January 2004
The icy ground crunched beneath your boots, the undisturbed colourless fluff compacting under your weight to leave behind a pattern of your trail. The navy blue thermal socks that you located in the main master bedroom had certainly become well loved during these baltic months as they snugly encased your feet on your little outings, those and the abundance of mountain climbing attire that Tommy had found in boxes up in the attic. The boots had been a size too big but your socks padded them out just enough to prevent your achilles from blistering- they were more practical than the ratty old converse's that you had now retired until spring broke.
Crouching down, you could feel the cold radiate though your jeans and onto your knees from the snowy layer that you hovered over. The brisk air burned your lungs as you sucked in a breath to then release it as a deflated sigh. Another empty trap.... The third one this morning with only four more to check...
"Woah! Watch it- that one's snappy!" Tommy called out from behind as your hand ventured near the snare to just readjust it a little.
You snapped your head around to face him, arm frozen. Tommy paced a few steps towards you and displayed his middle finger that sported a scabbed up wound, "That one caught me the other day... fuckin' hurt."
"Jeez, no need to swear at me." You winked before glancing between him and the trap.
He sneered light-heartedly then spoke again, "Just leave it. Don't think changin' the angle will do much... it's effective, we know that," Tommy wiggled his healing finger once more, "just ain't anythin' coming near it."
He stepped behind the contraption and scuffed his boot into the slightly buried scattering of trail mix that had been left out as a lure, "Bait ain't even been touched..."
The past month had been rough... The snow fall had been persistent but intermittent in the same breath. Falling for a solid twenty four hours at a time and then nothing for a couple of days after but yet the climate was so brisk that the flurried terrain wouldn't melt- that is where the concern laid firm. It wasn't that the three of you were snowed in, not at all... It was the fact that you had become trackable. If a scout was sent to the nearby town and god forbid there were other hostile occupants along route, they would find you with ease, the trail of boots leading straight to your front door. It wasn't worth it, not when the snow wasn't falling fast nor hard enough to cover your prints in a timely manner.
This was the exact reason you were both out here. The benefit of your location meant that the house backed onto a woodland that lead up into the mountains behind and with your stock now almost non existent and with no other current sources of protein, the three of you had been left with no other option but to hunt.
You say the three of you but this outing had actually been your first... Usually it being Tommy or Joel to set and check the traps and then dismember and gut whatever prey had been caught. It wasn't that you were overly keen on getting involved with that side of things- you actually hadn't a clue what you were doing but god, you had been going fucking stir crazy whilst stuck inside those four walls for weeks on end. You were eager for fresh air, to go anywhere other than the greenhouse in the back yard.
It was colder than you expected, being out in this climate. You weren't used to the way the cold bit at your nose and turned your cheeks rosy... You don't think you had ever seen the temperature drop so low back at home nor in Austin for that matter. Your teeth chattered as you hugged your arms around your chest and kept walking.
"S'the matter? Can't handle the cold, Angel?" Tommy teased, that taunting little smirk to his lips.
"Oh, fuck off," You quipped, "Like you aren't freezing your tits off, right now."
He grinned at you, rubbing his hands together, "Never said I wasn't. I just ain't being all dramatic about it."
You'd formed quite the bond with Tommy over the months and you'd said it before; Tommy was just easy. Easy to talk to, easy to get along with- he'd become your friend- like an actual friend and not just some forced relationship as a result of being shoved together in tight confinement. You'd laugh and joke and the friendly banter had become a key element of your budding friendship.
"Whatever, Cowboy..." You gibed before glancing at the scenery around you. It was comparable to that of the pictures printed onto festive cards. Elongated icicles hanging from thick beaches and glistening in the sun, thick heaps of fluffy white weighting down the leaves and something almost magical in the way that true winter presented itself. It was almost magical, like some fantasy world. You felt yourself soften in wonder... winter never looked like this in Memphis. You'd occasionally get the odd flurry in the colder months but the pristine glow of it had usually turned into a murky slush by the end of the day and melted away by the next... cons of living in the city... "It's so pretty... I've not ever seen winter like this..."
Tommy's eyes too gazed over the scenery, taking it in with a small smile appearing, "Y'know I never even saw snow in the flesh 'til I left Texas..."
"Really?"
