Rather than stay in Tampa after graduation, Asha packed her bedroom up and headed back home to Jupiter. She didn't want to be without her friends but needed her family more than them. She needed to be engulfed in the love of her parents and grandparents in order to survive the overwhelming emotions she was currently experiencing.
It'd been confirmed by her primary doctor that she was now eleven weeks and couple days pregnant; not giving her much time to make a permanent decision. Though she'd told Sanchez she was indeed having an abortion she couldn't actually bring herself to schedule an appointment to do so. Not while she was nursing an aching heart. It seemed to be clouding her judgment due to how upset she was with him and not wanting to be connected to him right now. But she also didn't want the decision to take a toll on her and forever weigh on her in regret. It was a lot and being in his reach wasn't where she needed to be even though he hadn't bothered her in days.
However, he did text her name with a question mark that morning in attempt to see if he'd been blocked like he'd been blocked on her socials. His pages were being ran heavy and she got tired of seeing him— like his face wasn't still plastered on her lock screen. She hadn't blocked his number though. She muted all notifications from him until she was ready to inform him of the real decision she chose to make.
"Good morning, I ain't expect to see you until later this after noon with your brothers," her grandmother stepped out of the screen door with tow pipping hot mugs of tea.
"I don't like being at the house alone. To be honest I might stay over here with you and granddaddy during the week. I know y'all would love to have my company," Asha took the mug specifically for her and sniffed it. Her mouth watered at the smell of hibiscus and honey.
"You know we'd love to have you over here with us. You'll even keep your graddaddy off my back when I'm trying to escape him. Man won't ever let me sleep in peace."
"He likes you under him," Asha smiled, blowing on the tea before taking a cautious sip and humming at the flavor, "Perfect."
"Yeah, but he like to be in that tired ass chair he been sitting in for over a decade. I want my bed."
Asha chuckled, "I'll keep him company then. I haven't been sleeping much anyway."
"Hm, why is that?" her grandma side-eyed her.
"I'm just overwhelmed right now. Sanchez and I broke up and though I needed to do it for myself, I lowkey want to go back to him. But I know I won't let us be in peace. He needs to grow some more, I need to grow, and I need to focus on what I'm about to do with my life now that school is over. Would it be weird if I went back to school just to postpone going out into the work world?"
"I've never been in to school so I'ma say yes, but your great auntie, my sister, did it. She kept getting degree after degree out of hunger for knowledge but also fear. Poor thang was afraid to put all that education to use."
"It's just I thought I wanted to be apart of the music industry badly but after interning at a small label, I don't think it's where I want to be. I mean it was crazy fun, but it was stressful."
"That's any job, baby. At least you had fun doing it. I'd rather have fun and stress than be miserable and stress. But shoot you can jump around trying until you find what you love. I jumped from job to job until I substituted at the high school just because and never left. I loved being with those bad ass kids. They made my day everyday– even when they pissed me off."
Asha smiled, "I used to love hearing your stories and wanting to go to high school so bad. Then I became a high schooler and realized just how much patience you have."
"Mhm, those kids were hell but they were all my babies. Speaking of babies...."
Asha swallowed.
"I told your momma I had a strong feeling you were up there pregnant but she wouldn't believe me. As soon as I laid eyes on you at that graduation I knew. How far along are you?"
"Almost twelve weeks," she started to feel small like she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
"Sanchez know?" Asha nodded, "What's y'all plan?"
She lowered her mug, running her finger along the rim to avoid her grandmother's eyes, "I'm thinking of getting rid of it. He's never wanted kids and I don't want to be a single parent. I've told myself since I was younger that I'd only have kids when I was married to be sure it was with someone committed to their role."
"I definitely support that outlook but what's wrong with being a single parent? You're capable of raising your child."
"Yeah, but I shouldn't have to. It's takes two people to make one so two should be solely responsible, and I want to raise kids in a household of two people in love. Do you know how good it felt or how it impacted us seeing you and granddaddy fawn over each other? I got to see my parents love on each other and us with the same amount of passion. I've never been afraid of love. I've never been afraid to give it and sometimes I didn't care if it wasn't given back because I was already full on it."
