— (memory) —
Before she had opened her eyes, Mina just thought about how strong the younger's perfume was in the room, but then she realized her breathing felt weird, like she had been inhaling the same air many times and it was now warm.
Mina opened her eyes carefully, almost afraid. Her nose was about to touch the younger's neck and she could feel Chaeyoung's hands loosely wrapped around her body to keep her close, making her skin ignite with a combination of desire and confusion. She suddenly was hyper-aware of Chaeyoung's breathing, and if she focused hard enough, she was almost sure she could hear the younger's heartbeat. It felt weird, but good weird, the kind of weird Mina wouldn't mind repeating every day.
Her pulse was thumping so loud Mina was sure it could wake Chaeyoung up, her veins filled with satisfaction and if she had the option, she would stay in this position for the rest of her life just because of how intimate and warm it was.
As softly as possible, she looked up to the window that was over Chaeyoung's bed; the blinds were closed so she couldn't see much, but judging by the lack of lighting, it had to be around midnight.
The debate in her head lasted for what felt like hours, one side of her - the one dominated by her heart - begged Mina to stay there and go back to sleep in the security of Chaeyoung's arms; but the other side also had a point. What if things were weird between them the next morning? But at the same time, if she moved, Chaeyoung would probably ask why tomorrow.
Wasn't it normal for friends to sleep in the same bed? Mina convinced herself it was, but she couldn't say the same about cuddling and hugging.
Using all her willpower, Mina swiftly untangled herself from Chaeyoung's limbs and watched how the younger's nose wrinkled as she grabbed a nearby pillow to replace Mina's absence in her sleep.
Never in her life had Mina wished to be a pillow so bad.
Walking to her side of the room, Mina lifted the sheets and slid into her own bed. It was cold, empty, and uncomfortable, but that might just be because it wasn't Chaeyoung's.
The following morning, no one mentioned anything. Mina could see how Chaeyoung would constantly bite her bottom lip as if she were holding herself back from saying something, but she refrained from asking about it in case it wasn't about her.
They were making pancakes for breakfast, Mina pouring the batter onto the pan while Chaeyoung made coffee, and it was more silent than usual.
"Mina." Chaeyoung called while trying her best to form a heart with the foam of the coffee. Receiving a short hum from Mina, she continued. "Why did you leave last night?"
She knew it was coming sooner or later, they both did, but that didn't make it one tiny bit more comfortable. "Well, you seemed uncomfortable so I moved so you'd have more space."
If there was one thing Chaeyoung knew for sure now, it was that Mina was a really fucking bad liar. She had a double bed, Mina could've moved to the other side if she wanted, but she went to her own instead.
'Maybe I overstepped a boundary and she doesn't like sleeping with other people.' Chaeyoung thought to herself and giggled at the double meaning. "Alright then, sorry if I woke you up or something. I can be a bitch when I sleep."
Mina gave her a gummy smile, thinking she had smoothly covered up her lie. If only Chaeyoung knew how much Mina regretted leaving.
— (present) —
"Fucking car that broke down." Chaeyoung hissed as she tried to cover the sun's rays by putting her hand over her forehead. Although the summer was almost over, there were still some days (like this one) when the hot weather was unbearable. "It better be fixed by Wednesday, I swear."
"Stop acting like a spoiled brat." Nayeon lightly hit the younger's nape. "So, I've been thinking..."
"Weird, that never happens."
"Chaeyoung! I swear to fucking god, you're walking to school from now on."
"You would never do that to me. I'm sorry," she placed a short kiss on Nayeon's shoulder, "please continue."
"You know how the competition is next week?" Nayeon looked to her side to see if her friend knew where this was going.
Chaeyoung nodded. "Kinda hard to forget when we practice every breathable moment. Go on."
"Well, Jeongyeon's birthday is the next day so maybe we could throw a party that night or something."
It had almost slipped past her mind. Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon had pretty much known each other their whole lives and almost considered themselves sisters. They didn't have the type of friendship that needed constant communication to remember how close they were, but they both knew that they could confide in the other whenever something important happened.
Chaeyoung stopped in her tracks to consider it because she knew damn well she would be in charge of everything if she accepted. "What does she think?"
