I know this is another update based on the show, but I promise that after this, I will start filling out the updates with fun original chapters and non cannon scenarios (although I might make a separate book for that to not clutter up this book, but that's up to you guys)
I'm just trying to get to deeper into the season so I have more wiggle room and opportunities to experiment with original chapters
*3rd pov*
Heaven's golden gates could be seen before the gates open, and "Cherub Towne" is shown before Cletus flies up to the camera broadcasting them.
Cletus:Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did somethin' good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessin's!
The Cherubs begin singing the C.H.E.R.U.B. Jingle.
A man could be seen jumping out of an airplane before he pulls the ripcord to release his parachute, only for it to snap off instead. He splats onto a rock while a censoring cloud bubble reads "OWIE!"
Collin:♫ Does it make you want to cry? ♫
Another person could be seen getting run over by a speeding train from a tunnel as "Oh No!" appears in a censor cloud.
Keenie:♫ When your loved one has to die? ♫
Then another man can be seen accidentally shoots himself in the face with a shotgun. "Oopsie!" is seen in another censor cloud.
Cletus:♫ Does it hurt you through and through? ♫
A struggling man's face starts turning blue in a hangman's noose. A stylized version of Cletus's head fades into view with a sad face and a tear running down his cheek.
All:♫ When your face is turnin' bluuuuue? ♫
Collin:♫ Well, luckily for you... ♫
Keenie:♫ There's somethin' we can do! ♫
Cletus:♫ We can help keep them alive, ♫
All:♫ So you can watch them thrive! ♫
All three pose together before the orange C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appears with a registered trademark symbol while the letters appear as they are sung.
All:♫ ‘Cause here at C.H.E... R.U.B.! ♫
Cletus rescues a woman from a pack of wild animals. Keenie pushes a scared Collin in front of them, as he holds a plank of wood with a nail in it.
Collin:♫ We'll save your honeybun from dying violently! ♫
The C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appears again.
All:♫ ‘Cause here at C.H.E....R.U.B.! ♫
Cletus is shown waving a dismissive hand at a person handing him a handful of dollar bills.
Keenie:♫ No, we never even ask a fee! ♫
Collin and Keenie give each other a hug in a yellow heart background.
Collin:♫ Because good people spread the love! ♫
Small hearts of light spread out around a spinning Earth in space.
Keenie:♫ And we're here for all above! ♫
A stressed Collin rapidly writes on piles of paperwork in an office.
Cletus:♫ We do the paperwork for you! ♫
Keenie lifts a boulder from a woman trapped under and flattened by a boulder, who gives her a thumbs up.
Collin:♫ And the heavy liftin', too! ♫
The three Cherubs comfort a horribly wounded man after a car crash. he is bleeding profusely from a neck wound.
Cletus:♫ So sit right back ♫
The three Cherubs appear back on the screen and sing in harmony as they pose some more.
All:♫ And let us bless a soooul for you! ♫
♫ Oh, we...are the C.H.E.R.U.B.! ♫
It was soon revealed that the event was an advertisement appear on a small, old-fashioned TV inside the I.M.P. Headquarters before y/n blasts the TV with his flintlock pistol, and it explodes.
Millie:Nice one, Y (the first initial of your name)!
Y/n:Gimme another, Mix.
Mixxie nervously sweeps away the flaming debris and puts another old-fashioned TV onto the stand before she turns it on with a scared look on her face as she 666 News logo appears. Y/n pours gunpowder into his flintlock.
Y/n:Eh, nah. Not feelin' it. Next!
Mixxie switches the channel to reveal a demonically dressed Betty Boop appears in black and white, dancing erotically with prominent, bouncing breasts, holding a pitchfork. Mixxie flinches in anticipation while y/n and Millie look bored.
Y/n:Uh-huh. Keep going, keep goin', keep goin'...
Mixxie switches the channel again to reveal Wally Wackford appears on the screen dressed in white with a black top hat, holding a cane.
Wally Wackford:I say, I say, are you lookin' to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets?
Wally whacks his cane on the wall at either side of him, producing the graphics for "CRAZY CONTRAPTIONS" and "GOOFY GADGETS" as he speaks.
Wally Wackford:WELL, call me at Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea Factory,
The Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea "Factory" ™ title appears against a similar circular background of classic old cartoons. The panel with the title then falls over forwards, landing with a.
Wally:Where you make the things and I make the money!
Wally moves close to the screen with a pleading look.
Wally:Please! I'm very desperate!
Y/n:Bingo!
Y/n shoots and explodes the TV again, scattering the debris.
Millie:WOO! You're on a roll, sir!
Loona can be seen sleeping on her chair, snoring and drooling as she has one foot up on the table that twitches in her sleep with a plastic cup with her name written on it and filled with water sits on the table next to her foot. She is awoken by a rumbling, which also knocks her cup over, spilling its contents.
Loona:Guys...do you feel that?
Y/n:Oh, shit! Is that a hellshake?
Mixxie:That's possible?
