About an hour later, i figured things had settled and now i was stood outside Brody door, having already knocked and taken a step back. It took a few seconds, but i heard some rustling before i heard the door handle click and then, it opened, revealing Brody. She looked okay, about as good as she could've been after it.
"Hey um, im sorry about earlier. I didnt mean to trigger an attack, im sorry. Are you-"
I was cut off by her wrapping her arms around me. I was taken aback when she did. I think alot of the reason was because no one other than my mom had hugged me in so long, or i hadn't hugged anybody. I reciprocated the hug gently just a few moments before she pulled out of it, smiling.
"You didn't but, thank you for standing up for me. I don't know what she would've done if you hadn't but, thank you." She smiled as Marlon came up behind her, leaning on the door. I didn't even realise he was there.
"Clem, thank you for, beating the shit out of Emily really. She deserved it." He chuckled nervously. "And for standing up for Brody. We really appreciate it."
"Of course." I nodded, smiling slightly.
"Are you okay?" Brody asked, frowning as she noticed the bruises forming on my face.
"Yeah, im fine. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and.. say sorry." I nodded.
"You've got nothing to be sorry about." Brody smiled.
I smiled back. "Anyway uh, i'll see you guys tomorrow."
"Wait we were just about to head to Sophies for a while, im not sure if they asked yet but, are you coming?" Brody asked, raising her eyebrows as if she hoped i was.
"I think im just gonna head to mine and sleep for a bit but thanks anyway." I smiled slightly.
"Okay, we'll see you tomorrow." She smiled.
"Bye Clem." Marlon smiled.
"Bye guys." I said as i backed away from her dorm, wondering then if Marlon and Brody were together. I came to the conclusion that they were.
An hour passed of me laying in bed. I was mainly just scrolling through my phone and vaping but the vape wasn't really cutting it and i wanted a cigarette so, i decided i'd go for one. I thought about where to go before i simply remembered the bell tower. Fast foward 10 minutes and i had just slipped inside the door of the belltower and was reaching into pocket while scanning the walls.
"I can get up there." I murmured, pulling my hand out of my pocket and staring up. "Do i really want to though." I sighed, not really bothered.
I reached back into my pocket and laid my hands on my cigarettes, not pulling them out though, instead i looked back up.
"Oh fuck it." I groaned, pulling my hand out again and approaching the wall infront of me.
When i made it to the wall, i reached up and grabbed what used to be the stairs support but was just now a ledge sticking out of the wall before getting my footing. I started to climb after that, almost falling once after i lost my footing but i managed. I made it to what was the last set of stairs but now was just one set of floating stairs leading up to the top of tower. I got a hand on the stairs and hoisted myself up onto them. Now i had successfully climbed up and was stood at the base of the stairs, taking a breath before i continued.
When i made it up, i was stood at the part where you'd ring the bell but, there was no bell to ring. Only a pretty cool view to look at. The sun was still up but i reckoned it would've looked nicer while the sun was setting. Anyway, i walked over to the railing, where you could see the whole view of the school and past it. There was a couple of kids in the courtyard sat on the picnic benches, just talking and laughing. Looked like a teacher was walking around too so i didn't hang around the railing for too long since i didn't want to get caught.
Instead, i walked along the catwalk, taking in the view before i was met with a small set of stairs leading up to a belfry with alot of poles holding it up but this one didn't have gaurd railings around it. Nothing to stop you from falling. I walked up the stairs, taking my time and before i knew it, i was sat, leaning against a pole with my legs dangling down, taking in the view. From this side of the tower and the direction i was sat, you could really only see into the forest that was behind the school and some buildings and houses that were far away but it was still nice. I reached into my pocket shortly after i had sat down, laying my hands on my cigarette pack and my airpods. Figured this would be the most peaceful place to listen to music so, that's what i did.
I took a cigarette out and lit it first though, placing it in my mouth while i put in my airpods. After, i took my cigarette out of my mouth and grabbed my phone, opening Soundcloud. I just wanted to relax, smoke and listen to music but that wasn't going to happen. I had to be annoyed or upset about something. The first suggested playlist that came up was Erin's. It took me aback. I had already been upset with Brody reminding me of her, which wasn't Brodys fault, but this just put me in a much shittier mood. I hesitated over my phone for a minute, falling into a trance as all of the memories of us came rushing back. The thing that snapped me out of it was the cigarette ash burning my finger. I quickly flicked it off and glanced back down at my phone. My finger was still hesitating over it. Over her playlist. I sighed and clicked on it, revealing all of her favourite songs and artists. Zach Bryan was her all time favourite though. Her playlist was full of his songs, full of them but the top one , was 'Something in the Orange' by Zach Bryan.