Her grandma rubbed her arm, "If thats what you really want then so be it but you can still give that to your child. I was raised by my stepfather from the age of twelve and that love he showed me and my mother still warms my heart. You may not want to be a single mother but if you want your baby, you keep your baby."
"I've missed the mark for the pill so if I go through with it, it'll be surgical. Both options are scary, grandma. Like I can't see myself being a mother right now. I should be ready."
"I can agree with that. Asha you do whatever your heart tells you to do. You sit with yourself, talk to God, and figure out what you want with no one else in mind but you and that baby, okay?"
"Yes ma'am," she nodded.
"I'ma let you sit out here a lil bit longer and get your mind together. But you stay out my kitchen."
Asha chuckled, "I won't go near your kitchen."
When the screen door slammed shut behind her grandmother it felt like she was entrapped in her mind even though she sat in open space. She truly wanted to make the decision for herself and not out of heartbreak which made her feel like she needed to call Sanchez. Then again she wasn't sure he could offer her anything.
Call, call, call, her mind chanted to her as she held her phone in her hand. With it being nine o'clock in the morning she was sure he was at practice since he was taking part in fall camp right now. Instead of calling, she shot him a text message to call her when he had the chance. Surprisingly, a FaceTime call came right through and she answered to him in the locker room.
"Can you call me back when you have privacy?" she asked, happier than she expected to see his face.
"I'm on my way out right now. I'll call you back once I'm in the car," he hung up. She continued to drink her tea as she waited and within three minutes he was calling back, "Wassup?"
"Are you in the mood to have a serious conversation? I want to redo this baby conversation," she asked not wanting to just start rambling like she tended to do.
He cut his air conditioner up, "Yeah, we can do that."
"I wanna start by apologizing for insinuating that you wouldn't be a good parent. It was rude and I shouldn't have said it."
"You were mad. I get it. It's not like it's a stretch from the truth because I don't know shit about shit other than math and football."
"You know more than that. But I guess I want to have this conversation to make sure I'm not spiting you and that you truly don't want kids."
He raised his arm above his head, "Right now...I don't. It falls into the same reason I didn't want to try relationships so, it's bound to change too, but right now it's a no. I know you probably don't want to hear that but I'm being honest."
"And if I were to actually keep it, I should expect you not to be there? I know you said you'd play your part, but realistically?"
"It'd just be something I'd have to suck up and step into. I know what it's like to be missing a parent— not because they chose not to be there, but the absence was still there, you know what I mean? So, I wouldn't want to do that to anybody. Not you, not the baby...."
"But you wouldn't be happy?"
He did a small shrug as he stared off, "I don't know what I'd be. Maybe after the whole thing and I actually see a part of me in the flesh but I can't make that promise."
"Yeah, I understand."
"You're gonna tell me where your mind's at? I know everything you said but I could see how worked up you were— even if you tried to present yourself like you weren't. I know what calm you looks like and that wasn't it by far."
"I'm still leaning heavily toward having the abortion because life is just a shit show right now and they don't deserve it. I mean I literally packed up all my things and left Tampa solely based off my emotions and x-ing out the possibility of seeing you. I'm still uncertain about what I'm going to do with my life now....I'm not set to be anyone's mom any time soon."
"Are you out in Jupiter?"
"Yeah," she sighed, "I need my family right now so....Have you done anything to that room of yours?"
He cracked a weak smile, "Don't got the strength to right now. I'll get around to it eventually. I knew breakups hurt but fuck. I wasn't expecting this."
She felt bad and had the urge to apologize for hurting him but he wasn't the only one of them in pain. So was she.
"I'm happy to see your face tho. You don't know how many times I sat outside that house hoping I'd catch you walking out. Whole time you're not even here," he continued.
"I don't know how but I figured you would. It feels good to hear tho, can't lie about that."
"That I sat outside for no reason?" he tried to laugh off.
