Her words pierced my heart when it escaped her lips.
"Ominis, I should've...I should've jumped in front of that curse..." Emelia's voice echoed, "maybe...maybe if I did...Sebastian would've seen what he was doing was wrong; maybe he would've gone back to being the old Sebastian before...before everything went wrong..." she said, her voice trailing off.
"Emelia..." I murmured, my voice barely a whisper.
I wanted to scream at her, to tell her that neither I nor Sebastian would've been the same afterwards, that sacrificing herself was never going to be an option.
My mind had shifted to another memory – the day Emelia was crying hysterically in the undercroft after reading the Daily Prophet about Sebastian; her cries filling the room, and I couldn't do anything to help her, but hold her close and hush her soothingly. I remember her shaking in my arms, trembling from fear, anxiety and heartache, she could barely stand, speaking incoherently – eventually crumbling to the floor. I recall holding her fragile frame in my arms, feeling her warmth take over me, her familiar scent invading my nose, her hair smelt of strawberries and vanilla with a hint of coconut.
Emelia couldn't even make out words due to her violent sobbing.
Thankfully, I thought of a distraction to help her – listening to my heartbeat; I reminisced putting her head close to my chest, reassuring her that I was there for her confidently when in reality, I wanted to cry beside her and wallow up in our sadness together, but I had to be strong – for her – for us.
Once she cried herself to sleep, I held her in my arms a little longer and enjoyed the silence around us, her soft breathing a sweet sound to my ears.
I wanted to obliviate her memories right then and there – everything involving Sebastian.
It crushed my heart into the deepest parts of despair, hearing her in pain. I felt utterly useless I couldn't do more for her, but...if I could erase her memories, perhaps her suffering would go away and she'd be...better.
The thought was truly tempting, but I couldn't do it; knowing Emelia, she'd hate me if I did such a thing to her, even if it was for her own good.
"Emelia..." I whispered to her sleeping body, caressing her tear-covered cheek with my thumb delicately, "I promise you that with every tear you have shed, Sebastian will understand it when he stands before me again, a thousand-fold. He'll be sorry that he's hurt you, my sweet darling girl."
-
I came out of my dream, feeling the weight of the past linger around me.
I despised reliving that moment of Emelia tormented; it never failed to feel like my soul was being torn to pieces.
"You're awake," Alistair simply hissed at me; I sighed, opening my eyes.
Sitting up and turning my head towards the snake's irritable voice, I groaned in annoyance.
As I swung my legs to dangle on the side of the bed, Alistair spoke. "Bad dream?"
"Frustratingly so," I answered, stretching myself in all directions, running my hands through my hair.
"I could tell. You kept shifting in your sleep," he informed me.
I got up, ignoring his comment. "What time is it?" I questioned, reaching for my wand.
"Around one in the morning," Alistair replied with a sigh.
"And Emelia?" I wondered in anticipation.
"Still asleep."
That response gave me instant relief.
With Alistair, it was nice to know how she was doing when I was sleeping; I didn't have to worry too much and with my gift I'd given her for Christmas, my confidence in my abilities to be there for her heightened.
I nodded and got up. "Stay here and keep an eye on her. I'll be right back," I instructed as I waved my wand around me, changing into appropriate clothes to go out.
"Where are you going?" Alistair hissed, curiously.
"I'm going to double check something," I merely replied.
It's been almost a week since the new year started and since Emelia evidently saw Sebastian in Hogsmeade. I believed Emelia really saw Sebastian, however, whether or not he was actually there was another story entirely. I had searched everywhere in Hogsmeade trying to get a sense for Sebastian anywhere that day, but the only thing I detected or heard that raised any suspicion was a faint heartbeat racing in an alleyway, although it was only a cat.
We hadn't talked about it since. I was keeping her preoccupied with upcoming classes, hoping that she's long forgotten about it, but to give myself peace of mind along with Emelia's, I wanted to go through the quaint little village thoroughly.
"You're really going to leave me here?" Alistair questioned.
"I'll be back before she wakes," I said, putting on my long coat I summoned.
