"I'm so excited" Jungwon said. I kept myself wrapped in my blanket because it was freezing in my outfit. "I didn't know it'd be this dark" He added. "Everyone else seems used to this. It's just us..." Sunghoon mumbled.
"Since it's our first time with this..." Jake started. "That looks really soft" Jungwon randomly said. "Giant caterpillar" Heeseung said. "I feel like I should use it as a pillow or wipe the windows with it" Jungwon slightly laughed.
I stood up and pulled it off the mic. "Catch" I said and tossed it to Jungwon. "It's like a tail" Jungwon laughed. "Jungwonie's tail" Heeseung joked. Jungwon tossed it back to me and I handed it back to the cameraman to slide back onto the mic before sitting back down.
"How about we read through today's concepts?" Heeseung asked. "As expected of Heeseung hyung" Jake said.
—
I waited behind the camera wrapped up in my blanket and Jay's while he did his photo shoot. As soon as he was finished, he walked over to the cameras to check his photos. Of course, while he looked at the pictures, I wrapped him in his blanket. "I hope it comes out nicely," Jay said.
"Emily is the second to go," Someone shouted. I handed my blanket over to Jay and followed a staff member to where I was going to shoot. (Her concept outfit)
They told me what I should do and I just listened. I sat on the ground, looked over the edge, and looked directly at the camera. All kinds of fun stuff.
"Let me check them," I said and jogged over to the camera. The guy flipped through my photos and showed me each of them. "They're good" I smiled and gave a thumbs up. The camera crew walked away so they could get Ni-Ki next.
I walked away from them and went to hunt down Jay since he had my blanket and I was freezing cold. "Yah! Jay-ah!" I shouted and ran to him. "What?" He asked and turned around.
"My blanket" I said and pulled it away from him. "Yah! Now I'm cold" He said. "You're cold? My legs are bare!" I laughed and grabbed his blanket as well. "I have a solution" He mumbled. Jay grabbed both our blankets and tied one around my waist to cover my legs and then pulled me close and covered the both of us with the other blanket.
"Let's take a walk up the trail" I suggested. Jay just nodded and we both walked up the trail close together to keep each other covered up. "Hello, Sunghoon" We both said as Sunghoon and his cameraman walked down the trail. Sunghoon gave us a wave and kept walking.
Once we got to the edge, I took out my phone and took a selfie of us in the sunrise. It was beautiful. I uploaded my photo and photos from yesterday onto my Instagram for our fans. "Woah, daebak" I gasped at all the responses I instantly got.
"Emily's so beautiful!"
"Woah, Jay is stunning!"
"Please notice me!!!"
"People really like me" I smiled and read the comments. "Of course they do. You're a great person" Jay said. I gave Jay a smile and lightly gave his cheek a kiss before looking back at the comments.
"Jay, can I ask you something?" I asked and looked back up at him. He looked down on me and gave me a small nod. "When we get back home. Let's go on our first date, seriously. It's been a few weeks since we've confessed, so let's do it" I said.
"I'd love that. I've been meaning to ask you first" Jay slightly laughed. "Well, it looks like it's settled. We're going on a date" I smiled and hugged him.
Jay rested his head on my head and we just stared out into the horizon again. While having a good time standing in silence, listening to the sounds of nature.
—
"Kimbap" I cheered and took a bite. "I saw Sunoo's dancing" Ni-Ki randomly said. "I saw his dancing" He said. "What dancing?" I asked and kneeled in my seat and turned around towards all of them.
"Don't watch it, it's so bad~" Sunoo whined. "I want to see" Jungwon said. Ni-Ki handed Jungwon his phone and I moved out of my seat and looked over it to watch the video. His dancing was cute and funny.
"Don't look" Sunoo said. "It's not bad. It's really not bad" I said and kept watching. "I filmed myself too" Jungwon said. After the video ended, I went back to my seat, but Jungwon said I could sit on his lap so I could actually be in the video like all of them.
"Stop looking at it~" Sunoo whined. "Why do you keep watching that?" Sunoo asked. "I like watching the process in the movie" Ni-Ki said as he watched Sunoo's performance of crown. "Showing that they grew a lot" He added.