I had already been dreading the upcoming one year anniversary of her death which's only a few days from now. The pain and wound of her death still felt raw. Seeing her playlist now, of all times, felt like salt on the wound. I couldn't escape the memories, nor did i want to, but it just hurt alot to be reminded of who wasn't here anymore.
I tapped on the song, 'Something in the Orange' and the familiar notes started to play. More memories flooded back when i did- our late night talks, the times we'd laugh 'till we couldn't breathe, the nights we'd sneak out just to smoke, and the countless times she played this song while we were doing those things. That and a rake of others but this one was special to her.
As the song played, tears began to well up in my eyes while i tried my hardest to surpress them, taking a drag of my cigarette to try and help. I tried to blink them away too, but they eventually spilled over, sliding down my cheeks. The pain of losing her was already bad enough, but the music, the lyrics in particular, seemed to amplify it. I still wiped my tears. I didn't like crying. I never did. I dug my head into my hands after i wiped them, listening carefully to every lyric, every word. And while i was doing that, in my own world, i hadn't even realised someone else was up in the belltower with me. Not until she nudged me with her foot. It startled me at first, almost dropping my cigarette but i managed to gather myself and barely turn around, getting a glimpse of who it was while i took my airpod out.
"You good?" Violet asked, a neutral expression on her face and her hands shoved into her pockets.
I sighed, rubbing my face with my sleeve. "Yeah." I said quickly, just wanting her to leave me alone. I was in no mood for company, especially not from someone who tried to fight me. But, to my surprise and i think hers too, she took a seat a few feet from me, propped up against a pole, just like i was.
She sighed as she did and a silence formed between us after, the only sound coming from the faint hiss of my cigarette.
"I thought you hated me." I murmured sarcastically, sniffling after.
She scoffed. "Hate's a strong word."
"Dislike." I rolled my eyes.
She shrugged. "The groups fond of you so im not gonna leave you to do anything stupid."
I furrowed my eyes as she said that. What? Did she think i was gonna jump? I stayed silent anyway, hoping if she wasn't going to leave we could just sit in silence and we did. For a few minutes at least.
"I heard what you did for Brody. Fighting Emily, it was stupid but, the whole group appreciates it. I appreciate it." She mumbled.
"Are you seriously criticising me right now?" I scoffed, shaking my head slightly.
"No, i would've done the same thing. Just, you know Emilys gonna be on your ass now? Starting fights when she can." She shrugged, turning her head to look at me while i kept mine facing foward.
"Shouldn't you be glad then? She'll finally fuck off away from you." I huffed, bringing my cigarette to my mouth.
"Probably should be." She murmured. "But im not."
"Why?" I asked.
"The stuff Emilys saying, and the stuff she does, she deserves it." She huffed, seeming to get riled up even talking about it.
"Yeah, wouldn't put it past her." I sighed, feeling some sort of common ground between Violet and I even though i was angry.
"She say something to you?" She asked, seeming genuinely interested.
"Why do you care?" I asked coldly, snapping any sort of small common ground we were building as i turned to look at her.
"Cause you're clearly upset about something." She shrugged, that same neutral expression on her face.
"And why would you care about that either? Last i checked, you hated me even if you wanna sit here and tell me you don't. I don't care that you do, you don't have to deny it." I said, shaking my head slightly.
She looked at me, steadily. "I don't. It might seem like i do but.." she sighed. "What Soph said was true, i am kinda always angry. And i always end up taking it out on someone, even if i don't mean to."
I stared at her as she spoke, my expression hard. "Right. Whatever you say."
She sighed again, shaking her head this time. "Believe what you want."
I didn't reply. I just let the music continue to play at a low volume, my mind a chaotic mix of grief, anger, and confusion. She stayed by my side, a silent presence up at the bell tower while i tried to sort out my head.
"Anyways," She finally said. "Im staying up here for a while, wether you like it or not."
I took a deep drag of my cigarette. "Do what you want."
She didn't respond. She just sat there quietly, the silence between us heavy with unspoken words and emotions.
---
The next day, i had just gotten back to my dorm from hanging out at Sophies with the group. They finally convinced me to go after school and honestly, it was kinda nice. Just hanging out, laughing and talking. Violet was there too which the group seemed to be surprised about. I didn't talk to her much, not more than necessary since i knew she wouldn't have wanted to talk to me. I'd like to say it didn't bother me but it kind of did. She was apart of the group, i was going to have to get along with her. And i wasn't sure, but i did want to get along with her. I wanted to laugh and talk with her. I figured i had fucked it all up at the belltower though. I did act like a cold bitch towards her but i was angry. I was just grieving my friend. Anyway, it was 11pm and the staff had just did their checks that all seniors were in their rooms. Well, on the campus really. They didn't care much for seniors and i learned that quickly. As long as we were somewhere on campus while they did their checks, they didn't care. I mean, after that, we probably could've got up and left campus without facing any consequences. But as i was saying; It was 11:13pm and the staff had just done their checks a few minutes earlier when someone knocked on my door. I ignored it at first, hoping they thought i was just asleep but when the knocking continued, i figured i had to get up and answer. I thought maybe it was the staff, or Louis, or someone like that. But nope. My surpressed anger resurfaced as soon as i opened the door, clearly, hers did too. I wondered if hers even faded.