"Yeah," He scratched at his chin, "Occasionally had sleet but yeah.... Snow just wasn't a thing..." He then shrugged the wonder away, "Got sent to fuckin' Norway for a training exercise once... was sick of the shit by the time we finished."
"How old were you?" You asked quietly, bumping your shoulder against his arm as you made your way to trap number four.
"Was eighteen still at that point..." His brow furrowed, eyes dropping to the ground, "Was just after my nineteenth that I was shipped out to Bosnia..."
You nodded delicately and linked your arm through his, sensing how his mood deflated, "Bet that was tough..."
"It was... yeah..."
"What made you do it?" You asked, "as in join?"
"Wanted to make my Ma proud..." Tommy shrugged, scrunching his nose as he looked up and ahead. You felt a heavy ache in your heart. He paused for a second as if to spare a moment to remember his mother, "also wanted to make a difference in the world, do some good, ya know? But it didn't make me feel that way... didn't feel like I was servin' my country at all... just felt like I was fightin' other peoples battles... people too important and rich to fuckin' fight themselves..."
"That's most wars for you..." You said quietly squeezing onto his arm that little more.
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Trap five and six were both again non starters, one being completely untouched whilst the other had been set off but what ever it had been that triggered it was nowhere to be seen- an escapee.
You wandered into a small clearing about half a mile away from the house, both feeling more than a bit flattened by your lack of luck on this sad attempt at a hunt.
"Joel moved both five n' six around here last time... said it's where we caught the pheasant and also the duck from the other week." Tommy said.
The traps were checked upon and reset every few days; two days ago saw Joel return back with a pheasant and a couple of squirrels. You could remember him mentioning that the area seemed to be well populated. It made sense to lay out more traps.
Tommy pointed towards some prickly overgrowth a few feet away, some mixture of hawthorn and young juniper tangled together by vines of unruly brambles, "The dead fall is set up just behind that, if you wanna go ahead and check it out..." His brows furrowed as he began scanning the branches and vegetation on the opposite site of the clearing, "I... gotta find where in the hell Joel set up this snare..."
"Good luck with that." You quipped, setting off towards your designated trap.
"Remind me to bollock him on his descriptiveness... between the tree and that mossy rock he said... I can see fuckin' four rocks and a hundred fuckin' trees..."
You scoffed incredulously, "You ain't gonna bollock him, ha."
"Watch me." He winked, flashing you a toothy smirk.
"Whatever you say. I'll be watching on the sidelines with my popcorn ready," you winked right back.
The trap was right in there, in the midst of the overgrowth and surrounded by pointy branches and spiked thorns. You winced and hissed as you pushed your way through it, the skin of your legs being pricked despite the layer of protective denim they were clad in.
"Uh...Tommy!" You called out with an uncertainty to your tone upon setting your eyes on the fallen slab of rock.
"What?"
Your focus landed on what was trapped directly beneath it. Sure the trap worked alright... it just didn't appear to finish the job. A pair of black shiny eyes stared right back at you, all wide and panicked. The critters heart pounding so fast that it's body shook. You felt a little bit sick.
"Tommy, just get over here will you?!"
The small rabbit had fallen victim to your lure of a sweet tinned carrot, taking what it assumed to be an easy meal to only be paralysed in the process. It must have sensed the branch giving way, tried to flee before getting caught. Though, it didn't appear to move away fast enough... the heavy weight of the rock toppling down and crushing the base of its spine. Not enough to kill it but just enough so that it couldn't get away...
You could feel the warmth of Tommy appear at your back, the sound of branches snapping as he pushed his way through.
"What, Lina? What's up?"
"Look," You pointed towards the triggered deadfall, "What do we do?"
"Ah shit..." He said with a sigh, fingers scratching through the stubble that was in well need of another trim as he settled on the poor creature, "Gonna have to put it out of its misery..."
Your eyes widened as you turned to face him, "Huh?"
Tommy raised his brows, "We're gonna have to kill it..."
"But we might be able to save it!" You tried to bargain, "W-we could take it back and warm it up and try and help it."
He shook his head looking past you, "There ain't no savin' it, Lina. It's half fuckin' crushed- it won't survive and we gotta eat." He sighed, "C'mon..."
