Short flashback in this chapter! Look for the '>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>' the flashback is in-between it!
—Clay—
It's been around a few days, and after Raven's accident, they seem more trusting of me while also more scared. It's like we took three steps forward and five steps back. I'm hoping that their therapy session today will help with that.
I reached out to a few offices and came across a psychologist that specializes in doing therapy for kids just like Raven, so I've been easing them into going the entire morning.
I grab the diaper bag, humming to myself as I mull over things we could possibly need. "Alright, change of clothes, diapers, wipes.. Ah! Can't forget their blanket and dinosaur." I stuff as much as I can into the diaper bag, closing it up and sighing. I turn to look at Raven with a gentle smile, kneeling down where they're quietly looking through a dinosaur picture book, clearly sulking.
"Alright, sweetheart. We need to get going now, so let's head to the car." I reach my hands out to Raven, gently lifting them to their feet. I have them dressed in the cutest outfit, jeans and a dinosaur sweater. The sweater says 'rawrsome dino', with a T-Rex under it. I sling the diaper bag over my shoulder, holding Raven's hand as we walk down the stairs.
I take a deep breath before putting on my best soothing tone. "Alright honey, I do have to warn you. You already know that we're going to see a doctor today, but I did have to get you a car seat. I understand that this might frustrate you, but I promise it will all be okay." I look down at Raven to see their reaction, frowning gently when their eyes begin to water.
I reach down and grab Raven under their armpits, shushing their fussing down lightly as I hold them to my chest. "Shh, look baby bird. I know it isn't the most fun thing in the world, but it has dinosaurs on it! Isn't that fun? I also set up a tablet for you to watch movies while we're on the go, since we'll be getting out of the house more soon." I open the front door, shutting it behind us as I head to the car.
Raven makes soft, snuffling sounds. I realize that they are chewing on the sleeve of their sweater, and my face softens even more than it already was. Coos leave my lips as I open the back door, revealing the dreaded car seat. I sit down, sitting Raven in it. "Here, lets set up a movie. Which would you like?"
I try to get Raven focused on a task, while also getting used to the feeling of sitting in the car seat. We both go through the movies together, Raven settling on The Good Dinosaur. Of course I should have assumed the dinosaur lover would like a dinosaur movie. Raven and I will definitely need to have a Jurassic Park movie marathon.
I set the diaper bag down in the seat next to Raven, unzipping it and pulling out Raven's dinosaur and blanket. "Here, baby." I swiftly buckle Raven into the car seat, tucking their blanket onto their lap and handing them their dinosaur. Raven must be too nervous to have a meltdown, since they aren't throwing a fit over the car seat.
I sigh with relief, kissing their forehead gently as I shut the door and climb into the drivers seat, starting the car up and pulling out of the driveway. "Alrighty, baby bird on the road!" I say in a silly voice, smiling brightly when I hear the softest little giggle from Raven.
I drive along the main road to the ambience of Raven chewing on their sweater and the movie, humming quietly to myself. I occasionally check the map on the infotainment screen, rolling my eyes when the robotic voice tells me to turn right. "Yeah I got it, thanks." I mumble sarcastically as I pull up to a building, parking in the lot. Turning to face Raven, I give them a reassuring smile. "C'mon baby, time to get out. Let's head on in, your appointment is soon."
I step out of the car, opening Raven's door and gently unbuckling them. I grab the diaper bag, scooping Raven up onto my hip. I gently shush them once they cry, bouncing them lightly. "Oh I know, honey. It'll be okay, I promise. I'm right here." I rub Raven's back while walking into the building, grinning politely at the receptionist.
"Appointment for Raven with Mrs. Sable?" The receptionist jots something down on a paper before handing me a clipboard. "Fill these out please, Mrs. Sable will call you back to her office when it's time for your appointment." I nod, carrying Raven over to the waiting room. I sit down in one of the chairs, letting out a breath. "Alright, time to fill this out." My eyes land on a corner of the waiting room, which is filled with toys. "Hey bubs, would you like to go play while we wait?"
I mutter to Raven, who looks up at me with wide eyes before giving a reluctant nod. They climb off of my lap and head over to the pile of toys, beginning to play with a few blocks. I grin gently, watching them for a moment before I begin to fill out the information on the papers. I list a few of the problems that Raven struggles with, their name, pronouns, and classification, but my hand pauses at the question of 'Are you the patients legal guardian/caregiver?'.
I hover the pen over the answer line, taking a deep breath as I write down no. There isn't a point in lying. I plan to adopt Raven at some point soon, I'm sure that the psychologist might be able to help with that. Once I fill out the rest of the questions, I turn the clipboard back in to the receptionist and head back to Raven. I sit and watch them play, letting out a small chuckle.
Hearing a door click open, I turn my head to see a friendly looking face. "Hi there, Raven and Clay? I'm ready for you now." Mrs. Sable's tone is gentle but chipper, wearing a colorful sweater as opposed to a more professional outfit.
