{Y/N's POV}
Why I did what I did, baffles me. It was out of nowhere, but I knew I needed to do that with Wheeler. If anyone finds out what I'm doing behind their backs, they will cross me out, and throw me into the trash and my popularity will be long gone. I stopped at the gym's doors and I stared at it for a long while, asking myself why was it so important I maintain this status to myself. Why am I doing it? Why do I have this double personality? Which one was the real me?... I knew what side is the real me, but is it the best side? Behind those Gym's doors I am the lead cheerleader, the head of the most popular group at school, all boys look my way as well as some girls. Some want to kill me, some want to be me, and some, get with me. Why do I need that?
I shook my head as angst filled my chest and I walked into the gym. I knew everyone was at the field having lunch, but I just needed to blow off some steam, so I decided to practice some twirls and jumps. I walked towards the girl dressing room and I couldn't help but hear subtle moans, and sloppy kisses. I frowned and tip toed, slowly entering the dressing room, hearing the couple kissing away in one of the closed showers. Who are they? For some reason, my gut was telling me to run away. My gut was telling me to go deaf at this very instant. But my brain wanted reassurance, because it knew who they were, it always knew.
"Jason, not here..." I heard Chrissy say through a moan. My heart dropped. I blinked as I rested a hand on the wall, hearing the moans coming from inside the shower.
"Nobody's coming here till 2 PM. We know this already..." And I stared at the ceiling. It was not their first time. I felt my heart beating rapidly, and the I could hear its pumping in my ears. She was moaning, enjoying whatever he was doing and my eyes finally teared up. Why did he lead me on like that? Why would he do something to me? Is he doing the same to Chrissy?... No... he isn't. He always wanted Chrissy, I just was too stubborn to see it, thinking I had a chance. I pulled away from the wall, and walked out of the dressing room. I can't be here, I can't be in this place, I can't look at them. I was worried about Chrissy, and all this while she had been screwing him behind my back. I shook my head and I need to get to my car as quickly as I could. I started running and the parking lot was just outside the cafeteria doors, I just had to run across the whole room. I don't care, my face was red from rage, and from holding in the incoming tears in my eyes. I rushed through the doors and I didn't care, I just ran. People stared at me, but I needed to get out. I started panting heavily as everything dawned on me all at once. I ran and one table I ran by, was the Hellfire table.
"Y/N?" I heard someone say. Eddie tried calling me out as he saw me run behind him but his voice angered me even more, and not because of him but because the guilt that was forming in my chest was growing each second I remembered Jason's words. I panted heavily as I rushed out of the cafeteria and ran towards my car. I fumbled into my bag to get my keys as fast as I could and got inside, starting it. I drove off, not caring for the other classes that were left of the day. I drove to my special place, and as I was driving I banged on my steering wheel in frustration, trying to avoid the tears from falling from my eyes. I yelled as I felt used. I was used by him. I don't know his motives, his intentions, but I fell for it, and I gave him something that I cannot ever take back. I pulled into the woods and drove towards the abandoned Karting park. I didn't even drive, I parked and stomped out of my car, fuming out of my ears and I just yelled into the sky.
"Nobody needs to know."
"Let's fuck up Munson's life."
"Flirt with him."
"Do this for me? Pretty, pretty please?"
Every phrase he said to me, every kiss, every touch, was only to use me to his own gain. I don't know why he wants to destroy Eddie so badly, but I wasn't going to be part of it any longer. I was just going to pretend to follow the plans from now on, but fuck this. Fuck them, fuck everyone, fuck Eddie, fuck my parents, fuck Chrissy, fuck Jason, fuck them all. I yelled again and I grabbed a stone from the ground and I threw it harshly towards the scoreboard that was in the middle of the park, making the metal do a strong clank sound. They didn't know they messed with the wrong person. They didn't know who I truly was. I let out a sigh and finally a tear rolled down my cheek. God... What is happening to me this year? It all started because of Munson.