Millie:Alright! Don't panic, Mixxie!
Mixxie's tail stiffens from being startled by Millie's sudden outburst. She then grabs her arms in an attempt to "calm" her.
Mixxie:I'm not "panicking," because hellquakes don't happen.
Loona roughly grabs hold of Mixxie and shakes her.
Loona:STOP GETTING HYSTERICAL, FATTY!
Loona slaps Mixxie in the face, sending her flying against the wall and slightly dazing her. She is then knocked down further by what appears to be a wrecking ball made of black tubes as part of the wall crumbles on top of Mixxie, crushing her as she lets out a groan and small moan.
As the dust clears, the wrecking ball untangles into multiple robotic tentacles and a supervillain-esque demon uses two of them to hoist himself into the room through the hole, covering himself with his cape. Loona growls while on all fours.
Loopty Goopty:Do not be afraid!
The man grins and extends his robotic tentacles.
Y/n:Please tell me you got that insurance thing.
Millie takes out her black axe.
Millie:Who are you, and what do you want?!
Loopty Goopty extends a tentacle into a loop-de-loop and slides along it to the other side of the room.
Loopty:I am Loopty Goopty! Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopiiiiiish!
Loona:Coulda just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing.
Loopty:I am eccentric and must therefore do eccentric SHIT!
Loopty Goopty does a wavy dance as y/n sniffs him and flinches.
Y/n:Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?
Loopty:YEEEEES! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me HEEEERE!
Loona taps on her phone.
Loona:Just sayin'...the front door would've gotten you here fine.
Loopty:Shut up, dear furry!
Loona growls in anger before Loopty Goopty appears in front of Y/n and turns to y/n with a picture.
Loopy:This is the man I'm gonna need you to kiiiill!
He then holds up an old photo of an old bald man in a bed before y/n takes the photo from him.
Y/n:Not even a shit's length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge. I can respect a man with that sort of passion! Call me y/n, not my old name
Loona walks away as y/n walks over to Loopty and shakes the confused Loopty's hand.
Loopty:What name?
Y/n:Aww, thank you.
He then playfully shakes his hips.
Y/n:Now, what's the tea, sis?
Loopty became even more confused.
Loopty:The TEAAAA?!
Mixxie's arm appears as she struggles under the weight of the debris as she lets out a pained cry of help.
Mixxie:Guys, help!
Y/n:Yeah, why are we killin' this guy?
He then elbows Loopty.
Y/n:I mean, what did he do to you?
Mixxie's arm inches back, and she squeals in pain.
Mixxie:LOSING...OX--!
Loopty:He was…my business partner! You see, I was not always an old man!
*flashback*
An old film montage in brown shades depict Loopty's early life.
Loopty (narrating):My partner Lyle and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire!
Lyle and Loopty pose with capes and spiral glasses on top of a tall building labeled "Lyle-Loopty Robotics". The building is surrounded by factories and columns spewing smoke.
Loopty Goopty (narrating):Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop, or reverse, the aging process!
Paat Loopty starts putting wires together and Lyle tightening a bolt with a wrench before the two stand by a large white machine labeled "De-age-ifier." Loopty is briefly seen slapping Lyle on the ass.
Loopty (narrating):It could've saved all three trillionaires!
In the the interior of the De-age-ifier machine as the handle twists, and the door swings open before the two step into the machine.
Loopty (narrating):Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor, like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius! But the machine was accidentally set FORWARD!
The two men stroll into the chamber and close the metal door. A lever next to the door labeled "YOUNG" and "OLD" is set to "OLD" at the bottom.
Loopty (narrating):By the time we managed to get out...it was too late! At least...for me!
The two men struggle to open the door, pounding on it as the both of them rapidly shrivel up and age. Loopty stares in horror at his shriveling hands. Lyle grows old and fat and slides to the floor while Loopty clutches at his chest as he suffers a heart attack, then falls dead to the ground, his leg twitching.
A man opens the door, sees the two men, and motions for doctors to come in before they put a stethoscope over Loopty's heart, and they shake their heads somberly. A woman puts an oxygen mask over Lyle's nose and mouth as Loopty's body is zipped shut in a body bag.
Loopty (narrating):Now, that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire WE BUILT TOGETHER! Without me to share it with, he'll make all the goddamn money in the world and become the fourth trillionaire...and get ALL the credit!
Later, Lyle could be seen laughing evilly as piles of money rain down on him.
*End of flashback and back to I.M.P. office*
Y/n:Ehhh, that's not really evil.
Loopty:It's evil towards meeee!
As he complains, Mixxie is still stuck under the rubble as she weakly reaches her hand out for help in a strained voice.
Mixxie:Everything…is going…dark--
Loopty:Now, get your crimson asses up above and send that heartless, no-good son of a bitch to Hell, where he belongs!
Y/n:Eh, y-y-y-You do know, Poopty--
Loopty glares at y/n as he starts seething.
Loopty:Looooptyyyy!
Y/n then holds up his hands in a defensive manner.
