I'm sitting in bed, wrapped in blankets, watching the ghost of my mother dance on the wall. It's late. I can see a handful of stars over London through the open window of my attic room. Most of my tech is gone, but I managed to find an old laptop and a projector. I've been watching this play-list for hours.
A creak on the landing. Two bleary eyed heads appear at the edge of the bedroom door. I say nothing. Adri runs and dives into the bed with me. Gabi follows. They wrap themselves up around me, and the three of us watch Amanda Loveless playing the role of 'mom' on the wall, her greatest hits. Clips from another time.
It's mom and me on Christmas day in our Brooklyn apartment. I must be ten. The twins are four, happily wading through a swamp of new toys and torn wrapping paper. Dad must be holding the camera. Mom and I sitting on the couch deep in conversation, covered in technology. She's teaching me how to set up my new drone project kit.
I can only watch these videos with the sound off. As if her voice would be the thing that finally sent me over the edge. Thirteen months and twelve days. Where are you mommy?
Adri twirls her hair thoughtfully.
"What was you first day like?"
I pause for a moment.
"C'mon Adri we talked about it at dinner."
Adri climbs up on my lap and looks me right in the eye.
"Yeah, but what was it really like?"
She takes a long time over the word 'really'. I can feel Gabi stroking my head like an over-sized cat.
"Things got pretty rough."
And then it all comes out. I'm talking for a long time. The twins just listen and cling onto me like I'm a life-raft. I talk about the protests at the gates. The possibly unwise choice of new best friend. The awkward moment with the mean girl. And the accusations in the school yard.
"We shouldn't have come here." Gabi whispers.
"This city is dying." Adri, as dramatic as her mom.
"Hey, listen. We're going to work this out. I'm going to go back to school and keep my head down. Everybody is going to forget about me."
"But those girls accused you of witchcraft Ursula!"
"Yeah, but the school, nobody is taking that seriously, those girls are crazy, everyone knows that. The school apologised like they were practically begging Grandma not to take me out of school."
"Why did they accuse you?" Gabi asks.
I think of my little freak out moment in the assembly. The things I didn't mention. My edited version of the truth. Ty's voice. You've got lights on you. Ms. Grigore, a real cyberwitch, actually working at my school.
"I don't know Gabi. I think. I think maybe I'm sick. I had an attack or something. In the assembly. In front of everybody. I said some strange things."
"What did you say?"
"It was like something spoke through me. It was something about apples and thorns and some nonsense words, and like some coding words maybe too.'
"Strange. Reminds me of something mom used to sing."
Adri chimes in, a note of panic in her voice.
"You gotta tell grandma, you can't go back to school."
I put as much calm and strength into my voice as possible.
"Hey, we're all gonna be OK. I'm going to school hermanita. Listen, I had a rough first day, but no harm done. We have to get a routine. You guys you'll be happier when you get back to school too."
And while I'm saying it, I'm thinking the opposite. Could I just lay it on Grandma? But I'm thinking, she'd keep me off school. And there are people at school who know about mom. Mom is in London. Mom is here. Waiting for us to find her. Nothing scarier than hope.
And then I pull the girls up around me like a couple of rag-dolls, inhaling the scent of their hair. Smells like mom. And I know I'm going back to school, because I'm going to find out everything that Ms. Grigore knows about mom.
I don't care if Ms. Grigore is dangerous. I have to find mom. She's the only person on earth who can fix all of this. Protect the twins. Protect me. Get dad out of rehab and take us all home.
And with that resolve, my body gives in to exhaustion, and all three of us fall asleep in a pile, under the smiling ghost of our mother.
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