Friday, March 9th, 2018.
Junior year. Friday before spring break, Raleigh-Durham International airport.
"We're not going to make it."
"Relax, dad. We're going to get there with plenty of time to spare." Quackity scoffed in response to Dream's panic. Dream had been stressed about their flight since he lost the vote of whether they should leave Friday night or Saturday morning.
Sapnap, for once, didn't mind the bickering. He wasn't blaring his music in his headphones to drown out conversations he didn't want to be included in. He wasn't even wearing his perpetual scowl.
Things just felt, well, good.
The semester had a rocky start- not getting into one of the classes he needed, failing his first exam (he got an 87/100, but that was considered failing in his dad's eyes), and his first off-campus apartment had a mouse problem.
There was also the fact Karl had a boyfriend.
That wasn't necessarily, like, a bad thing, it was just a bit unexpected. Not that it was any of Sapnap's business. Plus, it was nice seeing how happy Josh made Karl.
Sort of.
Sapnap had definitely distanced himself from any interactions with their friend group as a whole, seeing that Josh was essentially glued to Karl's side. He blamed his absence on his upper-level courses having a heavy workload and his friends didn't question him further about his sudden disappearances.
But that didn't matter, because things were good now.
He was back with Cleo, and honestly, he hadn't felt this comfortable in their relationship since before the first cheating scandal freshman year. Sapnap had been making an effort to be more patient with her, more understanding, and it had been working in his favor.
Sapnap had a girlfriend who almost seemed to overcompensate with sexual favors to show her thanks for him taking her back, his grades were doing better, and he stopped fixating on how some other guy got to make Karl smile everyday.
"I can't wait to see our room, puppy." Cleo whispered in his ear. Unpleasant goosebumps raised on Sapnap's neck, but it was an improvement from the shiver the nickname used to send down the entirety of his spine.
"We do get our own room, right?" Sapnap called out from his and Cleo's spot in the backseat, one of her legs draped over his lap, and his hand on her inner thigh.
"I was going to make you room with Sylvee and Hannah, you know, to deter you guys from fucking in my parents' house, but I figured that would just be cruel for them to deal with. So, yes, you nasties have your own room." Quackity yelled over his shoulder, making everyone in the car (besides Cleo) laugh.
"I don't get why Alexis has to be so vulgar all the time." She said just to Sapnap, rolling her eyes. Sapnap bit his tongue, reminding himself that they were all just overtired from their full day of classes, followed by rushing to get everything packed to go.
"Quackity, Cleo. Or at least 'Alex'. No one calls him by his full first name." Sapnap answered at the same volume.
"I'm not calling a grown ass man 'Quackity'." She grumbled, slinging Sapnap's arm around herself.
"This grown ass man is letting you stay, for free, at his parents' beach house. Do you even know how much it would've cost us to rent a place half the size? Please, just... play nice." Sapnap asked, turning her face towards his.
She looked up at him with those big brown eyes. It was amazing how innocent they could look when she wanted, since Sapnap of all people knew the types of thoughts she had behind them.
"Play... nice." Sapnap repeated, leaning down to give her a quick kiss. It seemed to be enough to tide her over. She leaned further into his side, resuming her focus on her phone.
Sapnap looked up just in time to catch Dream looking over his shoulder, a less than pleased look on his face from witnessing their affection. Sapnap rolled his eyes, going back gazing out the window.
The January slush had all dried up, but everything was still brown and dead. The trees had yet to bloom new leaves and the grass looked more like hay. Sapnap couldn't wait to be in Mexico, to step out into gloriously hot and humid air.
Much to Dream's relief (and everyone else's, since it meant Dream stopped projecting his anxiety), they made it to their gate with time to spare. Sapnap was sitting by Quackity and George, trying to download as many of his Spotify playlists as he could before they were called to board.
"Thank god Dream didn't ride with Punz, I guess." George laughed, nudging Sapnap to look at Dream. He had his ticket out, his carry on by his side, and was standing in a one man line by the gate.
"They still have forty-five minutes before we board. They'll make it." Sapnap laughed, snapping a couple photos of Dream to send in the group chat.
"He's gonna bite Karl's head off if they don't make it. The next flight doesn't take off until after ten, I think. They'd be stuck here for hours if they missed this one." Quackity laughed, responding to Sapnap's message with the same photo of Dream, with the addition of some hand drawn pieces of art- art being penis doodles and hearts.
"Yeah, that'd s- wait. What do you mean he'd bite off Karl's head? Karl isn't coming." Sapnap's laughter fell flat.
