Maybe, forever
Was a word meant
For memories and
Not people.
I stared at her, her body laying on the cold ground, in a puddle of blood, lifeless, her bright blue eyes wide open staring into nothingness, her spark was taken away just like mine in that horrible night. She was the only person in this fucked up world that protected me, that loved me, and now she was gone forever.
But why? Why her?
I kept repeating that to myself, hugging my knees tightly as I was sitting next to her cold body. Sirens could be heard from afar, reaching our house as soon as possible, but heavy footsteps approaching the room I was hiding in made my chest tighten up, pressure squeezing the oxygen from my lungs. "Where are you hiding?" His deep voice echoed in the dark place, his knife scratching the wall as he made his way to me slowly.
My body couldn't move, my vision was blurried by the tears that continuously rolled down my cheeks, already stained with her blood. I covered my ears and buried my face between my knees, trying to muffle my sobs, I couldn't just go away, I needed to stay with her at all costs. Suddenly, he grabbed a handful of my hair, making me scream in pain and surprise, my hands automatically wrapping around his wrists in attempt to free myself from his grasp, but he was way too strong.
"Found you."
I jerked from the couch, my cheeks stained with tears and my forehead sweaty. My chest rose and fell quickly, I could still hear the thud of his boots, a memory that I tried to erase no matter what I did or the therapies I've been on. I am strong.
A few beams of sun rays shone over the floor, the dark curtains were pulled to block the morning light and I was probably too drunk to even fix them properly, before crashing down on the couch. A couple of empty beer cans laid next to the couch, my head was aching badly and I felt so damn nauseous, but my dumb self wasn't willing to throw up to feel better. The room looked as if a hurricane had passed, pictures scattered everywhere, my shoes thrown randomly in different corners, my jacket hung on the TV. A complete mess, just like me.
What exactly did I do last night?
Then my phone buzzed to life, hearing the ringtone at first in the morning was already driving me crazy. Without even checking the caller's ID I slid my thumb over the screen to answer the call, "Hello." My voice came out hoarse, I was still in the middle of waking up completely. My free hand wiped away the remaining tears and sweat on my face, "Scylla Wilson." A familiar voice oozed from the phone, my eyebrows furrowed immediately.
"What.. How do you know Scylla? This is not funny, It's so early in the morning." I responded with a harsh tone, only to hear an amused laugh, "It's lunch time actually, Scylla. You can't even recognize my voice, It's me, John Price."
That name made my eyes widen and a hand fly to my mouth, I cursed mentally for being so stupid, "It's been years and you expect me to remember?" My tone immediately softened, the memory of him serving with me in the military played in my mind, it has been so long since I last saw him but I still heard news about him from my colleagues, from time to time.
He was in the same team as me, the only one that I trusted during military. We had each other's back, no matter what, and parting ways made our friendship only a memory, since he was so busy in the field while I sat behind the comms as a station chief.
After a severe injury I decided to step away from that dangerous and risky environment for a while and I was assigned to work on guiding operator's missions.
"How have you been?" His question made me turn back to reality, I slowly sat up on the couch and stretched out my arms, a satisfied sigh falling from my lips. "Normal.. you know." I simply answered, not giving much of my life's details. I preferred to keep my privacy.
"Are you up for a coffee?" His sudden offer made my eyebrows furrow in confusion. So, after years of not talking he suddenly wants to grab a coffee with me? That was odd. In the end I accepted.
*
My eyes were fixed on the cup of coffee in my hands, there was an awkward silence between us and luckily after a few minutes he decided to speak up. "I became a Captain." He flashed me a friendly smile, which I didn't return, but he wasn't bothered by my demeanor, he knew what kind of person I was.
"That's good." I replied and brought the cup to my lips, sipping the coffee silently. "And I want you to be part of my team." His words made me choke on the drink. I looked at him with a confused face, the look in my eyes already denying his offer, "No." I shook my head and folded my arms. Me? Back in the field? No way.
"Scylla. You-"
"I almost died out there, John." I didn't even realize that my tone raised and my hands were balled into tight fists, his surprised face made me notice. "I'm not ready to be back." I let out a frustrated sigh as I reached for the cup of coffee once again.
