It was a weird shift. Then again it was always a weird shift when he wasn't partnered with Buck. Chim had been working with B shift for the past week since one of their paramedics was in recovery from a pretty nasty gash on his leg that'd needed stitches. Which meant he was paired with Hen in the ambulance while Chim covered.
Not that it was bad exactly, things had actually been pretty good at the station these last two weeks since he had made up with Buck, and Bobby had seemingly also made up with him. Buck, who now bounced around the station like life had been restored to him. It was nice. Things were still a little stiff since he still hadn't really brought up Buck seeing Christopher again, but they were getting back to normal.
They were at the scene of a high school where some kid had pulled the fire alarm during a pep rally. There'd been a stampede to get out of the bleachers and several people had mild injuries, the worst being a broken arm. Everyone was scattered everywhere in the parking lot and they were all working on triaging while the teachers tried to organize the kids.
He and Hen were working on two girls side by side. They weren't too bad off, just some scrapes that needed to be disinfected and bandaged up, the broken arm and concussion having already been taken in another station's rig to the hospital.
"Hey, I know that guy!" The kid Eddie was working on said suddenly, looking over Eddie's shoulder.
Eddie followed her gaze to see she was looking at Buck who was cleaning up another kid's scraped knee.
"That's Buck. How do you know him?" Eddie couldn't help but ask.
Buck getting recognized on a scene wasn't exactly an unheard of occurrence, still though, usually it was adults who recognized him.
"I'm not sure?" The girl had a strange look on her face, "Maybe- oh."
The other girl looked over at that, then looked between the girl and Buck like she was trying to figure something out. She seemed to realize something though.
"The tsunami?" She asked the other girl, nudging her softly.
Eddie and Hen's gazes both shot up from their bandaging at that. The girl Eddie was working on nodded.
"He's ok, right?" The girl asked Eddie earnestly, "I mean, he looks ok, it's just when I last saw him he was..."
She trailed off, looking a bit far away.
"Yeah, he's alright." Hen assured her softly.
"That's good." The girl nodded, seeming like she was done talking.
And maybe he shouldn't push her for more information, actually, he almost definitely shouldn't. He couldn't just let it go though, neither Buck nor his son had shared much about what had happened that day, and he desperately needed to know more.
"Listen, you don't have to tell me anything," he started, and Hen side eyed him, but didn't stop him, "but what happened? He doesn't talk about it much."
The girl looked at him, seeming a bit unsure, but seemed to notice something in his gaze that made her nod determinedly.
"It's- I only saw him for a bit." She started, "I got swept up by the water and trapped under some sort of really heavy shop sign. I was under there for hours until suddenly there was this guy, lifting it off of me and calling a boy's name. I think it was his son's maybe, Christopher? Is- did he find him?"
Eddie sucked in a breath, "Yeah, he found him. They're both ok." He assured the girl as much as himself.
"That's- thats good." The girl nodded, taking a deep breath to steady herself before continuing, "Anyways, he pulled me out and checked me over. He was pretty beat up too though, he was bleeding a lot and he was a bit unsteady on his feet. He didn't seem to notice though, just asked me if I was ok and if I'd seen Christopher. Some of the people nearby tried to ask if he was ok, but it was like he didn't hear them, he just got right out of there once he knew I was ok. Pushing on down the street and calling for Christopher."
Eddie sucked in a breath, trying to steady himself.
"I looked, afterwards." The girl continued, "The whole group I was with heading inland to get help kept an eye out. We didn't see any kids like what he described though, I felt bad about that."
"That wasn't your fault." Eddie assured her quickly.
"Yeah, Jodie. Totally not your fault." The girl Hen had been patching up agreed, wrapping an arm around her.
"I know that, I do." The girl nodded, "It's just, I was so scared and I'm 16 and he said that that little boy was only 8! I just wish I'd been able to help the way he helped me, I wish I'd been able to know it worked out for them. Thank you, for letting me know that it did."
Something in Eddie's chest melted at the earnestness in this girls voice. She'd been through so much, and he was glad to be able to give her some peace of mind about this at least. He normally held his son so close to his chest, but something about this girl told him it was ok to maybe share a bit.
"Christopher is- he's actually my son." Eddie told her, and the girl's eyes widened as he pulled out his phone. "He's, completely ok, I promise. See."
He held out his phone where he had a picture of Christopher and Abuela from their dinner last week.
"This is him and my abuela last week." He told her, "See, totally fine."
"Oh." The girl, Jodie, said, sniffling a bit before looking away from the photo back to Eddie, "He's adorable, by the way."
"Yeah." Eddie agreed, a soft smile gracing his features.