Y/n:Of course! Of course...If we do kill him, though, and he ends up down here...y'know, you will be stuck with him. Forever.
Loopty:Oh, trust me...
Loopty summons an array of weapons from his back on a series of mechanical armatures: a pistol, a rifle, a missile launcher, and a circular saw blade.
Loopty:I'm counting on it.
Despite still being crushed underneath the rubble, she gave a thumbs up.
Mixxie:That's kinda hot!
Everyone glances at Mixxie with weird looks even Millie despite knowing her masochistic tendencies.
Millie:I've been married to her for how long, and I'm still somehow uncovering the depths of her degeneracy
*small timeskip*
Loona watches as the three imps walk into the portal she summoned using the grimoire.
Once the three had fully went through the portal and it closed behind them, Loona's face went from the look of apathy to a devious smirk.
Loona:Alright, let's see what you're hiding
*small timeskip*
Loona was now in the driver's seat of the I.M.P. van.
Loona:Alright, now let's start this baby up
Loona then puts the key in the slot before starting up the engine and puts her hands on the steering wheel.
Loona soon had a look of uncertainty and worry.
Loona:I just realized that I have never driven a vehicle before
Loona then takes out her phone.
Loona:I'll just look it up and just do copy whatever I find
After skimming through what she found on the internet, she put a paw on the brake and shifts the gear to reverse.
Loona:Okay, doesn't seem too hard. I should be able to master this in no time
She then puts his foot on the gas pedal, and the van starts going backward until it crashed into another car, causing Loona to jolt forward for a bit before looking back to see she managed to do some damage to the back of the van.
Loona:FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuck
She bit her lips in awkwardness.
Loona:My dad is gonna kill me
Loona soon realized what she had said.
Loona:Thank god, y/n is not here to hear that
*On earth*
The I.M.P. crew wearing wigs and disguises on a tour bus as Mixxie looks through binoculars at Lyle's mansion.
Mixxie:Gee! I wonder whose house this is.
Mixxie said in a sarcastic tone before the tour Guide started talking to the pessagener.
Tour Guide:And to your right is the home of famous inventor, Lyle Lipton!
The crowd "oohs" and takes pictures with their cell phones as y/n removes his sunglasses while wearing a clown wig.
Y/n:Let's do it, gang!
All three Imps pull out their weapons:y/n a flintlock pistol, Mixxie an assault rifle, and Millie two sharp swords. The Imps jump over a fence and land in poses.
Millie:Let's kill this rich guy!
The Imps race over toward the windows.
Tour Guide:And here you'll find three tacky stalkers about to attempt a murder! Things like this could happen to famous people all the time!
People start snapping pictures as y/n and Millie dash over to the window, while Mixxie slides on her back.
Mixxie peers through the window, joined by the sock puppet cat on y/n's tail.
Mixxie:Wow...
Millie and y/n then join him in looking through the window.
*inside the room*
Inside the interior of the room is Lyle Lipton is lying on his bed, an IV bag attached to him. A heart rate monitor sits on a shelf next to the IV bag. A TV screen and video player sit at the other side of his bed, connected to the bed itself as Lyle is holding a framed picture in his hands, looking at it sadly.
Mixxie:That machine really did a number on him.
Lyle then kisses the picture, his hands trembling.
Lyle:Goodbye...my one true love.
Lyle runs a finger down the picture lovingly. The picture in the frame is shown to consist of a stock image of dollar bills with a "Free Stock Photos" watermark over it. Lyle then puts the frame down and grabs the tube from his IV bag and begins tying it.
Lyle:All the riches of the world can't fill the emptiness I'm feeling now that my shitty old body can't do anything of value.
Y/n:Oh, fantastic! He's gonna do our job for us!
Lyle finishes making a noose out of the tube, pulling the knot taught.
Mixxie:Should we go in there and tie it for him?
Lyle is about to put the makeshift noose over his head as the Imps watch with drinks and popcorn.
The noose glows white, and a concussive force knocks the Imps back, and y/n's cat sock is blown away by the blast, making him sad. Lyle adjusts to the light and sees the three Cherubs floating down gracefully in three rays of light.
Lyle:Oh lord, I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now!
Y/n and Mixxie recovered from the sudden blast of light as Mixxie rubs her head.
Y/n:Who the fuck are they?
Mixxie:Oh, no! Sir, those are…
Cletus:Cherubs, Mr. Lyle!
Lyle:I hate filthy, stinking orphan children!
Collin:We're here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir. To grant you a blessing, on behalf of those in Heaven...benefited by your amazing...technological advances.
Y/n became angry that some cherubs were trying to stop him from killing himself.
Y/n:Oh, HEEEELL no!
An angry y/n rolls up his sleeve, hoisting his flintlock pistol at the same time before he then marches in through the window, smashing the glass instantly.
Y/n:Don't listen--
Misjudging where the floor is in relation to the window, y/n face-plants onto the floor, multiple glass shards sticking out of him while Mixxie enters through a door to the side, Millie peeking in.
