*You lay there For days, not eating or sleeping, just ignoring the world. You see Nat calling you and you know you should answer but you just don't care anymore. You hear someone knocking on your door, then the door unlocking and opening. You see two sets of boots walking towards you. With your history, you should be scared, get up and fight, but you don't. You then see someone lay down in front of you, its Nat.*
Nat- Y/N?? Hey Y/N, we've got to get you up and get you something to eat, and a shower. *You just look at her and cry. She starts to cry too, she takes your hand and squeezes it.*
Y/N- He's gone... I pushed him away and now he is really gone.
Nat- I know Y/N, its gonna be okay.
Y/N- How?!? *Nat just hugs you as you cry, she looks at the person behind her and nods. You feel two hands wrap around you and lift you from the bed. You lean against the solid chest and just melt into the arms that hold you. You look up and see that its Steve, his eyes are red and he has been crying too. He takes you to the bathroom and sets you down on the counter, you hear him talk to Nat*
Steve- She's in there, she may need help- *Nat's phone rings and she answers it, it's Clint.*
Nat- Clint- slow down- What *Her voice breaks and she hangs up the phone* Clint's- clint's whole family- *She falls and Steve catches her* I- I have to go- he needs- Can you help y/n??
Steve- She needs a shower and a women's touch not-
Nat-Please Steve?! He has no one else.. He needs me. *Steve looks back at your room and then at Nat.*
Steve- okay, let me know when you're there and safe.
Nat- I will *She walks in and looks at you sitting on the counter* Hey Y/N, I've got to go but Steve is going to stay and help you. okay?? *You stare blankly and nod* okay, I'll be back soon.
*Nat leaves and Steve comes back in the bathroom.*
Steve- umm do you need help- *You shake your head and get off the counter. You start to undress and Steve quickly turns away.* I'm gonna wait out here-
Y/N- I don't want to be alone, please Steve?! I'll shut the curtain. *You sit down in the bath and shut the curtain, you fill it up and sit there, imagining how bucky use to hold you and rub your back. how you would fall asleep in his arms. You start to cry, you hear Steve sniffle too. Through the curtain you can slightly see Steve, he looks dirty. You he hasn't changed or rested since the fight a few days ago, probably going straight to work and checking on everyone. You finish your bath and grab you towel. You wrap it around you and step out, you see that Steve has his head in his hands. You turn on the shower and he looks up at you, tears leaving clean lines down his face, washing away the dirt.* Go ahead, you reek.
*Steve nods and you walk out of the bathroom and shut the door behind you. You slip on a t-shirt and sweats, you curl up on your couch. About 20 minutes later Steve walks out with a towel wrapped around his waist.*
Steve- umm do you happen to have any-
Y/N- Yeah, *You walk into your bedroom and pull a shirt and a pair of sweats from your bottom drawer.* Here, they might be a little big.
Steve- oh thanks, it fine.
Y/N- You'll have to go commando because I don't have any boxers *Steve gently smiles and thanks you again*
Steve- May I ask why you had these?? *You sigh*
Y/N- Umm about two days after Bucky found me and I sent him away a package showed up at my door. In it was that shirt, along with another one, and those sweats. It's Bucky's, he wanted me to have something of his. Since everything else we owned was left back in hydra that day. *Steve walks out and leans against the door frame. He crosses his arms*
Steve- well I will return it them as soon as I can. *You nod and wipe a tear*
Y/N- You really don't have to stay, Steve. I am fine, you can leave.
