I can't help when my knees give out and I slide down the wall, flushing the toilet as my hand drops down. That's the third time I've thrown up today. Yes I'm pregnant, and knowing that makes me want to cry. It's not that I'm unhappy about it, Conrad got me pregnant after we had sex on night. I don't really understand what's happening with him right now, he was so loving that night, but now he's ignoring me and paying so much attention to Belly. I love Belly I really do, I know that she hates me but she's my sister of course I love her
Conrad took my virginity then the next morning claims it was a mistake. He wasn't there when I woke up in the morning, when I finally got the strength to get out of bed, I found him playing in the pool with Belly. He didn't even say anything to me, didn't even look at me. The only person that know I'm pregnant is Steven. He definitely wasn't happy about what happened when he found out. I was taking the test because my period was late, and he barged in for some reason. I don't know he's weird. But he waited with me after I convinced him not to kill Conrad.
I'm definitely not the favorite in the family. Actually that's an understatement, my sister hates me, my mom likes my sister more than me. I know she still loves me, I's just hard knowing she would pick Belly over me in a heart beat if someone asked her to. I guess to get some background we could go back to the first day, when we got to the house.
Getting out of the car I take a nice long breath in,
"I'm finally home." I mumble to myself. Not that anyone would have payed attention to me they are to wrapped up in themselves. Susannah came bolting out of the house at full speed, not stopping.
"They're here!" She yelled over to the boys. Jeremiah runs over to Belly, looking over her for a second then picks her up and twirls her in the air.
"Ah Bells I missed you so much!" After a couple of minutes of me just standing there while everyone else talks, Steven speaks up over everyone.
"You know what time it is" Steven says, smirk visible through his voice even thought i cant see his face. "Belly Flop time!" The three boy scream at the same time, no remorse for the neighbors surrounding them. Belly tries to make a run for it, but Conrad cates her. His arm circling her waist, the sight made my heart shatter. I've loved Connie since before I can remember, my sister we were 11 but i sort of feel like she's lying. That was when I told her I like him, and before that she would always say that she loved him like a brother. You don't fall in love with your brother.
Belly and I had huge glow ups this year. I grew my hair out this winter, which is something i never do. I have never liked it long before, but now I love my hair. I have insecurity though. Belly always talks about how confident she is with Taylor, I cant relate.
Ignoring the fact neither of the boys said anything to me, got inside hoping that without Belly around my mom will let me hang out with her and Susannah. It's been 10 minutes since we went inside, I hear the back door open reviling Steven and Jeremiah.
"Hey Y/n I missed you. Did you grow your hair out?" Jeremiah says as he walks over to me and lightly threads his fingers through my hair. I answer as I push his hand away from my head.
"Yes Jere bear, I've been growing it out over the winter. I actually kind of like it longer. I've always called Jeremiah, Jere bear since we were little. The odd time out when I'm aggravated by him or upset I call him Jeremiah, but other then that it's always been, Jere bear or Miah. All of a sudden I'm over come by a cold, wet blanket.
"BELLY, I'm going to kill you!"
"Jeez y/n/n calm down." Conrad mumbles. Belly finally lets go after some bickering, and I run upstairs to get changed. I feel all my insecurities come to the surface once I'm in my room in front of my full body mirror. My white top is completely see through and I can see all my stretch marks. So many bad thoughts start sunning through my head; he's never going to want you, you look so ugly, go kill yourself. My feet are planted into the floor, it feels like there's quick sand sunder my feet. The further it sucks me down, the worse the voices in me head get.
Knock Knock Knock
"One second!" I call out, quickly putting on a sweater, making sure my face doesn't look red from crying. "Come in."
"You alright y/n, you seemed stressed out earlier when Belly hugged you." Steven expresses his concern as he mad his way over to my bed. He flopped on my bed making himself comfortable.
"Yeah, I'm fine. She was getting me wet and I didn't like it, plus i was wearing a white shirt. Last time I checked white plus water equals see through." I snap back, sass laced trough my tone.
"Whatever, I'm out." God he confuses me sometimes.
During dinner I just sit there, not touching anything on my plate really. No one says anything to me they just talk to themselves. That is until I stand up.
"Y/n where are you going, you know not to leave the table till everyone has left and you cleared the table." My mother sneers. I just sit back down not wanting to escalate the situation. Jere looks at me with a glint of pity, but it's quickly gone when Belly starts talking to him again. After everyone's gone and left their dishes on the table per my mothers request, Susannah insists on helping me, but my mother just dragged her away. After I've put the dishes in the dishwasher, put the leftovers in containers in the fridge, and cleaned the table I finally get to relax. I open the back door, making sure I close it behind me and make my way over to the pool. Thinking i would be the only one out here at this time of night, only to find Conrad sitting at the edge of the pool smoking a joint.
