"Finally! After all these long years of waiting, you're actually here! Brother!" Stan said. Ford punches him in the face. "Oh! Ow! What the heck was that for?!" Stan asked. "This was an insanely risky move: restarting the portal! Didn't you read my warnings?!" Ford asked. "Warnings, schmarnings. How's about maybe a thanks for saving you from what appears to be, I don't know, some kind of sci-fi sideburn dimension?" Stan asked. "Thank you? You really think I'm gonna thank you after what you DID THIRTY YEARS AGO?!" Ford snapped. "What I did? Why, you ungrateful..." Stan tries to punch him but Ford ducks and grabs him. "Don't expect me to go easy on you, just because you're... family." Ford said as he slams him to the ground. "Ah!" Stan shouted. "Hey, hi. (Y/n) here. Quick question: WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!" (Y/n) shouted. "Stan, you didn't tell me there were children down here. And some sort of large, hairless gopher?" Ford asked. "Heh heh. I get that a lot." Soos said. "They're your family, Poindexter. Shermie's grandkids." Stan said. "I-I have nieces and a nephew?" Ford shakes (Y/n)'s hand. "Greetings. Do kids still say greetings? I haven't been in this dimension for a really long time." He said. "Nice to meet you, Uncle Ford." (Y/n) said. "Whoa, a six-fingered handshake? It's a full finger friendlier than normal!" Mabel said as he shook her hand next. "Heha, I like this kid. She's weird." Ford said.
"I-I can't believe it. You're the author of the journals!" Dipper said. "You've read my journals?" Ford asked. "We haven't just read them; we've lived them!" (Y/n) said. Dipper began to walk in circles. "I've been waiting for so long to meet you, I-I don't know what to say I have so many questions- I," Dipper starts breathing heavily. "Oooooohhh I think I'm gonna throw up." Mabel comes over. "Hmmpf! No-no, false alarm. Hmmpf! Just gotta ride it out!" Dipper said. "Listen, there'll be time for introductions later. But first, tell me, Stan: are there any security breaches? Does anyone else know about this portal?" Ford asked. "No, just us. Also maybe the entire U.S. government." Stan said. "The what?!" Ford asked. "Fan out! We're not going anywhere till we find Stan Pines and those kids!" Agent Powers said. Ford sighs. "Okay. It's all right. We've got a while before they find this room. We just need to lay low and think of a plan." He said. "Well, it looks like we're stuck down here for a while. Who wants to tell us their entire mysterious backstory?" (Y/n) asked. "Yes, I have some questions about all this myself, Stanley." Ford said. "... Stanley?" Dipper asked. "But your name is Stanford." (Y/n) said. "Wait, you took my name?! What have you been doing all these years, you knucklehead?!" Ford asked. "Yeah, Grunkle Stan, no more lies! You owe us some answers: What's the deal with this portal? Why did you keep this a secret?" Dipper asked. "And what happened between you and your brother?" Mabel asked. "I'm hoping all this aligns exactly with my fanfic, Stan. If not, I will be very disappointed." Soos said. (Y/n) looked at Soos weirdly. "You write fan fiction?" She asked. "Yes, I love writing fan fiction." Soos said. "Okay okay okay, I know I have a lot of explaining to do. It all started... a lifetime ago... nineteen sixty something. Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey. "
~Flash back~
A seagull lands on a sign that says "GLASS SHARD BEACH-HOME OF GLASS SHARD WATER TOFFEE" and coughs up a bottlecap. "I lived with my ma and pa in the Lead Paint District in the family pawn shop." Stan's father is sitting down in a chair. "Dad was a strict man. Tough as a cinderblock and not easily impressed." Stan said. "I'm not impressed." Filbrick Pines said. "Ma was a pathological liar, which served her well as a phone psychic." Stan continued. "That'll be 99 cents an hour.... No, you're overpriced.... Yeah, I predicted you were gonna hang up." Caryn Pines said to someone on the phone. Ford as a child is reading in the top bunk of a bed. ''And then there was my nerdy twin brother, Stanford. As if his abnormally high IQ wasn't enough, he also had a rare birth defect." Stan said. An X-ray of Stanford's hands, shows the extra pinkies circled and the word "abnormality" written above six fingers on each hand. Ford is now drawing in a notebook. "Which might have explained his obsession with sci-fi mystery weirdness." Stan as a child has a bucket on his head running into a wall. "As for me, I had what mom liked