I became Silverdusk, as I'd been told. Twilightpaw had become Twilightgleam. I liked her name. It was pretty. Hiveclaw had been named ... Hiveclaw, because thought Minkfur had promised him a rivery name, she hadn't managed to think of one herself that sounded quite so good. She'd asked him if he wanted to be named Hivegleam, and he was like, 'that's a girl's name!'.
Apparently he thought gleam was a girl's ending.
Twilightgleam wished I'd been named Silvergleam, but I'd known my name a long time ago.
"Sorry, couldn't you have been Twilightdusk?" I asked.
Twilightgleam shook her head. "Those are two different times of the day! It would sound okay, but mean weird stuff."
I grinned at her. 'Weird stuff'. Only my best friend Twilightgleam could ever say that. Most people were more mature, and would say, 'strange matters', myself included.
I watched Swanflutter and Fluffypaw. Fluffypaw was staring at me enviously, but Swanflutter's gaze was one full of love and sorrow and ... was that worry? Was my former apprentice literally staring at me with worry clouding her gaze? I had to go speak to that cat! She needed to have more faith in me.
Swanflutter blinked as I approached.
"Stormsilver!" She gasped, then frowned. "Wait, that was wrong. My mind was elsewhere. Sorry. You look just like her." That was a cover up, because Fluffypaw was looking confused and suspicious now. "Silverdusk. Congratulations."
"You're still a kit!" Fluffypaw sneered.
"I can swim," I jeered.
Swanflutter flinched, but I ignored her for once. I loved Swanflutter, really loved her, but she was too jumpy. Fluffypaw looked undeterred.
"I too can swim," she announced boldly.
"Who failed her swimming test?" I asked idly. "I believe it was you."
Again, Swanflutter flinched. Oh, come on. She was that jittery? She had promised to be my mother, and I had promised to be hers, but I was definitely the mother around here. Swanflutter ... no. Not a mother.
Fluffypaw glared. "I was supposed to be named Fluffyfrost!"
"Frost is fluffy?" I asked with a snort.
"Dusk is silver?" Fluffypaw challenged, then realized.
"Well, grayish," I said. "That's practically silver."
Fluffypaw shrugged. "Well now! Whatevs. Anyway, Wheats don't have pelts, so a lot of names are jumbled. I know Eveningprimrose is a flower, but roses aren't tawny. As for my mentor..." She shook her head, almost disbelievingly. "Meadowstalker! What name is that?"
"The name of the cat standing in front of you?" Indeed, Meadowstalker, Fluffypaw's mentor, had been standing behind me, idly watching our conversation and taking in Fluffypaw's insults.
"We don't live on the meadow!" Fluffypaw demanded.
Meadowstalker smiled. "Would you by any chance know I am your aunt?"
"What?" asked Fluffypaw.
"Aunt," said Meadowstalker. "Wheatpelt and I are sisters. Oh, seriously. I was named Meadowkit because Flametail loves the meadow and so does Stargleam. Wheat grows there. Whitewhisker was just white. We got our names." She smiled slyly down at Fluffypaw. "Did you by any chance know you were named by the deputy?"
"Goldenwind?" came Fluffypaw's response. Then she sighed. "Oh, Stormdawn. I loved her. Adored her. Then she stopped coming."
Really? Loved me? Adored me? Fluffypaw hated me. Or, this me. But I hadn't changed much since I was Stormdawn, only I'd fallen in love with Hiveclaw and become younger than most cats I had been superior to. That had been annoying, and still was.
Meadowstalker nodded sympathetically, then turned to me. "Oh, by the way, Silverdusk, you will be sitting vigil with Twilightgleam only. Hiveclaw is already a warrior."
"Oh," I said. Well, who cared, I had Twilightgleam! Wait, we couldn't talk. I remembered that now. I always talked to Twilightgleam. Always.
Meadowstalker smiled at me, then turned a hard frown on Fluffypaw. "You insulted me. I'm not going to pretend I'm hurt, because I'm not, honestly. Wheatpelt and I hated each other. But, Winterice was perfect. We came together."
"The cat with no energy," I added before I could stop myself.