If I hadn't failed biology, none of this would be happening. I would still be a cold hearted bitch, and I would still be mean to whoever didn't match my status. I winced in disgust as that thought crossed my head. Why was I like this? I felt my chest start to compress into itself as memories started flashing in my head. I rushed towards my car and got inside, starting it and pressing the accelerator. I need these thoughts out of my fucking head. I knew why I needed this status, and it's all thanks to the lack of attention I received my whole fucking life. My parents only breed with eachother to have an heir to their thrones, and sadly that was me. The looks of the people at school and the boys and the girls were everything I wanted, but they could never satisfy me. I did a sharp turn with my car and I knew I was blindly driving at this point, but I needed to let myself go. I saw the cliff to the side and my eyes widened as the craziest though crossed my mind. I slowly hit the brakes of my car and I stared blindly onto my steering wheel.
I took a deep breath in, trying to calm myself down, over and over again. I felt my blood pumping a mile through my veins, and my head was starting to hurt from the amount of emotions I was feeling all at once.
"This year is the fucking worst." I said out loud and started the car once more but this time, towards my house. As I was reaching it, my eyes widened as I saw Eddie with his hips pressed to the hood of his van as he smoked a cigarette. I blinked and parked my car, right in front of him and I looked on the rear mirror to see him look up, and his eyes showed some kind of worry. For me? I blinked and walked out of my car and walked towards him, my heart still pumping quite heavily from the stunt I've done minutes ago. "What are you doing here?" I asked him and he just stared at me as if I were stupid.
"Honey, you ran as if you've seen a fucking ghost through the cafeteria." He said to me and he handed me a cigarette. I blinked and slowly took one out of his box. It's been a while since I've smoked, but I do remember how much it calms me down. I put it on my lips and he helped me light it up. I took a deep breath from it and I instantly felt my shoulders slump down in relaxation, exhaling the air towards the sky as I let out a moan in delight. I looked at him and he was looking at me, biting his bottom lip and I squinted slightly at him wondering why he was doing that.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked him and he snapped from his trance and took another hit from his cigarette. He then smirked as I leaned on the trunk of my car.
"Nothing... What happened?" He asked me and I blinked towards the ground. I took a hit from the cigarette again and finally confessed.
"Jason Carver." I said and he looked at me with a puzzled look on his face, so I continued as I stared into his eyes. "The one I fucked that Monday night, was Jason." I said to him and his jaw almost dropped to the floor. I could see him slightly shaking his head in disapproval as his eyes were as wide as plates.
"You fucked Carver?" He asked me and I nodded at him, taking another hit from my stick. I knew nobody would see us together because it was school hours, so I didn't mind being on the street with him right now.
"Yes..." I said to him and he stood there silently as he processed that information.
"And why did you look like you were about to cry?" He asked me and I looked to the side, towards the houses down the block, not wanting to make eye contact with him. I don't know why I'm confessing this to him, but I just feel at peace with Munson, and for some odd reason, I trust him.
"I've liked Jason ever since I entered high school." I said to him and his breathing hitched at the information.
"Okay, sorry sweety, but ew." He exclaimed and I looked at him with an offended frown on my face and he raised his hands up. "Sorry, sorry. Go on." He motioned me to continue and I shook my head, followed by a sigh.
"But I knew... I knew that he liked Chrissy. He always looked at her with eyes that he did not look at me with. He cared for her in ways that I never experienced myself." I shook my head as a fake smile appeared on my face, realizing how stupid I was this whole time. "I thought I had a chance... but he used me." I said to him and he seemed interested at that and fixed his posture on the van as he threw the filter of the cigarette on the street.
"What do you mean he used you?" His frown was apparent and I bit my lip, looking at him. Now that's a truth I can't tell him. I can't tell him that he used me in order to destroy his life. I can't tell him that I faked so many things in our earlier encounters just to get some secret out of his mouth. I shook my head and looked down towards the floor.