to call: personality." In the flashback, Stan throws the bucket off his head and the twins laugh and run off "But as different as we were, we were the perfect team." The twins walk around in a cave. "And every day we'd wander the beach, looking for adventure." Stan said. "Whoooaa... " child Stan said. "A shipwrecked sailboat, possibly haunted by pirate ghosts!" Child Ford said. "This is the greatest thing I've ever seen! And I once saw a dead rat floatin' in a bucket!" Child Stan said. Child Ford pushes him. "Hahaha, ew, what's wrong with you?" He asked. "Huh, you know what this thing's missin'?" Child Stan asked. "Flags." Child Ford said. The twins push the boat, which has their shirts hanging off the masts, down the beach. They are both badly sunburned. "Kings of New Jersey! Kings of New Jersey! Kings of New Jersey!" Child Ford and Stan shouted. Child Ford kneels in front of the boat which has
"STAN O' WAR" painted on its side. "I dub thee: the Stan O' War!" He gets hit in the head by a small rock. "Ow! What the heck?" He glares at three children standing nearby. "Well, well, if it ain't the loser twins. Nice boat. Ya get it at the dump? Heheheheheheheh!" Crampelter high fives his two friends. "You would know, Crampelter! Get lost!" Child Ford shouted. "Listen, dorks, and listen good." Crampelter points at Ford. "You're a six-fingered freak." He then points at Stan. "And you're just a... dumber, sweatier version o' him. And you're lucky you have each other because neither of you will ever make any friends!" He then leaves with his friends. "Ha, hahahaha! Dorks and losers..." he laughed. Child Ford looks at his hand. "Hey. Don't let those idiots get to you." Child Stan said. "But I am a freak. I just wonder if there's anywhere in the world where weirdos like me fit in." Child Ford said. "Hey, chin up, buddy. Look." He and Ford look at the sea. "One of these days, you and me are gonna sail away from this dumb town. We'll hunt for treasure, get all the girls, and be an unstoppable team of adventurers." Child Stan said. "You really mean it?" Child Ford asked. "High six?" Child Stan asked. "High six." "He high sixes" him. "Those were the good times. Those bullies may have been right about us not making many friends, but when push comes to shove, you only really need one." In the flashback, Ford is solving a math problem on a chalkboard while Stan draws a monster-caricature of his school mistress. She hits him on the head with a ruler. The twins a few years later are sitting on the boat. A few years later, Ford is at a party laughing nervously at an angry girl, who pours her drink on him. Stan walks over and pours his drink on himself. "Ford's brains seemed to get more impressive every year. So did our pet project." He and Ford are putting a sail on their boat. Stan is in class and blows a paper through a straw at a student next to him, then leaning over and copying off of Ford.
"Sure I got in more than my fair share of trouble, but when your brother's the smartest kid in school, you've always got a leg up on the competition." Ford wins a science fair, then Stan comes over and puts his arm around him. "The future was lookin' bright. For both of us. Till one day..." Stan was eating Toffee Peanuts in class while Ford writes something. "Pines twins to the principal's office. Pines twins to the principal's office." A woman said over the PA. "Ah, great, what is it this time?" Stan asked. Ford and Stan start to go into the principal's office. And a woman at her desk stops them. "Not you; him." She said to Stan. "Uh." Stan sits in chair. Ford walks into the office, sees his parents are there and sits in the chair between them. "Now, Mr. Pines, I'd like to speak with you very frankly if I may." The principal said. "Very frankly is the only way I speak." Filbrick said. "You have two sons: one of them is incredibly gifted, the other one is standing outside of this room and his name's Stanley." The principal said. "What are you saying?" Caryn asked. "I'm saying your son, Stanford, is a GENIUS! All his teachers are going bananas over his science fair experiment!" The principal gives Ford a pamphlet. "Ya ever heard of West Coast Tech? Best college in the country. Their graduates turn science fiction into science FACT! The admissions team is visiting tomorrow to check out Stanford's experiment. Your son may be a future millionare, Mr. Pines." They said. "I'm impressed." Filbrick said. "But what about our little free spirit, Stanley?" Caryn asked.