"So, I'll be with the beautiful girl?" Alistair's voice taunted, "Alone...?" he teased again, excitement being heard in his tone.
My teeth clenched hard. "Don't test me," I threatened.
"But – " Alistair exclaimed in protest.
I shushed him, moving my wand towards Emelia's bed, hearing her soft breathing and light snoring, letting me know she was sound asleep.
"Before you go, could you just let me out and let me sleep next to her?" Alistair asked with hope.
"What had I said about testing me?" I warned, gritting my teeth, glowering in his direction.
"You said to keep her safe and protect her," he shot back defensively, "how am I supposed to do that if I'm in a box?" he asked me almost in loud whisper, "just this once!" his voice pleading, "I promise I won't do anything...too friendly. You said to protect her, and I will. You can trust me on that."
The thought of him near Emelia's body, a sting of jealousy somehow invaded my body – over a damn snake.
I swallowed hard, debating on his request.
I don't usually leave Emelia, it was a rarity; it wouldn't hurt to comply to his odd wish, would it?
I trusted Alistair, he and I had gotten quite close since I'd saved him from my psycho of a brother; I told him that he didn't have to pay me back for anything, it's just that I couldn't sit idly by and watch an innocent creature get harmed for minding their own business – their only crime was just being there at the wrong time.
I hoped I didn't regret doing this.
Unlocking his enclosure with a flick of my wand, I made my way to him and feeling the tank's edge, opening the door and putting my hand in, beckoning him to slither on my arm impatiently.
Alistair gasped and eagerly coiled around my forearm.
His body tightened around me as I lifted my arm and quietly made my way to Emelia's bed.
"I swear to all the deities that exist, if you do anything to her while I'm gone, I will rethink my association with the dark arts," I cautioned him seriously; Alistair gulped, and I sensed him complying in terror.
Good.
I sighed silently and placed him gently on her unused pillow; I heard him curl up on the cushion.
"Thank you, my friend; I promise I'll keep her safe while you're gone," he vowed sincerely.
I simply nodded once and exhaled, my lips stretching into a thin line, feeling reluctant to leave him free, but knew I had to trust him with those I held dear, and he knew how much Emelia meant to me.
Moving around the bed to her side, I lifted a hand to feel her soft locks in between my fingers; I leaned down, overtaken by the smell of her hypnotizing fragrance. "I'll be back soon, love..." I murmured under my breath, kissing her forehead, and gently stroking her head.
I apparated out of the room and found myself instantly in Hogsmeade square.
I shrugged, guessing this is the best place to start as any.
Wand in hand, I started my search, looking for any clues that Sebastian might've been here; thankfully, it was still so early in the morning that the town was quiet, so I could hear more than usual. The sound of nearby owls hooting in the night, crickets heard in the tall grasses around the village, cats meowing in nearby alleyways, and around me, wanting me to pet them. There were some I caressed along my search, the cats purring and nuzzling against my leg and hand, signaling me that they were enjoying my touch against their smooth fur.
Afterwards, I investigated further, attempting to detect Sebastian's prior presence – if he was really there at all – searching through every alley, every hidden corner that one could possibly hide in, concealed backside of homes, hearing only my footsteps on the stone pavement.
Nearly an hour later, I was carefully searching but to no prevail; I sighed in frustration.
I had to think logically.
Well...I had to think like Sebastian.
He was released recently. Where else would he go?
He wouldn't come here, there were too many people, and knowing Sebastian, he'd avoid people out of shame after pulling his idiotic stunt; he wasn't a bad guy, he was very kind-hearted and always wanted to help others, especially those he cherished.
Why would Emelia see him here, of all places?
I pinched my nose with one hand, the other on my hip, holding my wand, and exhaled heavily, wanting to understand what he was thinking when he turned himself in, to admit to the wizarding world that he murdered his uncle with an Unforgiveable.
Did he know what he was doing or was it just an impulse decision he made as he always did?
