Abhiram's POV
A lone tear drop slid down my cheeks and fell onto my t-shirt as I could feel some more salty tears blurring my eyes. The tear drop earlier had traced a hot streak, but as air gently blew upon my cheek, I could feel a sudden coldness. Was it the same about pain? Hot, intense, gut-wrenching pain striking you before you could even control and then someone blowing cold air on it, like in the case of tears. That means, the pain will go away some day? Maybe? Perhaps, it will, but now I find this really hard to believe. It seemed as though there was no way out, no possible way of relieving this pain that had been ushered in my being by the metaphorical punch to my gut.
I stood there inside the kitchen mindlessly swirling the spatula in the khichdi that I had been cooking for us. I was sure of one thing, after listening to what Avi had to say, mom and dad won't be having much of an appetite or rather if they would have any. Mom and dad had come back after so long and instead of serving them some really wonderful Gujarati food, which Avi and I would have cooked together, here was I cooking Khichdi for them, while they heard the painful cries and words of their daughter.
(Gujarati khichdi - It is a traditional and unique khichdi recipe made with rice, dals, some vegetables and sour buttermilk.)
I felt footsteps approaching me and from the rhythm of them, it must be mom. I felt her hand turning off the knob of the gas and she stood besides me leaning on the kitchen counter.
"Why Abhiram?", her voice was firm, yet I could sense the underlying sorrow in that tone.
I could not even bring myself to face her, let alone utter a single word in response. What do I even tell her after I had broken her daughter, my Avi to such an extent.
She took ahold of my hand and turned me to face her. I immediately averted my eyes in shame.
"Look at me Abhiram. Tell me what went wrong.", she urged on again.
"Mom, I, ..", I just could not speak. The lump in my throat made it impossible for me to do so.
"I have never seen my Avanti so heartbroken, so pained before this. You know Abhiram how we have raised our daughter and what kind of a human being she is. We trusted you with our heart, our baccha (child), and you do this to her. Look at her, she cannot even utter a single sentence without tears in her eyes or pain in her words. We understand it was Kinjal, but can't you even listen to your own wife once? Hear her side, hear what she has to say. Itna mushkil hota hai ye?", I winced at her words.
(Itna mushkil hota hai ye - is this too difficult?)
"Mom, I am sincerely sorry, very, very sorry for every wrong word I have uttered, for every time I have failed our relationship, failed my Avi. I am so sincerely sorry."
"You know Abhiram, as much as I know you, I believe in your words - I can clearly understand that you are speaking all of this honestly, from within your heart, but don't you think its a bit too late? Avanti's dad and I, we are not the type of parents who would interfere in their child's marriage - that's a strict no, but when it comes to protecting my child, you know how fiercely protective we are. And you, Abhiram beta, you have hurt my child, hurt her too much.", her eyes brimmed with tears.
"I know mom and I cannot even meet my own eyes in the mirror. The person I had vowed to love, protect, cherish our whole life has been hurt by me, betrayed my me, beyond our understanding."
It pained me to even utter these words.
"But mom, I promise you I will make everything right, all of it, whatever I have done wrong to my Avi, to our relationship, I promise I will mend it all.", I uttered frantically scared that she would take Avi away from me. I cannot afford that - I literally cannot see a life without her in it.
"Beta, again, its not my decision or rather my ambit to see if and when and how you shall make things right - that is the thing which you need to speak with Avanti. You are in for a long awaited conversation with her and how that conversation occurs, when it occurs solely depends upon the both of you. But yes, I cannot really see my daughter more hurt than she is at the present moment. My daughter is a sensible grown up adult, you too are. So, what happens with your marriage henceforth cannot be according to anyone's will. I will never coerce her into making any decisions, but whatever she decides, just remember, her dad and I will be standing by her side firmly.", mom was quite assertive.
"You know, as her mom, after hearing what all y'all have made her go through these past few months, I simply wish to drag her away from all the chaos, from all the hurt - including you and hide her safely within my embrace, but that's not how it works. I cannot let my present negative emotions overpower any sensible decisions which the both of you need to make now."
I glanced at her gratefully - whatever might be her reasons, just the fact that she was not taking away my Avi from me was enough.
"Mom, I am not really in the state to say more than a few words now, its just too much for me, too very overwhelming, but just know one thing, I am truly very sorry.", I apologized for the thousandth time which too was not enough.