"Thank you, for showing me that." Jodie smiled softly back at him.
"Thank you for trying to find him, even though he was a complete stranger." He replied, meaning it.
The girl just shrugged as if to say 'what else was I supposed to do.' And something in his chest melted.
"118! Let's wrap it up!" Bobby called, starling them all.
Eddie looked around to see that the scene was pretty much all cleared up. He cleared his throat and turned back to the girls.
"You two alright?" He asked, looking the girls over one last time, "Don't need a ride in the ambulance or anything?"
"No." They both shook their heads as they all got to their feet, "Thanks for the bandages though."
"No problem," Hen waved them off, "just make sure you change them twice a day or if they get dirty, and clean out those scrapes regularly too."
"Will do." The girl Hen had been working on promised.
Jodie nodded before adding a quick, "Excuse me." Before she and the other girl headed over towards where Buck was.
He and Hen watched as Jodie surprise hugged Buck, who on instinct immediately hugged back. They started talking then, and Eddie watched as Buck's eyes widened and he shot a panicked glance over at Eddie.
He could practically hear Buck's self deprecating thoughts about how he hadn't done enough for Christopher.
Hen was eyeing him, and though she didn't say anything, he could feel the guilt building up in his stomach. Which he shouldn't be feeling! Buck may have done all of that during the tsunami, but he'd also fucking left, just suddenly dropped contact with him and Christopher for weeks. He had a good enough reason to be holding back on letting him see Chris again.
Still though, he could feel the hooks of guilt sinking into him as Hen watched him carefully.
"You think I should let him see Chris again, don't you?"
Hen's gaze stayed on him, assessing. "Eddie, I'm not going to tell you what to do with your own kid."
And wasn't that just it. No one was going to give Eddie the answers to what he should do with Chris. To be fair, if anyone tried to tell him what to do with Chris, he probably wouldn't listen. Still though, he sort of wished someone would, that he could have someone just give him the right answers to parenting.
He'd felt so lost and alone in it, especially since Shannon had died and Buck had suddenly cut himself off. Sometimes it felt just like it had when he'd woken up in Texas to a note from Shannon.
Still though, maybe it was time to start considering letting someone back in.
...................................................
"Hey Bobby, can I talk to you?" Buck asked, approaching the man as their shift let out.
"Yeah, you want to head up to my office?" Bobby asked, nodding towards the stairs.
"Uh, no. I don't really want to talk to Captain Nash right now." He explained, hoping Bobby would get it.
Bobby furrowed his brow, looking both worried and confused, but he nodded. "Alright then, would you like to meet me at my house, the kids are still at home and Athena's at work for another hour."
"Yeah, sounds good, I'll follow you." Buck nodded.
This was good. He'd have some more time on the drive over to steel himself for the conversation he was about to have with Bobby.
Not enough time though, apparently, because he was pulling into Bobby's driveway behind the man way too soon. He hopped out of his jeep and followed Bobby into the house, wiping his nervous sweaty palms on his pants. He stopped in the entryway, just sort of standing there awkwardly as Bobby continued into his house.
"Hey," Bobby said softly, looking back at him quizzically when he realized that Buck wasn't following him, "You wanna come sit down?"
Buck nodded, forcing himself to follow Bobby to the living room where they both sat down on the couch. It was silent, Bobby looking at him, waiting, and Buck feeling like there was concrete holding his jaw closed.
"Would you like something to eat?" Bobby asked, clearing his throat a bit awkwardly.
Buck shook his head, "No thanks." He managed to get out.
They sat there in silence for another minute before Bobby said, "Ok, I'm going to go get us some water while you collect your thoughts, and when I come back you're going to tell me what this is about at least."
Buck nodded as Bobby got up and headed to the kitchen. He swallowed around his suddenly dry throat. Why was this so hard?
He briefly considered calling one of the others and having them just tell Bobby for him, but he didn't. Like the others had said and he was starting to understand, this was something that had to come from him.
"Alright, what is this about?" Bobby said, sitting down and handing him one of the glasses of water.
Buck took a sip, maybe it was a couple sips, before he set the glass down and spoke.
"This is about what was happening with the whole therapist thing." Buck said, nervous hands playing with his sleeves.
Bobby hummed thoughtfully at that, "I was curious about that, but Athena told me I shouldn't ask."
Thank god for that woman.
"Well you didn't, I'm telling you of my own free will." Buck said, trying to make it sound lighthearted but failing.
It was silent again for a bit, but Bobby let it be. Letting Buck sort through his tangle of thoughts until he could string together something resembling and explanation.