I noticed I made it to the entrance of Hogsmeade; I hung my head back both relieved and disappointed for not finding anything regarding Sebastian – relieved since I knew he was somewhere else, and away from Emelia's fragile heart, but disappointed because despite my strong feelings about what he did to her, I do miss my best friend...my brother.
I sighed defeated, apparating back to Hogwarts; I found myself before the wall, secretly hiding the Room of Requirement behind it.
The forming of the door sounded in my ear, presenting itself to me. I waited patiently and after it quieted, I reached out towards the door, touching the handle and opening it bit by bit. The door squeaked a little, I halted abruptly, cursing under my breath; I continued my way through the door and closed it as silently as I could, not wanting to wake Emelia.
As soon as I completely shut the door, I strode to Emelia's bed, my sensitive wand letting me sense Emelia was still asleep, and Alistair groaning, waking up.
"Ominis," he grumbled, his tone sleepy.
"Any bad dreams?" I asked almost instantly, glancing where her body was.
"No, I haven't, thanks," Alistair answered.
I groaned. "I meant, Emelia," I clarified, glaring in his direction.
"Oh...no," he replied, "why don't you ask how I slept?" he questioned loudly.
I silenced him. "Shhh, don't wake her," I cautioned him, feeling her arm closest to me; she was on her side, facing me.
Alistair whined, muttering to himself, but I didn't pay any attention to it.
Pulling the covers over her, she shifted in her sleep a bit and groaned, as if she was having a nightmare.
I swallowed hard, determination running through me. I boldly slid my hands up her arm, curving down her shoulder to her neck, and moved to feel her warm cheek with the back of my fingers; she shivered under my touch. I withdrew my hand away immediately, feeling apologetic for making her tremble. I warmed my hands, rubbing them together along with blowing my heated breath into them.
After warming them to my satisfaction, I placed my fingers back on her cheek, and this time she melted under my touch, humming in pleasure.
I smiled in joy, feeling proud that I could be there for her and make her happy, even while she's sleeping.
After a couple extra greedy seconds, I halfheartedly pulled away and went to my bed, dropped my wand on the bed after I located my pajamas and started changing, a fuzzy sensation was felt within my chest as I lifted my shirt.
"Ominis...your back – what hap..." Alistair's voice was heard from her bed.
I stiffened, the new feeling I had instantly vanished, and I whipped my head into his direction. "Avert your eyes! I'm only asking this once!" I angrily hissed at him with spite.
I heard him shuffle his body on the pillow, obediently. "I'm turned, I'm turned," he said in compliance, his voice careful, not wanting to say the wrong words to make me snap again.
Strangely, I trust his words.
I felt a sense of embarrassment; no one had seen my scar, except Sebastian when we were young, not even Emelia's seen it – her seeing it is one of my many fears, but I hope she never does. Her image of me would be tarnished and she'd see me as I see myself: insignificant, pathetic, weak, a walking repellent...a Gaunt.
That possibility clenched tightly with its sharp talons upon my soul, knowing that I wouldn't be able to bear it and perish from that thought alone.
Sebastian didn't mean to see it though; he was going to pull a prank on me after I got out of the shower one day, but when he'd seen it, he decided otherwise.
When he mentioned he accidentally saw it, I was livid and remembered I didn't speak to him for almost a month, but during that time of silence, he never failed to try to get me to talk to him, apologizing to me repetitively that he didn't mean to see it, and promised to make it up to me. He tried giving me potions and remedies from even Madam Blainey to help heal it completely; he tried saving me my favorite food during meals, showed me the kitchens, tried getting Anne to convince me to talk to him, and speaking through Anne that he was sorry. It was quite entertaining, seeing all of what he'll do just for me to utter a single syllable to him.
After time had passed, I realized that I might've been overreacting because it was a part of me that I thought no one would ever see, a vulnerable fragment of myself that I held close. I was embarrassed, ashamed and self-conscious of it; my name was feared by others because I was a Gaunt, and because I was a Gaunt, there were certain expectations that my family encouraged – required – of me to uphold the reputation.
I never wanted to be a part of that.
