Wren Ridley
I always liked the beach at night. It was peaceful. There were no people around to ruin the serenity. When life got too much, or people got too annoying, this was a perfect getaway. And sharing this was not something I had ever planned on doing.
But of course for some fucked up reason I couldn't just leave Landon alone. And of course he had to come to me with his self loathing.
I knew as soon as I smelled the alcohol on his breath how this night would end, with me taking care of him because he drank his emotions. What I didn't expect was the severity of his emotions or the gut-punch feeling as he was close to a mental breakdown in my dorm room and as cried beside me in the car.
There was something more going on with Landon than I had originally thought, something that seriously ate at him, a self hatred that had been instilled in him.
And a feeling gnawed at me. A feeling of sympathy or guilt, I couldn't tell, but I'd never admit to it.
Landon let out a shaky sigh and I kept my eyes facing forward. I didn't want to look at him as he cried, and he wouldn't want me to either.
"I'm so tired," he said in barely a whisper.
"Go to sleep then," I replied, though I knew that wasn't what he meant. He was tired of everything, not just physically tired, but emotionally drained.
We had both finished our fries and were now just sitting and staring at the water, my book playing in the background to fill the silence, but I hadn't been paying attention to it.
Landon did fall asleep eventually. When his breathing evened out, I looked over at him to see that his eyes were closed and his face had softened. When he was asleep he looked at peace. He looked so much younger without the lines of anger on his face and it reminded me that he and I were only a year apart. He was only eighteen and burdened by all that anger.
I forced myself to look away from him, uncomfortable with the way I was starting to pity him and feel guilty that I had contributed to the anger that plagued him tonight.
I didn't know why I cared. I knew I shouldn't. He was not someone who deserved my sympathy that I rarely ever gave out. Not after the way he had treated my brother.
That was why I had to look away from him because if I kept looking at him, I would forget that. I would see his face looking so innocent and forget that damaged his anger had caused.
It was one thing to be physically attracted to him, it was a whole other to start feeling anything other than that.
Landon had been asleep for a while before I started driving back to the city. I put my audiobook back to the last part I remembered and listened the whole way to Landon's campus.
He stirred awake just before we made it back, but he didn't say anything. When I parked the car outside his building, Landon didn't move for a moment. I wondered if he was going to start screaming at me again, or start crying.
But he just looked at me and gave me a slight nod before getting out of the car and going into his building. I watched as he walked inside and walked into the stairwell before I drove off.
I tried to keep my mind off of him while I drove back to my dorm building. I didn't want to think about the way he cried or the way some strange part of me wanted to comfort him but had no idea how.
I should have just kicked him out of my room. Then I wouldn't be thinking about him at all and all would be right in my world. But there was this strange pull that made that impossible.
When I got back to the room, I was surprised to find that James was awake. He had the lights off, sitting up shirtless on his bed and watching something on his laptop. He glanced at me with raised eyebrows when I walked in and shut the door behind me before dropping my keys on my desk.
"And where have you been all night?" James asked in a teasing tone, pausing whatever it was on his computer.
"Just went for a drive," I told him, slipping my shoes off and pushing them under my bed.
The two of us stared at each other for a few moments and James started grinning, shutting his laptop and pushing it off his legs.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asked, amused.
"I'm not staring at you any sort of way."
"Only you are," he said."You're giving me the eyes. Are you sexually frustrated or something? Haven't gotten any in a while?"
I rolled my eyes at him. "You're ruining your chances at getting anything I was thinking of offering you."
"No," he said, standing from the bed."I promise I'll shut up. I'm not trying to lose one of the very few opportunities you're giving me."
The more rational part of my brain knew that hooking up with James at that moment wasn't going to solve anything. It wasn't going to take away all my thoughts of Landon, physical and emotional ones. But it would give me a moment away from those thoughts. It would let me forget momentarily and let me relax, so I motioned for James to come closer and he obliged.
A moment later, James had his lips on mine. I pulled him closer with my hand on the back of his neck and opened my mouth for him to deepen the kiss.
This sort of thing was easy with James at this stage in our friendship. We each knew what the other liked and we both knew neither of us would catch feelings. It was the perfect scenario for two guys who only wanted sex with nothing else involved. I knew that was why James wanted it with me so often, because too many of the others, guys and girls and anyone else alike, got too attached, and he didn't have to worry about that with me. It was a relief, easy, and less complicated.
James walked me backwards, his hands on my hips as we backed into my bed. He laid me down and pulled his lips from mine to start kissing up my neck and jaw.
"Before you yell at me, I'm not going to leave a mark," he said, breathing against my skin.
"That's what you said last time too," I told him. "Get off my neck."
James obliged and brought his lips back to mine. He put his hands beneath my shirt, moving it up until we pulled it off.
***
I was too busy writing to notice Landon walk into the coffee shop the next morning. My eyes were zeroed in on my screen, my fingers furiously moving over my keyboard.
I only slept for about four hours after hooking up with James, and it wasn't a good sleep. He had fallen asleep in my bed and spent the whole night snoring in my ear. I was waking up every so often until eventually the sun started rising and I made my way to the coffee shop without James even stirring once.
The coffee shop had been open for a couple hours by now and I had already finished my second latte of the morning. I hadn't noticed someone sat across from me until a brand new latte was pushed in my line of vision. I glanced over my laptop to find Landon glaring at me. I looked down at the latte then back up at him and grinned.
"You didn't punch me last night," I told him.
"I know," he said, his voice low. "My anger still got the better of me."