"George, you said you were gonna let everyone know!" Quackity huffed, looking around Sapnap.
"I didn't say I'd do shit." George leaned forward defensively, letting out a scoff.
"Yes you did! You said-"
"Let everyone know what?" Sapnap interrupted, extending both his arms to push them each back into their own seats.
"George said he would let everyone know that Foolish had to bail and Karl was taking his place. He's failing one of his history classes and said his parents kinda flipped when he said he was going away for spring break. So, yeah, Karl's coming instead." Quackity answered, adjusting his beanie.
Sapnap held his tongue, lowering his arms to his sides. There was a pit growing in his stomach, one that he hadn't felt in a few months. A pit that expanded further the second he spotted Cleo walking back from the bathroom.
"Why are you acting like it matters? It's just Karl. I don't get why you're so weird around him- he's always nice to you." George added on after seeing the tense look on Sapnap's face.
"Yeah, what's wrong with your face? You look constipated." Quackity chimed in with a laugh, just as Cleo approached.
"Ah, poop jokes. Real classy, Alexis." Cleo muttered, crossing her arms and standing in front of Sapnap.
All that patience, all that understanding, was starting to wear pretty thin. It took all of Sapnap's strength to not snap at her. Thankfully, he didn't get the chance to if he wanted.
"Yeah, poop jokes are pretty shitty." Quackity responded with a mischievous grin.
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes, leaning down to sift through her carry on.
"Whatever yourself, Cleopatra." Quackity scoffed under his breath, but Sapnap knew that if he heard it, Cleo must've as well. He looked up just as she was gritting her teeth, clutching tightly onto the hairbrush she pulled out.
"That's not even my-"
"Behave." Sapnap interrupted, speaking under his breath. He stood from his seat and tugged her to sit in it instead.
"Puppy, where are you-"
"Bathroom." Sapnap interrupted, waving over his shoulder and leaving the general area. He had far too much on his mind to also babysit the Quackity-Cleo showdown of the hour.
He went into the bathroom, closing the stall door behind him. He sat down, resting his head in his hands, and pulled out his phone. It was 4:15pm, meaning only thirty more minutes until they boarded, and less than thirty minutes until he was going to see Karl.
Karl and the parasite attached to his hip.
Sapnap scrolled down his messages, finally spotting Karl's name. Their last texting conversation dated February 3rd.
hey! Q said you guys were having a party at your apartment tonight and invited me n josh :) should we bring stuff?? i still have some malibu from last weekend i could bring! that's the stuff i use to make the pina colada u like:)
Okay.
great! anything else we can bring? josh is driving us there, so we could go to the store if u need snacks or cups or something :)
No.
alrighty then, see you later!
Sapnap reread the messages, his lackluster responses staring at him like salt in a wound. He remembered feeling a similar pit in his stomach back then that he did now, knowing Josh was going to be in his apartment.
Josh was going to be there, he was going to have his hands all over Karl, he was going to be the one Karl leaned on when he drank a little too much or started to laugh a little too hard. Josh was going to be there and Sapnap wouldn't even be a blimp on Karl's radar.
Not that it mattered.
It was just that Sapnap didn't like being around new people and he was going to have a new person in his house, in his space, and he got no say in the matter.
"Aye, buddy, there's people waiting out here."
Sapnap locked his phone and sighed, standing up and using his foot to flush the toilet, despite not even using it.
He left the stall, ignoring the sour looks on a few strangers' faces, and washed his hands. His reflection stared back at him like a hollow version of himself. Less than an hour ago, he was laughing in the car with his friends, his arm around his girlfriend, and the idea of joining the mile-high club in the back of his mind.
Now the thought of Cleo's hands on him was borderline repulsive.
Sapnap dragged himself away from the sink, not wanting to spend any more time in a crowded bathroom than he needed. He stepped out, looking over to his group of friends. No sign of Punz, Karl, Sylvee, or Hannah yet.
It was a relief, but it didn't change who was over there- Cleo. Sapnap started walking in the opposite direction, b-lining to the nearest shop.
It was a convenience-type store, with snacks, water, and other small items passengers could bring on the plane with them. Sapnap looked around more slowly, deciding this would be a decent enough place to hide until it was time to board.
He gravitated towards the candy, thinking something to satisfy Cleo's sweet tooth might mellow her mood. He grabbed a couple different types, not really sure what she would like. That was when Sapnap spotted a bag of Sour Patch Kids, Karl's favorite candy.