"Please, I need you. There's a new dangerous threat out there and my team needs to be skilled and professional. You, Scylla, are exactly the only one missing to complete Task Force 141." He spoke calmly, his eyes searching for mine, but I was looking down at my fingers.
John watched me, he was hoping that I would give in to the offer.
"You could save lives, you were trained to do so, remember that."
And he was right, I volunteered for the army to save lives, to become like my uncle and make my mother proud of me, for being tough, brave and strong. "You really know how to convince me, I hate you for that." I pinched the bridge of my nose and his face lit up, his hand reaching out to hold mine.
"She would be so proud of you." He said and his words triggered something in me, pressure immediately knocking out air from my lungs. I withdrew my hands quickly, the cup still in my grasp, and I shot him a look. "Don't. Don't mention her." I tried to keep my tone steady, holding a poker face like the usual self even though deep inside the past still burned a hole in my heart.
No one had to mention her around me, not now, not then.
*
I sipped the wine slowly while I watched the view from my balcony, my phone laying on the small table and on speaker mode, "You made the right choice, Riri." My uncle's wife, Joyce, cooed from the other line. After meeting John at the Cafe I immediately came back home and called my only family.
Joyce was an understanding woman, sweet, gentle and caring. She took care of me after that horrible night and supported me till this day, she never dared to pull me away from my goals. Sometimes she reminded me of my mother, and I would lash out on her for bringing back painful memories I desperately wanted to erase, only to regret those moments.
Venting my anger and my grief on Joyce was useless. It was no one's fault if she wasn't here anymore, or much more, It was my own fault.
I am strong. I am strong. I am strong.
"Are you and uncle David going to be fine? I mean.. I'm going to be away for many months and I probably won't have time to give you a call." I asked, my tone laced with a little worry as I took a drag from my cigarette.
"Sweetheart, It's totally fine! You go ahead and be careful, we'll be supporting you from here, always." Her sweetness never failed to show itself, my heart melted every time I talked to her.
A short beep echoed in the air as she ended the call, and now it was just me and the moon. And the wine.
"I'm gonna miss this." I whispered to myself before gulping down the rest of the drink.
The next morning I woke up earlier than usual, I forced myself to not drink the whole bottle of wine the night before since I wanted to enjoy my last day in my home city before flying to Price's base and start again as a soldier.
I cleaned up the mess I left in the living room and started packing the little necessary I needed with me while I was away. My mind was filled with constant thoughts, worries, fears of getting severly injured once again or even the worst scenarios: death.
I shivered just at the thought and shook my head, before I scanned the whole room to assure that I grabbed everything, then my eyes fell on the picture sitting on my bedside table. With a sigh I slowly sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed the picture, stroking my mother's face with a thumb, delicately and lovingly.
What a horrible daughter to not pay a visit and say goodbye to her own mother.
The ride to the cemetery was long, there was a continuous pressure in my chest whenever I got closer and closer to the destination. It has been eighteen years since her death and I still wasn't over it.
Once I parked, with heavy steps I entered the cemetery and walked through the path that led to the area where her grave was. The grip around the bouquet of flowers tightened and for a few seconds I held my breath.
Selene Wilson 1976-2006.
My fingers traced the engraving on the cold and rough stone, my eyes slowly closed and I took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry for coming back after years." I started off, feeling my chest tighten as I tried to gather all the things I wished to tell her.
I could still remember her warm embraces, her soft and delicate fingers running through my hair whenever she styled them for me, her heart warming laughters and her cuisine. She was the brightest star on earth, now in the gorgeous night sky, always watching over me wherever I go.
Tears started to pool in my eyes and I tried to hold them back.
"I'm leaving the city again, mama. I got inserted in John's team and I'll be going on a lot of missions. I promise to take care of myself and be careful on the field, even though the urge to reach you up there is kind of strong." I set a joking tone, cracking a small smile like a complete idiot.
Crouching down, I placed the lilies down to her grave and placed a hand on the stone, "Goodbye, mama."
[ A/N: this was a tiny introduction to Scylla's story, to her character and past. Thanks for reading this chapter and I hope you will read the next ones too. <3 ]