"She said she wanted something small, but I think this could be a lot better if you- we plan it." Nayeon and Jeongyeon had talked about it a few days prior, but Nayeon wanted to make something unforgettable for her new girlfriend.
"Nayeon..." Chaeyoung knew how this would end up, but she also didn't want to meddle in a relationship that wasn't her own. "I know you love that you two are together, but I also think you should respect her wishes and do something small."
"Please." The older pouted, something she did a lot for being the oldest in the group. "Please, Chae. My parents are going to be out of town that weekend so we can do it at my place, I just need you to make the calls and get everything ready."
She found herself in a dilemma. It was always an option to ask Jeongyeon her opinion, but that would ruin the surprise. The only comfort was that if she didn't like the party, she could always cross the street and be in the safety of her own home.
Ever since Mina had started living with her, Chaeyoung was a lot more at home. So far, she had rejected multiple invitations to parties, mostly because of two reasons: first, she was comfortable being with her roommate, and second, the idea that someone like Bambam could approach Mina again scared her.
Chaeyoung knew she was being selfish, and that Mina deserved to live the full experience in Seoul, but she wanted to keep her safe, and for some unknown reason, she was sure the only one that could do so was herself.
"Fine, but if she hates it then it's on you." The pair were turning to their street, leading to their conversation ending.
Nayeon stopped the younger by raising her voice, "I think you should try dying your hair pink, it would look cute."
Chaeyoung smiled and leaned on Nayeon's broken-down car, she thought it would definitely be something interesting. "What about the school dress code?"
"No one our age gives a flying fuck about the dress code." She started pumping her hands up and quietly encouraged. "Do it! Do it!"
"Maybe this weekend, it's about time I touch up my roots too." Chaeyoung loved the idea of having pink hair, but she would have to ask Mina first. The older's opinion mattered a lot more than she would like to admit.
"Goodbye Chae." Nayeon spoke as she took her keys out of her bag and walked towards her door.
Nayeon's car had surprisingly gotten fixed by the next morning, which was a huge relief to them because they only had one more week to practice for the show, and walking everywhere was a lot more time-consuming than it seemed.
Mina walked to the entrance with Chaeyoung and Nayeon next to her, listening to the younger complain about how she would have to stay after school to practice when a tall frame suddenly stood in front of her.
She looked up to find BamBam with a grin on his face, but what worried her more was how she could see in the corner of her eye how Chaeyoung's throat moved as she gulped.
"Hi, Mina." The morning sun hit his face, making his eyes even more charming than usual. He was very good-looking, Mina had to give him that.
Seeing how Chaeyoung and Nayeon walked away made her feel both relief and worriedness; the former because no argument would happen, but she knew the moment she and Chaeyoung were home, things would be different. It had happened a few times now: Chaeyoung's guard would go back up after seeing Mina interact with the guy, and it would take a lot of sweet-talking to convince her nothing was going on between her and BamBam.
Mina still wondered why she had to explain her (non-existent) relationship with BamBam to her roommate, but it also gave her a glimmer of hope that maybe it wouldn't be that way between them forever.
"What's up?"
He stuck his thumbs under his backpack's straps and swallowed. "I was wondering if you wanted to do something one of these days."
'Holy fucking shit.' Mina was one to never curse, but no one could censor the words in her head. To say she was surprised would be an understatement, but it would also be an understatement to say Chaeyoung would be pissed if she were to accept the proposition. "Oh."
"We could go for ice cream or coffee, it doesn't have to be that serious." BamBam ran his finger through his hair backward to keep it in place.
"Well," Mina looked down, her decision was made the second the words left his lips. "I'm just really busy right now, trying to balance my studies and the dancing competition. I'm sorry." She wasn't sorry at all.
"I didn't know you were going to compete, I guess I'll see you then. I'll be cheering for you." He looked back, obviously a bit disappointed. With a quick goodbye, he slid his hands in his pockets and walked away.
A smile plastered on her face because there was one less problem she had to deal with for now, but she suddenly stopped. There was a recognizable sharp pain in her lower abdomen and she didn't even have to look at the calendar to confirm her suspicions were right. 'Fuck.'
What was initially supposed to be the best day of the week quickly became the worst.
—
Nayeon could almost hear Chaeyoung's teeth-gritting over the loud voices in the hallway. "You haven't told her, have you?"