Despite his better judgment, Sapnap grabbed a bag, adding it to the basket he had picked up. He added a few more items- two water bottles, a neck pillow, and a pair of sunglasses- before heading to check out.
Their first flight was about three hours, followed by an hour layover, and then another two hour flight. Sapnap was only a little bitter that he lost the vote on spending the extra $150 per ticket to get a direct flight instead of one with a layover.
"Here." Sapnap said with a monotone expression, holding out the bag to Cleo (aside from the Sour Patch Kids, which he had kept in his hoodie pocket).
"What's this?" She asked, looking inside and sifting through it. Her face brightened when she pulled out a Twix bar, smiling up at Sapnap. "You got me my favorite candy? Puppy, you're so sweet!" She stood, wrapping her arms around Sapnap's shoulders, kissing him a little sloppier than he would've preferred for a public setting, and then resting her forehead against his neck.
Sapnap looked over her head at the group, seeing Dream roll his eyes, George completely knocked out on Dream's shoulder, and Quackity pointing his finger in his mouth to pretend he was gagging.
"There's, uh, also a neck pillow in there. I know you said you wanted to sleep on the flights." Sapnap took a step back, pretending to not notice the displeased look on her face when he broke the hug.
"You're too nice to me." She gushed anyway, taking the gray pillow out of the bag.
"Got one thing right." Quackity mumbled.
Whether she genuinely didn't hear him, or was choosing to keep the peace for Sapnap's sake, he was thankful she let the comment go.
"There you guys are!" Dream let out a relieved sigh, waking up George so he could stand.
The pit in Sapnap's stomach may as well have dropped to the floor, the bright giggle that haunted him coming into earshot.
"I told you we wouldn't miss it!" Karl laughed and Sapnap didn't have to turn around to know there was a wide smile on Karl's face. He shoved his hands into his pockets, stealing Dream's seat to sit next to Cleo, and kept his eyes fixed on the floor.
Things were starting to move by a little faster now. The announcement for their flight and boarding group was called, which sprung everyone into action. By the time they were on the plane, the sun was nearly set, and Sapnap had somehow managed to avoid even looking in Karl's direction.
He could already envision Karl wearing something that was not suitable for the weather they were about to step into (probably a button-up, crewneck layered over it, and jeans if he had to guess), with Josh, tall and lean, draped over him like a wet blanket.
Did Sapnap feel a little insecure around Josh? Maybe. He was all the things Sapnap would never be.
Over six-feet tall, body built like an Olympic swimmer, completely acne free skin.
Karl's boyfriend.
"Psst."
Sapnap opened his eyes, pulling out one of his headphones, and looking at Cleo. He furrowed his brows when he realized she was already asleep, wearing the neck pillow he bought her, and her forehead resting next to the window. He turned to his other side, looking across the aisle, only to be met with none other than his favorite pair of gray eyes.
"Hi." Karl smiled, still speaking in a whisper. It was a fairly unspoken rule that you don't talk on planes, at least not during an evening flight.
"What?" Sapnap asked, looking around. Dream and George were a couple rows behind him and Cleo, Hannah and Sylvee were in the two seats next to Karl, and he wasn't able to see where anyone else was.
"Nothing, just, hi." Karl covered his mouth when he giggled, probably noticing he was the only one interrupting the silence.
"Why aren't you sitting with Josh?" Sapnap asked, his brows still furrowed. Karl looked almost a little sad hearing the question.
"Oh, uh, he already had plans to, um, to go see his family for break, so he's not coming." Karl shrugged, looking at Sapnap expectantly. What he was expecting, Sapnap had no idea.
"Bummer." Sapnap sat forward in his seat again, shoving his hands in his pocket, only to be met with the crinkling of a plastic bag. He wrapped his hand around it slowly, looking back over in Karl's direction. Karl was on his phone, getting ready to put his headphones in.
"Do you want these? Cleo, uh, she said she doesn't like them." Sapnap whispered, really hoping Cleo actually was asleep. He pulled out the bag of Sour Patch Kids, watching Karl's eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning.
"Yes!" Karl said a bit too loudly, earning a few hushes from nearby passengers. He giggled anyway, accepting the bag from Sapnap.
"These are my favorite candy, like, ever." Karl whispered. "I guess her taste in sweets isn't anywhere near as good as her taste in guys." Karl popped one of the candies in his mouth, hiding his smile behind his hand.
"Just eat the processed sugar and shut up." Sapnap scoffed under his breath, adjusting his hat and facing forward again when Karl only giggled more at his comment.
