To answer readers' questions
about this, I decided to create a separate chapter about [Y/n] and Merlin's story.
In order to understand why
[Y/n] is so desperately clinging to Merlin, I think people should understand her past first.
Special 5 will only be
about [Y/n's] life. I will divide it into three sub-chapters, including: her life with her parents, her life in the presence of Merlin, and her life with Alva Lorentz.
Note:
the words in '....' are of the supporting character.
the words in "...." are words that have been said in the past.
✯✯✯✯
"Don't laugh too loud."
"Don't eat too much."
"Don't talk too much"
"Be obedient."
"Be gentle"
"Be neat"
"Be the daughter that makes your parents proud"
Ever since I knew how to read, I was raised to be a perfect lady.
My new day starts early in the morning.
After personal hygiene, the servant will help me change clothes.
'My lady, you are so beautiful'
'Our lady gets cuter as she grows up'
'If angels were real, they would look just like my lady'
The servants showered their master in praise.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I can't even suppress a smile, let alone tell them "I find it cute too"
'She looks like a pretty doll'
I don't know if she did it on purpose. That sounds sarcastic.
Even though I'm only at home all day, I still have to dress up from head to toe.
My family always have breakfast together.
MadamBoucher: Do you have any difficulties in studying these days, [Y/n] ?
[Y/n]: Everything's fine, mother.
MadamBoucher: If you feel you are lacking in something, don't be afraid to tell me.
[Y/n]: Yes, momther.
The topic of conversation during the meal often revolves around my studies or the news in the newspaper.
MisterBoucher: I must have saved the world in my previous life, so I was given a daughter like you in this life. How can you be so obedient and understanding ? I sure am a lucky man. Don't force yourself too much, though. I just hope you can grow up healthy.
Father loves mother dearly. He complied with all her wishes. That means I also have to follow my mother's will if I don't want to lose my father's favor.
To father, mother was always right.
I really admire their love for each other.
MadamBoucher: The teacher is coming. Do a good job today too.
[Y/n]: Yes, mother.
My stomach is contracting, signaling that the last meal was not enough to fill it.
But what can I do about it ?
[Y/n]: Please allow me to leave first. I don't want to keep the teacher waiting.
MisterBoucher: Alright, honey.
MadamBoucher: Be nice, sweetie.
It's suffocating....
I'm doing a great job, but I don't feel happy about it, even a little bit.
Sometimes, I find it difficult to breathe.
I find myself much more mature than my peers.
While they were chasing the toy ball rolling on the street outside, I had to stay in the classroom, listening to the stern teacher's lecture.
My mother asks a lot of things from her daughter.
She didn't force me to learn many things, but I had to do well in everything I was taught.
People who see me always have the same expression of admiration, wishing that their children could be like me.
I love my parents very much.
They brought me into this world and devoted themselves to raising me. I owe them my life.
Compared to the lives of the commoners, or worse, the lives of those living in the slums. My life is so much better than theirs.
I don't have to do heavy work. There is always someone to wash the clothes for, the house is always cleaned for, even the cup of tea I drink every day doesn't need me to pour myself.
My material life has never lacked anything.
"If you don't study hard and don't listen to me, you will become like that in the future."
*MadamBoucher*
I don't want to live by begging for money every day.
This luxury life have already ingrained in me. Can I get used to the hard life of people less fortunate than me out there ?
I dread the thought that one day I will become like that.
"I just want the best for you"
*MadamBoucher*
My mother was the one who stopped me from going down that thorny path.
"Thank you, mother."
*[Y/n]*
I love mother very much. More than anything in the world.
Even when she hurt me, I still love her.
I can never stop loving her.
In the books, it is often said that motherhood is the most sacred thing. A mother is willing to do anything for the happiness of her child.
I believe my mother is so strict because she is worried about my future.
She's definitely a good and caring mother. Like every mother else.
After all, what she wants is only the best for me.
But as each day goes by, I feel like I'm missing something.
Strange....
I don't know....
What's really going on...?
Teacher: Today's class ends here. You did a great job.
[Y/n]: Thank you, teacher. I wish you a pleasant afternoon.
I left the classroom first. Then to get ready for my next class.
The day went by very quickly and boringly.
I wake up, have breakfast, study, study, have lunch, then study, then do my homework, have dinner, then shower, have some times for myself, then go to bed.
It repeats like that.
On the evenings when father has work and can't come home, mother and I will have a meal together
MadamBoucher: I'm thinking of bringing in a ballet teacher. What do you think ?
[Y/n]: Yes...?
I was a little nervous when this topic was brought up.
Another thing to learn. Will I be able to keep it up ?
MadamBoucher: Ballet makes the body more supple and slimmer. It will be very good for you.