"You got me suspended you fucking bitch!" Emily practically yelled as i was stumbling back, having just suffered a right hook. "Fuck you!"
"You did that to yourself." I spat back, clutching my face in pain.
I was met by another punch that unfortunately, i couldn't block in time. I stumbled again, but this time i tripped across my damn shoe and fell to the floor, flat on my back. Having gave her the upper hand, she slammed the door shut as hard as she could while walking over to me. All while i was trying my hardest to get back up but i couldn't. Not in time anyway. She stood over me and grabbed me by my collar, pulling me up.
"Get up. Come on, you're so tough. Get up!" She shouted, shaking me.
Obviously, what she was telling me to do was rhetorical but i didn't take it that way. I drew my left leg back and pointed it towards her stomach, pumping it as hard as i could into her stomach which badly winded her, sending her back. Gave me the upper hand though. I managed to get to my feet while she was stumbling towards me again, wanting with everything in her to win this fight but with the adrenaline and anger pumping inside of me, she wasn't going to. While she was making her way to me, i didn't punch her, i didn't kick her, i headbutted her. Sounds funny but if you do it right, you can do a serious amount of damage. Unfortunately i didn't. Most i did was give her a bloody nose and make her 10x more pissed off. While i was catching my breath, and she was clutching her nose, i didn't even realise she was drawing her hand back to punch me. She did in such an awkward way that made me think 'what the fuck?' but she wasn't aiming for my face. She was aiming for my stomach and she landed it. Easily winding me and sending me to my knees and i thought well, this was it. Until i heard a bang but it didn't come from either of us, it came from my door slamming off of the wall by someone forcing it open. Neither of us really had time to process it. Well, she certainly didn't. She was grabbed by the hood of her hoodie, choking her slightly as she was pulled back before she was slung up against the wall. Giving me a clear picture of who was doing this to her. She slammed Emily up against the wall and followed through, grabbing Emily by her collar and holding her up again the wall, choking her slightly.
"Leave before i snap your jaw in 2 pieces." Violet growled, pushing harder on Emilys collar while Emily was pulling at Violets wrists.
Violet didn't let go though, not until Emily started to tap her rapidly and clearly become breathless. When Violet finally did, Emily slid down the wall, bending over and going into a fit of coughing. She didn't stay in my room for long after that, Violet practically shoved her out and slammed the door behind her, before turning to me who was also, in a fit of coughing. Her facial expression softened as she looked at me, realising i wasn't okay.
"Are you okay?" She asked after rushing over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder as she hunkered down to my level. I was still on the floor at this point, just on my knees. "You're good, breathe." She said softly, squeezing my shoulder gently.
A few moments passed and i had finally caught whatever breath Emily hadn't knocked out of me. Shaky breaths but at least i could breathe. I managed to nod slightly while Violet was still staring at me, inspecting all of what Emily had done. "Im fine."
"No you're not." She shook her head, standing up shortly after.
I didn't know what i was expecting her to do, but helping me onto my bed and raiding my room for a drink for me was the last thing. Eventually, she found one laying on the bed opposite mine and grabbed it.
"Here." She murmured, offering me the bottle of water.
I stared at her for a moment, wondering why she was doing this before i took the water from her hands, still staring at her.
"Are you okay?" She asked, having taken a seat beside me as i was drinking the water.
"Yeah." I mumbled, nodding my head slightly. "Thanks."
"She had it coming." She sighed, leaning foward as she pushed her hands down on the bed by her side.
"You didn't have to do that. I had it under control." I mumbled, screwing the cap back onto the waterbottle.
She shrugged. "I had an opportunity to fight her, i was gonna take it." She knew i didn't have it under control, i knew that too i just didn't want to admit i needed the help.
"She got suspended. She said i got her suspended." I groaned, wiping my nose.
Violet visibly rolled her eyes. "Pity they didn't expel her. If you told the school what-"
"Im not telling the school. You said it yourself, Ericsons too much of a jackass to do anything." I mumbled but it didn't sound mean. It just sounded like i was being realistic.
She sighed, knowing i was right. "Yeah."
"Anyway, i'll see you in school." She mumbled, standing up.
"Mhm." I hummed, nodding my head slightly as she started on her way out of my room.