"Wanna share? Oh, wait, do these have mango in them?" Karl asked, seemingly to himself. He flipped the bag over, inspecting the ingredient list.
"They don't, but I'm good, thanks." Sapnap said quietly, putting his headphones back on before Karl could say anything else.
He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the thumping in his chest. If it was any louder, he was sure a flight attendant would try to kick him off the plane for hiding a ticking bomb under his shirt- either that or ask if there was a doctor on the flight.
Something as simple as Karl remembering and worrying about his mild allergy to mangos was such a simple kindness- but so unexpected. He was fairly certain the only time the conversation of allergies came up was when he had gotten drunk enough to try someone's daiquiri, not realizing it had mango in it.
Sapnap closed his eyes, let himself drift off to fond memories of giggling about swollen lips and an itchy tongue, while cramped on the floor inside a bathroom stall with Karl.
Sapnap fell asleep not long after, waking up to the groans of passengers reacting to the cabin lights being turned on, all the overhead signs were lighting up the 'please fasten your seatbelt' picture.
The process repeated all over again. Dream being an anxious wreck about missing their connecting flight, Sapnap finding himself hiding in a bathroom when being the Quackity and Cleo mediator became too much, and doing everything in his power to avoid staring at Karl to his heart's content.
He couldn't even remember the last time he saw Karl without Josh with him. It felt freeing in a way, like one of the buffers between them had finally dissipated. There were still plenty in their way though, one of them sitting with her head against his arm.
It was late when they landed in Mexico, the sky dark and the breeze inviting. The air was warm and salty, just like he was hoping for. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, and didn't hold back the smile growing on his lips.
"Wow, I don't think I've seen you smile like that since the time Gina made gyros for your birthday last year." Karl interrupted his moment of peace, walking up to Sapnap's side.
The airport was close enough to the beach that he could hear and smell the water, but couldn't see it. There was sand sprinkled over the sidewalk as well. Even if it wasn't a late night walk on the beach, with the full moon lighting their path, it didn't change the fact that Sapnap just wanted to be closer to Karl at that moment.
"I missed weather that doesn't suck." Sapnap answered with a shrug, keeping his eyes closed.
"It's not even bad out in North Carolina right now. I swear, you're literally the biggest baby when it comes to the cold. I think you'd die if you went to New York in the winter time." Karl laughed, bumping his shoulder against Sapnap's and that just made Sapnap spiral a little further.
He didn't want a bump or a nudge or anything that lasted less than a lifetime.
"Snow is stupid." He settled on instead, crossing his arms over his chest to avoid any other unwanted (very wanted) touches from Karl.
"Snow is magical, you imbecile." Karl countered, not taking the hint in the slightest, and reaching out to hold onto Sapnap's bicep with both his hands.
"Half-frozen rain isn't magical and if you think otherwise, you're the imbecile." Sapnap sheepishly pulled his arm away, taking far too much notice to the way Karl traced his hand all the way down his arm before bringing his hand back to his side.
"Okay, North Carolina snow sucks- I'll give you that. But you haven't seen real snow! Snow that piles up multiple feet high and sparkles in the sunlight- that's real snow, magical snow." Karl explained, while trying to tuck his hair behind his ears from the wind blowing it all over the place.
"More snow is worse not... not, uh-" Sapnap trailed off, too distracted by a rogue piece of hair that Karl missed to finish his thought. For the second time in one night, Sapnap ignored the voice of reason in his head, screaming at him to ignore it.
He reached out, trying to tuck the hair behind Karl's ear. Karl started to giggle on Sapnap's third try, when the wind just blew another piece out of place.
"It's not going to work, just give it-"
"For fuck's sake. Here." Sapnap huffed, taking off his hat and putting it on Karl's head. The hat was tight enough for him to adjust Karl's hair without the wind being able to blow it all over the place again.
"There we go." Sapnap sighed, content with his work. He ran a hand through his own hair, finding himself enjoying the way the night breeze rushed through his unbrushed curls.
"Thank- um, thanks, Sapnap." Karl stuttered a bit, holding up a hand to cover the bottom half of his face. Sapnap instantly noticed the color difference- Karl's face being a deep shade of red compared to the pale skin on the back of his hand.
"No, uh, no problem." Sapnap mumbled, taking a step away from him. He looked around, hoping for any form of a distraction from the blush he knew he caused, only to be met with big brown eyes staring at him.
"The Ubers are here." She said with her voice shockingly level.
Karl turned around when he heard her talking, darting his eyes at Sapnap before heading towards the rest of the group without a word.