"No, that even though it's been almost three weeks I'm not the only one still in pain. And you might not think I should be since I'm the one who ended the relationship but it wasn't that easy to do. You're somebody that I love."
"But not enough to forgive me? I get that I was wrong and all of this could've been avoided but it's been handled. She's gone."
"The issue was never with her directly, Sanchez. It was you being comfortable enough to let her become an issue and refusing to hear me for what I was saying."
He huffed, wiping his hand down his face.
"When I make my final decision I'll let you know. If you want to know." she was now ready to get off the phone with him.
"Yeah, let me know," he nodded.
She ended the call and closed her eyes for a moment. The sun was rising higher in the sky, scorching her skin so, she decided to take herself in the house. Her grandfather sat in her loveseat with the remote in hand, switching back and forth between ESPN and a rerun episode of NCIS. Like she used to do as a kid, she sat on the arm and laid her body across the back to be close to him.
He hit her leg, "You okay, baby?"
"I'll get there," she didn't bother lying.
"That's right. You stay over here a long as you feel like it. You hear me?" he turned his neck to see her face.
"Yes sir."
"You'll never ever get too old to hide up under me and ya grandmama," he flicked her chin before turning back to his show.
Later than evening, Asha ended up coming home for one more night so she sat between her mother's legs getting her scalped oiled and massaged. Elijah sat beside her feeding both him and her from his bag of sour patch kids. Jeremiah laid at her feet yelling out his answers to the family feud fast money questions. Her dad was on the couch with his feet rocking in attempt to keep himself awake but dinner and fresh shower had my ready to sleep. This was what home felt like to her.
The coziness of the decorations she grew up with and the coziness of everyone in the room. It helped her shed the stress of her current predicament and simple soak in the love of those around her. Especially her brothers' inability to stay away from her once they got home from school. They missed her constant presence and was hanging on to their time with her.
"A word that rhymes with taste," Steve Harvey read off the second question. When the woman asked to skip the room erupt in confusion.
"Paste, waste, haste," Jeremiah looked at his family in disbelief the woman skipped such an easy question.
"Name something chicken and Victoria Secret models have in common," Steve read the last question. She passed again only for the time to run out.
"She's dumb," Jeremiah shook head his.
"He read the last question too fast for me," Sydnie admitted.
"He asked what do chicken and VS models have in common. It's wings. They're considered angels," Asha answered while watching Victoria get ready for her date with Zeek on FaceTime.
She was currently listening to music at a low voice as she applied her makeup with Jema ransacking her closet in the background. All Asha could see was Je throwing shirts and jeans onto the bed and when Toria frowned and slowly turned, Asha laughed,
"Hoe what're you doing? I asked you to find a fit not tear up my closet and make a mess."
Jema put her hand on her hip, "I'll clean it up but I need to really see what all you have."
"Jema...we're going to top golf. Come on it's not that serious."
"Don't tell me what to take serious. You put me on outfit duty so let me do my job, please and thank you. Do your makeup."
Asha giggled, "You two have argued everyday I've called y'all."
"Because you're not hear mediating. You know she irks my nerves sometimes. She's lucky I love her."
"Mhm, love you too," Je called out, "How are you doing today, Bug? I seen you actually posted a selfie on your story. My pretty girl."
"Don't make me blush but yeah I did just a little makeup when I came home. But I think I'm chill today. Not emotional but not really happy either. Content."
"That's better than nothing. Jema told you how she took pictures of that man fucking room!? She's crazy." Victoria laughed.
"You did what, Je?"
"I had to show her how down bad that man is. He is over there sick as a dog. He done moved out into their living room cause that shit is a mess. He has been taking showers tho, I can say that."
"Oh, you and Dorian must be really enjoying yourself for you to be all over there like that."
"I meaannnn, I told you it was good!"
"She's lying. He took her on a date yesterday. They did the adopt a dog for a day thing and had a lil picnic at the park. Them and the dog, Bug," Victoria was eager to tell.