Mixxie:Lyle Lipton, it is our--
Mixxie glances at y/n before looking back at Lyle.
Mixxie:…humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die.
Millie:I mean, what do you expect to do with all this money now you're old...and gross?
Keenie:Is that a serious question?
Keenie adjusts Lyle's bedsheets, revealing his wallet full of dollar bills before Cletus grabs the wallet.
Keenie:He can help spread his wealth around with the people of the world! And do so much good with it! And be so fulfilled!
Keenie then flies around, grabbing Lyle's wallet from Cletus and happily throws Lyle's dollar bills in the air.
Lyle:Nnnno!
Collin:He could pay for new hospitals and schools!
Lyle grips his blanket in fear.
Lyle:Why won't you let me die?
Y/n appears beside him.
Y/n:Oh, sounds like ya need help offin' yourself there, buddy. Mixxie, what do we got for this fella?
Mixxie reaches into her coat and tosses a variety of weapons to y/n and Lyle. They each catch an assault rifle and even a crossbow which y/n catches with his tail.
Mixxie:I have some assault weapons, crossbow, hunting bow, Tommy gun, old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas--
Collin:He's classier than that!
Lyle points the assault rifle into his mouth, before Collin takes it from him before he could pull the trigger.
Collin:There are still plenty of reasons to live, Mr. Lyle!
Millie:Yeah, right. Smells like he ain't been out of bed in months!
Millie sniffs Lyle which makes her visibly ill, covering her mouth, and holds Mixxie by the shoulder as she vomits on the floor as Mixxie pats her on the back.
Cletus:Life can be beautiful at any age!
Keenie:And we'll show him!
Cletus, Collin, and Keenie:Yeah!
Y/n, Mixxie, and Millie:NOOOOO--!
The three cherubs then roll Lyle in his bed outside.
*outside*
They soon arrived to a hill overlooking a forest and a lake.
Cletus:Look around, Lyle. God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age! Or wealth!
Collin:If you were to end your life, you'd be missing aaaaaall of this!
Y/n appears in a tiger costume.
Y/n:Mm-hm. You're gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks?
Y/n does a suggestive gesture with his fingers, indicating sex which causes Keenie to cover her mouth and gasps while Collin blankly stares in disbelief, and Cletus gives a disappointed look.
Keenie:That is so inappropriate!
Millie and Mixxie appear in cat costumes.
Millie:Oh, kiss our ass, prude!
She flips a double bird at them as y/n shoves Lyle aside in the face and sits next to him.
Y/n:Aaaanyway, take it from me, a fellow genius. Nature is no picnic up close.
Y/n grabs a pair of binoculars out of nowhere and gives it to Lyle who looks through the binoculars and sees an adorable group of bunnies and squirrels together. The critters are suddenly torn apart and eaten by a pack of hungry wolves.
Lyle:Ohhhh, noooo!
Collin tries to tug his binoculars away so he can't watch the horror.
Collin:S-Stop looking!
But despite his attempts, Lyle was still holding onto the binoculars.
Lyle:I CAN'T stop! I've never wanted to die more than I do now!
A bear swipes a wolf to the ground as It raises a paw to attack but is then crushed by a falling tree, cut down by a beefy logger with a chainsaw before a beehive lands on the man's head and he screams, flailing his head to get the hive off while also throwing his chainsaw into the air.
The chainsaw comes back down, cutting both of the man's arms off and causing him to scream harder, before his body is skewered from behind by the antlers of a charging stag as lighting flashes dramatically.
Everyone freezes in horror as y/n fakes his shock it before grinning smugly at Lyle and the cherubs, making Cletus nervous.
Cletus:Uhhh, let's go check out someplace else!
Millie and Mixxie bump fists, the paws of their cat costumes squeaking.
*At a shopping mall*
Lyle still in his bed is pushed through the door hard enough to destroy both it and part of the wall surrounding it.
Lyle:Oh, Lord! Where are we now?! Let me perish!
Keenie:We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for:childhood wonderment!
Keenie motions to a crowd of kids cheering by a sitting Santa Claus. One kid wears a "Craft Mine" shirt, while another eats his booger.
Lyle:Why...look at those sweet, disease-ridden vermin. Th-Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood...and their middle-class existence! Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this.
Y/n:Hey, dipshit!
They looked over to where they heard y/n and Millie dressed as elves, while a grumpy Mixxie wears a Rudolph costume.
They stand by Santa with a kid in his lap.
Y/n:Wanna see whose lap you're sittin' on?
Y/n grabs Santa's beard and rips off the costume. "Santa" is revealed to be an ugly, sweaty gnome wearing a "#Cuties" shirt and underwear, making a gnome noise.
The kids scream and run in terror. Lyle sobs like a baby as Collin and Keenie cover his eyes. A concerned Cletus pushes the bed away.
Boy:Santa's EVIL!
*Lover's lookout*
The cherubs then push Lyle to the woods next to a crude wooden sign reading "LOVERS' LOOKOUT", a cartoon heart replacing the O in "LOVERS'". A small note underneath it, possibly written after the fact, reads "I guess…"
Lyle:Egh! This place reeks of TEENAGERS!