Steve- I'm not leaving until I know you're okay. Nat- I was really worried about you when you didn't answer our calls. I thought- I thought you might have done something. *You look into his eyes, they are so blue with a hint of green. They are filled with- fear. The great Captain America, scared. Scared for the unknown, for everyone you lost, for you.*
Y/N- I'm not going to be okay for a long time Steve, but in this moment, I am fine. *Steve nods and moves in closer to you, he sits on the coffee table in front of you and takes your hands.*
Steve- I'm staying y/n, you can't get rid of me so easily, Bucky would kill me if I didn't watch out for you, it's the least I could do for him. *You wipe a tear and look at Steve. You can tell he hasn't let himself actually realize what has happened. He hasn't been alone with his thought long enough. He notices you examining his face and tears start to well up. And he breaks right there in front of you, crumbles in your hands. He weeps into your lap and you hug him and rub his back. he gasps for air as he cries, you can't help but cry too.* Everyone is hurting because I wasn't strong enough. The grief that I feel is worldwide and I- I can't fix it. There is nothing I can do to fix it. Fathers, mother, children, all gone- wiped from existence because I couldn't stop him. I've lost a lot of fights, but this was the one I had to win and I- I couldn't. *You hold him tight.* I know you had Bucky for years but I had just gotten him back, he was better and stronger than ever and now- *Steve just stops talking and cries.* He died and I got him back and now he is gone again. *You and Steve stay like that until you both have no more tears to cry. He gets up and decides he needs to leave and head back to the compound, Tony still isn't answering and he knows they need to find him and find out if he was snapped or not.* Stay safe and do not hesitate to call, okay??
Y/N- I will Steve, thank you.
Steve- you should really move to New York, be closer to the compound and to Nat and us.
Y/N- Ehh maybe. *You gives you a kiss on the forehead and leaves.*
*Tony gets home safe and what's left of the Avengers go after Thanos. When they get back Nat dives into taking over the Avengers and Steve insist you move to New York, he even helps you pack and move. He says it will be easier to check up on you if you are in the same city as him. You get a new teaching job and you settle in to a new life.*
Nat- Are we going to talk about-
Steve- umm yeah, I-
Nat- I think we should just stay friends Steve. You mean the world to me but with everything we've been through- I just can't- *She looks down at her feet.*
Steve- yeah, I- umm I totally understand. *She nods and walks away. Steve watches her walk away and he has to will himself to not chase after her.*
*You are in your apartment staring at the door. There is still a crack in the door from where Bucky busted through it a few years ago... it was weird but you brought it with you to your new apartment and replaced it, the last "Heroic act" Bucky Barnes ever did for you, you had to keep it. You can't help but cry knowing he's gone... you had finally forgiven him and you were getting ready to reach out when all hell broke lose.. Steve told you to just wait and stay hidden... so you did and now Bucky's dead... he died thinking you hated him... you cry yourself to sleep hoping you'll forget.... But you don't. You wake up and it's all still there, like an elephant sitting in your chest. You need a drink to help you forget but you can't get drunk*
Y/N- I'll just have to try really hard..
*You head to the liquor store and grab about 5 bottles of rum and start walking down the street... you finish one bottle in a minute... nothing. You take out the second and finish it in the same amount of time... still nothing. You drink the third and fourth bottle and your finally start to feel a little fuzzy. You smile and raise you hands in the air*
Y/N- success!
*You find yourself at Steve's door... you bang on it with the fifth bottle, it's almost gone as well... he opens the door and you smile and speak.. your words are slurred*
Y/N- you told me to wait and n- now hhhe iisss g-gone! Dead! He will n-never knnow t-tthat I l-love him!
*You fall into Steve's arms and he looks down at you in disbelief*
Steve- you're drunk?!?
Y/N- yup!!
Steve- how?!?
Y/N- rum! Lots and lots of rum in a very short amount of time!
Steve- how short?!?
Y/N- ummm 5 bottles in 10 minutes... *You laugh* it worked!! I feel nothing! *You throw your arms up again* absolutely nothing! Empty! *You take a long swig of the rum and then start to cry... Steve takes you in his arms and just holds you.. you cry about how much you love Bucky and how you'll regret pushing him away till the day you die.. Steve just holds you and rubs your back and whispers in your ear*
Steve- I know y/n, I know. I'm so sorry... I promise you I will get him back... I promise...
*You look up and grab his face... you drunkenly kiss him and then pass out against his chest... he holds you for awhile and then he lays you in his bed... he kisses your head and tucks you in*
Steve- I will get him back for you y/n... even if it kills me.
