Carmen didn't have regrets, at least, not about how she reacted with Eren. Of course, she could've killed him, but at least that would put her squad at less of a risk. She knew what the world was capable of, and that it would swallow up anything that got in its way. So she didn't feel guilty for misjudging the situation, if anything, she was calm.
But, she was envious that everyone seemed to be gathered in the dining hall without her, so she ventured down the stairway and approached the door.
"He hates us." Petra sighed. "A squad is supposed to trust one another, and we completely turned on him."
"In all fairness, he did turn into a titan."
"It doesn't matter, we were still out of line. We went against Levi's orders."
"I'm surprised he let Carmen get away with what she did. I thought she was actually going to kill Eren for a second. Did you see the look in her eyes?"
"She'd never do that, she may seem all tough on the outside, but she's a softie. Back in training, she used to braid my hair on a nighttime."
How wrong they were. She was a cold blooded killer, and she was sure she hadn't gotten away with what had happened. Levi was yet to talk to her again, and she'd been in her room all afternoon. Though, she was certain Levi would reprimand her upon their next interaction.
"Ah, Carmen!" Hange burst through the main doors with Moblit carrying some of their workings. "Wow, didn't think you were one to eavesdrop."
"Section Commander. What do you want?"
"Please, just call me Hange." They stated and got to the point. "Would you be a dear and retrieve your captain and our titan saviour? It's very urgent."
"Fine, Section Commander." She returned and retreated to the basement, Eren's room.
"I told you, it's Hange."
"Mhm." Carmen dismissed. But before she could knock on the basement door, her name was mentioned, meaning once again, she had to eavesdrop.
"It's just Carmen." Eren had said.
"What about her?" Questioned Levi.
"She looked me in the eyes and I could tell, she was actually going to kill me. Thank you, for saving me." Eren muttered, but it was just loud enough for Carmen to make out. Which annoyed her because Levi didn't save Eren, she did, by choosing not to kill him. She hesitated, but if she hadn't, then Eren would have died.
"I didn't." Levi countered, shocking the two listeners.
"What? But you pushed her out of the way. You took her down and sent her home crying." Now that, pissed Carmen off.
"I've seen her kill titans faster than that, if she wanted you dead, she would've done it. Besides, even if I took her down, she was too calm. She could've easily gotten out of it, and if she had, you would've been dead either way. So instead of thanking me, you should thank her." Did Levi actually understand her? It was strange, he was supposed to be her target, and somehow, he was defending her.
"But, she tried to kill me."
"Everyone did." Levi retorted. "Listen, all I know is she's a powerful ally, but an even more dangerous enemy. I suggest, if you want to survive the next expedition, you try and get on her good side. Otherwise, she'll leave you for dead."
"Leave me for dead? Isn't it her duty to keep me alive?"
"Maybe, but it was also her duty to obey my orders, she didn't seem to care for them when the moment arose."
"Well, what do I do to get on her good side? We've barely talked since I arrived." Eren worried, he was running out of time and Carmen wouldn't just trust him so easily. "Not to mention the fact that she hates me."
"She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't want you hurting the squad." The captain stated. "Luckily, I've found a solution to that problem." Carmen didn't know what the solution was, but she was sure it had to be some sort of punishment for disobeying orders, which would be a drag. "You can come in now, by the way."
Was he talking to her? No, not possible, she'd barely even breathed. Stealth was her strong suit, so how could this man know she was listening? Surely it had to come with experience, there was no other way.
"I'm surprised you caught me. I must've been off my game." She opened the door, leaning against the frame. "Hange is here, they have urgent news."
Levi didn't say anything, he only pushed himself from the wall and walked up the stairs of the basement, leaving Eren with the assassin. He was beyond nervous, especially since she'd heard him talking about her, and after Levi had told him what could've happened if Carmen actually wanted him dead.
"Don't be so nervous, it's irritating." Carmen broke him out of his fear. "Besides, it's like Levi said, if I wanted you dead, you wouldn't be here."
"Were you really going to kill me? The captain said that the others were conflicted, but were you?" Eren asked.
"No, I was fully prepared to kill you."
"Then why didn't you?"
Honestly, she didn't know. Normally it's be quick and simple, dead. But she'd changed, it was becoming more and more obvious. Looking into his eyes was a mistake, but it had never caused her to rethink killing, had the scouts broken her? Somehow, they'd managed to turn a murderous weapon into a caring squad mate.
"Carmen?" Had she seriously spaced out again?
"Would you prefer it if I had?" Carmen questioned. "Come on, before the others start suspecting your untimely death."
Eren didn't question her any further, instead, he followed her back up the stairs and into the dining hall, where the rest of the squad were gathered. Everyone was shocked to see them together since recently, Carmen had nearly killed said teammate.
"Man, did you take a shit before getting here?" Levi asked to no one in particular.
"I'm sure it was long enough to get the job done." Hange chimed in.
"So childish." Carmen muttered, she'd ranted about the shit jokes before, but no one else had payed her much attention.
"Enough about that, feast your eyes, on this." The scientist opened a handkerchief to reveal a spoon.
"It's a spoon." Eren gathered.
"It's always refreshing to know we have intellectuals in our squad." Carmen stated, to which no one made any remarks, something must have been bothering them, because she was sure that her joke was funny. If she was capable, she would've laughed.
"Indeed." Hange agreed in all seriousness. "Your spontaneous titan arm preserved it while holding it. Like so." They held the spoon. "Resting between the thumb and index finger. The world operates on chance so coincidences are expected, but this begs something more. The spoon wasn't warped by the heat or by the pressure. Any thoughts on the matter?"
"Just that I went to pick it up, and when I did, the arm came out of nowhere." Eren answered.
"Interesting. This might explain why you couldn't change in the well, I'm certain of it. Slaying titans, blocking canon fire, lifting rocks, in each instance before assuming titan form there was a distinct goal in mind. I believe it's possible that self harm isn't the only catalyst of transformation. It appears as though a clear objective is a crucial ingredient as well."
"I think you might be onto something. This time was a lot like the time with a canon ball. But I transformed into a titan just to pick up a damn spoon? It's insane." Eren said, filled with guilt.
"So um, what I'm getting out of this is what you pulled isn't exactly something you did on purpose." Gunther theorised.
"Yes sir."
The squad all shared a glance at one another, nodding their heads and sweating more than usual. They were planning something, but Carmen didn't know what. That's when Petra looked at her, she was scared, but determined, Carmen knew what had to be done, so she nodded back.
Everyone brought their own hands to their mouths and closed their eyes. Quickly, they each bit down on their thumbs, some yelped, but the assassin couldn't feel pain, meaning she drew more blood than originally planned.
"What the? What do you think you're doing?" Eren yelled at them all.
"Ow."
"Kid, that hurts like a son of a bitch, damn. I'm impressed you can sink your teeth in that deep without shrieking." Eld complimented, oblivious to the fact Carmen's hand was slowly bleeding.
"We made a judgement call, and it was wrong. Consider this our way of apologising. That's if you can find it in your heart to forgive us?"
"We have to make spur of the moment decisions, okay? We need to make the best call we can with what we know."
"The fact is, we were scared. That's no excuse, I know. You have every right to be upset. But, all that aside, we're doomed if we can't trust each other. Just as you are if you can't trust us." Petra explained.
"I don't regret what I did, but I am sorry you had to see that side of me. I don't apologise often, so don't take that lightly." Carmen added.