"What the fuck was that?" She asked the second Karl was out of ear shot.
"What was what?" Sapnap asked back, wishing he was better at playing dumb. It was never a tactic that seemed to work in his favor.
"Are you fucking him?" She asked, holding her ground, and not letting Sapnap walk past her. Well, he could tell that was the intent of her trying to body block him from walking away, but it's hard to be intimidating at five-foot one.
"No." Sapnap answered flatly, the word sitting bitter on his tongue. There was something he found ironic about it in a way- her constant complaints about how vulgar Quackity can be, meanwhile she asks if he's fucking Karl.
"I don't believe you." She shook her head. Sapnap looked over her head, spotting Dream and George staring in their direction, everyone else almost finished getting in the cars.
"Then why the fuck did you ask?" Sapnap's tone was low and exhausted, but more sharp than he would've liked, considering they didn't really have the choice to break up for at least eight more days.
"I'm not sleeping with him. I've never slept with him. Can we please just go? Everyone's waiting." Sapnap said with a sigh, conserving his limited energy and trying to remind himself how nice things can be when he's just a little more patient.
"You didn't say you don't want to-"
"Cleo." He said her name like a warning, burying his forehead in the palm of his hand. She looked up at him for one more second before turning around without another word, walking towards the cars.
Sapnap followed a few strides behind her, nodding at Dream when he made eye contact. Dream's look said a lot of things.
Don't tell me you two are fighting.
Please don't make everyone witness your break up.
Why are you with her when she makes you miserable?
They were questions Sapnap was already asking himself long before he could see them written all over Dream's face.
The drive to Quackity's parents' house was quiet and longer than he was expecting. He wondered if the drive would've felt shorter if he were riding in the same car as Karl instead of Cleo.
"This is it, the white one with blue shutters." Quackity pointed from his spot in the passenger's seat, letting everyone know they had arrived, after giving the driver some instructions in Spanish.
Sapnap perked up, looking out the window. It was rather dark, but the moon was bright enough to let him get a decent view. The house was nice, huge, and it turned out Quackity wasn't joking when he said it was right on the water. The yard was essentially just sand.
"Gracias de nuevo!" Quackity called before closing the car door, tapping on the side of the vehicle to let the driver know he was good to head out.
The air was cooler now, both from it being later in the night, as well as the breeze coming off the water.
"Alright! Ladies, gentlemen, Cleo." Quackity clapped his hands together, gaining everyone's attention. Cleo scoffed from Sapnap's side, but to his surprise, didn't rebuttal. "This house is my parents' prized possession. They love it more than me. So, please, don't break shit and get me disowned."
He got a few unconvincing responses, promising that the stay would go undetected, before everyone headed inside.
"Damn, so your family is like, rich rich?" Punz asked with a laugh, picking up the first mosaic glass vase he saw.
"Estoy a nada-" Quackity cut himself off, gently taking the vase out of Punz's hands and setting it back down. "Take notes, everyone. This is an example of what not to do. If something looks like it could be older than you, it probably is, so don't touch it."
He rolled his eyes when Punz laughed, not taking the advice seriously. The rest of the group seemed a bit more behaved, probably from how exhausted everyone was. Sapnap grabbed Cleo's bag, slinging it over his shoulder, and headed upstairs to pick a room for them.
This was going to be a long week and it hadn't even started yet. Sapnap didn't wait for Cleo to join him. He crawled into bed, laying face first on a pillow, knocking out instantly.
"Sapnap? Are you still sleeping?"
There was a gentle poke on his shoulder and the room was disgustingly bright around him. He lifted his head slowly, finding himself in the exact same position he had fallen asleep in.
"Wha-" Sapnap mumbled, rubbing his eyes in hopes they'd adjust to the brightness.
"We're all going to go grab some food. Do you want to come with us? Or, uh, I can ask Cleo to bring you back something."
Sapnap hardly processed the words, blinking slowly, while his eyes focused on Karl. He had one knee kneeling on the bed so he could reach where Sapnap was laying in the center of it.
He was still wearing Sapnap's hat.
The half asleep part of his brain wandered to thoughts of tapping the bed beside him, inviting Karl to crawl in all the way. He thought of how peaceful it would be to waste away the morning, wrapped around Karl, while listening to the sound of the waves crashing through the open windows.
"I'm up." Sapnap spoke under his breath, pushing himself up from the bed and out of the dangerous fantasy.