[Y/n]: Now my schedule is almost full, if I study ballet, I won't have any free time.
MadamBoucher: Ballet lessons should be done as soon as possible. You're in the prime of growth, so it's going to be extremely helpful.
Mother looked at me with steady eyes.
I know....I know that if I continue to argue, I will look like a lazy child who is prioritizing play over study.
Mother hates that.
For God sake, [Y/n]. She's helping you. If you don't listen, you might end up in that black alley in the future.
Listen to your mother !
[Y/n]: Mother is so thoughtful. Then I will learn ballet.
MadamBoucher: That's my sweet daughter. I really like the spirit.
Mother only want the best for me. I should be grateful. This thing might come in handy in the future.
After dinner, the servant helped me wash up.
Looking at the bathtub that was already filled with water, a not-so-good memory came flooding back.
When I was a 6-year-old kid, I had a tantrum because my mother wouldn't let me play.
I even yelled that I hated my mother.
So the servant threw me into the water tank, and closed the lid tightly.
I kept screaming for help from the people outside, but no one answered. Leaving me struggling in the cold and dark barrel of water.
It wasn't until I was exhausted and sank to the bottom of the tank that my mother opened the lid of the water tank and rescued me.
To handle a naughty child like me, mom must have worked very hard.
I laughed at my stupidity back then.
Obedience to one's parents is the duty of the child. This is the least I can do to make up for the loss they have suffered because of me.
What I have now is not free.
The clothes I'm wearing, the jewelry I'm using, the food on my plate, the place where I live,...all of it comes from my parents' money.
I don't have to do anything and still get all of these.
Mother was the one who taught me to be grateful for those things.
A week later, the ballet teacher came to our house.
Learning ballet is not easy. AT ALL.
The biggest difficulty when learning ballet is the feeling of pain and fatigue, especially in the toes of the feet because they mainly have to stand on the toes.
My body aches after every lesson.
The teacher's exercises always make me feel like she wants to break my bones.
BalletTeacher: The young lady's body is rigid, and her rhythmic ability is very poor. In order to quickly improve this situation, I advise madam to add more of my classes to her schedule.
MadamBoucher: I apologize for my daughter's weakness. You can rest assured, I will definitely add your classes to her schedule.
BalletTeacher: Thank you, madam, for understanding my worries.
My foot has some swelling about the size of my index finger. Even though it was medicated and carefully bandaged, it still throbbed with pain every time I moved.
Now I can barely move.
I wonder if I can continue to learn ballet in this condition.
At that moment, my mother entered my room.
She looks very troubled.
I wonder what happened, seeing that she didn't say anything right away.
Mother sat on the edge of the bed, but didn't look at me when we talked. Instead, she lowered her head, while clasping her hands together.
MadamBoucher: Your ballet teacher complained a few things about you.
I felt like something ran down my spine when I heard about that.
Mother hates when teachers complain about me.
If that happened, I would be beaten, or had to kneel while holding my hands in the air for hours.
What should I say ? That "I tried really hard" ? It sounds more like an excuse.
MadamBoucher: [Y/n], was mother wrong ?
I was startled to see my mother bury her face in her palm.
MadamBoucher: I told you to study ballet because it helps you, but you don't seem to like it at all. Do you....do you feel tortured ? Because of me....? That's why you behave like this ?
Her voice became shaky, and I could hear her sobs.
Seeing my mother cry makes me feel not right at all.
[Y/n]: No ! It's not like that ! I didn't feel that way at all ! I didn't do well because I was lacking. I'm the one who should apologize for not trying harder.
MadamBoucher: Really ?
[Y/n]: Yes. It's my fault, I will fix it. I promise to try harder to not disappoint you. So...please don't cry....
MadamBoucher: Oh honey....
Mother wrapped me in her warm embrace.
MadamBoucher: I know you will do it well.
I leaned my head on my mother's shoulder, trying to shake off the strange feeling inside of me.
After placing a kiss on my forehead, she covered me with a blanket and left the room.
MadamBoucher: Good night, sweetie.
[Y/n]: Good night, mom.
Darkness and silence enveloped the room.
I stared blankly at the ceiling. I started tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in.
It is impossible due to the wound on my foot.
I'm in pain, and I'm hungry too.
I started sobbing. At that moment, a knock sounded.
I thought it was either the servant or my mother, but when I listened closely, the noise wasn't coming from the front door, but from the window.
The window was covered by the curtain so I'm not sure if someone was knocking on it. Until the knock sounded like a melody, my eyes lit up.
I limped over to open the window.
There was only one person who would knock like that.
[Y/n]: Merlin !
I smiled brightly when I saw him sitting on the branch of the tree near my window.
Merlin, who was trying to keep his balance, smiled back at me.
Merlin: Hi there ! Good thing you haven't slept yet.