"That bad, huh?" Peter asked over the phone.
"Worse," I said. "Much...much worse." I fiddled with the cord of my bathrobe and stared at the pile of sopping, damp clothes I threw on the floor after getting home that evening. My Siamese cat tried making a bed out of them but hissed at the touch. After a good shower and a hot meal of leftover pizza I'd be hurling myself into bed, trying to salvage the rest of the day through a good night of sleep. And I'd be back at work again tomorrow hustling and rushing and driving myself insane.
There had to be more to life than this.
But before bedding down I wanted to give a call to my friend Peter who right now was in Australia working as a roadie for a famous rock and roll band.
"Should have come to work with me," Peter said. "You'll never believe how good these guys are live until you hear them."
"I have a couple of their albums," I said, yawning. "Can't be too much different, can they?"
"Much better," Peter said. "I'm telling you, Hannah, this is the best job I've ever had. You need to come down here."
"I told you, I don't have the time," I sighed. "I can't just take a vacation to go see you and your friends. There's too much work to do here and besides. Who would watch my cat?" I wasn't about to abandon my sweet little cat Sapphire. And there was no way I'd bring her on a plane from America to Australia. It just wasn't happening.
"Can't you find a sitter?" he asked.
"That would be a long time to leave her with a stranger and you know that," I said. Peter sighed.
"You're running yourself ragged over there!" he said. "You need a break and you need sunshine! The weather is great over here, it'd do you a lot of good to take a holiday."
Australia did sound like a lot of fun. And I would love the time off work. But my boss would never allow it. I was too valuable to him to lose for any extended length of time. You'd think I'd feel pretty special being so in-expendable like that. But it only made me feel worse. Trapped. I couldn't leave. Peter would just have to enjoy Australia without me. "You know I'd love nothing more," I said.
"Then do it," Peter said. I looked down at Sapphire who was rubbing her head all over my bathrobe, getting fur on it. I pet her and she started purring. I could always leave her with my parents. They loved cats, especially my mother. I knew she'd be safe with them. That being said, a flight to Australia was going to be long, not to mention expensive. Surely I had the money somewhere. Did I have the patience? "Tell you what," Peter said, snapping me out of my thoughts. "I dare you to take a break from work and fly to Australia. Live a little!"
The temptation was almost too much to bear...
"Just how long do you think you'll be gone, Miss Hannah?" Mr. Anderson asked suspiciously. I shifted my weight and shrugged.
"Australia is a long way away," I said. "I wouldn't want to spend more time traveling than being on vacation." Mr. Anderson rubbed his temples, his black hair turning grey right in front of my eyes. I stood there waiting patiently for him to refuse to let me have a life.
"It won't be the same without you," he said. "Who's going to get me lunch every afternoon?"
"Well, sir, I heard Jones has a knack for bringing you food," I replied. "Maybe he has leftover pie lying around." Mr. Anderson thought I was joking and laughed.
"Very funny, Miss Hannah," he said. "We'll all miss that sense of humor I'm sure." He rifled through some paperwork on his desk and opened a drawer for a pen. "So what, you have family there? Friends?"
"One friend," I said. "He works with a band down there. I think if I can get a taste of music journalism then maybe I'll have a chance at magazines." If I couldn't be the model the least I could do was write the articles. Oh, how fun that would be! Mr. Anderson laughed again.
"Working at a magazine takes a lot of gumption," he said. "You have to know a lot about the topic and how to write in a way that makes people want to keep reading. Something that's different from competitors, right?" I sighed and nodded. Here we go. Another person to smash my dreams to pieces. Might as well get the lecture over with. "Simply being around journalists working in various fields isn't enough to gain the wisdom and talent it takes to work at Venus. Surely you know that. Not to mention a college degree."
I sighed again. It wasn't a secret around here that I didn't have a college degree.
"But a little experience is better than none," I said as Mr. Anderson began writing something down. "At least it's a start, isn't it?"
"I guess," he chuckled and I wanted to throw myself through the glass window to the street below and start running. Running to the nearest airport for a flight to Australia and show him what I could do. "What band is it anyway? Some burgeoning garage band, no doubt? Grunge?"
I didn't want word getting out at the office that I would be in the presence of AC/DC. It had been a while since their heyday but in all honesty they were as relevant as ever, especially Down Under. The very name would cause a commotion I didn't want. Mr. Anderson waited expectantly. "Oh....just some indie rock and roll band that's touring there at the moment," I said. "They're still on the fence about an official name." Mr. Anderson nodded.