"I can't..." It felt like such a stupid thing to get upset over at the end of the world, your voice breaking and pitching just a little, "It's a bunny..."
"It's gonna die a slow death if we don't..." He tried to reason with you.
You sniffled, a combination of both the cold air and the conflict of taking a life coming into play. Eating meat was fine- eating the meat that the two brothers brought home was fine- so long as you didn't think too much about it. "You sound just like Joel..."
"No I don't..." Tommy tutted, face twisted in repulse.
You turned your head, focusing off to a random tree to your right, unable to look at the crippled rabbit any longer. "Yeah...you do. Did just then, anyway."
"I take offence to that, y'know." He raised his brows in false seriousness. An expression that you could now easily read between the lines of.
Still refusing to look him in the eye you shrugged, folding your arms across your chest and scrunching your nose, "Good."
Tommy sighed, loosely gesturing his arm towards an area out of sight and letting his shot gun fall loose from his shoulder, "Go on... go stand over there. I'll take care of it."
"You're not gonna shoot it, are you?" Your eyes widened in alarm, snapping up to him.
"Hell no," He snorted in response. Tommy jostled the firearm of which that he now held the strap of within his hand, "A bullet from this thing will blow the poor bastard to bits. Can't make no rabbit stew with no rabbit."
"So how are you planning to do it?"
Tommy could sense the genuine concern within your tone, the way your eyes pleaded with him. Taunting you further just seemed cruel. His face softened, "I'm just gonna clean break its neck. No blood, no gore. He won't even know it's happenin' n' then he'll be outta pain...Poor little fella's probably in agony right now."
You nodded stiffly, your attention shifting towards your toes once more. Slowly you turned and made to walk off in the direction that Tommy had initially pointed in. You glanced back over your shoulder after two steps, "Please don't let it suffer longer than necessary... make it quick."
He gave you a sensitive half smile, "I promise."
—————————————————————————-
The half- dead rabbit had been the only stroke of luck during your outing, the remaining traps all completely untouched albeit being coated in a fresh dusting of ivory crystals. You both walked side by side, the rabbit slung over Tommy's shoulder. Your ice caked boots traipsing through the thick colourless shroud, the biting breeze seeping in and setting a chill deep within your bones. Tommy was right. The snow did get old real quick, all that previous awe and wonder gone with the wind. You were sick of the fucking stuff.
The house coming into sight after four long hours of being out in the open was like a breath of warm comforting air as opposed to fresh. You were very much done with fresh air for the day and questioning why you ever felt like you were going stir crazy.
Tommy stretched the furry cadaver out and laid it down onto the melamine workbench within the garage. The dimming light as dusk crept in meant you both needed to work fast, the brick walls obstructing the freezing draft and heating the temperature by a few measly degree but doing very little to warm the iciness that clung to your flesh.
Your teeth chattered, desperate to curl up within your duvet in front of the fire, "Still need me?"
"Yeah," Tommy nodded, whilst parting the Lagomorphs dense fur, "It's gon' be dark in a short minute. Wanna get this done whilst I can still see what I'm doin'," He jutted his chin towards the wall ahead, "Can you grab me that huntin' knife? The one hung on the hook?"
Nodding you went to retrieve it, your limbs quivering as you did.
"What's gotta happen first?" You asked, still a complete novice when it came to hunting. You handed the sharpened blade to him.
"Well," He started, "Need to get all this fur off it first- gotta skin it."
You'd learned recently from one of your late night chats with Joel that their uncle used to take them both small game hunting as teenagers- one of the rare occasions where in which he'd opened up to you a little about his life.
You hummed scrunching your nose, "Don't think I'm gonna be the next Joan Crawford with that..."
Tommy's brows furrowed as he began to line the knife up, "Yeah... ain't makin' no fur coat with this... a sock though, maybe..."
You snorted, "A fur sock?"
"Yeah," A small restrained chuckle escaped from him, "but like... just one. One fur sock..." He prodded at the small animal, "Yeah, I reckon you could fit your foot in that..."
Dear lord, you were going delirious. Holding back the laughter was near on impossible, it catching within your throat as you tried to speak, "Oh my god, that sounds like some awful fucking foot fetish thing."
