It had been three days. Three whole days since the game, since I stood in front of Jake and ended everything. Three days of me getting up out of bed pretending I was ok.
It should have been easy to walk away. I should be ok right now but everything was messed up. Standing in that hospital room wasn't easy or simple. It felt so much more than it really was. Jake and I weren't together, we had a bunch of hate sex and that was all. But I couldn't get it all out of my head. The sound of the emotion in his voice as he spoke to me. He had seemed hurt and it killed me inside to know that I was the one that caused that.
I'd fucked up and I didn't know how to fix it. Part of me wanted to grab my phone and just call him. I wanted to show up at his house and just explain everything, apologize for being such an asshole. But I stopped myself every time that impulse came over me.
I didn't know why I wouldn't let myself admit that I wanted Jake back in my life whatever way I could have him. I'd settle back to being enemies as long as it meant we were talking again. No matter how awful it felt now it was probably for the best. Jake was better without me.
Jake who was kind and cared so much about others. He deserved someone great and I don't think I've been great a day in my life. I've spent my whole life trying to be acceptable and still I never seemed to quite get there. I couldn't even admit my true feelings out loud, how pathetic was that?
Today was almost like the last three days but instead I actually had to leave my apartment and go to practice. I couldn't get away with not showing up to that, I was the captain after all.
I was dragging myself through the motions of my morning routine and I still felt like I was half asleep when I walked out with my bag slung over one shoulder.
"You ready?" Monroe asked that concerned look in his eyes.
He'd been very worried about me since the game. He spent some time trying to figure out what was wrong but after the second day he let it go and gave me some space. His girlfriend hadn't taken that same approach and had been on my ass constantly, it was kind of a miracle she wasn't here right now pestering me.
"Yeah I can drive." I told him walking out to my car.
I didn't notice anything wrong until I unlocked it and opened the door to throw my stuff in the back. The first thing I noticed was the distinct chirping and then I saw them.
"Are those-?" Monroe just stood there shocked.
"Crickets? Yeah." I nodded looking at my car which was now basically infested with the little bugs.
I knew what had happened without even really thinking about it. It was obvious one of the Kingsley guys had broken into my car and dumped a bunch of the little fuckers in there to piss me off. I had a feeling it didn't have anything to do with the game.
This was punishment for what I had done to their captain.
"This is so fucked. You didn't even do anything, everyone, even Kingsley, knows that hit was just bad luck and even if it was a bad hit you weren't even on the field. They have no reason to come after you like this." Monroe ranted.
"Just let it go Monroe, we'll just take your car." I shut the door turning to walk away not really wanting to deal with it.
"No we need to get back at them for this. They aren't going to get away with messing with you. Once the team hears-,"
"The team isn't going to hear about it because you aren't going to tell them." I cut him off with a glare.
"Really Evan? I know something is going on with you right now but I'm never going to just sit back and let people shit on you. People mess with you because you just let them. You let Justin talk shit about you for years and now this. I'm done just sitting back and doing nothing because you're too scared to actually stand up for yourself." Monroe said his voice filled with anger.
"Maybe I don't do shit because I know what battles are actually worth fighting. And this whole thing doesn't mean shit because those crickets aren't because of the stupid game. Did you ever just stop to think I might have done something to deserve this?" I yelled at him.
"Can you just tell me what's going on? It's just me man, you don't need to keep things from me." He sighed the anger leaving him.
"Let's just get to practice." I shook my head and went to his car.
I knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear but I didn't want to tell him about everything. I just wanted to hide away from the truth for a little longer.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you and that stuff I said about you not standing up for yourself, it was too far." Monroe said once we were both in the car.
"It's fine," I told him not really wanting to dive in that conversation right now.
"No it's not. I get why you don't fight. I've never blamed you for that. I just get so angry because you don't deserve any of this shit. You're my best friend Ev and I'd do anything to protect you."
"Some stupid crickets aren't going to hurt me Mon." I forced out a laugh.
"You never know, they might jump at you." He teased.
It felt good to joke around like this with him. It felt good to just hang around my best friend again. He always seemed to know how to cheer me up.
"You guys could have waited for me!" Jetson yelled running out of the building.
"You were being too slow." Monroe shouted at him through the rolled down window.
"I hate you." He grumbled throwing himself into the backseat.
I'd be able to figure it all out. I had my friends and I'd learn to somehow not let that hole in my life swallow me up. I'd figure out how to live without Jake. It was really the best for both of us.
A/n:
I got a new job. I don't start until October so I have so time but it might end up messing with my upload schedule. For now I'm sticking with Monday and Friday but that could end up changing. I plan on trying to keep twice a week uploads but it could end up switching the days or the time they get posted.
Please be patient with me. Thank you.
-Cora Leigh