So, as constant reminders that I refused – went against them - I'm left with random marks all over my body, but the most insecure scar is the large, horrendous one, covering majority of my back, permanently etched into me because of my defiance and unwillingness to associate with the dark arts.
I grunted annoyed, putting my casual clothes back on and sighed, ashamed. "I apologize, just forget what you saw," I simply said to Alistair, my voice small, thinking back to when I got the massive scar, making me tense and shudder.
"I'm truly sorry; I really didn't mean to look. I..." his voice cut short, "can I look back now?" he wondered, his tone full of guilt.
After I was completely dressed, I answered. "You may; I'm going out."
"Wait! You just got back!" he stated to me in a panic.
I grabbed my wand on the bed and headed towards the door. "Keep her safe, Alistair; if she does wake up, try to do your best to keep her calm and distracted until I get back," I ordered, not stopping my strides.
"I promise..." Alistair murmured, sounding defeated.
I opened and closed the door quietly to the room and let out a heavy sigh.
Perhaps I needed some time to ponder and clear my head of such negativities of my past.
Instead of apparating, I walked to the top of the Astronomy Tower, letting my mind run wild – thinking back when my family casted spells on me as torture or simply just for fun – a game – as Marvolo liked to justify; I felt like whenever I talked or even thought about what my family did to me growing up, my scars would burn in remembrance to those dark times. I shook my head trying to think of anything else.
I managed to muse over everything that's happened in the past one, almost two years, here at Hogwarts, along with information and news regarding Sebastian.
Ugh, Sebastian...
Why does he always have to be so impulsive and careless?
I moaned out loud, irritated at my friend. We swore we wouldn't tell anyone, did...did he not believe us? Did he not trust our words?
My mind continued to race, trying to recall what was said in the undercroft a year ago, wondering if something we said triggered him to believe we weren't truthful, but I couldn't think of anything that I nor Emelia had said that would have him react that way; we were supportive and was going to take it one day at a time, but then he had admitted his faults.
I was at the top of the tower, thinking about when I found Emelia up here, practically bleeding out; I remember I was crazed with worry and frightened more than I was showing that night, frightened that if I revealed my true feelings of panic and fear, she'd feel like a burden and hide her situations and conditions more from me.
I didn't want her hiding anything from me; we had trust. I was actually myself around her and felt happy and safe; she brought me towards the light, like a moth to a flame, a sinner to a god.
My perfect camellia, my sweet little dove...
Opening up to her was difficult at first, I'll admit, but after we got to know each other better, especially during summer, it was easy, fun even and I felt like I had known her all my life; she, in turn, did the same and with every letter she wrote, I was discovering all sorts of things about her, which only intrigued me further. Within those letters, there was a mutual understanding that we trusted, respected and cared for each other, a strong and profound connection that only grew with time; it was built on the foundations of our fifth year and, unfortunately, Sebastian's decisions in the end.
Selfishly, I was grateful but wounded by Sebastian's choices because they brought Emelia and I closer, but hurt because without him, our charming, little group wasn't complete. I knew, even without Emelia telling me, that she felt a void in her life that could only be filled by Sebastian; I did too.
Feeling the evening breeze on my face, I felt some sense of calm and peace. I closed my eyes and hung my head back, exhaling once more. I stayed up there enjoying the sounds of nature in my ears until I heard familiar footsteps approach up the wooden steps.
I turned my head to one side, opening my eyes slightly and felt a small grin being tugged on either side of my mouth.
"Shouldn't you be in bed, Anne?" I questioned curiously.
She scoffed. "How do you always know it's me and not Em?"
"I know by the sound of your footsteps," I replied, hearing her walk up beside me.
I could sense her grinning wide.
"What are you doing up so late?" Anne asked, her voice louder; I assumed she was facing me.
"I could ask you the same question. How did you even know I was up here?" I tilted my head towards her, raising an eyebrow.
Anne simply replied. "Another hunch."
"You're getting awfully lucky going off by hunches these days," I simply said, amused by her answer, "did you manage to successfully brew some liquid luck?" I joked, a chuckle escaping me.