"Today... I heard him and Chrissy in the girl's dressing room..." I took a deep breath in. "Moaning." And I looked at his face and his eyes widened. His curls shook as he grabbed another cigarette from his box and I finished mine, throwing it to the ground.
"So you mean to tell me, Carver used you for sex, while he fucked Chrissy behind your back?" Ouch... that hurt. But it's better than the actual truth of the matter, so I nodded. "What a fucking asshole." I chuckled and nodded, feeling the pressure on my chest becoming heavier. I felt my eyes glisten as I stared down onto his shoes.
"It hurt." I told him and he looked at me with worried eyes.
"What do you mean it hurt? He hurt you when you had sex?" He asked me and embarrassment started to fill me up. I gulped and drew circles on my thigh as I continued.
"He didn't... prepare me or anything, just... went with it... I just..." God, I'm so weak at this moment, and it's always with Eddie. I looked up at him. "I just didn't think my first time would be like that." I said to him and he just stared at me, bewildered at my confession. He fidgeted around as a confused frown was plastered on his face.
"Wait, hold on, you mean to tell me, that the Queen Bee, the hottest and most desirable chick at school, lost her virginity a fucking week ago?" He asked me and I blushed slightly and slowly nodded my head. He ran a hand through his hair and slumped on the hood of his car again. "How do I know you're not bullshitting me?" He asked and I took a slightly offense to that.
"Why would I bullshit you with that Munson?" I asked him and he shrugged at me, his voice showing how surprised he was at this.
"Darling, you were known for being with tons of guys, how could that be fake?" He asked me and I frowned, completely offended by that, but I knew what the rumors said about me...
"I took advantage of that." I said to him and he blinked trying to understand my thinking. I sighed. "A virgin wouldn't be popular. Now, a chick that fucked every single member from the team next door, that's a whole other perspective. You become wanted, you become sexier, you become bold." I explained to him and he stared at me as if I were crazy.
"So, I've been calling you slut, cum waste, and all that shit, and you took it?" He asked, anger filling my chest as I remembered how insulting he was towards me through the years, not that I was any better. His face then softened and stared at me. "And he did not take care of you? Why didn't you tell him it was your first time?" He asked me and I gulped.
"Because... he knew... I mean, what else would he use me for?" I lied to him, feeling a slight sting of guilt in my core. I saw him stare at me, with a look that I never thought I would receive ever. He was looking at me with kindness in his eyes, as if he was sorry for what happened to me, and my knees slightly shook at the sight.
"Sorry Princess... Your first time should never be like that." I stared at him as smoked the cigarette from his lips. My thoughts started going wild as his hands ran down towards his front pockets, putting them inside. I blinked and then nodded.
"Yeah... Well, it's done... It's something I'll regret forever, but at least I am officially not a virgin anymore." I said to him with a slight smile on my face and he laughed at me, showing off his dimples, getting hold of his cigarette again. I looked down, trying to avoid looking at his smile. I don't know why I feel like this around him, I feel fidgety, I have to change the subject. "So, senior bonfire night... You going?" I asked him and he nodded, looking at me.
"Down by Lovers lake. Yeah, the principal asked us to play a song or two that night." He said to me and my eyes widened slightly at that.
"What? I'm going to listen to you play?" I asked with a smile on my face and I saw his face twitch as he looked at me and slowly a smile creeped in.
"Yeah. Corroded Coffin will play that night." He said, and for some reason my excitement grew slightly. I never thought I would hear him play, but I wondered how those hands of his looked wrapped around a guitar. "It will be the most metal shit ever." He said to me and that excited me even more, but I can't show him that I know that genre very well.
"Oh, do you take requests?" I asked and he chuckled and shook his head at me.
"Hell no, I am not playing any Queen, or Beatles." He joked around and I forgot about my anger, my sadness, how bad I was feeling at the moment as I laughed along with him. Everything just vanished, by this simple conversation.
Why would Jason want to hurt someone like Eddie?
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End of chapter 16