"Oooh okay! That's cute. You don't have to act like you don't like the man, Je. If you like him, you like him," Asha laughed.
"That's the thing, we're literally still friends with benefits but she's acting like we can't actually do the friends part."
"Let them do the friends part, Toria."
Victoria fanned her hand, "Chile boo. They want each other and want to act like we're dumb and dumber. I'll let them move on their own timing."
"We never said we didn't like each other but I don't want to get into a relationship just because. I may be in therapy but I still need time. It hasn't even been a year."
"Which is true. She dealt with some real trauma and I have to give you your props for even stepping out and having fun. I can only imagine the fear of not knowing, you know?"
"All I have to say is when my gut says something this time there is no what if, well maybe, aht aht, where are my shoes? Excuse me."
"Yes, period," Asha and Victoria agreed.
"Now we have to heal baby Bug's heart back into its pretty condition. We all deserve to just be happy, free, and enjoying life. Not fucking crying and squeezing shit out of men." said Toria.
"One day at a time," Jema got closer to the camera, "We're here for you just like you were there for me. Especially when you make your decision. Know we have your back all the way."
Asha poked out her bottom lip, "I appreciate it. I love y'all."
"We love you too!" she shouted in unison.
Just that morning, Sanchez's bedroom represented all the emotions he was trying to work through. The fault, the aches, the sadness, the regret, it was all plastered around his room. The floor was only visible on one side of the room because the other side wore all the clothes that could no longer fit in his dirty clothes hamper. His nightstands were trashed with empty water/juice bottles, food containers, plates. He wasn't even comfortable in his bed anymore so he'd moved out to the living room or he'd chose to go his dad's late at night.
He thought the way he'd been feeling the night of his birthday was dramatic but it had nothing on the last few weeks. Especially when he sat back and really looked at the dumbass situation that put him there. He could give a fuck about sleeping with Chenai. It was a stupid, in the moment, comment he made after seeing her. The text wasn't even able to show his retraction because it was in person and he hated he'd even sent it out.
He hated that he liked the nostalgia of having an old figure back in his life to the point he disregarded his girlfriend. It pissed him off to the point he changed his passwords, let Chenai know he didn't need her, and blocked her without wanting a response. He didn't care to explain himself and he didn't care if he'd now only have that one deal he signed. He needed her the fuck from around him.
"Oh my God, he cleaned the room!" he heard Bahzeek shout once the apartment door opened, "I'm proud of ya dawg. This room was atrocious."
"My boy was broken-hearted. His girlfriend left him and moved away," Dorian appeared next, the both of them watching Sanchez fold his clean clothes.
"She moved!?" Zeek's eyes bulged.
"Yup. He had a right to be down bad. At least he's picking himself up now. My boy strong."
"I love how y'all niggas talking about me like I ain't right here. I'm cool. I'm holding my pants up, it's all good," he folded the last t-shirt and began moving everything to their rightful place.
To be honest, he was doing better because he was done thinking of ways to get Asha back. It wasn't what she wanted and he caused it so, he had to suck that shit up and get off his dick. He had been sick and crying the first week, angry the next week, and now he was going to let it be what it is. He wasn't at the phase where he could erase anything between them and right now he didn't think he ever will be. Not when he was hoping time would bring it all back.
So far that was all heard from people— for him to give the pain time, time heals all, with time things will be different. Time. Time. Time. He just hoped somehow time created forgiveness and time showed him where he was wrong in the whole relationship so he could wise up, move differently, and maybe give love another go. But what he was certain of in that moment was no woman could breathe in his direction right now. He wanted them all out of his face and out of his way. He was liable to be a real asshole or he'd go right back to fucking and dumping. Neither appealed to him.
"Are you really good tho? It takes a hot minute to get over a break up bro. I mean my first one took me a whole year."
"A year? I don't think I need a year."
"Yeah, man. I was good one month and the next month she was on my mind heavy. Had me wondering where we could've been at had we still been together, had she moved on to someone else, was she just out fucking the pain away? I was on my ass for a while. I tried to play that shit off but somedays you don't even feel like doing that," Zeek shared.
