what does with it."
I groaned and threw my head back, letting my back hit my bed. Stass gently fell on her side, propping her elbow on the bed with the side of her head in her hand. She drew circles in my duvet with her index finger.
A few seconds passed before she asked, "Do you want to get back together with him? Theo?"
This is the question I hate being asked the most, even if it's from my best friend. I hate it so much because it requires me to actually sit and think about it and I don't want to think about it. Thinking about it means that I need to dive deep into my emotions and potentially talking to the person I'm considering getting back together with about it.
Last night, there was a moment where I was willing to completely forget about Draco and please my mother by having another go at a relationship with Theo. I wanted to just fall back into Theo's arms and live that fairytale life I wanted when I still wore my hair in pigtails. It felt like everything is falling back into place, like how it's meant to be. We were able to grow into adults while we had our time away from each other now that we've matured, we can be together without the complications we had in the past. There's a reason why people say that if it's meant to be, you'll always find your way back to each other.
"Yes?", I said very unsure of myself.
"That is definitely more of a question than a statement. We need to do a pros and cons list."
"Not this shit again", I groaned.
"Well, if you want to pick between getting back together with Theo or Draco, we need to make one."
"Who said anything about Draco? We're talking about Theo."
Stass cocked her head to the side and pressed her lips together. "You and I both know that Draco plays a role in this, whether you want to admit it or not. Deep down you have some sort of feelings for him. If you didn't, it wouldn't be so easy for him to piss you off."
"He pissed me off because he bragged about shagging Pansy in the bathroom before walking up to me."
"A normal person would've said 'fuck off' or walked away if he asked for a dance. You accepted the offer because you wanted to."
"No", I dragged on, "I accepted the offer because I didn't want to cause any trouble by refusing to dance with him."
"You love your excuse, don't you?", she laughed. "All I'm saying is that you have to look at the situation. Choosing one of them means that you're going to loose someone. If you choose Theo, you know that Draco going to let go of you for good because he would give up on fighting for you. If you choose Draco, being that he is the most chivalrous motherfucker we know, Theo is going to step back and let you love who you want. He might even move on and find another girl he loves and be with her for the rest of his life. Do you know who you're willing to loose? Because you can't have both of them. Not when we're not teenagers anymore."
I feel like I just got slapped by reality. Stass is right about me loosing someone when I pick between Draco and Theo. Someone is going to get their feelings hurt and turn away from me for good. I love both Draco and Theo way too much to ruin our 20 year long friendship like that. As pissed off as I am with Draco right now, I don't think I'm prepared to completely loose him. Two years without him was hard enough, but to loose him and it not be on good terms, I don't know if I can do that. And as annoying Theo can be sometimes, I need his annoying as because he puts my ass straight when I need it sometimes. He's able to push his personal feelings towards me aside and give me unbiased advice. I can't loose either of them.