*You wake up feeling like normal, no hangover or any effects of the rum from last night... you crawl out of Steve's bed and see him cooking breakfast.. he turns around and smiles*
Steve- hey.... You okay??
Y/N- yeah... did we?
Steve- No, no we didn't. I did sleep in the bed though, my couch is awful... *You smile and walk over to him*
Y/N- I'm so sorry... for showing up, for what I said-
Steve- you were right... I'm sorry-
Y/N- it's okay... hey on the bright side I figured out how to get drunk! *You chuckle and Steve shakes his head and drops the spatula, he faces you.*
Steve- please don't do that again y/n... if you feel the need to do that call me, come over, we can talk but please don't do that..
*You see the look in his eyes... he cares about you.. it was nice to know someone did.. you nod and give him a hug. You grab your stuff and head out*
Y/N- hey Umm let's do lunch... tomorrow?
Steve- see you then.. *He kisses your forehead and there are butterflies in your stomach, something you haven't felt in years and it shocks you. You smile and walk down the hall, your thought on Steve and what all this meant and what Bucky would think*
*You are pacing the room deciding what to wear to your lunch with Steve. If you dress too fancy then it might be a date, but if you dress to casual it may send the wrong impression like you don't want to be there at all. You settle on a nice pair of jeans and a blouse. You head to the restaurant.*
Y/N- Hi im meeting a friend here, um tall man, blue eyes, and an-
Hostess -an ass that won't quit? Yeah he is over there! *You laugh and nod, that was not what you were gonna say but it is kinda true.*
Steve- Hey, you look great!
Y/N-Oh thanks, I just threw it on *You chuckle and Steve smiles. You waitress walks up*
Lucy- Hi I'm Lucy and I'll be your server.
*You and Steve order your food and drinks and eat, you make friends with the waitress and she is the sweetest.*
Steve- okay I guess I better be going. Nat has some mission brief she wants to give me.
Y/N- You're still doing missions??
Steve- no, she keeps trying to get me to and I say no every time. I just go to hear her out. &You nod*
Y/N- Well this was fun Steve. I really needed a nice, easy night. *He walks you to your car and He hugs you goodbye. As you drive home you think over everything, Bucky being gone, Steve being here, the feelings you get when Steve looks at you. you find yourself wishing Steve had kissed you, you stop the car and get out. You pace alongside It* How could you think that?!? This is Bucky's best friend!! Bucky's only been gone for a month and a half!! Pull yourself together!! *You get back in the car and make it home, that thought of Steve is still in the back of your mind. As you climb the stairs to your apartment you see a box by your door. Naturally you're suspicious, you read the label and see it is from Wakanda. Your heart stops. You bring it inside and open it. There is a letter inside explaining that specific instructions were left for them to ship everything of Bucky's to you if anything were to happen to him. His shirts and books, his dog tags and a letter addressed to you. you take a deep breath and open it.*
Y/N Barnes,
If you're reading this it means I'm gone. I don't know if it was Thanos that got me or Hydra or what but just know that in my final moments I was thinking about you. I am always thinking about you, your laugh and your smile. The way you look in the morning and how you would kiss my cheek. You meant the world to me and you made my life worth living y/n. I am sorry I will not be there to make it all right with you. but I want you to know, if this letter finds you at a time when you haven't moved on, then go ahead and move on. I want you to be happy and to find someone who can light up your life the way you did for me. Don't cry anymore tears over this old man out of time, just know that he loved you till the end. If this letter finds you and Steve Rogers is still alive then please find him, you may already know him but if you don't you need to. He will need you, just like I did.
With all my love and adoration, James Buchanan Barnes
P.S. I gave you my last name because it's always been yours, and I know had the world not been so cruel you would have woken up in my arms the day I left this earth. To me you will always be Mrs. James Barnes.
*The page is wet with your tears and you hold it to your chest. How can you move on when you know there is no one else in this world for you. You take out one of his shirts, it smells just like him, you hold it to your chest and fall asleep on the couch.*