Cletus:Lovers' Lookout, sir! We're here to remind you about possibly life's greatest joy of all!
Lyle holds up his creepy, trembling grabby hands.
Lyle:Money!
Collin:No! Love.
Lyle:I've never been in love before. I imagine it's quite nice!
Collin:It's not too late, sir! You can still find--
The Imps arrive wearing wigs and dresses.
Y/n:HA! Nice try, ugly.
He pulls out a megaphone before speaking into it.
Y/n:Hey, horny lovers! Which one of you would FUCK this old man?!
All the cars speed away in an instant which causes Lyle to deflate in dejection before Collin gets into Y/n's face.
Collin:You know, you three are so utterly c-c-cruel! We're just trying to give hope to someone in need!
Mixxie:Oh...and you three are so superior to us just because WE want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian capitalist to keel over DEAD!
Mixxie threw her hands out for emphasis.
Y/n:You're makin' things too real now, Mixxie.
Y/n walks up to Mixxie with a spray bottle labeled "PISS", adjusts the nozzle, then sprays it into Mixxie's face, causing her to flinch and hiss like a cat.
*With Loona*
The beat up I.M.P. van can be seen slowly swerve towards MnM's house before eventually parking right next to their house.
Inside the van, a scared and messy haired Loona can be seen as she managed to shift the gear into park.
Loona:Okay, NEVER going to drive again
Loona unbuckles her seatbelt before exiting the vehicle and closing the door before fixing her hair and fur.
Loona:Alright, let's see if tweedle dee and tweedle dum are hiding something
Loona then walks over to the door before trying to open the door, only to find that it was locked.
Loona:Alright, breaking in it is
Loona then kicks open the door before walking into the house.
Loona:Alright, snoop around, see if I can find anything, and then book it back before they come back
Loona then begins to look around the house to find anything suspicious, but other than guns, she couldn't find anything.
Loona:There is no way those two aren't hiding something, especially something related to y/n
Loona then went into their bedroom and began to snoop around, mostly just finding sex toys, the butt's of cigarettes, and a bunch of stuff that's not important.
Loona:Come on, where is it?
Loona soon noticed a small door big enough to fit a small imp through labeled "punishment box".
Loona:What the hell?
Loona then walks over to the door and opens to reveal a dark but empty room, confusing her.
Loona:What? What the fuck is this? There is nothing in here
Loona then sniffs in the "punishment box" and smells something she didn't expect.
Loona:Why does this room reek of dried up tears?
Loona then slams the door closed with a frustrated growl.
Loona:Whatever, not what I'm looking for
She soon noticed a double door with "Keep out!" on it, which caused Loona to roll her eyes as she walked over to the doors.
Loona:What, are you two hiding in here? More sex toys?
Loona soon opened the door and immediately lost her sarcastic look, and her eyes widened in shock before she immediately closed the doors to take a double take.
Loona:There is no way I saw that correctly
Loona opened the doors again to look inside again.
Inside was a whole bunch of y/n related things:stolen clothes and other possessions, pictures and posters of y/n from both current times and back when he was called Blitz-o, handmade figurines, dolls including voodoo dolls, action figures even a life size mannequin of y/n. The biggest thing was the shrine dedicated to y/n stood right in the middle of the room.
Loona:Jesus christ
She then slams the doors closed.
Loona:WHAT.THE.ACTUAL.FUCK!?
She then takes a deep breath and tries to process what she just saw.
Loona:Well, I was right. They are after my y/n, but HOLY FUCK are they insane
An idea soon popped in her head as a smirk found itself on her face.
Loona:Wait, this is perfect! I just need to show something from this to him, and he will get rid of them! Once they're out of the picture, it will just be me and y/n which will allow me to keep him all to myself!
She then lets out a laugh of insanity.
Loona:Oh, they are FUCKED!
Loona then opens the doors again and enters it.
Loona:Now, what should I use as evidence?
As loona looks around and tries to decide which one to pick before she spotted a y/n body pillow behind a glass container.
Loona:Are you kidding me!? A body pillow!? What are they, weeaboos!?......I want it
Loona then approaches the glass container before punching it to break it.
She then wipes the glass shards off of her fist before grabbing the pillow out and giving it a big sniff.
Loona:They even have his scent on it. How did they do that?
Loona looks back at the pile of y/n related stuff.
Loona:Well, my hands are full and I want to keep this pillow. I guess I'll just have to settle with pictures. I have to be back soon
Loona then takes some of pictures of the pile before she walks away with the body pillow as she closes the doors behind her to try to cover her tracks.
Loona:At least, I didn't leave empty- handed
Loona soon walks out the front door and closes the door behind her to cover up her tracks before heading into the I.M.P. van.
Once she inserted the key and started the engine, she grabbed the body pillow and takes another big sniff, causing her pupils to turn into hearts.