"You sure? You knocked pretty hard last night. If you, um, if you want to sleep for a bit longer, really it's-"
"Are you good?" Sapnap interrupted, unable to focus on anything other than the way Karl was nervously ringing his hands. After a stray look at the bedroom door, Karl climbed into the bed, sitting cross legged in front of Sapnap.
"Did I do something to make Cleo mad? I get that she's, well, she has a strong personality- but she's never been outright mean to me until today. I just want to know what I did so I can apologize." Karl said while looking down, like he was ashamed.
"What the- wait, what did she do?" Sapnap asked with furrowed brows, instantly freezing in the position he was in. It was one thing for Cleo to make snarky and rude remarks to his friends that had no issue throwing it right back at her- but Karl?
That was crossing a line.
"I really don't want to start any-"
"Karl, tell me what she did." Sapnap said more slowly, annunciating his words. Karl noticeably gulped at his reaction, looking down at the bed again.
"She basically told me that I should keep to myself from now on." Karl mumbled and Sapnap could already tell that Karl was paraphrasing in her favor. After his prolonged stare, Karl caved under the pressure.
"She said she can 'smell the desperation' on me and it's pathetic how hard I try to get your attention." Karl answered more honestly, hugging one of his arms across his chest.
"She's projecting her own shit. She keeps accusing me of cheating with any person I have a one on one conversation with. Really, ignore her and just... do whatever you want, Karl." Sapnap rubbed his temples, feeling hungover despite the drinking not having begun yet.
"Projecting? You mean you think she's the one cheating?" Karl asked, clearly taken aback.
"Wouldn't be the first time." Sapnap shrugged, letting out a sigh.
"What?" Karl blinked rapidly and his face was getting a little red. It was needless to say this was not the reaction Sapnap was expecting.
"What do you mean what?" Sapnap asked back, looking around the room.
"She's cheated on you...you think she's still cheating on you...but you've kept getting back together with her all this time?" Karl asked, finally looking Sapnap in the eyes.
"It-it's more complicated than that." Sapnap deflected, ignoring the fact it wasn't more complicated than that.
He and Cleo would be dating, she would cheat or lie or do any other horrible thing, they would break up, and he would always go back to her.
"Why, why, would you put yourself through that willingly?" Karl asked, refusing to let the topic go.
"Why do you care? It doesn't even affect you." Sapnap muttered, getting out of the bed. He unzipped his suitcase, grabbing the first cohesive outfit he could find.
"Something doesn't have to affect me for me to care about it." Karl refuted, crawling over to the spot Sapnap abandoned.
"Well, I don't know what to tell you." I hate it too. "Maybe I'm just overreacting and she isn't projecting or cheating." I wish I could be with someone who doesn't hurt me. "Maybe she just makes me happy." I wish I could be with you instead.
Karl scoffed.
Karl actually scoffed.
"She makes you happy? That's what you're going with?" Karl asked with a pointed look.
"Yeah, she does." Sapnap was lying through his teeth at that point, but he felt like his pride was on the line.
"Right." Karl shook his head, standing from the bed.
"Where are you-"
"Why do you care? It's not like it affects you." Karl said without turning around, throwing Sapnap's own words back in his face.
Sapnap found himself standing alone in his room, a t-shirt and pair of shorts clutched in his hand. There was also a burning feeling in his eyes and an uncomfortable lump in his throat. He knew he wanted to cry, but god damn it, he was going to fight back the tears like his life depended on it.
He had never seen Karl angry before, let alone angry at him.
He'd seen Karl cry, even feeling fairly certain he was the reason behind some of those tears- but anger? Never.
Sapnap had half a mind to go downstairs, to kiss Cleo right in front of him, to show Karl what being happy looks like.
He also knew he wasn't that good an actor.
Don't wait up
Sapnap tossed his phone back on the bed after texting the group chat, looking around one of the closets in search of a towel. Dream texted back almost immediately.
U sure?
Sapnap rolled his eyes, thumbs-up reacting to the message instead of typing out a response. He gave up trying to find a house towel, grabbing the beach towel he packed out of his suitcase instead.
After another look between the bathroom door and the open windows, Sapnap headed out of his room. He had heard the front door shut a few minutes earlier, so he knew he would be safe from running into anyone else. He walked through the sliding glass doors, his feet sinking into hot sand.
The breeze off the water was still a bit cool, but the sun showered him with warmth. Before Sapnap knew it, he was running. He was running and striping and throwing his clothes carelessly onto the sand. He was tripping over his shorts, barely taking them off in time for the chilly water to rush over his ankles.