"It's grief," said Dorian, "You might need a month, a couple months, a year, two years. It's never the same."
"Two years is insane," Sanchez shook his head, "I'm cool, y'all boys. Don't even worry about me."
"When this room back like it was next week, I'll know you lying."
Dorian flagged Zeek, "You tryna go eat with us, Chez? We going out to Chili's. Heads up, he is bringing Toria."
"I gotta start washing all that so, nah." he pointed to the laundry basket and two garbages of dirty clothes.
"Oh shit. Yeah, you knock that out. I'll bring you back some sweet to cheer you up," Bahzeek pointed as they backed out toward the front door.
Sanchez only lightly chuckled at his friend. He finished putting all his clothes away then drug the cart he borrowed from downstairs to put all the bags inside, along with his bed spreads. Once he had it all packed inside his car he headed toward his dad's to start the long process of washing and drying it all.
When he showed up he expected to see his dad home from work already but he wasn't. He was surprised to see Kahdija preparing what looked to be their dinner for the night. His quiet entrance made her jump when she noticed him coming around the corner.
"My fault," he laughed, "I'm just coming to wash some clothes."
"Some clothes? Those are two hefty bags, Sanchez," her 'brows lifted at what he carried off into the laundry room.
"Yeah, it's been a while," he dropped them down on the floor and went out the garage door to grab his hamper.
"And there's another one? Camp has been that hard? Ru told me the crazy practices wear you down but my goodness. Do you want some help?"
"I got it. Everything's all separated and what not so hopefully it don't take me too long."
"Okay," she watched him start to fill the washer before she focused back on what she was doing.
He got his first load started then made himself comfortable on the couch for a little tv as he was nuzzled and poked at by Tus. He turned the channel for the third time, not caring to watch anything cable was broadcasting. He was about to see what had been recorded by his dad when Kahdija leaned against the wall with clasped hands. At first he ignored it but when she didn't move, he looked over at her in slight confusion.
"Sorry, I'm just wondering if you're okay...your dad told me you and Asha aren't together anymore."
"He loves talking about me, don't he?"
She smiled, "He does. I mean all the stories he tells over and over I'm starting to believe I was there too. But he only told me because he's worried. It's your first relationship and heart break. You haven't come to him about it."
"What is there to talk about?"
"A lot." she found a seat a few spots over, "How do you feel? What you think went wrong? How do you think it could've been fixed? Is there a chance of y'all coming back together? How are you coping with it? There's endless things for you to say."
He released a sigh and unintentionally swung his legs, "She felt unheard and disrespected."
"Was she?"
"...yeah, and not intentionally but yeah."
"How many times did she express that she felt that way?" she crossed her left leg over her right, giving him all of her attention.
"We talked about me being dismissive to her a while ago and I promised I wouldn't be and I wanted to stand on my word. I don't know tho when she's coming at me with all these emotions I hear her...I just can't help but shut down. She's a talker and she can articulate how she's feeling well and I never really have the words. Or if I think I do they're not the right ones."
"Why do you feel like you can't articulate how you feel just as well? She's not a fast talker."
"But she always has a lot to say and she talks at me, almost. Like you know how it feels when someone standing over you talking? That's how it feel even tho she shorter than me. She's firm and direct with her words. Big Rube don't even talk to me like that."
"Have you told her to switch her tone with you?" he shook his head, "Well, that's definitely something you should've brought to her to help you listen to understand her rather than block her out then say to hell with it."
"I've never said to hell with her feelings."
"That's what being dismissive is, honey. When someone's talking to you and you try to change the subject or make it seem like it's not an issue because you don't want to hear it, that's saying to hell with it. Rather you mean to or not."
"Okay, yet another thing I did wrong," he huffed.
"We all do wrong at some point, Sanchez. Yes, some things may be common sense but you're experiencing love for the first time. A lot of us start to experience and learn these things in middle school. All you can do is reflect and dissect this relationship to see what you could've done better and take note of what you enjoyed for yourself on her end."