Meadowstalker laughed. "He doesn't have much energy for young cats, but you should have seen him with Eveningprimrose when she was a kit. Hardly left her side and he was always playing with her. Cats thought he was finally gaining energy, but he's only like that with our daughter."
"Eveningprimrose is my cousin?" Fluffypaw asked, disgusted. Why would she be disgusted? Eveningprimrose was a nice cat, and was even training Windpaw. Blazepaw had turned out to be the medicine cat apprentice.
"Yes," Meadowstalker meowed.
"She's far more pleasant than you," I put in.
Meadowstalker beamed at me. "I like you, Silverdusk," she said. "Got some snark. No one else does."
I grinned back, then turned back to Twilightgleam.
"Vigil!" the silver she-cat said dramatically with a grimace. Her blue eyes locked with mine. "No talking," she finished melodramatically in a whisper.
"So dramatic," I mumbled.
Twilightgleam grinned, and spoke in an overdramatic voice (yes I like these dramatics). "Oh my StarClan Silverdusk! No talking! How am I to live!"
"One night." Meadowstalker rolled her eyes and walked off. "Fluffypaw, dawn tomorrow," she called over her shoulder, smiling slightly at the fluffy younger she-cat. Wait, not younger – I was six moons and three or four days – I meant, older she-cat. Older than me at least. The Silverdusk me.
"See you in the morning," Hiveclaw meowed, his way of bidding me goodbye. I licked his ears in goodbye and he sighed. "I just got these dry, you know," he said, shaking himself. It didn't do much good – my licks were like, dry kind of wet, and he couldn't shake the moisture off. "I'm going to sleep with wet ears. Again. Fluffypaw did them yesterday, and now you're doing them." Hiveclaw sighed overdramatically, just like Twilightgleam did. "But at least you're nicer," he finished with a sly grin, and I couldn't help but beam back.
"I'm in for a quiet night," I grimaced. "Don't say anything to me before dawn."
Hiveclaw nodded in agreement with another grin, then left. Fluffypaw trailed after him and then Blazepaw scolded her for not going to the apprentices' den. Fluffypaw looked at Hiveclaw and the warriors' den with longing, then at Twilightgleam with longing, and then at me with pure hatred.
"Hate me all you want, Fluffypaw," I whispered to her, a challenge.
"I will," she mumbled back.
~
I remembered my first vigil, when I'd fallen asleep. Cloudysky had spotted me then. I'd almost come to love him that very moment, with his jokes and easygoing nature. But I realized, the thing about toms. The moment you died or rejected them, they didn't try harder, they moved on. Duskypelt with Plumwhisker and Cloudysky with Leafshine. Both had moved on almost immediately after I'd rejected them. I could see, back when I'd lived in the forest normally, that Leafshine had always cherished Cloudysky, but never got the chance.
In the morning, Minkfur announced we were meeting with Icestar for a weird daylight gathering thingy. I yawned, and stretched. Twilightgleam had kept me awake, almost continuously bouncing.
We got there and I saw Cloudysky scolding Leafshine inaudibly. She was heavy with kits – hadn't I only left two days ago? She must have already been expecting. Why was she here? Duskypelt was there too, with a sorrowful-looking Plumwhisker, but she always looked sad, since they'd lost their kits.
"Unfortunately, Lightmist died yesterday," Icestar meowed. "It was her last wish that Tawnypaw be made an apprentice, so we apprenticed her early. Her mentor is one of our new warriors, Nightwish. He and his sister Skystrike were made warriors yesterday. Also, Dawnpaw and Chivepaw have become Dawnmist and Chiveleaf."
Minkfur stepped forward. "I too have new warriors. Dawnmist and Chiveleaf's sister, Twilightgleam!"
"Our sister too!" Nightwish called. Skystrike nodded in agreement, and they frowned when Fluffypaw hung her head.
"No, Fluffypaw unfortunately couldn't swim," Minkfur meowed sadly. "Fluffypaw remains an apprentice. Silverpaw has become Silverdusk. I know she was a brand new apprentice, but Silverdusk is so accomplished there is nothing more to teach her. We also welcomed Hiveclaw as a full river cat. Swanflutter and Fluffypaw still need to learn how to swim."