Loona:You will soon be all mine, daddy~
She then puts the pillow in the passenger seat before grabbing the steering wheel to drive carefully home.
*Back with the I.M.P. crew*
The I.M.P. crew were in the inside of an auditorium. A woman dressed as a Viking sings opera on stage while wearing a fake unicorn on her lower torso. A well-dressed man plays a grand piano behind her.
The cherubs and the audience are also well-dressed, though Lyle only wears a bowtie over his simple, sweat-stained hospital gown.
Cletus:Behold! The wonder of art and music! Somethin' always there to comfort…entertain…and live for!
Up above the stage, the three Imps look down from a catwalk near the ceiling with y/n wags his butt and tail like a cat as Mixxie stares with a lustful look before she was snapped out of it when she heard Millie.
Millie:So…how do we make this bad?
Mixxie:We can't. There's literally nothing bad about opera. That's fact.
Y/n shaking his butt in Mixxie's face as he gets an idea while Mixxie blushes madly and her nose bleeds.
Y/n:Unless we ruin it somehow!
With a mischievous grin, y/n grabs the spotlight and moves it away from the singer which causes the singer to pause and follows the light before resuming her song.
Y/n moves the spotlight again, and the singer again pauses to follow it.
Lyle:She's not very good.
Y/n chuckles softly and moves the light faster and faster around the stage as Lyle and the cherubs narrow their eyes in suspicion. Y/n wiggles the spotlight around aggressively, then gasps as he accidentally breaks it off entirely.
The woman sings a final high note before the light crushes her on stage, smashing her to pieces and splattering blood all over the stage, causing the audience, Lyle, and the cherubs to scream, while the pianist nervously tries to keep playing, his face drenched in sweat.
Y/n:Well, at least we made it bad.
The three cherubs fly angrily up toward the Imps.
Cletus:THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD IT! You three monsters have messed with us enough!
Collin:D'ooh, we're just trying to do our j-j-job!
Mixxie:Well, so are we!
Cletus:EEENNNOOOUGH!
The Cherubs summon golden crossbows and aim them at the imps.
Cletus:We are saving that shitty old man's life, whether he wants it or not!
Y/n:Well, someone wants that fucker dead, m'kay? And he paid in advance, and I spent it all on this…
Y/n reaches into his coat and pulls out a jewel-encrusted green horse figure wearing sunglasses and a "MARE-AJUANA" cap.
Y/n:…so he's gotta go!
Keenie flies into y/n's face.
Keenie:You all are such disgusting, loathsome beasts! Your kind is nothing but dirt that shitty dead people tread on! And now, you're trying to meddle with the lives of HUMANS?!
Millie then pushes y/n aside so she can argue with Keenie.
Millie:So are you! So why don't you shut your trap, you judgmental-
She pulls Keenie by her necklace and snaps it back.
Millie:cotton candy, tit-havin' BITCH?!
Keenie:FILTHY DEMON CRAP!
Shs then tackles Millie as Intense opera music starts playing as the fight begins. Keenie and Millie roll over in a cat fight. Cletus and Collin shoot golden arrows at y/n and Mixxie, who run away, drawing their guns in the process. Millie and Keenie roll off the catwalk, which Mixxie sees it and jumps off of the catwalk, grabbing and swinging on a rope.
She aims her pistol at Keenie, who is still fighting with Millie as they fall. Millie and Keenie exchange punches to the face before Mixxie aims up and fires at a rope, which releases a sandbag.
The sandbag slams into Keenie, separating her and Millie, and Mixxie swings over and catches Millie as Cletus and Collin chase them down, firing their crossbows. Millie grabs Mixxie's face, and they stare into each other's eyes with lustful grins before they started making out as they swing above the stage, Millie pulling two machine guns out of Mixxie's coat and firing as they spin rapidly.
Y/n climbs onto a catwalk and spots Millie's bra, and Mixxie's bow tie flies past him. The bullets hit and kill various audience members in the first two rows, but they all miss Lyle.
Lyle:It's all starting to make sense now! Life is worth living because we only get one! We must cherish it! If creatures far beyond this living world are going through these lengths over my life, then certainly it's worth living! Killing myself is not the answer! Plus…I'm still rich! I can just buy all the things!
He pulls out two wads of cash in triumph.
Lyle:I NO LONGER CRAVE DEATH!
The audience claps happily for Lyle. Millie and Mixxie were still spinning while firing their guns and being chased by Collin and Keenie, accidentally shooting a woman in the audience in the eye, killing her instantly.
*with Y/n*
Y/n runs along the metal scaffolding with his flintlock pistol. He jumps onto a bit of scaffolding, holding some spotlights attached to the ceiling with a rope. He and Cletus point their weapons at each other with y/n attempting to fire only to find his gun empty, looking at it in shock. With a wide-eyed glance at Cletus, he quickly throws the flintlock into Cletus' face.
Cletus: Oof! You fucker!
Momentarily blinded, Cletus recklessly fires an arrow, severing the rope holding up the scaffolding y/n is standing on and that Mixxie and Millie are swinging from.