—
After our short break, we went back out into the cold and started our photoshoot again. Ni-Ki, Jay and I would be taking pictures together.
"Let's carry her" Ni-Ki suggested. They both lifted me up like I was swinging and we both gave a smile to the camera. "Okay, back to serious" I said as they set me down.
For most of the pictures I stood in between them, and every now and then standing close to Jay. It was a fun little photoshoot.
—
It was so hard to keep my eyes open with the fog, and I had to stand in the middle of everyone.
—
Jay set down a plate of food for me and Sunghoon and Ni-Ki sat down with us. Everyone else got a costume change, but since my outfit fit both, I didn't get a new one.
"It feels like we're shooting a drama or a movie since we're eating on set like this" Sunghoon said. "I was just gonna say that because I had the same thought" Jay chuckled. "I'm proud that it has that movie shoot vibe" He added.
"Why are you still in your outfit?" Ni-Ki asked me. "I didn't get a new one. They said this fits both concepts, so I'm staying in it" I said. It felt weird to not get a new outfit like the others, but I guess I could understand the staff's reasoning.
—
Even though there were equal amounts of us to be us 4 and 4 or in just 4 groups of 2, I was left out on this unit photoshoot. Ni-Ki, Sunoo and Jungwon took pictures together. Heeseung and Jay were together and then Jake and Sunghoon. I only took a few Polaroid pictures. One with Sunoo, another with Heeseung and then Jay and Ni-Ki.
I luckily was in the group photo, but I just sat in the middle with all the boys laying around me and I looked up at the camera. Then we all stood on the truck and waved to the drone. I sat on the roof with Jay standing beside me and leaning close to me.
—
After our photoshoot, we went out to dinner with the staff. Ni-Ki made me sit in between him and Jay. "It's our first time eating out together... Right?" Sunghoon asked. "Jay, Ni-Ki" I said and held my phone out as they leaned towards me and posed so I could take a selfie.
"This came up today. We keep just saying, "Hello, this is ENHYPEN"." Jungwon chuckled. "Let's do something really cool!" Jake suggested.
I laid my hand on top of the other and made finger guns. "Connect. Hello, we are ENHYPEN" I said quietly. "Oh! That's good!" Jungwon gasped. "Connect. Hello, we are ENHYPEN" Heeseung copied.
"This is really good!" He laughed. "Great job everyone!" Our manager cheered and we all put our glasses together. "Congrats on your first album cover shoot!" He added. "Thank you!" We all said.
—
After our album shoot, we all headed back to the hotel. There were 2 3-person rooms and then 1 2-person room. Me and Jake got the 2-person room together.
"We're all going to meet in Jay, Sunghoon and Sunoo's room. You should get ready" Jake said as I walked out of the restroom. "No, just tell them I'm staying in our room" I said.
I had just put back on my glasses and got into my comfy clothes. "Why don't you want to go?" Jake asked me. "It's not like I'll be put on camera much anyway. You saw how I was treated today. No extra outfit unlike you guys, no unit photoshoot except one. Plus, I've been sitting where the cameras don't see me every time on the bus" I said and laid down.
"So, the members will like you there. You should come" Jake said. "I want to go trust me, but I just don't want to be where my own company doesn't want me" I mumbled.
"You should just come with us. Please, I know Jay wants to see you" Jake begged and tugged on my arm. "I'm not going to go just for Jay, Jake. Just let me stay here and if they ask where I am, say i'm sleeping" I said.
"Fine, I'll see you later" Jake sighed and started to walk out the room. "You know, you should stand against the company if you feel mistreated and not hide away. Be the reckless, confident Emily Han we all knew in I-Land" He said before shutting the door behind him.
Jake's words kind of hit me hard. He was right, even though I've become a part of the debut team, why was I being insecure and watching my steps. If I was my usual self, I would be back talking to the manager about my non-existent costume change and I would be obvious about me and Jay because who cares if I get caught, I would be happy.
I still wasn't going to the room with everyone because I was tired, but I really needed to get back my personality.
—Airport Incident—TW: Panic Attack?—Sorry in advance if it makes you uncomfortable—
After landing back in Seoul, I walked beside Sunghoon back to leave the airport. I was supposed to ride back with Sunghoon, Jake and Jungwon. But, before we could walk out, I caught a glimpse of everyone standing there and I just stopped in my tracks.