"I have new kits expected," Icestar meowed happily. "First of all, Leafshine is almost ready to give birth to Cloudysky's kits. She's here, though um..." Emuwing shot Leafshine an angry glare, and Cocoaleaf shot Cloudysky an equally angry one. Iceflight, Songbird and Honeypaw looked angry too. They were all there. "Also, Fallowmist is expecting Stripetail's kits. Honeypaw has also become Honeybee."
"Honeybee! Honeybee!"
Honeybee ran forward to embrace Hiveclaw. "Oh, my brother!" she cried.
"Honeyp – bee!" Hiveclaw amended.
Honeybee beamed. "And you have a MATE!" she cried joyfully.
All eyes turned to Hiveclaw and Honeybee.
"You do," said Honeybee. "That Silverdusk."
"Um, Honeybee?" Hiveclaw asked. "Everyone is looking."
Laughter erupted from the cats everywhere. Minkfur was barely holding her sides.
"Also," Icestar meowed. "I wasn't finished you know. Wheatpelt has moved to the nursery carrying ... um ... Eagletail's second litter."
"What?" I demanded. But I'd seen him with Kyla! They had two litters! Did that mean he'd cheated on Wheatpelt for Kyla, and now he was cheating on Kyla for Wheatpelt? That Eagletail was a confusing cat!
"Um ... we're not sure," Icestar meowed. "She left heavy hints they were Eagletail's, though ... er ... she's been rather close with Wormtail recently."
Wormtail, who was literally there, smiled. "Yes, they're mine," he said, with a smile. A weird smile. I hardly even remembered Wormtail in SeasonClan, even as Stormdawn. Even characters like Frogleap and Coriandermist and Ashenface had been pulled out by random, even though I'd written them in the allegiances. They were, like, RANDOM CATS.
( Blah blah. The 'blah blah' is in place of Wormtail ranting about how good he is.)
Wormtail closed his mouth as he finished speaking, after saying he was a great, great tom, was destined to be deputy during Goldenwind's reign, because he was her brother.
Wormtail's former mate, Riversong,just stared blankly. Surprisingly, she leaned over to me.
"Do you know why I left that tom?" the old she-cat rasped.
"Um ... no," I replied.
Riversong gave a short bark-like laugh. "His ego!" she said.
I couldn't help but laugh too. Understandable. His ego was ... a lot? So full of himself. So proud.
"Are the river cats expecting new kits from you this new season?" Riversong asked.
"What?" I could feel my pelt burning.
"You and him." Riversong pointed at Hiveclaw. "I can't figure that tom out, though. Is he with you or Fluffypaw?"
"He's with me," I said. "At least I think so. But Fluffypaw likes him."
"Aah. Explains a lot." Riversong sighed. I could understand her confusion. Even right now, while I spoke to her, Fluffypaw was next to Hiveclaw, trying to engage him in a conversation.
"And now our cats can talk for a while," Icestar meowed. "Some of them already seem to be doing that." She gave a pointed glance to me and Riversong.
I looked around the gathered cats for Appledawn, and I spotted her and Browntail.
"Appledawn!" I cried, running over. Twilightgleam followed, eager as me to see her mother.
Appledawn stopped looking at Icestar and ran over to the two of us. Browntail joined, but he was more with Twilightgleam than me, while Appledawn lovingly licked us equally.
"How's life there?" Appledawn asked kindly.
"Fun!" Twilightgleam answered immediately. "I swim now!"
"Oh, uh," said Browntail, "That's great." He looked a little disgusted. "You eat ... fish?" he asked.
Appledawn elbowed him. "Quit asking weird questions!" she snorted. "Are they treating you well?" she asked softly, turning to us.
I nodded. Twilightgleam nodded too, but she was bouncing.
"My mentor was nice," Twilightgleam meowed. "I mean, he was Winterice with about no energy, but he was still nice. My favorite non-SeasonClan-former-cat there is Eveningprimrose. She's fun."
"Name's a mouthful," Appledawn commented. Twilightgleam nodded immediately.
I watched, almost ruefully, as Twilightgleam energetically conversed with her parents. Eventually, I turned away from lack of interest. I couldn't really explain the happiness I'd felt at seeing Appledawn, but the original gusto I'd had was gone now, the way I saw that I didn't fit in with her family. Twilightgleam, Dawnmist and Chiveleaf were all energetic and bubbly cats like their mother, and Browntail did try to be like them, but me. I was quiet at times, bubbly at others, but Twilightgleam seemed to be bubbly and fun all day long, twenty-four seven three sixty-five.