"What you mean what I enjoyed for myself?"
"Like when she was able to pinpoint what all she liked about you at the dinner, did you enjoy that? Do you like someone who can give you reassurance? Maybe you're affectionate and she was always receptive to your touch or was able to reciprocate that need to touch."
He smiled a bit, "Yeah, okay."
"I'm guessing I hit those on the nail by the lil smile."
"Yeah," he chuckled, "It might sound crazy but I felt safe with her. I know it's supposed to be the other way—"
"No, no that's great that you felt safe with her. That means she gave you things you needed in a way that made you comfortable with her, but comfortability can be taken for granted. Tell me how you disrespected her because to be honest I don't like the sound of that."
He told the story of running into Chenai and how they texted, certain to include how busy he'd been to let Kahdija get the whole picture. He even told her he met Chenai at Walgreens and about the message Asha got ahold of. He really wanted her perspective as a woman and needed her to really be in the know.
"Okay," she nodded with a perched eyebrow, "As a woman I wanna smack you upside the head."
"Go ahead."
"No, I'm not gonna do that but...you never let your past play with your present. Never. I've learned that lesson one too many times and it always bites. The moment you saw where miss thang was going with the conversation you should've known her intentions weren't good. She was wiggling her way back and you opened the door. That was why she felt comfortable to sought Asha out and leave a message, because that's what that was. Us women are catty and we are meticulous. She was telling on you in a way that you may over look but Asha would understand. So, even though you wasn't on that timing she was and because you gave her access she had the means to paint a different picture."
She continued, "You should be happy Asha went to you about it and asked you rather than asking messy betsy because a different story could have been relayed. And based on those messages it wouldn't have been hard to believe. Not one bit. Sure it could have been talked about like you said, only if that was the only issue you two had, but it wasn't. You can't look at it as an isolated situation because other factors go into her stepping away from you. You get what I'm saying? Never in your life let the next feel like she has the one up because had she done the same, I'd expect you to move away just as she had. It's respect for you what have. You don't tolerate disrespect from a stranger so wouldn't it be worse coming from a partner, someone you love?"
He finally got the big picture causing him to nod and palm himself in the face. He wanted to draw BOZO across his forehead. That's how he was feeling for not understanding from the get go.
"You understand now. It's okay tho because now you can avoid this from here on out."
"Don't tell my daddy this but she's pregnant too and she's mostly likely getting an abortion."
"Why don't you want Ruben to know this?"
"Because he'll try and make me talk her down. He wants a bigger family than this and he wants me to have kids. I just don't have that same want yet."
"Is that why she's getting an abortion?"
"It's part of it but she doesn't want kids out of wedlock and she also wants her future in order. She just graduated and she's going through the post graduation panic. We're freshly broken up too so it's a lot."
"Are you gonna be there for her, whichever way it goes?"
"No doubt. Like I told her I know what's it's like to be missing a parent and it don't feel good. You have questions that you feel like only they can answer or you go through things you think only they can really understand. Like with this...I can talk about it with Big Rube but he wouldn't be able to sit down with me as a woman and explain it to me like you just did. He's a man. So, even if I don't want kids right now, I can't not be there. I'd never wanna pass that on to someone else."
"And if she goes through with it?"
"Still, I wanna be there for her. I was the cause of shit going bad but I love Asha. Cross my heart, swear to die. I don't know nothing about how it's gonna affect her but I don't want her to feel like she alone in it. We created the baby together and even if we're broken up we should deal with it together, you know?"
"Completely," she nodded with a smile small, "That made me happy to hear because it's going to have an impact on both of you emotionally and mentally, more her than you, but you're not exempt either."
He nodded.
"You're a good boy, Sanchez. Don't think your mistakes define you and what's to come for you, okay?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Let me check on this food," she pushed up from the couch.
He took his vibrating phone from his pocket to see a text from Asha letting him know she set the appointment. She asked him to come with her and he was quick to let her know he'd be there.