"That clown? At this rate he'll be lucky to graduate high school. Look, there's a saltwater taffy store on the dock. And somebody's gotta get paid to scrape the barnacles off of it. Stanford's goin' places. But hey, look on the bright side: at least you'll have one son here in New Jersey forever." The principal said. Stan sits down sadly outside the door. Later Ford and Stan are on the swings. "Heh. Joke's on them if they think you wanna go to some stuffy college on the other side of the country. Once we get the Stan O' War complete, it's gonna be beaches, babes, and international treasure hunting for us." Stan said. "Look, Stan, I can't pass up a chance like this. This school has cutting edge programs and multi-dimensional paradigm theory." Ford said. "Beep boop. I am a nerd robot. That's you. That's what you sound like." Stan said. "Heheh. Ah, well, if the college board isn't impressed with my experiment tomorrow, then okay, I'll do the treasure-hunting thing." Ford said. "And if they are?" Stan asked. Ford punches him. "Well then, I guess you better come visit me on the other side of the country. Haha." He walks away. "Without Ford I was just half of a dynamic duo. I couldn't make it without him." Stan is walking through the science experiments at the school at night. "And now, thanks to that dumb college, I was gonna lose my brother forever." In the flashback, Stan stops at Ford's experiment. "This is all your fault, ya dumb machine!" Stan punches the table and a piece comes off the machine. "Oh no. Oh no, no, what did I do?" Stan puts the piece back on. "There. Alright. Good as new. Probably." Stan puts the tarp back on and leaves. Later, Ford is in front of the tarp the next morning with the college board. "Alright, kid. Show us what ya got." A man said. "Okay! Well, what would you say if I told you that the future of technology was beneath this sheet?" Ford pulls the tarp off. "I'd say we wasted a car trip." The man said. "What?!" Ford looks at machine, which isn't moving. "But it was stable yesterday! A fuse must have blown or something." He said.
The man crosses "Stanford Pines" off of a list of names. "Kid, a perpetual motion machine has one job: to not stop. I don't think you're West Coast Tech material." He leads the other college board members away. "No, wait! Don't go! I worked so hard!" Ford steps on an empty Toffee Peanuts bag, he picks it up and growls. Later at their house; Stan is sitting on a couch playing with a paddleball. "One-paddle-paddle-paddle, two-paddle-paddle. Man, that Jackie-O, what a fox." Ford enters. "Hey, what's the word, Sixer?" Stan asked. Ford holds up the Toffee Peanuts bag. "Can you explain what this was doing next to my broken project?!" He asked. "Ho-okay. I might have accidentally been, horsing around-" Stan tried to explain. "This was no accident, Stan; you did this! You did this because you couldn't handle me going to college on my own!" Ford shouted. "Look, it was a mistake! Although if you think about it, maybe there's a silver lining. Huh? Treasure hunting?" Stan asked. "Are you kidding me? Why would I want to do anything with the person who sabotaged my entire future?!" Ford shoves Stan onto the couch. Filbrick picks up Stanley by his shirt. "You did what, you knucklehead?" He asked. Caryn comes out of a room with a crying baby. "Stanley? What's goin' on in here?" She asked. Filbrick throws Stan outside. "You ignoramus! Your brother was gonna be our ticket out of this dump! All you ever do is lie and cheat, and ride on your brother's coattails. Well, this time, you cost our family potential millions! And until you make us a fortune, you're not welcome in this household!" He throws a duffel bag at him. "What?! Stanford, tell him he's bein' crazy!" Stan shouted. Ford, who was watching out his window, closes his curtains. "Stanford? Don't leave me hangin'. High six?" Filbrick slams the door. "Fine. I can make it on my own! I don't need you! I don't need anyone! I'll make millions and you'll rue the day you turned your back on me!" Stan gets in his car and drives away. "Thanks to one dumb mistake I had no brother, no home, no nothing. But I had a plan to fix everything." Stan said. "Oh! This story's so sad! I know what you two little broken teacups need: to hug it out! Hug it out! Hug train's comin' in the station. HUGAPOLOOZA! TWO THOUSAND!" Mabel shouted.