"No."
Short replies were usually a sign Chaeyoung wanted the conversation to end, but there was no way Nayeon was leaving without giving her a piece of her mind. "Then stop being so fucking childish and suck it up."
"I didn't ask for your opinion." Why did she have to be so rude when angry? Chaeyoung wished she had the answer.
Leading them to the secluded spot under the stairs, Nayeon leaned on the wall while staring at her friend. It hurt her seeing her like this, but she also felt it was her responsibility to tell her when she was being irrational. "What are you going to do then? Wait until she starts dating him to blow up? Punch him again? You have no right to be mad if you don't explain the reason to her, and from what I can see, Mina's really trying her best to not ask to keep you pleased. I would've told you to go fuck yourself by now, so take your head out of your ass and consider other people's feelings!"
That hurt, a lot more than she expected, but Chaeyoung knew Nayeon was right. Maybe BamBam was no longer the asshole she knew before and he genuinely liked Mina, but also maybe he was the same player from before. "Fine, I'll try to not show my disgust. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, I know it hurted you a lot but I can't let you be mad at Mina when she is one of the best things in your life right now, after me of course."
Chaeyoung gave her a sad smile in return. "Of course. Let's go, I don't wanna be late."
—
Probably it was because she was looking forward to something and that always made the wait dreadful, but the day was passing extremely slowly for Mina. Staring at the clock, watching how the minute hand moved millimeters, it didn't exactly help.
A part of her felt guilty because now she would have to cancel her practice with Momo last minute, but the feeling someone was stabbing her and twisting the knife around mixed with the aching muscles and sore breasts hurt a lot more.
When the ring that signaled the classes were over rang, the first thing Mina did was take her phone out of 'do not disturb', and found a few notifications from her roommate.
chaeyoungie - 16:29
hii
i'll b arriving home later bc i have to go to dahyun's to pick up some stuff
i'll see u later <3
Some may consider it silly, but Mina had changed her roommate's name in her phone to 'chaeyoungie' just because of how cute it sounded and had even deactivated the capital letters in her keyboard because she found how the blonde texted endearing.
Mina - 16:33
okay, good luck :)
In case it hadn't been obvious, the smiley face wasn't genuine, but it wasn't because Mina had anything against Dahyun because of the whole Momo situation, actually the opposite. After seeing the full picture, Mina could empathize with what Dahyun was going through, and she was glad the girl had someone like Chaeyoung to encourage her.
In this case, the problem was that she was feeling extremely needy, and attention (from Chaeyoung) was the only thing that could satiate this need. Sadly, this wouldn't be possible, so Mina would have to settle with laying in bed and waking up from her naps until the pain subsided.
Nayeon intercepted her as she was leaving the school and offered her a ride, which, of course, Mina accepted gladly. The walk to the car was silent but expected after a tiring day.
As she pulled out of the parking lot, Nayeon initiated small talk about what she hoped wasn't a delicate topic. "So, how are things between you and Chae?"
Her eyes opened wide and her neck straightened, that wasn't expected at all. "Nothing special, to be honest. Like we're friends and I'm fine with that." Air left her lips as she closed her eyes, wishing this would somehow make the pain in her lower abdomen go away.
Nayeon hummed in reply, but she didn't believe it. She was Chaeyoung's best friend, and this meant they talked about everything that had any kind of power in their heads, including the night Mina slept in her bed but left out of nowhere.
A few weeks earlier, Chaeyoung had told her all the details and expressed how she felt a strange mixture of guilt and disappointment about the situation. She was concerned that maybe she had crossed a line, but Nayeon (having ideas of her own about the real reason why Mina could've acted the way she did) assured the younger she had done nothing wrong.
"So suddenly sleeping next to the person you have a crush on is nothing special?"
'Why, of all days, did this have to happen today?' Mina shifted in her seat, only daring to look at Nayeon for a few seconds even if the older couldn't reciprocate it because her eyes were on the road. "I don't know, I just think it was friendly behavior. I just felt guilty because, maybe, if she knew how I feel, she wouldn't like me being so close to her." She gulped. Opening up in this state wasn't fun. "I felt like I was taking advantage of the situation."