He sat in his car waiting on Asha to exit her grandparents house. The palms of his hands were clammy, making him rub them together as he watched the front door. It hoped to both Asha and her grandmother who stood with her fist on his hips. Sanchez got out the car and was more than shocked to see the small, rounding of her stomach. When she noticed his eyes on it, she quickly closed her jean jacket to make him look away.
He spoke to her grandmother who held her hand up in return. He pulled the passenger door open and waited for Asha to be all the way in before she shut her in.
"Come here, young man," her grandmother called. He took long strides to get up to the front porch.
"Ma'am?" he instinctively shoved his hands in his pockets.
"I'm not sure what you know about this process but this is gonna be hard on her whether she admits it to you or not. She's gonna need true compassion from you so, if you love my grandbaby you make sure she feels that before she goes into that room and when she comes out."
"Yes ma'am," he nodded. He had no idea what was all going to take place because when he asked over the phone she wouldn't tell him, but now her grandmother had him terrified. He was already scared that something could go wrong.
The older woman shooed him back off to the car and he quickly slipped inside to Asha sitting with the jacket tightly closed. She sat taking slow, deep breaths the entire ride and he was itching to grab her hand until he remembered what her grandmother said. He then reached over and held his hand out in her lap, she glanced at it, but quickly placed her hand in his. He squeezed her hand.
They made it to planned parenthood earlier than their scheduled time so, they sat out in the car for a little. It was still quiet between them as Sanchez stared over at her and she gazed down at their locked fingers.
She ran her nail along a scar he had on his knuckle before she finally said something, "I'm terrified. Like stomach hurting, knees weak scared."
"I'm right here with you and I'll be right here when it's over. We in this together, Asha. To be real, I'm scared too. I want you to come back out in one piece. Not regretting it or beating yourself up about it."
She nodded, "It's the right decision for everyone involved. I've come to terms with that but I still know they'll be taking some-thing from me, you know? I'm walking in twelve weeks pregnant and I'm going to walk out baby-less. It's weird to even say."
"I can't say that I understand what you may feel when you come out but you won't be alone. I might have to go back because of football and stuff but I'm a call away. Day or night. I'll even drive down on Sunday's if you need me to."
"Thank you for offering that. We should go inside now."
He got out and went around to let her out as well. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her temple as they walked up to the building. When he opened the door, he didn't expect to see so many people sitting inside. There were other couples, women alone, and nearly every seat was taken up. Damn, he thought.
They walked up to the receptionist desk and signed Asha in before claiming a seat against the wall. To his surprise, Asha cuddled into his side, leg bouncing in anxiousness. He rested his lips against her head and held her as tight as he could in hopes to translate his support. There wasn't much he could say to make her feel better about the experience but he knew he'd be there for her as much as she needed him to be. They both were responsible for what was to come and he didn't question if he should be by her side.
"Asha Mitchell," her name was called.
She released his hand and stood up to follow the door behind the closed door. He slumped down in his seat and dropped his head back as he blew air from his mouth. He could already feel the haunting tick of the clock as he now played the waiting game. He tried to listen to music. It only agitated him. He tried to watch a little football. He couldn't focus.
He wound up staring at the colored wall with his legs swinging back in forth, "Mama, God, one of y'all make sure she comes out of here okay. Body in one piece. Mind in one piece. That's all I ask of y'all right now."
A minute or two later, Asha was coming out of the same door she'd disappeared behind. It was way quicker than he expected. He jumped up and went over to her and the nurse let him know Asha needed to sit in the lobby for an hour for them to keep an eye on her and make sure she felt better. He sat her down in the chair and noticed the lone tears falling down her face.
"It only took them like five minutes," she pouted up at him.
_______
Q U E S T I O N S
1. any thoughts on the advice given by Asha's grandmother?
2. how do you feel about Asha and Chez's second conversation about their wants? was it enough for her to go thru with it?
3. any feelings about Chez opening up and talking to Kadijah? her breakdown and advice to him?
4. any predictions for what's to come?