"Kid, will ya knock that off? I'm tryin' to tell my life story here." Stan said. Stan as a young man with a metal detector is on the beach. "I had decided I wasn't gonna show my face at home until I proved I could make something of myself. Unfortunately, the treasure-hunting business was slow going. Apparently gold was some kind of... rare metal." In the flashback, Stan sees a billboard advertising the traveling salesman lifestyle and throws his metal detector away. "Luckily I struck another kind of gold... in sales." Later Stan is in a commercial. "Hi there! I'm Stan Pines of Stan Co. Enterprises. Are you sick of this always happening to you?" A pitcher of juice is thrown at him, getting juice all over him. "Then you need the Shammy of the future!" He begins to wipe himself off, then the commercial skips ahead to him completely clean. "Made with the same material astronauts use to clean up cranberry stains on the moon! That's the Sham Total! It's a total sham." "I had made my mark, all right. Unfortunately, so did the Shammies." A woman uses a Sham Total to clean a robe, but the blue dye from the Shammy leaks onto it and her hands. Apparently the cheap dye I used to color them only made stains worse." Later there's an angry mob. "Customers weren't crazy about that. Luckily, they were chasing Stan Co. brand pitchforks." The mob's pitchforks break; Stanley drives by them in his car. "SUCKERS!" "I was officially banned from New Jersey, but with a quick name change, Steve Pinington was ready to take on Pennsylvania." He ends up in another commercial. "Hi! I'm Steve Pinington!" He pulls at Band-aid on his arm "Are you sick of bandages that are hard to remove? Then what you need is the Rip Off! The Rip Off won't give you rashes, I repeat: it won't give you rashes." The words "IT WON'T GIVE YOU RASHES" appears on the screen; voice-over from present as angry mob with rashes chases Stan. "It gave ya rashes." "I traveled the whole country, sometimes outside of it, always one step ahead of the law, looking for something that would be my big break." Stan said. "Whoa. So that explains all the fake IDs." (Y/n) said. "But wait, what about you? Did you end up going to your dream school?" Dipper asked Ford. "Not exactly." He said.
~Another flashback~
"Alright, I know Backupsmore wasn't anyone's first choice, but what we lack in prestige, we make up for in mostly bug-free dorms! I'm sure your families are proud, more or less." An announcer said. Ford, sitting in the audience, looks at a picture of his family; later, he studies in his dorm. "In a place like that, I had to work twice as hard. Luckily, that's what I do best. I went from undergrad to PhD three years ahead of schedule, wrote a thesis that was nationally ranked, and was awarded an enormous grant for my own scientific research! But what to study." Ford looks at his hand, then at a book about anomalies. "My whole life I'd been teased for my six fingers. But that got my thinking about anomalies: things that were odd, unusual, statistically improbable. And according to my investigations, there was one place with a higher concentration of these things than anywhere else." Ford was standing in front of a map of USA with dots marked on it, most of which are in Oregon. Ford circles Oregon. "A small lumber town in Roadkill County, Oregon: Gravity Falls." He said. Stan, in a flashback, marks Xs on a map of USA titles "STATES I'M BANNED IN"; "Meanwhile, your old uncle Stan was doing great. I had come up with a sophisticated new business strategy." In the flashback, Stan picks up a lottery card and begins scratching some circles off with a coin. "Come on, owl... " he scratches another owl. "owl..." he scratches a football player with an omelet. "The football player with an omelet!? Gah!" He crumples the card up and throws it against the window. "I was in great shape, living on my own, and the best part was: I didn't need help from nobody." In the flashback he's dialing a number at a payphone. "Hello? This is Stanford Pines." Ford said over the phone. Stan hangs up the phone and sighs. Ford drives into Gravity Falls. "I was heading out on my own as well." Ford stands in front of the Mystery Shack being constructed. "I set to work using my grant money to investigate the strange properties of this town, but what would I find here?" A giant hand grabs his car. "Bingo. I began to investigate at once." Stan sets a Journal on a table, tracing his hand, pasting the trace on the Journal, and writing "1" on it. "I knew I'd have to record my findings. I began to keep a journal..." he said.