She hit my arm. "Hey, my potions may be rubbish, but they're not as awful as yours," she teased back, "but no, I'm just naturally lucky; finding friends is my specialty," she laughed to herself.
Anne and I were silent for a few moments.
"Ominis," she began, "what are you seriously doing here? Something on your mind?" she questioned; her tone serious.
I let out a soft sigh. "A lot of things, unfortunately," I responded to her.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
I gave her a half-forced smile. "Not at the moment, but I appreciate the offer."
She patted my shoulder twice. " Of course; you're my friend, I'm always here for you."
I placed my hand over her small ones in gratitude. "Thank you," I said, taking my hand from hers, "now it's your turn. What are you doing up so late?"
"Well, Grace is asleep, and I didn't want to bother her with my thoughts..." she started to explain but trailed off.
"About Sebastian?" I guessed.
I heard the sound of her hair rustling against her clothes in a recognizable indication she was nodding.
"Mmhmm," I heard her answer.
"I understand. His recent release has shook the wizarding world; I'm sure the Dailly Prophet is trying to get a story out of it as we speak," I stated, my thoughts spilling out, "the Ministry hasn't said a thing about it."
Anne hummed to herself, pondering my words. "I agree; I remember when I read it, I couldn't believe it but was also relieved," she concurred, taking a few steps away from me.
I twisted my body to face her, waiting for her to continue; I felt her rising frustration.
"You know, I still can't forgive him, Ominis," Anne proclaimed in a breaking voice, "it's not that I won't – I just...I can't yet. He killed Uncle Solomon out of desperation and his unwillingness to see reason, his stubbornness refusing to accept the reality for what it was," she explained herself, tears clearly being heard from her voice. "If I were to see him again, I...I don't know what I'll do."
Hearing her tone, she was both hurt and betrayed; I empathized with her.
She started sobbing quietly to herself, little moans escaping.
I took a couple steps towards Anne, feeling the warmth radiating off her body once I got near her; I put a hand on her shoulder and as soon as I did, she wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly. I reciprocated the action.
I let her weep, patting her back in reassurance.
In my world, I was not a stranger to pain, suffering and tears, but when hearing my friends hurting with tormented misery, it pierced my heart.
Anne pulled away and tried to compose herself.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, "I ruined your shirt," she laughed at herself, wiping the tear-stained spots I felt seeping through to my chest.
"Don't be sorry," I assured as she continued to use her hand to attempt to clear the evidence of her tears, "I have to break down too, every now and then."
I sensed Anne giving her most sympathetic look.
"Don't give me that look," I stated, knowing her well.
"I swear, sometimes I don't think you're blind since you seem to know my expressions," she told me, chuckling.
"I assure you, I'm as blind as a star-nosed mole, Anne," I replied frankly, grinning.
Anne laughed.
We remained out there for another half hour, discussing all sorts of things, then we headed to bed after, saying our goodnights, me to the secret room and her going back to the dorm with her friends.
I heard her leave down the steps until they disappeared entirely.
Despite leaving in high spirits, there was still a shadow, a sensation of anguish, around Anne that I felt, one that would take a while to vanish.
Sebastian Sallow, you have no idea how much damage you've done by doing what's right.
-
It was the last four days before classes started again, and Emelia and I were trying to get a little studying in while in the common room this time; we sat side by side in front of the fireplace as we were reviewing our materials.
"Hmm," Emelia had hummed in interest.
I shifted my head to her, curiously. "What is it?"
"Sharpe wants us learning how to brew certain potions this upcoming week, one of them is called a Dreamless Sleep Potion," she said, reading from her text, "it's supposedly helpful, as the name suggests, to help when you can't sleep; I think if I can brew this correctly, I'll see if it works."
"Have you been having more nightmares?" I wondered fearful.
I sensed her shaking her head. "No, I promise. I just think it might be helpful," she confirmed, "sometimes it takes me hours to fall asleep and I'm restless," Emelia explained, a smile evident in her tone.
I didn't know this.
"I apologize for not realizing," I apologized to her, feeling shame.