I wondered, trying to remember. Who were my old friends as Stormdawn? Had I even had old friends? Oh ... right. Either the toms, Glitterpaw – or ... wait ... Glitterpaw? Why wasn't she a warrior yet? I approached Emuwing, my former best friend. She was staring off into the sky.
She jumped. "Oh, sorry, Silverdusk!" she gasped. "I was distracted."
"By what?" I asked.
"I was trying to glimpse Silverpelt. That was stupid, it's morning. I ... just ... I haven't ever seen my best friend in StarClan." Emuwing frowned at the sky. "One of those stars I can't see is her, I'm sure. But ... I haven't seen her at all. What if she went to the Dark Forest? I can't even think of what she might've done wrong. She was perfect." The way Emuwing gushed about me, it was heartwarming.
"She's probably up there," I said. "Or maybe she's down here. Watching you from afar. Reincarnated, even."
Emuwing gave me a deathstare, than laughed. "Silverdusk, you're leaving too heavy hints. I can tell you're Stormdawn. Deep down."
I caught a flash of yellowish-brown fur in the bush next to us. I jumped, almost unsheathed my claws. "Who's there?" I demanded.
Who did I know that had yellow, brown and black fur?
Hiveclaw. He stepped out then.
"You mean," he said, shaking, "The cat I fell in love with – Silverdusk – she's fake? You're Stormdawn? When did you take over her?"
I sighed. "Hiveclaw, I've been Stormdawn since the moment I was a kit, and opened my eyes."
Hiveclaw's eyes widened. "So you aren't a fake. I legit fell in love with Stormdawn."
"Kind of," I said, shrugging. "is that a problem?"
"If you're Stormdawn," he said, "you're way, way older than me."
"In mind, I am," I said. "In body, I'm not. And ... really. If you dump me now, Hiveclaw, I'll understand. I mean, I dumped two toms on my own, chose one, and he dumped me. So, I'm really used to dumping and being dumped."
Yup. I saw it in his eyes. Shock. Almost fury. It was true, though. I'd dumped Duskypelt and Cloudysky, and then I'd chosen Zealheart and he'd dumped me for his childhood crush Glitterpaw.
"Thinking about that," I said, turning to Emuwing. "Why is she still Glitterpaw? She's my old age."
"She's an incompetent fool, that's why," Emuwing sighed. "Seriously. You'd think she could catch a rabbit by now. Silkpelt dropped her a long time ago. After two moons and no progress, Sillkpelt swapped out. She engaged one of the new warriors – I can't remember which one. I remember Fallowmist was training Glitterpaw. But she dropped her too. I think the new cat is Appledawn, who is obviously going to drop her. At this rate, we're going to have to ask Zealheart to train her." Emuwing shook her head sadly. "You'd think Stormdawn's sister would be better than that."
I nodded, sighing. My sister. She'd called it Stormdawn's because I was Silverdusk, but in reality Glitterpaw was my sister.
After the gathering, I went to Twolegplace to see Hazelshade and Littlecloud, and I was already there before I remembered they were in SeasonClan now. I was about to turn back when somebody called me.
I whipped around. A black tom was sitting on the fence. He had spiky fur.
"Hey," he said. "Are you one of those wildcats?"
"Yes," I said nervously.
"I used to know one!" the tom exclaimed brightly. "We were seeing each other, but many moons ago, she stopped coming. I don't venture in the forest. Would you by any chance know her? Her name is Lovegrass."
LOVEGRASS? I vaguely remembered her falling in love with a kittypet. Even to Stormdawn, that was a long time ago. What was his name ... uh.... Um..... oh right! Spiky!
"You're Spiky?" I demanded.
Spiky nodded eagerly. "Yeah! Did she tell you about me? What happened to her?"
"Greencough took her," I said. "She hunts with StarClan now. Great StarClan, Spiky, she died so long ago, and Littlecloud was here, you should have asked him!"
"Little Clouds?" Spiky asked. "Was he a former warrior? And Hazelly Shade too?"