~present~
"THE JOURNALS!!!" Dipper shouted. Everyone stares at Dipper. "Sorry, sorry," Dipper clears his throat. "Just got excited there... About the journals... Keep-keep talking." Dipper said. "I began to keep a journal..." Ford said. Dipper screamed again. "Seriously?" (Y/n) asked. Dipper coughs awkwardly and looks away in embarrassment. "Just going to ignore that. There were anomalies everywhere. And the more I looked, the more I saw." Ford as a young man catches Eye-Bats and puts them into a jar, then records it in his Journal; the Shape Shifter hatches in front of him, then immediately turns into a cup. Stanford writes in his journal about the "floating cliffs" later, him and a gnome that looks like Shmebulock are talking. "Fascinating, what did you say your name was?" Ford asked. "Shmebulock... Senior." The gnome said. Ford writes in journal 3 and looks at the cover. "It was finally a place where I felt at home, but something nagged at me: where did it all come from? It seemed to me the answer must come from outside of our world, a dimension of weirdness leaking into ours. I realized the only way to understand Gravity Falls would be to build a gateway: a portal to the source of its weirdness." In the flashback, Ford is drawing the portal map in the journals. "But I couldn't make it alone. I decided to call up my old college buddy, Fiddleford McGucket, a young but brilliant mechanic, who was wasting his talent trying to make personal computers in some garage in Palo Alto." McGucket's garage was full of computers, where he is playing a banjo when the phone rings. Ford picks it up. "Hello? Fiddleford Computermajigs? You say you're tryin' to build a transuniversal polydimensional metavortex? Well that's mathematically feasible! I reckon." McGucket spits. Ford and McGucket were working on the portal, when the power surges. "Many long nights were spent perfecting the machine. It would be a crowning achievement of my studies. An answer to the source of this town's anomalies." Ford said. "Git out, git out, git out!" Tyler's mother shouted. The two hurriedly leave the area.
Ford and McGucket carry a dummy to the portal. "The time had come to test it. "Ready, and..." They release the dummy, but a rope from it catches McGucket and he flies toward the portal, screaming. "What?" Ford grabs the rope and holds him back but McGucket's head is in the portal. "I got ya, buddy!" Ford pulls the rope and McGucket and the dummy come out of the portal. "What is it? Is it working? What did you see?!" Ford asked. "Ahh! VOTMZRIG IVSKRX OORY." McGucket shouted. "Fiddleford?" Ford asked. "When Gravity Falls and earth becomes sky, fear the beast with just one eye." McGucket said. "Fiddleford, get a hold of yourself, you're not making any sense." Ford puts his hand on McGucket's shoulder who jerks away. "This machine is dangerous. You'll bring about the end of the world with this. Destroy it before it destroys us all!" McGucket shouted. "I can't destroy this; it's my life's work!" Ford shouted. "I fear we've unleashed a grave danger on the world. One I'd just as soon forget. I quit!" McGucket walks away. "Fine! I'll do it without you! I don't need you! I don't need anyone!" Ford shouted.
A whispering sound is heard. "What? Who said that?" Ford backs into a wall. "I was in over my head, and feared I was losing my sanity. I needed help. Someone I could trust." He said. Stan is in a motel room when he hears knocking. He grabs a baseball bat. "Just give me a few more days, Rico! I'll pay your goons back, I swear!" A Gravity Falls postcard comes through his mail slot. He looks out and sees the post man leaving. He looks at the postcard which says "PLEASE COME! -FORD. Stan walks to Ford's door. "You haven't seen your brother in over ten years. It's okay. He's family. He won't bite." Stan knocks on the door, which Ford opens. "Who is it?! Have you come to steal my eyes?!" He points his crossbow. "Well, I can always count on you for a warm welcome." Stan said sarcastically. "Stanley, did anyone follow you? Anyone at all?" Ford asked. "Eh, hello to you, too, pal." Ford grabs him and pulls him inside. "Ah!" Ford shines a flashlight in Stan's eyes. Stan pushes him away. "Ah! Hey! What is this?" He asked. "Sorry, I just had to make sure you weren't... uh, it's nothing. Come in, come in." Ford darts away.