I didn't comment on that. I could point out that although reconciling with apology drinks was one of his anger management tactics, it didn't make him feel any better. But I wasn't looking to set him off again after last night.
Landon looked rough this morning, though it didn't make him any less handsome. I could tell he was hungover by the way he was squinting and the paleness that had taken over his face.
"If you're going to buy me a drink every time you get angry at me, you'll go broke fast," I said, taking a sip of the latte. He set his lips in a firm line, not bothering to respond to what I said.
"This is the last time I'm going to see you," Landon said after a moment.
"I highly doubt that, Lance."
He glared at me. "I'm serious. I can't stand you. I don't know why I went to you last night, but it will never happen again."
I thought for a moment, setting my drink down on the table.
"Maybe you should quit drinking," I told him, raising my eyebrows. "You told me last night the fries were unhealthy. You think alcohol is any better?"
"I don't need your advice."
"I think you do," I said.
Landon let out a sigh and the two of us sat in silence, staring at each other for a few moments. I sipped on my latte while Landon's hand was clenched around his cold brew cup.
"Anthony," I called out, glancing over to where Anthony stood at the counter. "Can you bring us a couple croissants?"
"I'm not a waiter, Wren," he responded with a deadpanned expression.
"I'll give you a nice tip."
Anthony huffed in annoyance but moved to get the croissants anyway.
"What are you doing?" Landon asked, visibly annoyed.
"Do you have trouble hearing now?"
Landon's scowl deepened as Anthony brought over the baked goods and put them down in front of us.
"Anything else I can get you?" Anthony asked in a sarcastic tone. "I charge by the second."
I handed him a twenty dollar bill. "Keep the change as a tip, my favorite barista."
He yanked the money out of my hand and walked away.
I picked up one of the croissants and took a bite while Landon continued staring at me. I gestured toward the other one on the table for him to take. He looked down at it briefly, then back at me.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked.
Because even being in your presence sends a pang through my chest. Because for some reason you've gotten into my head and I can't get you out.
"Doing what?" I questioned, taking another bite. "Being nice? I'm just a nice guy."
"You're not. You just like to make everything weird."
I shrugged. "Maybe. Just eat the croissant."
"No."
"Lance..."
"No."
"I can't eat both. I'm trying to watch my figure."
"Your figure is fine." Landon's eyes widened as soon as the words left his mouth and I couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped me.
"Don't worry, so is yours," I said, loving the way Landon's cheeks turned slightly pink in embarrassment.
He shook his head then surprised me by actually picking up the croissant and taking a bite. Landon didn't say anything about it, the only indication that he liked it being that he continued taking bites from it.
I started typing again on my computer while Landon finished off his croissant, then started sipping on his cold brew. Eventually, his staring became too much and I had to confront him about it.
"I thought you never wanted to see me again?" I asked. "Yet you're still here."
"I'm just waiting."
"Waiting for what?"
"Waiting for you to say something about last night," Landon answered. "Waiting for you to make some dumb comment to embarrass me about it."
"You want me to make you angry?"
"No, I just expect you to."
I would like to believe that I could say something horrible to Landon about what had happened last night to make him so angry and upset that he would storm out of here and never see me again, but I couldn't. Not only did I get a squeezing feeling in my chest at the thought of how upset he was the night before, but I didn't want to make him upset. Usually I didn't care, but he had slithered his way past my defenses and actually made me care.
"Well, I did already say that you should stop drinking," I said after a moment.
"You never drink?" He looked at me in disbelief, sipping on his cold brew with his eyebrows raised.
"No. Not since high school," I replied. "And I definitely never did it to suppress my emotions."
Landon scoffed. " I don't think you have emotions."
I just shrugged and took a sip of my latte.
After a little while longer, Landon finished his cold brew and stood up from the table.
"Well, thanks for not being a total dick I guess," he muttered, looking away from me as he said it.
"Will I still never be seeing you again?" I asked in a teasing tone, grinning over the rim of my cup.
Landon rolled his eyes. "Maybe."
With that, he tossed his cup in the trash and left the coffee shop. I didn't even have enough time to go back to my draft before Anthony was marching over to my table and taking the vacant seat across from me.
"Aren't you supposed to be working?" I asked him.
"Shut up," he said. "What the hell is wrong with you? I've never seen you look like that!"
"Hm?" I hummed. "Like what?"
"You're into him," Anthony replied. "Like actually into him. I never thought I'd see the day you were actually interested in someone."
I looked at him plainly, feigning confusion.
"Now, that is absurd," I said.
"No, it's not."
"Anthony, I think you're just confused," I said. "Lance and I don't really get along."
"I know his name is Landon by the way," Anthony said with irritation prevalent in his tone. "And this isn't the first time you've met up with him here."
"We run into each other."
Anthony sighed. "Is it that hard for you to admit."
"I don't understand what I'm meant to be admitting," I told him. "You're talking nonsense."
"You're into him."
"Like you're still into James?" I said with a smile. Anthony frowned at me while I shot him an expression of innocence. "Just as I thought."
"You're an asshole," Anthony muttered, standing up from the seat.
"What? I thought we were bantering?"
Anthony walked by and slammed my laptop shut as he did, shooting me a glare.
"I'm putting coffee grounds in your latte tomorrow," he said, going back toward the counter.
I shook my head. "Well, now you ruined the surprise. You can't tell me exactly how you're going to trick me."
Anthony flipped me off from his place at the counter and I opened my laptop back up, continuing to work on my draft and putting all thoughts of Landon to the back of my mind.
**
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Please let me know what you thought of the chapter. Wren povs take a lot of out me lol