Foxes react: chapter4
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"I'm not a striker by choice, either," he said. "I was a backliner in little leagues. Riko remembers because I scrimmaged with him and Kevin. He made me play defense with his Ravens over Christmas."
That finally got Andrew to lower his arm. "Little leagues, he says. I distinctly remember you telling people you learned to play in Millport."
"Partial truth," Neil said. "I knew how to play Exy. I just didn't know how to play offense. I didn't want to be a striker, but Coach Hernandez didn't have any room on his defense line. It was striker or nothing, and I wanted to play too badly to walk away. Now I can't imagine playing anything else."
Andrew said nothing for a while, then, "You're more a raccoon than a fox."
Neil stared. "What?"
"A raccoon," Andrew said, and mimed holding a ball in front of his face. "Exy is the shiny object of your sad little world. You know you're being hunted and you know the hounds are closing in, but you won't let go to save yourself. You once told me you don't understand why a person would actively try to die, but here you are. I guess that was another lie."
The were some quite laughter, it was funny to hear Andrew describing how Neil was like a raccoon
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"I'm not trying to die," Neil said. "This is how I stay alive. When I'm playing, I feel like I have control over something. I feel like I have the power to change things. I feel more real out there than I do anywhere else. The court doesn't care what my name is or where I'm from or where I'll be tomorrow. It lets me exist as I am."
"It is a court," Andrew said. "It does not 'let' you do anything." "You know what I mean."
"I don't."
"Because you don't have anything, do you?" Neil said in quiet
challenge. "Nothing gets to you like that. Nothing gets under your skin." "He catches on at last," Andrew mused. "It only took him a year." "What are you afraid of?"
"Heights."
If they hadn't seen it themselves they wouldn't believe that Andrew had said that weird confession of his but what caught their attention even more was Andrew admitting he was scared of Heights, they were not sure if it was meant as a joke or it was real but it would make no sense for him to joke about it.