"Uh, you gonna explain what's going on, here? You're acting like Mom after her tenth cup of coffee." Stan said, following him. "Listen, there isn't much time. I've made huge mistakes and I don't know who I can trust anymore." Ford said, holding Journal 1. Ford turns the head of a skeleton away from him. "Hey, uh, easy there. Let's talk this through, okay?" Stan asked. "I have something to show you. Something you won't believe." Ford said. "Look, I've been around the world, okay? Whatever it is, I'll understand." Stan said. "There is nothing about this I understand." Stan said, standing in the portal room "It's a trans-universal gateway, a punched hole through a weak spot in our dimension. I created it to unlock the mysteries of the universe. But it could just as easily be harnessed for terrible destruction. That's why I shut it down and hid my journals, which explained how to operate it. There's only one journal left. And you are the only person I can trust to take it." Ford gives Stan the journal. "I have something to ask of you: you remember our plans to sail around the world on a boat?" Stan smiles. "Take this book, get on a boat, and sail as far away as ya can! To the edge of the Earth! Bury it where no one can find it!" Ford said. "... That's it?! You finally wanna see me after ten years, and it's to tell me to get as far away from you as possible!?" Stan shouted angrily. "Stanley, you don't understand what I'm up against! What I've been through!" Ford shouted. "No, no. You don't understand what I've been through! I've been to prison in three different countries! I once had to chew my way out of the trunk of a car! You think you've got problems? I've got a mullet, Stanford! Meanwhile, where have you been? Living it up in your fancy house in the woods! Selfishly hoarding your college money, because you only care about yourself." Stan said.
"I'm selfish? I'm selfish, Stanley? How can you say that after costing me my dream school?! I'm giving you a chance to do the first worthwhile thing in your life and you won't even listen!" Ford shouted. "Well, listen to this: you want me to get rid of this book? Fine, I'll get rid of it right now!" Stan takes out a lighter. "No!" Ford grabs the journal. "You don't understand!" He shouted. Stan takes it back. "You said you wanted me to have it, so I'll do what I want with it!" He said. "My research!" Ford tackles Stan, then runs for the journal, but Stan trips him. Ford runs after him. "Stanley, give it back!" Ford pushes him onto some of the buttons. "You want it back, you're gonna have to try harder than that!" Stan said. The portal turns on. "You left me behind, you jerk! It was supposed to be us forever, you ruined my life!" Stan said, trying to pull the journal away from Ford. "You ruined your own life!" Ford kicks him into the side of the control panel, branding the symbol onto his back. Stan screams and falls to the floor. "Stanley! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! Are you alr-" Stan punches Ford, who stumbles backward and trips over the lever. Stan follows him. "Some brother you turned out to be. You care more about your dumb mysteries than your family? Well, then YOU CAN HAVE 'EM." Stan shoves Ford back into the portal light, and he starts getting sucked into it.
"Whoa, whoa, hey, what's going on? Hey, hey, Stanford-" Stan said. "Stanley! Stanley, help me!" Ford shouted. "Oh, no, what do I do?!!" Stan asked. "Stanley! Stanley! Do something! STANLEY!" Ford throws Journal 1 at Stan and disappears into the portal. A flash of white engulfs everything. When it fades, Stan is lying on the floor. "Stanford?" Stan asked. Ford's glasses fall onto the floor. Stan runs to the portal. "Stanford, come back! I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" Stan pounds on the side of the portal. The portal turns off. Stan runs to the lever and tries to pull it to no avail. "I just got him back! I can't lose him again! Ah, come on! STANFORD!" "I'd lost him. I didn't know if he was dead or alive in some distant galaxy, but I knew his journal must have the answer to getting him back. Somehow." Stan flips to the back of Journal 1, where it says "continued in journal #2"; Stan lays on the couch with Journal 1 and Ford's glasses at night. "I didn't get much sleep that night." Stan looks at his glasses. "Or the night after that." Stan is with the lever and a screwdriver. "I tried for weeks to turn that dumb machine back on. But without the other two journals" The machine emits a few sparks, then dies. "It was hopeless." Stan walks down the street. "Finally I ran out of food. I had no choice but to go into town." Stan walks into the Dusk 2 Dawn. He has a loaf of bread at the cash register.