Considering there wasn't anyone around, Sapnap debated on taking off his boxers as well, but decided to leave them on just in case a neighbor came out to admire the view.
He dove into the small waves, snorting the saltwater out of his nose when he came up for air.
A muffled giggle caught his attention, the sound of it almost drowned out by the waves crashing around him.
Sapnap turned around to see Karl waiting on the shore, one arm wrapped around his chest, the other covering his face. The sound of his laugh was whisked away by the wind, leaving only the shadow of a smile left on Karl's lips.
"I thought you went with, uh, I can... leave." Sapnap called out, unsure what he was even thinking. Karl's expression was nothing like the red-in-the-face anger it was less than ten minutes ago. His skin was still a little warm looking, but Sapnap chalked that up to the start of a sunburn.
"Stay. I'm fine." Karl shrugged, looking around to scope out a good seat. There were plenty of sitting and laying chairs on the other side of the yard, but the spot next to Sapnap's shorts seemed to be more inviting.
"Karl, really-"
"I'm sorry." Karl interrupted, lowering his gaze when Sapnap was nearly out of the water, only a few meters away from him.
"Why are you apologizing?" Sapnap asked. He sat down in the sand, a few inches of water still lapping around him, and the occasional wave splashing up his back.
"Because I was a jerk." Karl shrugged, but his shoulders seemed to slump lower on their way down.
Sapnap watched Karl's demeanor shift. He wondered if he was getting too hot from the sun. He wondered if his presence was making Karl uncomfortable. He wondered why Karl would choose the one time he has a boyfriend to freak out about the way Cleo treats him.
"It's okay." Sapnap settled on, deciding to ignore the questions nagging his mind. He squinted his eyes, using his hand to block out the sun.
"It's not." Karl sighed, falling back into the sand. Sapnap crawled out of the water, even though the sun beating down on him felt much better with the contrast of the cool water.
He sat down next to Karl, overwhelmingly aware of all the sand sticking to his dripping skin. Karl looked up at him, that same expecting look on his face that Sapnap noticed on the plane. If only he knew what Karl wanted from him.
"Josh and I broke up last week." Karl seemed to blurt out, his eyes flicking between Sapnap's. "He... he cheated on me. Actually, he cheated on me three weeks ago and we were trying to work things out, but I guess he just wanted to see other people." Karl sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head back in the sand.
All the displaced anger that Sapnap didn't understand earlier suddenly made perfect sense.
How the fuck could Josh cheat on Karl and Karl still wanted to try 'working it out'?
Sapnap bit his tongue, knowing the venom in his voice that he wished he could unleash on Josh would only cause Karl more stress.
"I guess I got mad because, well, she did something horrible to you and you forgave her. You did more than forgive her, you gave her a second, well more like hundredth, chance and she took it. Maybe I was actually just projecting my issues, since I gave Josh that second chance and he didn't want it. It feels... pathetic. Yeah, pathetic. Fighting to stay with the person who betrayed you when they don't even care? That could be the definition of pathetic right there-"
"He's pathetic. He's the fuck up here. He's the idiot for walking away from you." Sapnap interrupted, trying to minimize the frustration in his voice, not wanting Karl to mistake it as being directed at him.
"Why are you so sure about that when it comes to me... but not about you?" Karl asked, shielding the sun from his eyes, scrunching up his face while he looked up.
Sapnap let out a defeated sigh, finding himself surprised that he didn't see this coming.
"You're good, Karl. You're good. Good people deserve good things." Sapnap shrugged, ignoring the water in his eyes from the sun burning into them. He tried to focus on the few clouds in the sky, watching the way they quickly moved in the wind.
"I think you're good too." Karl said more quietly, his voice sounding almost far away.
"Not so sure about that." Sapnap mumbled, more so to himself than Karl.
How good could he be when he intentionally tried to drive people away from him? How good could he be when he continued to string someone along when he knew his heart hadn't been in it for years?
How good could he be when he ignored every sign Karl gave him out of his own selfish fears?
"You're gonna burn." Karl reached out, pressing the back of his fingers against Sapnap's face. His cheeks were the same temperature as Karl's hands, so maybe they both had already started to burn.
"Oh well." Sapnap shrugged, grimacing when he felt the sand shift beneath him, finding new damp places to stick to.
Karl's hand lingered on his cheek for a second more, running one finger across his skin before pulling away. He missed the touch as soon as it was gone.
"Sorry... again." Karl said quietly, his hand brushing against Sapnap's arm when he laid it by his side.