"Do you remember my first loss on the job?" Was what he ended up going with.
"Devon." Bobby nodded, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, clearly not sure what the connection was.
"I wasn't handling it well, and you sent me to see a therapist, rightfully so." Buck continued, and realization dawned in Bobby's eyes.
"It was her, wasn't it?"
"Yeah. It was." Buck nodded. "Anyways, I went to the session, and I actually really tried, Bobby. I swear I did."
"I believe you." Bobby said softly.
Buck shook his head, trying to push through it, "I was trying, you know? I opened up and I even started crying at one point. It- I'm not really sure how it happened but all the sudden she was just right in front of me and then she was in my lap and then- I- we sort of had sex."
It was out there now. Bobby knew, but still Buck couldn't stop talking. It was like now that the faucet was on he couldn't shut it off and the words spilled out of him.
"It's- afterwards she said I shouldn't tell anyone, and I didn't. The others found out that night before you came to the hospital for me. They sort of, helped me realize some things, you know? I mean, I always felt sort of messed up about what happened with her, and I did my research, I knew what the law said about what it was. That never really felt right though, because I didn't say no, right? I didn't stop her, I just went with it. Except, now I think that maybe it was wrong, that maybe she did-" and here it was, that word that the others had used so easily, still eluding him, still not feeling quite right, "hurt me." He settled on.
His mouth clicked shut after that, nervous eyes finding Bobby's heartbroken ones.
"Jesus, kid." Was all Bobby said, pulling Buck in for a hug that he fell into willingly, "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be sorry." Buck shook his head against Bobby's shoulder, "It wasn't your fault."
Bobby pulled back, eyes roaming over Buck's face guiltily, "I sent you back to her, and I didnt listen when you said you weren't comfortable with it. I thought you were trying to get out of therapy and then that you were trying to say something sexist to get out of it and I got angry with you and I-"
"It's okay." Buck cut him off, before considering, "Well it wasn't ok actually, that hurt, but I forgive you."
"You shouldn't." Bobby shook his head, "I failed you, both as your captain and as a friend."
Buck, shook his head, "You didn't know."
"It doesn't matter, I still shouldn't have done that." Bobby insisted.
"True, but it helps me to know that, no matter how pissed you were or how strained our relationship was, you still wouldn't have done it if you'd known." Buck says.
Bobby looks at him like he's lost, like he has no idea how to fix this, and the truth is that he can't.
"Look, what happened happened. It sucked, but I forgive you for it." Buck tells the man, "You're here for me now, that's what matters."
Bobby nodded, pulling him in for another hug that lasted longer this time. Buck choosing not to mention the wet patch on his shoulder when they pulled away.
"We can go in tomorrow," Bobby said suddenly, voice determined, "file a report for-"
"No." Buck says, voice hard and almost mean sounding before he softens it, "I'm sorry, but no."
"Buck, please-" Bobby starts, but Buck just shakes his head.
"I don't want to report her." He insists, "For a number of reasons, partly because she kept her word those couple of weeks we were all seeing her, and I'm already going back on mine by telling you. I don't need to do it anymore than this."
"Buck, you don't owe her anything." Bobby says earnestly.
"No, I know. It's- I'm really starting to understand that now, I think." Buck nods his understanding, "I also just, genuinely don't want to."
"Kid, she hurt you." Bobby argues, "She shouldn't just be able to get away with that."
"It's- it isn't about what she should be able to get away with though, or at least it doesn't feel like it is." Buck says, not really sure how to explain the mess of emotions in his head, "I mean- it isn't even about her. It's about me, she hurt me, so it's about what I need, and I don't need to report her. What happened between me and her, it was personal, you know? I don't feel the need to get her in trouble or drag authorities in. I just, don't ever want to see her again, and I won't. I mean, I'm assuming you aren't about to send me back to her or anything."
"No. She's been quite solidly blacklisted from the whole of the 118 trauma counsellor roster. None of us will be seeing her again." Bobby promised.
"Then that's all I need." Buck assured him.
Bobby sighs, not happy about it, but letting the subject drop for now, "Alright, but if you change your mind-"
"I know where to find Captain Nash." Buck grins at him.
Bobby was about to add something, but just then the front door open.
"Hey boo." Athena calls as she walks in and places a kiss on Bobby's head, "Hey, Buck, you staying for dinner?"
Bobby turns back to him, "You're more than welcome. I'm making my mac'n'cheese, don't tell Chim."
He chuckled at that as he considered the offer. He had nowhere else to be tonight though so he shrugged and agreed to stay.
This time, dinner was a whole lot better than the last time he'd been invited over for dinner.