"Thought that might be the case," he said. "Well..." He stood up from his desk and held his hand out to me. "Good luck on your...assignment," he chuckled. I stared at him in shock, suspiciously shaking his hand.
"You're...letting me go?" I asked.
"I can't exactly stop you," he said. "As much as it kills me to lose your services I'll manage for the time being." The slightest beam of elation flowed through me. This could be the start of something really big. This could be my chance to leave this position and get a new job. Something big and important! "Don't think those alleged rockstars won't have you running around getting food and drinks for them, Miss Hannah, mark my words." He leaned in closer, lowering his voice. "Maybe even drugs."
I took a step backward to avoid the incoming cloud of coffee breath. "I'll keep that in mind, sir," I said, inching towards the door. "If there's nothing else you need..."
"Oh! Can you stop by the bakery again? Forgot to pack a lunch," he said.
"Australia?" Monica asked, bagging up Mr. Anderson's cheese pretzel. "Isn't that on the other side of the world?"
"Pretty much," I said, handing her the money. She folded down the top of the bag and gave it to me. "I'll be sure to stock up on Dramamine."
"Good luck," she said shaking her head. "I still say you're crazy for not going to the Bahamas or someplace closer."
"She gets two cans of wet food every day, one in the morning and one at night," I said. Sapphire rubbed herself against every surface of my parents' house. "Other than that just make sure her bowl is full of dry food."
"Any particular reason you picked Australia to go on vacation?" my mother asked. "What about Hawaii? I always liked Hawaii better anyway."
If my parents caught wind that I was seeing a band known for being shirtless in the seventies I wouldn't hear the end of it. Rock and roll was simply the devil's music and it put us under his spell. I didn't believe a word of that shit but you know how parents are. And despite the fact that I was twenty five years old and could do what I wanted, they still wouldn't approve. "I've already been to Hawaii," I said. "Twice."
"So?" my mother asked. "It's warm, and spring, and the palm trees..." She looked at my father. "You and I need to plan another trip to Hawaii. Since Hannah won't go."
"Fine with me," my father mumbled, trying to catch a few winks. Sapphire jumped onto the couch and crawled across him, meowing. I lugged in a hefty bag of toys and food to last a long while. Honestly I had no clue how long I was staying. Unsure of where I would stay, I hadn't even made hotel reservations yet. I'd figure it out once I got there. Picking Sapphire up and setting her on the floor where she rolled around, I made to leave.
"I'll call once I get there," I said.
"Alright," my mother said. "Tell me if you meet a cute Australian boy."
I rolled my eyes. I really think my parents think I'm joking when I say I'm not interested in romance or dating. Won't they be disappointed when I come back home empty handed?
"You excited?" Peter asked. I held the phone to my ear while poring over my suitcase. Clothes lay all over my floor. The apartment felt empty without Sapphire to keep me company but it was nice to not worry about the hair she would leave all over.
"I'm nervous as fuck," I said and Peter laughed. "What's so funny?"
"There's nothing to be nervous about," he said. "You're not going to the moon, it's just Australia. You'll love it here."
I sat on the floor, my back against my bed. The radio was on behind me, playing the top ten hits chosen by listeners. I didn't recognize any of them. I really was out of touch. Heaven forbid they play some Britney Spears instead of...whoever this was. "What if they don't like me?" I mumbled.
"Just be yourself," Peter said and I groaned. That's what everybody says and it's bullshit. If we were to truly be ourselves, we'd get bullied relentlessly by classmates, colleagues, strangers, you name it. We're all supposed to blend in with the people around us like chameleons and match our personalities to theirs. And I struggled with that. "Now what's the problem?"
"I am," I huffed. "I'm not a nice person, you and I both know that." Peter laughed again. "Quit laughing at me, you know it's true."
"You're a bit of a pistol, I'll give you that much," Peter said. "I know how hard it is for you to change to please people and I'm not gonna ask you to."
"Thanks," I mumbled. I fiddled with the various clothes I found on the floor next to me. I didn't want to forget anything but I didn't want to haul around a heavy suitcase the whole time.
"Don't worry what any of them will think, you're coming here for yourself, not to please them. Alright?"
"Whatever you say," I said.
"Oh, and uh...make sure to pack warm," Peter said. "It's fall over here and a bit colder than I'm used to." I looked at all the dresses I had pulled out of the closet and set on the floor.
Well, guess I could put those back....