Thinking of you
~Adult!Ciel x Reader x Sebastian Michaelis
(A Kuroshitsuji SongFic)
~
"Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed..."
~
It was almost a year after she got engaged to the Earl of Phantomhive- Ciel. She wasn't against the decision neitherr did she agree with it, Ciel was her childhood friend- her best friend, saviour- her childhood sweetheart, if you would allow- but that was nothing more than what was known to most of us as a case of 'puppy love': he was her first friend, the first actual human being introduced to her that was a tad bit close to her age, the first person that introduced her to so many things.
He was her friend- best friend, nothing less; but definitely nothing more. She fancied him but not that much to just accept and swallow the engagement wholly and totally eradicate the desires and emotions so strong that she held on and felt for another man, Sebastian Michaelis.
The man she so loved. The man that continues to love her back even with the engagement going on. The man who made her taste freedom, sweetness, pain, bitterness and reality- the only one who was able to fulfill her fantasies and grant her heart's most desperate wishes.
The man who was unfortunately her fiancé's butler...
~
"You said move on
Where do I go?
I guess second best
Is all I will know..."
~
Bright lavender orbs widened and she barely kept herself from shrieking so loud, her snow white hair whipping as she abruptly turned her back on the burgundy-eyed man, in a vain attempt to hide the stubborn tears making their way up her eyes in a parade very much loathed and unwelcomed- uninvited and currently despised by the girl who was their victim.
Such cold words said by the same soft and low voice she very much yearned for, the same gentle lips seeming to be tortured from having to release the poison that would slip pass them and straight into her heart instead of touching and caressing hers in a chaste and hurried kiss- always afraid and restrained,
those wretched words was said and her heart was drenched in cold water- with no second thoughts or remorse:
"We could not be, my dear princess. You are bound to be my master's bride and not mine."
Just that. His voice a carefully practiced routine
revolving around cold, monotonous and emotionless- painfully prepared and sober. Hidden behind a curtain of indifference and rationality was sorrow so great that she would've already drowned in- resulting to her not letting go and committing additional foolishness to their already long list of follies- should she know.
Sebastian had to do at least this much.
Let her go and hide his pain.
She never knew any of this.
He knew she was crying even with her back turned to him. Knew she was breaking into pieces even with her growling profanities at him- saw the grief her ever so bright lavender eyes released against her will. Saw the indecision in every move she made: the quiver of her upper lip, the trembling of her clenched fists, the unsteady tone of her voice that was slowly cracking in rough edges as she said in a hushed and hurt tone- as if lost,
"Where would I go then?"
"Go on ahead of me, walk along the side of my master- a man perfectly suited and made for a fine lady like yourself."
She knew what he meant: "I am not suited for you- never will I be even near my master in being a match for such a fine lady like yourself."
But she personally thought that her first most profound choice, being crossed out, would only lead her to being forced to keep up with the second.
A choice she would never make should she have the power to do so.
~
"'Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes.."
~
"Are you alright?" worried midnight blue orbs stared close into disconcerted lavender ones.
Their carriage was passing by bumps and swerves along the way but none ever made it near the consciousness of the young snow-white haired lady seated across a fine gentleman clad in a suit composed of blues and blacks, riches, flare and glamour radiating from his very being- even with him just sitting cross-legged across from her.
She only turned her head to face him, eyes in level with his blue-black ones,
'How different...' she thought, inspecting the swirls and glistens, highlights and flecks of a lighter shade of blue- they're wonderful, she must admit- she fancies blue but then another pair of wonted orbs made its way from her heart to her mind, etched forever in her soul- a color so bright and ignited as the color of passion and love, fire and fall, the very same eyes that stared into hers with love so pure and dedicated, undivided loyalty and calmed her soul down during the most turbulent experiences she ever had- before and after the engagement.
And now he's gone. He just left her. Had let go and given up when she's still willing to fight.
She doesn't know whether she has the right to get mad and angered with what he did or if she was just to succumb into it as he did....
Crimson-red... It was all she could ever think of.
~
"Are you alright?" he had been repeating the same question over and over again for the whole duration of the day- the day that they're supposed to be making their plans for the wedding. Alice wasn't with him- though she is beside him all the time, he heavily doubts he even had an iota of her attention.
She looked lost and unfocused and she thinks she's doing a great act of indifference and concentration- oh how wrong was she.
Ciel knew her better than she even knows herself- wishes that he does better than Sebastian does. But he doesn't. Her actions told him more than she would ever actually say and mean. She's with him but he doesn't have her there at all- it was ironic, paradoxical and wrong altogether.
But he wants to take his chance.
So, they ended up in his room.
Sebastian brought them tea and went out. He saw her eyes follow his butler all the way, from the moment he went in to the very second he left.
He just left and she wanted to pull him back, wanted to slap the sense back into that stoic mask he wore- wanted to see the emotions back in his face, yearns for the look he always gave her, the same simple gaze that grazed over her in such a way that was so brief yet meaningful- from the very eyes that told her more than once and made her feel that she was, indeed, loved.
They talked about random things, paused once in a while for a silence so awkward that would've been filled if it was the raven-head man she was talking to, she thought for the umpteenth time.
She wishes dearly that he wouldn't forget her that easily- that he would at least fight- and she knows that she's being selfish because she wishes Sebastian to do things he clearly shouldn't and doesn't give Ciel a chance to prove his worth- wasn't willing to try being more than a friend to him because she already have someone she actually wanted and it was him she could only think of whenever she's with the Earl.
Crimson orbs... Raven locks... Pale face... Devious smirk.... Such gentle smiles and feather light caresses...
~
A/n: Song © Katy Perry
Sebastian and Ciel and other Kuroshitsuji Characters © Yana Toboso
Plot and other characters © Yours Truly~
A/N: Next chapter will be the great weepie and a tad bit of lemon, please do look forward to it and I just might make a sequel if I receive enough initiatives from you wonderful lot <3 Please be a bunch of lovely sweethearts and R&R