The three Imps all fall with the metal scaffolding as is smashes onto the floor of the stage, narrowly missing the pianist and cartoonishly bending a board so it holds up the piano at an angle.
The pianist is startled and stops playing, then straightens his bow tie, drops his stool down onto the stage, and uses it to drop down from the bent floorboard. The board then sends the piano flying through the air, breaking in the process. Y/n, Mixxie, Millie, Cletus, Collin, and Keenie follow the piano with their eyes as it falls. Lyle turns to see the piano flying straight towards him, screaming like a girl and scrambling out of his bed into a seat.
Unfortunately for him, the piano suddenly shifts to his new location and crushes both him and a few corpses haphazardly shot and killed by Mixxie and Millie.
Mixxie grins asshe sits tied up to Millie while Y/n and the couple grin smugly.
Mixxie:Well, well. Would'ya looook at that? You...did our job...for us. Heh!
Millie smirks and gives the cherubs two middle fingers as said the cherubs staring at Lyle's unfortunate death in utter shock before Collin gasps in horror.
Collin:Ohhhh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my Gooood!
Keenie grabs Collin by the shirt and slaps him across the face a few times.
Keenie:Get a hold of yourself, Collin! And do NOT use the Lord's name in VAIN!
Cletus angrily looks at the I.M.P. crew.
Cletus:THIS...ISN'T OVER!
Y/n, Mixxie, and Millie smirk as Keenie creates a portal to Heaven, and the cherubs fly through, only to be mysteriously repelled back.
Cletus:WHAT THE?!
A group of cherubs descends, composed of two bees, two sheep, and Deerie, the leader. The deer conjures up reading glasses and a clipboard.
Deerie:Mmm, yeah, no, sorry, Cletus, but I'm afraid your actions resulted in the death of a human. I'm afraid you can't re-enter Heaven. Yeaaaah, noooo...
Cletus, Collin, & Keenie:WHAT?!?!
Deerie:Yeaaaah, mmmmm, sorry! Yeaaaah, no…
Collin:Is there…anything we can do?!
Deerie files her hoof.
Deerie:Yeaaaah, nooo!
She chuckles.
Deerie:Noooo, no, no.
Deerie says "no" while pointing her hooves at Collin, Cletus, and Keenie.
Keenie:Bu-But, we didn't mean to! We'd never! It was all--
Keenie points to the spot where I.M.P. was, only to find them gone. All three cherubs stare wide-eyed, Keenie's pointing hand trembling, whist the sound of a horrified woman screaming plays in the background.
Deerie:Anyway, sorry, guys. But those are the rules! Yeaaaaah. Byyyye!
Deerie does a happy wave before she and the group vanish through the portal.
Cletus:Wait! But--
Cletus flies toward the portal, but it closes before he can enter, causing Cletus to break down into tears and cries.
*Back at I.M.P. headquarters*
Y/n claps his hands together before he talks to his employees.
Y/n:Welp, the old man wanted to live again, and we didn't kill him, so we failed. Thanks to those fuckin' cherubs, he's probably up in Heaven now, so...It's a shame. All our client wanted was eternal revenge on his business partner. And now the two are forever separated, and now we gotta face the fire of fuckin' up.
Mixxie:Sir...when are you going to tell the client?
Y/n then holds up and points at his phone to show he texted Loopty.
Y/n:Oh, I already sent him a text, and...we're in good hands, 'cause texts don't make people angry.
On y/n's phone, it shows that Loopty Goopty is called "Lupis" in his contacts. The text from Loopty reads, "U fail, U die.", followed with y/n replying "sorry" surrounded by emojis, with "saxophone emoji" typed a line below.
Mixxie looks worriedly to the wall behind her before she quickly scurries out of the way as a metal escalator proceeds to crash into the office, Loopty descending from the escalator.
Loopty:YYYYYYY/nnnnnnn!
Y/n immediately became worries that Loopty came back after being sent the text.
Y/n:Loofaaaaa! We can explain everything. I was--…
Another metal escalator crashes through the wall and squashes Mixxie as Lyle, now a mechanical demon with piano keys for teeth and a rolling ball in place of legs, arrives with a grin as Mixxie twitches stiffly in pain, confusing y/n and Millie.
Y/n & Millie:Lyle Lipton?!
Millie:I don't understand. We thought you went to Heaven.
Lyle:Heaven?! You don't make millions in technological advances in robotics by NOT experimenting on the poor!
He laughs evily.
Loopty:Oh, you no-good, HEARTLESS son of a BITCH! Thank you for reuniting me with my best friend!
Lyle:The only question now is what do two old genius robotic inventors do now that we're in Hell?
Wally Wackford suddenly crashes through the ceiling.
Wally:Did someone say, I say, inventors?! Name's Wally Wackford, and I am lookin' for creative new people to exploit!
He soon realizes what he said and twirls his mustache.
Wally:I mean, employyyyy~
Y/n:Everyone, STOP FUCKIN' UP MY WALLS! Mixxie's gonna have to fix all this shit!