"Just the bread, then, there, stranger? That'll be 99 cents." Ma said. Stan looks into his pockets and pulls out a packet of sugar, a paper clip and a peso. "Hey, that's no stranger. That must be the mysterious science guy that lives in the woods!" Susan said. A crowd gathers. "Uh, n-no, no. You've got the wrong guy." Stan pulls his hood tighter. "I've heard strange stories about that old shack." Toby Determined said. "Yeah! Mysterious lights and spooky experiments." Daryl Blubs said. "Gosh, I'd pay anything to see what kind of shenanigans you get up to in there." Pa said. "Oh, me too! Do you ever give tours?" Susan asked. "No. Really I- " Stan looks at his hand, then sighs. "Yes, I do give tours! Ten... nah-no... fifteen bucks a person!" He said. The crowd cheers and holds up money. "So, what did you say your name was, you man of mystery?" Susan asked. "Oh, uh, Stan...ford. Stanford Pines." Later, Stan is leading a tour into the house. "Step right up, folks, uh, to a world of... enchantment, or whatever." With a box with a dial and two antennae on it. "Behold, the um, nerdy science box." He said. Susan looks at it and it burns her eye. "Ah! My eye!" She shouted. "Uh, I can assure you, that is in no way permanent." Stan said. "I paid fifteen dollars for this!?" Susan asked. The crowd begins muttering. "Uhh..." Stan grabs the skeleton and some clothing. "You're lucky you weren't part of the last tour group, um," Stan shows them the skeleton, which he has dressed as a tourist.
"They never made it out aliiiivve. Heheh. Right?" Stan asked. The crowd laughs. "That's funny." Susan said. Stan puts up signs, makes attractions, and sells merchandise. "So I came up with a plan. I couldn't leave my brother's house until I figured out how to save him, but I needed to pay his mortgage somehow. For once in my life, people were actually buying what I was selling. And so the Murder Hut was born! Later renamed the Mystery Shack. Finally I found something I was good at. For once being a liar and a cheat paid off. The old me was dead, and I faked a car crash to prove it. By day I was Stanford Pines: Mr. Mystery. But by night I was down in the basement, trying to bring the real Stanford back." Stan sees a tour out, then goes into the basement and looking at the portal. "I couldn't risk anyone learning the truth and sabotaging my mission, so I lied to everyone: the town, my family, your parents, even you kids." Stan explained. "So all this time you were just trying to save your brother. Grunkle Stan, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you." Dipper said. "That's okay, kid. I probably wouldn't have believed me either." Stan said. "I heard talking! It was coming from downstairs!" An agent said from upstairs. "Oh no, it's too late, the agents are comin' for us!" Stan shouted. "What do we do?!" Mabel asked. "Aw, man. I was so spellbound by your dramatic tale I forgot all about those dudes." Soos said. "Wait, forget. That's it! I think I know a way we might be able to defeat those agents!" (Y/n) takes a Memory erasing gun out of a bag and gives it to Stanford. "Of course! I don't know how you got a hold of one of these but, this is perfect! If I can just amplify the signal to a radio headset frequency..."
Ford plugs some wires into the gun and looks through some viewing glasses to see the agents running into the shack. "There. Now everyone PLUG YOUR EARS! GET DOWN! NOW!" Ford shouted. Everyone crouches and plugs their ears. Agent Powers and Trigger are at the doorway. "Sir! Looks like there's a hidden door behind the vending machine!" Trigger said. "Excellent! Get me Washington on Line 1! I've been practicing making sounds of excitement for this very occasion. Hey, do you hear that?" Powers asked. A wave pulses through the shack and yard. "What? Where am I? Why am I standing in front of some sort of goofy fun knick-knack house?" Powers asked. Ford comes to the porch. "Stand down, gentlemen! I've been sent with the latest intel from Washington." He flips through some of Mabel's drawings. "According to this very real report, the power surges in Gravity Falls were actually due to radiation from an unreported meteor shower. A total embarrassment for your whole department. Luckily I'm here to take this mess off your hands, but I'll need of all your... floppy disks, and 8-tracks...right?" Ford asked. "Uh, everything about this case is contained on this drive." Powers said. Trigger hands Ford a flash drive labeled "PINES" "Well, what are you waiting for, a kiss on the cheek? Get out of here before I have your butts court-martialed!" Ford shouted.