I nodded numbly. So, everyone had called them by that? Little Clouds and Hazelly Shade? Delightful.
By the way, that was sarcastic.
"Yeah," I said. "Lovegrass is dead. Have fun."
"Fun?" he demanded. "I mean, there was a possibility she died. She used to come every other night, and then for ... moons and moons on end, she never came. But... I thought maybe she'd given birth to my kits. I'd hoped. And she was weak from the kitting."
"You never came to see her," I said, rolling my eyes. "And you made assumptions. Great."
Spiky looked embarrassed. "Well, uh, cos I started seeing another cat."
"Her name?"
"She's a warrior too," he said. "her name is Plumwhisker."
~
What? Plumwhisker? Cheating on Duskypelt? "Okay thanks bye," I said hurriedly and ran off.
That night, I came back, and low and behold, Plumwhisker turned up.
"Spiky!" she cried, and ran up to him.
And ... behind her, Duskypelt. Watched.
He saw me.
"Silverdusk," he said. "What brings you here?" his voice was quiet.
"Your mate cheating on you?" I asked.
"Yeah," he breathed. "This is the second time I'm dumped. And to think ... I don't even think those kits Plumwhisker bore were mine. They looked like him. One was gray, but Plumwhisker is gray."
"Spiky loved Lovegrass, you know," I said. "Plumwhisker is a change. I don't know exactly how old that Plumwhisker is, but she's younger than Lovegrass." Slightly more hesitantly and hoping it wouldn't be a giveaway, I added, "Younger than that deputy of yours too? The former one?"
Duskypelt flinched. "You brought up her," he mumbled. "I've been trying to forget her, but I can't. Even after Plumwhisker, now she's cheating on me. Stormdawn never loved me. But she never faked love and then betrayed me. I respect her for that. She knew she couldn't love me, so she didn't fake it." There was mutual respect glimmering in Duskypelt's eyes. That was it, then. He still loved me.
"Is Cloudysky feeling the same way? He loved her too, I heard," I said.
Duskypelt shrugged. "Leafshine truly loves him, and the kits are his. Cloudysky's getting on fine. And Zealheart dumped her when she chose him. Stupid of her, choosing an outsider. Maybe she didn't like the way we padded after her." Duskypelt shook his head. "Still, I'm glad Cloudysky moved on. He's my brother too, and Leafshine has loved him for ages, since he was Cloudypaw, apparently."
Leafshine had loved him for that long? And she'd watched him fall in love with me and pad after me? I felt my heart breaking for that poor she-cat.
Duskypelt seemed to have forgotten me, and moved into the light.
Plumwhisker gasped. "Duskypelt!" She looked bashful, embarrassed. "Did ... you hear..."
"Everything," Duskypelt finished with a sigh. There was an awkward silence.
"I'm so sorry." Plumwhisker's voice dropped. "I could have loved you. I was ... seeing both of you. But I loved Spiky more. But by then we were mates when I decided, and ... it would've broken you. I'm so sorry," she repeated.
"Kind of used to it by now," Duskypelt meowed. "Those two. Stripedkit and Duskkit. They weren't mine, were they?"
Slowly, Plumwhisker shook her head. "I'm so sorry," she said again.
"It's fine." His emotions were obvious though. His eyes were misty. "We weren't meant for each other, were we, Plummy?" he asked sadly. He was using a weird kittypet name.
What kind of name is Plummy? I wondered, but then, hey, some of these CloudClan cats had to be former kittypets, weren't they? Plumwhisker must be a former kittypet who'd curiously joined Lightcry as they left their river, only to regret it later.
Plumwhisker shook her head sadly. "I'm also going back to Twolegs. Spiky's," she said. "Maybe the life of a warrior isn't for me. I followed Lightcry because she was my best friend, and I did like Willowstreak. But he died on the journey." Plumwhisker sighed. "I thought I was following them because Willowstreak would've wanted me to. But no. I suppose I ended up with Twolegs again." She stared directly at Spiky, and literally said it right in front of Duskypelt: "I could never forget Willowstreak, but I love you."
Author's Note
SEEE??? I told you I would include Spiky later! I sincerely hope none of you forgot him. (When I say none of you, I just mean, well, YOU, because only one person is reading this)