Nayeon smiled in reply and a short giggle left her lips. "You're too good to be true. Just enjoy your time with her, I'm sure she would be flattered if she found out. Have you seen yourself? I wouldn't shut up about a girl like you looking my way." She pulled up on her side of the street, leaving Mina a few meters from her house. "But for real, show her how much you care about her, don't run, because she pays a lot more attention to you than you think."
Under different circumstances, Mina would've jumped into her arms and expressed how much that short speech meant to her, but if she tried, all that would come out were grunts of discomfort. "Thank you." Jumping out of the car, she wiggled her legs to shake the weird feeling between them. "I'll try to from now on, thanks for the ride and the encouraging speech." Offering a small smile, she turned to the house and heard an 'Anytime, Mina' from Nayeon.
When the door to the room opened, Mina barely got to take off her shoes and slip her skirt down before falling onto her gloriously comfortable bed. She didn't even have the energy to take off the rest of her uniform, but it's not like anyone would be staring, and even if that was the case, the only one that could was Chaeyoung, something that she didn't despite at all.
She turned until there was a position that made her cramps a tiny bit less painful, and stared at the wall until her eyes slowly closed on their own. Acting like her body didn't hurt was a lot more physically and emotionally exhausting than Mina expected, so she just let herself be carried away by sleep.
—
It wasn't actual anger, but Mina not replying while she asked for help to carry some of her bags upstairs did bother her a bit.
Chaeyoung knocked instead of just opening the door, a habit she had picked up after their incident where she saw more of Mina than she planned on. Once, twice, thrice. No reply at all. 'Weird.'
Setting foot inside the room, she dropped her bags on the floor before licking her lips. Mina was naked from the waist down with the sheets tangled between her legs, and her white shirt had hiked up her abdomen from the shifting in her sleep, making it even more noticeable because her hands were slipped under the pillow. Her forehead was also covered by a thin layer of sweat, which indicated that maybe she wasn't feeling well.
Chaeyoung took a step back, that was a sight she never thought she would witness, and although her first instinct was to caress the bare skin of Mina's tummy, she held back. That just didn't feel right for many different reasons: one, that wasn't something friends did; two, Mina was asleep, what would she think?; and three, she had never thought of doing something like that to a woman, and it deserved a lot more contemplation than just acting on impulse.
Carefully, she unwrapped Mina's legs from the cream-colored bedsheet and covered her body to keep herself from staring. How could someone be so attractive without even being aware of it?
Some time passed, which Chaeyoung mostly spent googling all the questions going through her head to find some sympathy in people who were experiencing similar thoughts as hers. Sapphic thoughts.
When the clock hit 6:30, the blonde picked up her phone and ordered some food; hopefully, Mina would be awake by the time it arrived and it would make her feel better. Chaeyoung didn't even know how, but she knew Mina wasn't feeling one hundred percent well.
Chaeyoung loved staring, especially when she could do it comfortably because no one would catch her, and the slightly creased eyebrows on Mina's face just made her feel sure that she needed to do something to ease her discomfort.
It took approximately half an hour for the delivery man to arrive, and the younger purposefully waited outside so he wouldn't ring the doorbell and make a noise that could wake her roommate up. Leaving the meals on their desk, Chaeyoung continued working on her homework in bed, waiting for Mina.
—
She was comfortable, very, but her body felt too warm and all she wanted to do was rip her clothes off to make it go away. Luckily, the light that she didn't remember leaving on warned her she was no longer alone. Turning her head to the side, Mina found a tired Chaeyoung with her lips puckered, drawing what she could assume were doodles on her black leathered notebook.
Her nostrils, suddenly filled with the scent of mixed spices, made her gather enough energy to speak up, although Mina wasn't sure she was feeling well enough to eat. "Hi."
Chaeyoung looked up from the white page with a smile plastered on her face. That voice suddenly sounded a lot more soothing than she remembered. "Good evening miss 'taking naps messes up your sleeping schedule'."
The pain had temporarily left, allowing Mina to do something as simple as laugh at a small joke. "I'm actually great, thank you."
The younger stood up, stretching her body after having been sitting in the same position for a while. Her shirt slightly lifted, and Mina had to distract her eyes with a drawing pinned to the wall to not stare.
"I ordered some food, do you want to eat?"