"Uhh, yes sir. Apologies, sir." Power whistles. "False alarm, everyone!" He trips on his way back to the car. The government agents leave. Ford gives Gompers the flash drive, and the goat runs away with it in his mouth. (Y/n) runs out with Dipper and Mabel. "Great-uncle Stanford, that was amazing!" She said. Stan follows with Soos. "Let's not go crazy; it was serviceable." He said. Ford chuckles. "Thank you, kids, but please, call me Ford." Ford said. "Sure! Thanks, Great-uncle Ford. So, uh," Dipper holds up a pen and notepad and clicks the pen excitedly. "Would you mind if I ask you a couple billion questions about Gravity Falls?" Dipper asked. "Uh, Dipper...?" (Y/n) asked awkwardly. "Um, well I-uh..." Ford said. "All right, kids, it's been a long day and me and my brother have a lot to talk about. So why don't you hit the hay, huh?" Stan asked. "But, it's the author!" Dipper clicks his pen rapidly. "I've been waiting so long to ask questions about-" he continued. Stan grabs (Y/n)'s, Dipper and Mabel's heads and pushes them away. "I said. Hit. The hay!" He shouted. "I'll just... let myself out." Soos sidesteps away, and when he's out of sight the beeping of a phone can be heard. "Wendy, I've got something amazing to tell you. Clear the next fourteen hours!" Soos shouted. At night, Stan and Ford are looking at themselves in the mirror. "Look at us. When did we become old men?" Stan asked. "You look like Dad." Ford said. "Ugh, uck, don't say that." Stan said. The twins laugh.
Ford sighs. "Okay, Stanley, here's the deal. You can stay here for the summer to watch the kids. I'll stay down in the basement and try to contain any remaining damage. But when the summer's over, you give me my house back, you give me my name back, and this Mystery Shack junk is over forever. You got it?" Ford asked. "You really aren't gonna thank me, are you? Fine. On one condition: you stay away from the kids; I don't want them in danger. Cause as far as I'm concerned, they're the only family I have left." Stan walks upstairs, stops, starts to look back, then keeps walking. The triplets are in their room. Mabel is standing by the door. "Did you hear what they said? I think Grunkle Ford said they're gonna buy us puppies made of ice cream. Might be wishful thinking, though." Mabel said. "I'm pretty sure that's not what they were talking about, Mabel." (Y/n) said. "I don't know if this is good or bad. I wanted to meet the author, but..." Dipper said. Mabel sits on her bed.
"Yeah. I liked the way things were here before. Just us and Stan and the occasional goblin-monster." She said. "Eh, I'm sure they'll work things out." (Y/n) said. "Guys, you don't think we'll turn out like Stan and Ford, do you?" (Y/n) asked. "Well. What do you mean?" Dipper asked. (Y/n) lays down. "I mean, they used to be best friends, but then they got all stupid. Can you promise me you won't get stupid?" She asked. "Not stupider than you, dum-dum." Dipper said. (Y/n) laughs. "Good night, stupid." She said. "Good night, stupid." Dipper said. "Good night, stupid." Mabel said last. Dipper turns the light off and closes his eyes. (Y/n) looks up nervously. Wendy is sitting up in her bed at 3 in the morning with Soos on the phone. "Okay, okay, so it turns out that the second Stan, the Stan that, we know, was actually, Stanley but the first Stan, was Stanford, but we didn't know, until, that Stanford came out of the portal, which was built by Stanford, but then Stanley pretended to be Stanford, he, did the portal, cause he's Stan, but he's not Stan." Soos said. "Soos, it's three in the morning." Wendy said. "Okay, okay, I understand. Anyway, act two: Stan started..." Soos said. Wendy groans and lays back on her bed.