"Yeah... it does," Tommy all but spluttered, he chewed his lip into a more serious expression, "Y'know, though... I bet some fucker would pay a fair amount of dolla to see that..."
"Selina Harris," You cast your palm in a line above your head, as if displaying it on a billboard, "The first post-apocalyptic self made millionaire... it has a nice ring to it."
"Hey, Lina?" Tommy's lips presented into a cracking smirk, "Why do people with foot fetish's never win?"
"Oh god," you groaned, "why?"
He was already snickering before even delivering the punch line, "because they like the taste of defeat."
That was it. The pair of you breaking down into heap of hysterical laughter, clutching onto one another as you hopelessly tried to pull yourselves together but only feeding off of one another's delirium as a result.
"Jesus... You're losin' it," He tittered, wiping his damp eyes with the back of his hand.
You elbowed him playfully, "Fuck you, you're losin' it!"
You both creased up some more, unable to shake this curse of the giggles. Was it even that funny? It sure as hell felt like it in the moment.
"Alright, alright, we're both losin' it," Tommy took several deep breaths to ground himself, reeling the atmosphere back in, "Shit, c'mon. Let's hurry up with this so we can eat it. Feel like I'm goin' nutty from lack of food."
"Pshh, don't blame it on hunger, Tommo. We're all mad, here."
You were actually surprisingly okay with the skinning process, it being much less bloody than what you initially anticipated. You were convinced that Tommy only wanted you around for company, you providing very little use other than holding the knife occasionally and grabbing the waste bucket.
It was the gutting that had the colour draining from your cheeks. You were not squeamish, not usually. You had watched a number of procedures as apart of your college placement but nothing could quite prepare you for the way that Tommy rammed his hand into the cavity of the little animal and quite literally scooped out it's insides, intestines dangling from between his fingers.
You heaved, "That... that's fucking disgusting."
Yet you couldn't take your eyes away from the scene, blood and some other bodily fluids dribbling down his wrist.
"Lina, bucket..." Tommy refused to look at what he was holding, "Lina, get the bucket."
An organ of some sort slipped from his palm and splatted down onto the concrete floor and the smell... oh lord, it was pungent- repulsive. You wretched, doubling over whilst your empty stomach dry heaved, unable to regurgitate anything.
"Lina, get the damn bucket!" Tommy begged.
You grabbed the metal bowl and all but tossed it towards him whilst clutching your stomach still. Even closing your eyes and swallowing thickly wasn't enough to drown out the sound of the innards slopping heavily into its base.
"Open your eyes, ya fanny," You heard him taunt, "T's all in the bucket."
You flashed him a snide smile. One that narrowed your eyes as you mocked him, putting on your best Texan accent, "Get the bucket, Lina. Get the damn bucket."
You didn't flinch quick enough as Tommy dunked his hand back within the bucket and flicked its residue in your direction, a gory concoction smattering across your cheeks.
"Ew! Tommy! What the fuck, man?" You gasped in horror, a chunky giblet dripping from the tip of your nose and landing between your feet. You looked down, the nausea rising back within your stomach, "That... oh, I'm so getting you back for that. Better watch your back, Tommy boy!"
He was almost in tears, all his laughter at your expense as he then pulled out the hide you'd fallen apart over just thirty minutes earlier, "The socks would really make the picture right now... shit, your face is cracking me up!"
You heard the internal door of the garage creak open, your narrowed glare not leaving your menace of a friend as he beamed towards the opening.
"What'ya think Joel? Wouldn't she look great in a pair of fur socks?"
"Sock." You reluctantly corrected.
Joel's mouth remained agape, his eyes narrowing in both disgust and bafflement as he glanced from Tommy to your grume splattered face. He made no comment on whatever it was he had just walked into.
"You nearly done?" He cleared his throat, eyes falling to the dropped spleen that still remained by the leg of the workbench, "Jesus, the hell you been doin'? T's like a damn massacre in here..."
Tommy was quick to respond, dropping the skin back into the bucket, "Yeah, uh... still gotta clean up. Won't be long."
Joel gave an uncertain nod toward his brother before than casting his attention onto you with a certain amount of discomfort as he awkwardly scratched at the back of his neck, "I...uh... heated up some water ready... Figured you'd wanna bath to warm up or...clean up..."