"Abhiram, I do not know what had been going through your mind and what made you react the way you did, behave the way you did. But you are not a bad person, yes, while as Avanti's mom, yours hurting my child makes you the worst possible person in my view point, but rationally and logically, you are not a bad person beta. As a mother, I will suggest you one thing, before even trying to take steps towards mending your relationship, process those extreme emotions you withhold within - hurt, Kinjal's betrayal and that pain, yours mistrusting Avanti and that immense regret - process it all, else you would not have a clear mind to think and enact."
With a pat on my head which was way much in contrast to her usual bear hugs, mom left the kitchen leaving me behind, drowned in a whirlpool of thoughts. But there was this thing - how wonderful was this lady, I had hurt her child so much and yet, she tried to understand my side of the things.
Lunch was a rather somber affair and no one really had that appetite to eat food, yet we all pushed a few morsels for the sake of it. Mom and dad turned to leave after lunch keeping behind a bag of gifts they had gotten for us from their vacation.
"Baccha, tell Dev to drop Aaru at our home, hmm? You both need some time alone.", dad glanced at Avi who nodded affirmatively.
"Will that be fine for the both of you?", he then glanced at me and yet again received a positive response.
From Avi's expressions it seemed that dad has had a long chat with her. And it was only sensible if we were left alone to silence to digest all of those talks and think of all of the possibilities which come along.
"Also, I would suggest another thing.", mom seemed a bit hesitant, but dad simply held her hand within his encouraging her.
"Take some time apart - it doesn't have to be much, three days, four days or if it makes sense to you, even one day would be enough. Apart from your work, you have spent almost all the time in each other's presence. That was too toxic and it would be helpful if you just spend some time completely away from each other. See if this makes sense."
Mom's suggestion was valid, but a panicky thought immediately wormed its way into my head. What if Avi likes that solace far too much to not return to me.
I immediately sought her eyes, and the way she knew me, she might have grasped that panic within.
"Mom, lets see."
That was enough, that reluctance to immediately have some time apart from Avi's side, for my sake, clamed my palpitating heart for now. My Avi still cares for me, despite of all that has transpired between the two of us, she still cares for me.
For the first time since we had gotten married, I picked up my duvet and pillow from our bed to leave for the guest room. Although it hurt - being away from her, I knew it was quite necessary. In these six months, we slept together on a single bed for Aaru, but our minds were miles apart. One, in seek of solace from all the anguish of misunderstandings and the other trying to find reasons behind the turn of events. At least now, the both of us had a crystal clear idea of all the things. Sleeping without her presence would be quite a difficult task, but if that should provide me a single glimpse into resolving everything, I would definitely do that. And every other thing possible.
'You should have thought of this earlier - way too earlier.', my subconscious was quick to taunt me as always.
'And where were you all these months you saw her writhing in pain? Did you not want to remind me then?', I retorted.
But what was the use of all these musings now? What had happened, could not be changed.
Oh how I wish it would!
But now, I could only work on alleviating her deep felt pain, the wounds which run far deeper than they appear, on caressing her scars which she has bravely endured, all because of my doing.
As I lay on that unfamiliar bed that night, I could not help but reminisce yet again. Were all those happy moments I had spent with Kinjal since my childhood a mere sham? Where did I go wrong that she had to betray me, betray the all of us in such a cruel manner, that too, at the expense of her own unborn child? Was Kinjal in fact so cruel or was it something else?
As much as I wanted to delve into this matter even more to seek some answers, I also wanted to simply forgo all of what she has done. For, she seemed to have a goal of sabotaging our bonds, my relationship with Avi and she succeeded. It wasn't the mere consequence of her evil mind, but rather my thoughtlessness which she fed upon. That was the way she perpetuated the damage. She had lit the fire, but it was in my hands to be at least a bit rational and douse it. Instead, I gave in to those sparks and single-handedly wrecked what had been between Avi and I. She was at fault, rather, a well intended fault, but I was the greater fool, at an even greater fault.
Looking back, I still cannot understand the way I reacted. What exactly was that? Yes, the initial anger, I can relate it with that unprecedented tragic moment. But what about the way I behaved later? How could I be so cruel with my love, my Avi? Not even listening to her once and bearing all of that hatred, those bitter feelings within. How could I be capable of such bitter feelings for the woman I love?
The more I thought about this, the more tumultuous my mind became, the more turmoil my brain pushed me into. Kinjal's web of lies had successfully trapped my entire family. But, it was my mistrust that had completely broken my Avi and in turn the both of us.
As the night descended with darkened skies, I frantically waited for the dawn - perhaps, that new light would bring in at least some hope. Hope for Avi, for me, for us.
And there's the new chapter!
Let me know how you feel about this.
How wonderful is Avi's mom!
And what do you think of Abhi?
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See you later :)