"Thought you said smoking was for losers and it made you dumber."
"I did, that was before I found out how good it made me feel." We went back an forth a little before he patted the concrete beside him. "Sit you must be tired of standing by now." I pull up the bottom of my pants a bit , then take a seat next to him. Maybe it was the fact i felt so unloved, or the second hand high i was getting from his joint. I remember him saying how beautiful I am, and how much we wanted me. He said all the right things. He made me think he wanted me. Once we got up to his room, he gently laid me on the bed. Slowly taking my clothes off, knowing it was my first time. When he got down to my underwear, he looked up at me asking for consent. I should have said no, but I said yes. I thought someone that I loved could finally love me back. I was wrong. If I had of gone upstirs and gone to bed, instead of going outside I wouldn't be stuck in this mess.
I wanted the man I loved to love me back, but it will always be Belly.
1 month later/present time
I brush my teeth after crying my eyes out on the bathroom floor. I wish thing could go back to normal. I go back to my room, closing my door behind me. I curl up in bed with my blanky. Yes I'm 16 and I still have a blanky. I thought the tears had all made their departure, but no I start crying and the tears feel like they are never going to stop. I feel the bed dip beside me, I must not have heard the door open from all the tears. I try my best to hold my tears in while I look over my shoulder. It's Steven. He closed the door behind himself. I turn over into his embrace and let the tears flow as he rubs my back.
"I heard you throwing up, I had to make sure you were okay." He whispers loud enough I can hear it, but if someone were to walk by they wouldn't. "Susannah wanted me to come ask you, if you wanted to come mini putting with up. On my way up I heard you, but I didn't want to disturb you.
"Okay, but only if I can wear one of you sweaters." My voice comes out all raspy from the crying.
"Deal, get dressed wipe those tears. I know you're sad about what happened but he doesn't deserve your tears. I'll be right back with a sweater." I nod as I wipe my face and get up amking my way to my closet, Steven makes his way out of my room coming back a few minutes later with one of his sweaters.
I walk down the stairs to see everyone putting their shoes on. While everyon is getting ready, Susannah looks up and sees me.
"Y/n I'm glad you decided to join us, I was a little worried when I you throw-" Steven doesnt let her finish, asking if we should go now that everyone is ready. We end up deciding we should take two cars because of how many people are going.
"I call driving!" Belly kind of screams.
"Ha funny. No." Mom says sarcastically. "I'm driving, Beck can sit passenger, Belly, Steven and Jeremiah can sit in the back."
"Wait mom I don't thi-"
"No more arguing Steven I don't want that stupid brat in the same car as Belly. Conrad knows how to drive, they'll be fine." Mom says with her tone so calm but strict that it makes me flinch.
"I'm sorry y/n/n, it'll be okay just don't talk to him" Steven whispers in my ear. I look over at Conrad but he seems upset that I was looking at him. Not surprised there he hasn't really talked to me since that night. When he does its snide remarks about the way I'm eating or sitting or really anything that involves me being in the same room as him. It makes me cry at night thinking about how nice and loving he was. I was just too stupid to see he just wanted in my pants. Jeremiah must have seen me look at the floor and sigh, when I found out I was going to be alone with Conrad because he chirps up.
"I'll go with con and y/n/n. That way it's not so crammed in the other car."
"No you don't have to Jere. You can come with us, don't feel obligated to be with that pig." My mother seems to care so much about him, yet not at all how I feel. "I don't even think Connie should be with her, but unfortunately someone invite her so someone has to drive her."
"If its such a problem , I can stay here." I whisper like if I talk any louder I'll be in trouble.
"There will be no such thin happening y/n, you are coming with us." Susannah says with a loving smile on her face and gentleness in her voice. "Laur stop being so mean to your daughter." That loving smile and gentleness is all gone when she turns to my mother strictly.
"I want to go with them, it'll be fine." Jeremiah says confidently without hesitation. The two Fisher boys sit up front while I'm in the back. I didn't want to sit nest to him anyways so its a win, win.
"Could you get your big fat head off my window." Conrad snaps at me. I flinch. I can feel the tears in my eyes, I mumble a sorry and just remove my head from the window looking down at my hands.
"That wasn't very nice Conrad." Jeremiah exclaims.
"It's okay, I'm used to it Miah." I whisper lightly. Conrad seems taken aback by what I said but just keeps his eyes on the road.
Jeremiah sighs."You shouldnt be. I dont get why Laurel treats you the way she does."
"Because it'll always be Belly."