I didn't realise he was kissing me up until he was slowly moving his lips with mine. This was the softest kiss ever.
"I know it's hard for you but we are in this together. We won't talk about the past and let's just enjoy the present, okay?" he whispered in front of my lips while looking into my eyes with a soft gaze.
Once again, I let my emotions take control over me. This time, didn't have anyone to blame other than myself because I knew what I was doing.
I nodded my head and led him to the way to my home. I was intoxicated by him and I wasn't embarrassed to say it. The more I was getting closer to him, the harder it was to stay away from him.
Especially after tasting his soft lips, how could I distance myself away from him?
This is going to be my biggest regret and the biggest sin I'm committing in my life but I knew I was ready to risk it all if it was to see him look at me this way - with pure adoration.
My unrequited love wasn't one sided anymore.
•••
Sometimes, you wish to have something so badly but once you get it, you realise that the awaiting period was much more exciting and special than the thing in question.
This was what was happening to you right now.
The past month, your obsession towards Jimin subsided. You realised that the image of Jimin of what you had in your head was completely different to the real Park Jimin.
There wasn't a day that went by that Jimin wasn't with you the past month.
You enjoyed every single moment of it because let's be real, this was your ultimate dream & fantasy but you also realised something valuable, it's the fact that you fell in love with his illusion.
He was still very much the person whom you envisioned but he wasn't technically that person.
His beauty was the first thing that caught your attention towards him but you realised that he was very self-conscious about his outer appearance to the point he would care about what others thought of him.
His laugh was the most precious thing you had ever seen but you realised that he wasn't able to laugh in his strict household.
His kindness radiated to you even in a 20min train journey and that was because of the fact that he wanted to be kind to others because he wasn't receiving that treatment at home.
Jimin might be the popular guy and the campus heartthrob but in reality, he was like everybody else. He wasn't perfect and had flaws of his own.
This didn't make you love him any less, in actual reality this only made you realise that what you had before was as you thought was, an unhealthy obsession.
You didn't love him for his flaws or weaknesses. You didn't even know him to be completely honest.
But the past month, you saw the person who you really started to fall in love with. You used to get flutters in your stomach when you saw him before but now, when you see him - you feel his warmth and protection. And this was what love was about.
It was something peaceful.
However, the more you realised your actual feelings, the harder it was to look into his eyes.
Because in his eyes, you could see that he was having the same feelings as you. You could see that he started to love you.
Every time he started to get too close to you, you would use a pretext to distance away a bit.
He thought it was your boundaries but he didn't know it was your guilt. The guilt of lying to him. The guilt of having taken advantage of his condition. The guilt of feeling undeserving of his love. Your guilt was eating you alive. You wanted to tell him the truth but you didn't know when or how..
•••
Jimin and you were eating together in the cafeteria. Misoo didn't come to the campus today otherwise she would also be sitting with the both of you, there were days that Ji-Hoon would be there with the three or both of you as well.
During the train journey, Misoo along with Ji-Hoon would accompany the both of you. This has been the routine for the last thirty days.
Ji-Hoon was exactly like Jimin, he wasn't like his arrogant friends who thought they were better than everyone else which made you like him and be comfortable around
him.
Jimin always used to spend his lunchtime with his friends outside but ever since you appeared in his life, he didn't want to miss a second to spend his time away from you. He loved spending his time with you.
When you were with Misoo, he was able to see a side of yourself that he didn't see before. An outsider would think that you were only serious and studious but you were much more than that.
He loved your sense of humour and it was something that you only showed to Misoo but he was able to receive it on the other end after getting close to you.
He felt special.
Whilst everyone tried to spend time with him for his popularity, you always tried to stay away from him or tried not to be seen with him at the campus, this only made him want to be more with you.
But more than anything, he loved your eyes. The eyes that would look at him like he was the most precious thing in the world.
"My friend is organising a party tonight, can you come with me pretty please?" Jimin asked you with puppy eyes.
He knew you weren't really into parties and desperate situations required desperate measures.
You on the other hand, had enough of the party life. You only went to one before but needless to say, you had enough of it. You weren't prepared to endure another one of those.
"I can't, I have some work to do." you replied uninterestedly.
"Oh come on, what work do you have? Some of my other friends will be there as well, you won't be alone. I can't go alone without my beautiful girlfriend by my side." he said with a pout on his face.
Every time, you heard him say that you were his girlfriend - your heart pumped with happiness as well as guilt. It was bittersweet.
He never failed to make your heart skip.
He never tried to kiss you after that day nor tried to be intimate you. You both didn't share those 'three words' either but every time, he referred to you as his girlfriend, you couldn't help but feel like you were on cloud nine.
"A party where a bunch of people are drunk or making out isn't necessarily the place your beautiful girlfriend wants to spend her Friday night." you answered back sarcastically.
"Y/n-ie!" he started whining aloud gaining the attention of everyone inside the cafeteria.
Ever since the news of you & Jimin broke, everyone was shocked. It was a reaction that you expected and were used to by now. They didn't expect his girlfriend to be you. They didn't understand how this happened and they weren't the only ones.
Your own family and friend were shocked. Still no one knew the actual truth and you simply told them that he was your boyfriend and you dated in secret for a while before making things public.
They believed your lie and didn't question it.
At university, some were envious and some hated your existence whereas others didn't care about any of this. You didn't like this new found attention but you couldn't do anything about it.
As long as they don't disturb your inner peace, you didn't have to worry about anything.
"Please, Jimin.. You can go if you want, I don't really like parties and I don't think I'll fit into one either..." you muttered the last part in a low tone.
"Y/n, you are my girlfriend and I want to show you off to everyone that you are mine. If you aren't going then I'm not going, it's fine."
"You shouldn't depend your happiness on me, if you want to go to one then go."
"What's the point of going alone.."
he murmured.
If there is one thing Jimin knew is the fact you don't like seeing him sad and he was taking full advantage of it.
"Arghh okay, I'm coming with you but I'll only stay for a few ho-"
"THANK YOU BABY!!" he embraced you and gave you a big bear hug which made some squeal and others fume in jealousy.
Who would have thought that the heartthrob of the campus was a clingy boyfriend? You definitely wouldn't have guessed it.