"Sure, give me just a second to pee." It was a lie. She wasn't hungry at all, but she knew Chaeyoung didn't feel comfortable eating with other people if they were just staring, so she pushed her aching to the back of her head and ate with her roommate.
Mina walked to the door that led to the bathroom, suddenly very aware that she had no pants on. Before covering herself, she reminded herself it wouldn't make Chaeyoung uncomfortable. She was so deep in her own thoughts she didn't even realize her roommate was studying every inch of her body.
"How are you feeling? You just seemed off when I arrived." Chaeyoung asked once they were sitting each on their side of the desk.
It was surprising, how Chaeyoung had noticed without her evening mentioning it. For some reason, they still hadn't discussed the 'period' topic, so Mina opted against mentioning it in case it disgusted Chaeyoung. "Nothing, just had a headache."
"If you're ever not feeling well, you can always take a pill from the cabinet over the sink of the bathroom. I use them a lot when I'm on my period."
'Okay so it didn't disgust her.' Mina nodded in response and continued taking small bites, the pain was returning and she needed to curl up in bed.
The pair finished eating - Chaeyoung constantly complaining that Mina had barely touched the food - and went to bed after getting ready.
—
Chaeyoung checked her phone under the covers to avoid Mina seeing the light.
2 hours. That was how long the blonde had been hearing Mina shift in her bed, sometimes a few grunts or muttered curses leaving her mouth.
A part of her just wanted to go and comfort her, but it would make the older feel guilty for disturbing her sleep, so she stayed in place instead.
"Chae?" Mina murmured, just in case the mentioned girl was already asleep.
"Are you okay? You've been awake for a while." She asked, turning her head to look at Mina's side even though it was dark.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you up." Exactly what the younger had expected her to say. Maybe Chaeyoung was hallucinating, but for a second she was sure she had seen Mina's eyes glistening.
"Don't apologize, what's wrong?"
"I'm on my period and it hurts a lot more than usual." Mina spoke fast, mostly because of the embarrassment.
"Wait," Chaeyoung stood up, taking small steps in case she hadn't memorized the way to the bathroom correctly and stumbled on something. "Take this." The younger turned on Mina's bedside lamp and handed her a pill with a bottle of water she always took to bed in case she was thirsty.
If it were possible, Mina would have melted on the spot. "Thank you."
Not knowing what else to do, Chaeyoung gave her an 'anytime' and turned off the lights, walking back to her own bed. She felt bad but Mina's pain was something she could control. "Is there anything else I can do?"
Mina looked her roommate's way, afraid it was just an empty offer. 'Don't say it, please, don't say it.' "Can I sleep with you? I'm cold." Her body was on fire from the hot, such a fucking liar.
Chaeyoung thought Mina had been uncomfortable last time, but she convinced herself it was just the overthinking taking over her mind. "Interesting choice of words, but sure. Do you want me to go or do you prefer coming here?"
Mina didn't reply, she just stood up and walked to the bed she had been wanting to sleep in again for weeks. "Thank you."
It was probably out of reflex, but Chaeyoung immediately opened her arm for Mina to lay on her chest. She didn't regret it though, it felt like touching heaven.
Mina looked up into Chaeyoung's eyes, who was a lot closer than she expected. Their lips were centimeters away, and for a second she considered saying 'fuck it' and kissing the hell out of Chaeyoung until she was pushed away. "I don't know if it is because I spent most of my childhood at home alone, but I just love being around you so much. It- it makes me feel safe."
The stutter only made Chaeyoung's heart weaker. How could so very few words mean so much to her? "I'm really glad you feel that way, it's really sweet. You're really sweet in general, my friends love you so much they're about to set us up on a date."
They both laughed although it brought a fluttering feeling to their stomachs. "You should try to sleep, okay?" Chaeyoung leaned closer, pressing a chaste kiss on Mina's forehead before leaning back on the pillow.
'Oh.' It was shocking, and Mina would probably spend the rest of her week thinking about that innocent peck on her forehead. Because Chaeyoung had kissed her, not on the lips but at least it was a step.
On the other side, Chaeyoung tried to even her breathing quietly to calm her throbbing heart. She hadn't felt something like this in her life before, and it scared the shit out of her. But still, she would do this every day for the rest of her life if it was with Mina, even if it meant getting fewer hours of sleep and it made her stomach flip.