"Stop apologizing. Shit's annoying." Sapnap mumbled, nudging Karl with his arm. He squinted one eye open, turning his head to look at Karl with a half smile.
He wanted to kiss him.
He wanted to do so much more than kiss him.
Sapnap wanted to pick him up, carry him into the water, laughing all the air out of his lungs when Karl would panic and cling onto him to avoid getting wet. He wanted to plunge them both into the water and then kiss the pout off Karl's lips.
"Even though you're not the one freshly out of a relationship, can we still talk about the cats and the house?" Karl asked, a smile growing on his face the longer they held eye contact.
Sapnap let out a stark laugh, shaking his head against the sand, fairly certain he would have so much sand in his hair that he wouldn't even need to bring some home in a jar.
"Alright. Hit me." Sapnap agreed after a minute, watching the sunlight twinkling in Karl's eyes.
They stayed like that for another hour, laying in the sand with their unprotected skin getting rosy from the midday sun, indulging themselves in the fantasy of a shared future.
Sapnap felt guilty for sitting up so quickly, creating space between himself and Karl, when he heard the car pull up.
"I'm gonna go take a shower." He said while standing, brushing off the sand now that his skin was dry.
"'Course." Karl nodded. His smile was much smaller now, but it was still there, and it was still for him.
"And Karl?" Sapnap paused after leaning down and picking up the last stray article of clothing he had discarded long ago. Karl perked up from hearing his name, sitting up and looking at Sapnap over his shoulder, with his head tilted to one side.
"I'm really sorry that happened to you. That Josh, you know, did what he did." Sapnap shrugged with an empathetic smile, because he truly did understand how Karl felt.
"Thanks, Sapnap." Karl smiled, turning back to face the water, resting his chin on his knees, which he had pulled to his chest. Sapnap took a second to admire the way Karl's hair blew in the wind. It was the longest Sapnap had ever seen him keep it, falling down to the nape of his neck, showing off his curl pattern.
He turned around, heading back in the house. Everyone seemed rather quiet and Sapnap could only guess the things Cleo must've said that made everyone this visibly uncomfortable.
"Sleeping beauty awakens." Quackity broke the silence, gesturing grandly towards Sapnap.
"We thought you died or something. Like, seriously, we thought you were dead." Hannah tacked on, cracking open one of the bags.
"Jesus, did sleeping beauty fall asleep in a fucking tanning bed? You're a lobster!" Dream said in a panic once his eyes landed on Sapnap's entirely pink skin.
"Worse, I spent twenty minutes in the sun." Sapnap rolled his eyes, bumping shoulders with Punz on his way upstairs. The moment of peace was interrupted by Cleo, sitting on their bed, watching the door like she was waiting for him to come up and find her.
"Hi?" Sapnap said with a raised brow, tossing his sandy clothes on the floor, and walking into the bathroom to get the shower started. Sapnap checked the water temperature, setting it as cold as it would go.
"I grabbed you breakfast." She said from behind.
He looked over his shoulder slowly, finding her staring at him from the same place on the bed. Sapnap's first thoughts were of how, even though they were fighting at the time, he much preferred the sight of Karl staring at him from the bed.
This time he noticed the bag by her dangling feet, a smoothie bowl peeking out.
"You didn't have to do that." He furrowed his brows, walking towards her hesitantly.
Sapnap figured that Cleo realized when Karl wasn't with the group, she would come home to him knowing the terrible things she said to Karl. This felt like a peace offering, her way of extending the olive branch.
For the first time, Sapnap didn't know if he could make himself accept it.
Karl's words were still ringing in his ears. Reminders that he is worthy and deserving of a love built from kindness, where the foundation is stable and built on trust.
He wondered if he could find that with Karl.
He wondered if he would be happier- or just happy in general- if it was Karl by his side instead of her.
"It's orange." Sapnap said blankly, furrowing his brow. She gave him an equally confused look back, looking down at the bag.
"Uh, yeah? It's peach-mango." She shrugged.
Sapnap laughed. Like, actually laughed. He turned around, heading back into the bathroom.
"I'm allergic to mangos." Sapnap said before shutting the door, shaking his head at the irony of all of it.
Almost three years deep and they really didn't know a damn thing about each other.
Sapnap could draw her every freckle and curve from memory. She had memorized every movement that could take his breath away- but when it came to each other's hearts, even just their most basic characteristics, neither of them had a damn clue.
---------------------------------
(7,126 words) this is spring break pt 1 and i'll post pt 2 next week, so these are probably going to be the only two chronological chapters. anyway, hope you enjoyed <3