Your expression softened somewhat, although the muscles in your face remained tense. Finding yourself caught off guard by the unusually thoughtful gesture and unsure of how to respond in Tommy's close proximity. You smiled stiffly, "Oh...That... that's real kind. Thank you, Joel."
He gave you a small nod before Tommy jumped in, "What about me? Jeez. Swear t'god my balls have turned fuckin' purple after bein' out there all damn day!"
Joel huffed, turning his back to return to the main house, "Ain't no one stoppin' you from usin' the water after her..."
The door clicked shut and you kept your focus locked onto it, sensing Tommy's eyes already on you curiously. You tried not to grimace.
"The hell was that??" Tommy exclaimed, "Fucker ran you a hot goddamn bath! How'd ya manage to get him to do that?"
"Lukewarm..." You muttered quietly, "and he's just being nice, I guess..."
"Alright. Sorry. He ran you a fucking lukewarm bath!" He corrected himself, his expression a picture of bewilderment, "That man ain't done a single thing out of the kindness of his damn heart since this shit all started."
You shrugged, hoping Tommy would just drop the topic and move on, "Oh, I don't know... the man's an enigma..."
You did know... Or at least you believed you did...
Tommy's next question came out so directly, so abruptly despite the slight humorous tone that it knocked all and any thought straight from your mind, "You suckin' his dick or somethin'? 'Cause seriously... I don't think I've ever seen-"
You choked on the words, frantically fighting to interrupt him from going any further, "What the fuck Tommy? Of course I'm not!"
It wasn't a lie... You hadn't sucked his dick. In fact, no intimate part of him had been anywhere near your lips or tongue since that night months ago in the Costco parking lot...but whilst that was the truth, it didn't necessarily mean that your escapade from a few weeks ago had been just a mere one off. Not at all, it had been very far from it. The sex had become a regularity ever since, a way to escape, a way to enjoy one another. It would happen a few nights a week... sometimes even nightly, where he'd settle down behind you and touch you like you'd never been touched before.
He'd always remain behind you and always in the same position; chest pressed against your horizontal back, never to make any attempts to kiss your lips nor even look at your face as he'd find his rapture inside of your velvety walls. However, you were convinced that he had made somewhat of an effort to learn the needs of your body, leaving you wrung out each and every time. In turn you tried to learn his. It was the little things you picked up on, like how if you hooked your thigh back over his leg, it would allow him to sink into you that extra inch deeper. He seemed to enjoy being in the deepest, most sacred part of you, stretching you out until he'd find your limit and as a result he'd come to learn that with a certain angle, he could have you falling apart around him within seconds; something he would take full advantage of with his hand clamped tightly across your lips whilst fucking you into a limp and sensitive dead weight.
You'd begun sleeping in just your oversized t-shirt regardless of the weather, and more recently without any underwear. He seemed to like that too, relishing in the knowledge that you were always there and ready for him to take whenever and you loved giving it to him. You worshipped the feel of him inside and around you; the heat of his breath on your skin, the drag of his length within your walls, his come on your thighs and then the gentle heat of his body tight to yours as he cradled you afterwards. In those moments you felt as if both your soul and body belonged to him... and you cherished that feeling- being something to someone.
You never could recall the moment that he would leave you but he'd never stay until first light, you always stirring awake to a bright beam and a cold vacant space beside you. Still, you'd so willingly grasp onto any and every little morsel of affection he'd give you... whether it be a tepid bath, the safe embrace of his hold, the late night conversations or the heavenly pounding of his cock- you'd hold onto it all. Those few hours on a night, no matter what they brought, were the one and only thing that you looked forward to with each passing day...
Concealed within the shadows of the late hour you belonged to Joel; his dream, his sweet escape, his little doll... his Sisi.
"Jeez, Lina..." Tommy whistled, "That was a bit defensive. Chill. Was only jokin'..."
You swallowed the thick lump in your throat, trying to will away from your increasing fluster, "Just a weird thing to say is all..."
"I'm only messin' with ya. O'course you ain't fuckin' around with him. Nah, he's probably just startin' to feel bad for bein' a dick to you at the start. He still has some human emotion hidden in there, it's just a little buried." He nudged your arm, "C'mon, I'm knackered. Let's clean this shit up so I can eat n' get my head down."