I could feel my throat close and I felt like I could barely breathe. My chest and head were pounding and I could barely see straight ahead. The manager tried to push me forward, but I kept moving back. I watched Sunghoon, Jake and Jungwon get surrounded and pulled around. Flashes were everywhere and I was freaked out.
Jay, Ni-Ki, Heeseung and Sunoo caught up with all of us and I clinged onto Jay immediately. "What's wrong?" He asked. I couldn't get a word out, I just held onto Jay closely. "We need to move now" The manager instructed and walked all of us out to the crowd. Jay stood in the back, holding onto me closely.
Ni-Ki held onto Jay and I and stuck close to us, while Heeseung protected Sunoo who could barely stand with everyone surrounding us. I felt bad for Sunoo as he was barely conscious with everyone around us.
"Heeseung hyung!" Jay called and grabbed onto him and pulled all of us close together. I held onto Sunoo and wrapped my other arm around him to help protect him. I looked up to Jay and could see him glaring at everyone, while his jacket was being pulled around. I could barely breathe and my mind was drawing a blank.
My legs could barely hold myself up and if it wasn't for Jay and Ni-Ki, I could've fallen down a long time ago. As soon as we got outside, it just made everything worse. I saw Jake get shoved and almost fall down.
I was supposed to be in the van with them, but the manager couldn't get me up with them in time. Jay pulled Ni-Ki in front of him and stayed back to protect all of us, especially Sunoo and I. After Ni-Ki got closer to Heeseung, Jay wrapped both arms around me and covered my face with his jacket.
Fans would try to pull it away and shove their cameras in my face, but Jay wouldn't allow them to. I looked forward and Jay helped me into the van. Heeseung and Sunoo were sat in back and Heeseung held Sunoo's hand.
"This van is full, Jay" The manager said. "I don't care, she's staying with me" Jay said and helped me into the van before climbing in himself. Ni-Ki pulled me onto his lap until Jay got in and sat down. Jay grabbed onto my hand and pulled me onto him and held me close.
I could still barely hold myself together. I just felt weak, I've felt this before but a long time ago. "Uncle Nicholas would just hold her close until she calmed down" Ni-Ki whispered to Jay.
"I've got it covered" Jay whispered back. After driving away, I calmed down a bit, but my head was still pounding and my breathing was unsteady. Jay just played with my hair and rested his chin on my shoulder.
—
After arriving at the dorm, Jay carried me inside and sat me down on his bed. "Get some rest" He said and kissed my forehead. I grabbed onto Jay's wrist and stopped him from leaving. "Sorry, for burdening you. You should've helped protect Sunoo, more" I said and stood up.
"Don't be sorry. Heeseung helped Sunoo, I needed to help you. But, you're okay now, right? That was scary back there, right? It's okay, because you're always safe with me" Jay reassured and ran his hand through my hair.
"But, how's Sunoo? I just hope he's okay" I mumbled. "Sunoo should be okay now. He's just resting on the couch. Everyone's looking after him. They trusted me to look after you, so I have to now" He said.
I leaned my forehead onto his chest and closed my eyes. "I should've been stronger back there. I shouldn't have broken down like that" I sighed.
Jay stayed silent and gently rubbed my back. "Also, how's your jacket? You were getting pulled around a lot being in the back" I asked and looked up at him. Jay slightly laughed. "My jacket's fine, just needs to be ironed and it'll be back to normal" He said.
"Hey, I promise to protect you, so never feel like a burden to me. I love you a lot and I want you to rest now" Jay said. "I'm sorry" I mumbled again. "Stop apologizing! Seriously" He said and hugged me.
Jay laid me back down in his bed and left the room. I just covered myself with a blanket and watched the video online of all of us. I know I was torturing myself at some point by forcing myself to rewatch it over and over again, but I couldn't help it. I hated seeing myself in that state, making the others protect when I should've helped block Sunoo. Or even help Jake from being shoved and protected Sunghoon and Jungwon in front.
I know I couldn't have helped it, but I should've done better. I need to start preparing myself for stuff like this to happen and I need to be the one protecting everyone, instead of them protecting me. Rewatching this video over and over again made me realize that.