Mixxie is shown trapped, frothing at the mouth, and groaning in agony.
Y/n:Oh, chill out, Mixxie. If you kiss my ass any harder, you'll go right inside me. Satan's balls! First we deal with Heaven's table-scraps, now this?
Wally:I guess…you can say, you say, you have a... holey operation here!
Wally slaps his knee and laughs as Loopty scratches his neck awkwardly while y/n looks at him with an unamused.
Y/n:Get out.
Wally continues laughing, doubling over onto the floor while Lyle and Loopty glance at each other awkwardly.
Wally:Oh! I say, oh!
Y/n:No, I'm serious. Get the FUCK OUT!
Loopty, Lyle, Millie, and Wally all look at Y/n, shocked and surprised by his sudden rage.
*At the parking lot*
Everyone besides Loona had a shocked look on their faces upon seeing the beat-up I.M.P. van taking up two parking spaces.
Y/n:My van!
Mixxie:What happened!?
Loona then had an awkward look on her face.
Loona:Umm, guys?
The three look at Loona.
Loona:You see....why you guys were away, I kinda got bored and tried to learn how to drive
It was, of course, a lie so as not to expose the real reason she took the van, but Y/n begins to panic regardless.
Y/n:You drove for the first time without me!?
Y/n suddenly tackles Loona into a hug, catching her off guard before looking down to see y/n looking up at her with tear filled eyes.
Y/n:Do you know how devastated I would be if I find out my baby girl got seriously hurt and I wasn't around to help her!?
Loona:I'm not a little girl anymore, da-I mean y/n
Loona caught herself, almost calling y/n her father again.
Y/n:You'll always be my little girl, Lonny
Loona looks away to try and not show that she was touched by his words.
Loona:Whatever. The van still works, otherwise I wouldn't have made it back
Y/n breaks the hug in celebration.
Y/n:Sweet! We don't have to walk home! Everybody get in!
Soon, everyone got into the van with y/n in the driver's seat and Loona in the passenger seat.
Y/n:Next time, ask me to teach you how to drive so we don't have to fix it again
Loona could be seen texting on her phone.
Loona:Whatever
Y/n then drives off to drop off MnM.
*timeskip*
Millie and Mixxie wave goodbye at y/n and Loona, who were still in the van.
Mixxie:See ya next week, sir!
Y/n:See ya, later MnM!
The van soon drove off as Millie and Mixxie held each other's hand before walking towards their house.
Millie:Did your nose really bleed when he put his ass in your face?
Mixxie awkwardly smiles.
Mixxie:I couldn't help it. He has such a sexy ass
Millie chuckles.
Millie:True, but I bet there's a different reason that involves your dirty, degenerate mind~
Mixxie blushed madly before they soon arrived at the house, and Mixxie immediately got a feeling.
Mixxie:Honey
Millie:Yeah?
Mixxie:Open the door
Millie was confused about why Mixxie was requesting this.
Millie:Why? It's locked
Mixxie:Do it. I got a feeling something is wrong
Millie then grabs the door handle and manages to turn it and open it to reveal a broken lock.
Mixxie:Looks like there was a break in
Mixxie took out a silenced pistol, and Millie took out his giant axe.
Millie:They're gonna regret breaking in!
The two soon entered their house and began to search around for any intruders.
Millie:I don't see anybody
Mixxie:Me neither, and there is only one room left
The two soon approach their bedroom door.
Mixxie:Alright, on the count of three, we charge in
Millie nods before Mixxie starts counting down.
Mixxie:Three, two, ONE!
The two open the door before charging in only to see no one.
Millie:Huh? Where are they?
Mixxie was just as confused as Millie before she realized something and began to panic.
Mixxie:Did they take anything!?
Mixxie quickly went over to the double doors and immediately opening the doors.
Mixxie:Did they take any of my y/n stuff!?
Mixxie begins to frantically look around as Millie approaches her.
Millie:Don't be ridiculous, Mixxie. Why would anyone want your collection of y/n related stuff? If anything, it would freak them out to the point where they would want to leave as quickly as possible
Mixxie then gasped as she pointed at the broken glass container.
Mixxie:Someone stole the body pillow!
Mixxie then went over to the broken container and fell onto her knees in despair and agony.
Mixxie:Why would someone do this? Who would steal something so valuable!?
Mixxie soon noticed some fur onto the floor next to the shattered glass and picked it up to see it was a piece of white fur, immediately giving away who did it.
Mixxie:LLLLLLLooooooooooonnnnnnaaaaaa!!!!
She said in a demonic voice before letting out a demonic hiss like a demon cat as Millie watches.
Millie:Well, looks like she found out. Now things are gonna get complicated
Millie continues to watch Mixxie act like a gremlin on the floor.
Mixxie:MY PRECIOUS!
Millie thought about what to do now that Loona had found out about their obsession with y/n and soon came to one conclusion.
Millie:Looks like we're gonna have to have a talk
To be continued.....