"It's alright," she assured me.
I should've known...
"Stop," she nudged my shoulder playfully.
I furrowed my eyebrows, continuing to criticize myself.
"Hey, stop blaming yourself and looking so serious, you'll wrinkle your adorable face," she said, her body leaned closer to me I could smell her delectable scent, grabbing my cheek closest to her and pinching lightly.
There she goes again – saying I'm adorable...
Why does it make my cheeks warm every time she says that?
I bashfully smiled at the word, my face relaxed.
"There you go!" she spoke happily, gently kissing my cheek.
I didn't know how to react.
She chuckled proudly to herself as soon as she noticed my face flushed, and my expression was of shock.
Emelia went back to her book while I remained frozen by her soft touch; her warmth and perfume came towards me like a magnet, remembering her pleased laughter just a second ago and how divine it was to be gifted such a beautiful sound. Her soft lips blessing me once more with their touch, the sensation of her lips still burned upon my skin. If only I could feel them with mine, to see if they were truly as captivating and smooth as they did on my cheek.
I shook my head, snapping out of my provocative thoughts and focused on my own textbook.
After a good couple hours in the common room, students started coming back, along with others returning from winter break. We decided to go to the room to complete our studying, but Emelia informed me that she, Anne, Grace and Imelda, who'd returned yesterday, were going to go to Hogsmeade together to shop and catch up.
Wishing them a happy and safe trip, I resumed my studies on my own.
I took notes as much and as diligently as I could for Emelia when she got back; it was almost ten when I finished everything and decided that I earned a well-deserved break. I closed everything, putting it neatly on a desk that Emelia and I conjured together and apparated outside of Hogwarts.
Using my wand, I found myself by the Black Lake. I walked along the edge, feeling the dirt and uneven ground beneath me, the crunch of sand, dirty and grassy terrain, the sound of the water's surface moving greeted my ears; it was nice taking an evening stroll. After that I transported to Central Hall, hearing some whispers of students echoing off the walls; I paid them no mind and apparated to the DADA tower, hearing murmurs and voices of the moving portraits around me. Ignoring the voices, it was peaceful and quiet, nothing heard besides the clicking of my footsteps on the marble floor.
Subconsciously, I found myself walking towards the undercroft's door; I go in every now and then, but Emelia...she hasn't gone in since that day she saw Sebastian on the newspaper. Something happened to her that day; she told me a bit about it but couldn't finish her explanation without sobbing or hyperventilating. Truthfully, I think it's some sort of post-traumatic stress.
I never forced her to complete her explanation and comprehended her situation; I wasn't going to force her to go in where she felt uneasy and overwhelmed with emotions.
Sighing, I decided to go in for nostalgic purposes, recalling memories of Anne, Sebastian and I playing gobstones and staying up late, eating desserts that we'd snuck from the school's kitchen; it was simpler times.
I opened the door of the undercroft, walking in nonchalantly, the gates creaking open as I entered.
I halted in my tracks immediately, sensing another presence in the space. I smelt parchment, a hint of cinnamon and sandalwood along with a musky scent – a distant memory that I thought was long forgotten.
My eyes widened in disbelief. "S...Sebastian?"
A sigh of defeat released into the room, hearing him walking the middle of the room. "Hello, Ominis," he greeted, his voice huskier than last year.
My body remained frozen in place, goosebumps raising along my forearms and back, mouth dry due to shock, but it was overpowered with my suppressed fury I've kept hidden away since finding Emelia here crying over him. My body heated up, switching my wand to my left hand, grasping it tighter in front of me, grinding my teeth and stalking my way to him.
"Ominis, listen, I want to first apologize for –" he started to say, but as soon as I felt his form in front of me, I grabbed him by the collar with my left hand forcefully, pulling him close.
With all my stored-up feelings of betrayal, disappointment, and sadness being fixated solely in my fist, the most powerful emotion of all was the restrained and controlled wrath unleashing itself on Anne's behalf – and Emelia's.
"You son of a bitch!" I hollered and punched him with all the strength I could muster.
--