I look back over to Raven, calling them over. "Hey, bud. C'mon, Mrs. Sable is ready to meet you." Raven peers at Mrs. Sable with a wary look, but comes over to me with their dinosaur tucked under their arm. It's clear that Raven is trying to act bigger, but in my eyes that completely fails, they just look like a little pup.
I take Raven's hand, following Mrs. Sable down the hall and into her office, Raven right next to me. "Alright, you can have a seat on the couch there."
—Raven—
Clay sits down on the horrid looking yellow couch, and I reluctantly follow suit. I'm terrified of this, of all of it. My fingers tug and pull on the sleeve of my soft sweater, foot tapping on the carpet with nerves. Clay sets his hand on my knee, and my eyes shift to the woman sitting across from us.
"It's very nice to meet you, Raven. Clay says you've been struggling a bit, how about we do some art and talk about it?" Mrs. Sable sets out a few pieces of paper and colored pencils on the table in front of us, and I reluctantly clamber off of the couch and kneel in front of it. Setting my dinosaur and blanket down, I grab a pencil and shakily begin to doodle on the edges of the paper.
Mrs. Sable draws along with me, her voice low and soothing. "Raven, what was your life like before you met Clay? If you don't feel comfortable speaking, you can write or draw what happened." My pencil stops, and I begin to shakily chew my lip. Can I even tell anyone? What if they take me from Clay, he's the only adult that hasn't hurt me. I look to the second piece of paper, beginning to write in small words.
I write down about how my parents yelled and hit me, but try to keep out the scariest parts. They always said if I told anyone, that they'd find out. I turn the paper to Mrs. Sable, tapping my fingers against the table. I feel a droplet of sweat slip down my chin, dripping down onto the paper.
Mrs. Sable looks at me for confirmation before looking over what I wrote, then she nods. "Alright, Raven. I understand, you do know that this is a safe space, right? I will never expose what you share here if you ask me not to, I promise." My fingers tap on the pencil, picking it up and fiddling with it. I understand what she's saying, but I just feel this horrible fear eating away at me.
I pull pack the paper, reluctantly writing down about how I don't feel safe, and that I'm terrified that they will find out. Mrs. Sable nods along as she reads what I write. "That's normal, Raven. You seem to have a lot of trauma, and that's okay. We will be able to work through it and help you feel safe." Mrs. Sable reassures me in a gentle tone, flashing a soft smile. "How about we get to know each other a bit better, we'll play a little game. Won't that be fun?"
I shyly nod my head, gnawing my bottom lip. Mrs. Sable grabs a bag filled with a few picture cards, and lays them out. "Now, how about we start with simple questions! What's your favorite color?" I look over the cards, grabbing the pictures with the colors blue and green. Mrs. Sable grins, grabbing a card of her own. "Those are lovely colors, my favorite is yellow! Now, how about me move on to..."
We continue the game for a little while, going back and forth with likes and dislikes. Though I get a bit worried when Mrs. Sable mentions something to Clay. "Mr. Axford, I noticed that you had concerns with Raven regarding sensory needs? I'd like for them to be tested to see if they're Autistic."
I feel my heart plummet to my feet.
"No!" I scramble to my feet, shouting at Mrs. Sable. "I— You can't, 'm not that!" I find myself beginning to cry, the worst of my flashbacks coming up.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"What do you mean ____ is Autistic?! Absolutely not! We will not have that type of thing in our house, it's not real." Father screams at the doctor, face so red he could pass as a tomato. Mother holds a hand over her mouth, face pale.
Father drags me by my hair into the house, throwing me down and stepping onto my chest. "You are normal, ____. You will be treated as such!" Father slams his fist down into my nose, and I feel a crack. I know not to scream, that would only make it worse.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Rave... Raven! Baby, calm down. It's okay. Please honey, I'm here." Clay's arms are around me, and I'm wailing. When did I start crying? Though my sobs come to a halt as I see shattered glass on the floor, and there's cuts on my hands. My legs begin to wobble, and I blubber out apologies. Clay pulls me into his chest, running his large hand through my hair.
"Shh, no baby. You don't need to apologize, I'm so proud of you Raven. I know this is scary, I know you're having a hard time, but I'm here." Clay mutters into my hair, rubbing a hand down my back. The walls I've worked so hard to build, the ones that were forced into me, crack at the flood that washes through. My cries are muffled by Clay's shirt.
"I wan' to be safe! 'm scared, I hate this! Daddy pwotect me, please!" I plead to Clay, hands digging into his back. Clay shakes his head, and I feel my hair growing wet. "I'll protect you baby, I will always be here. You don't have to be scared, I'll keep you safe." Clay lifts me up into his strong arms, and those feelings of safety rush through me, filling my body with warmth.
After a beat I finally feel myself calm down, face buried into Clay's neck as he rocks me. Mrs. Sable gently clears her throat, and I peek out to see that the mess has been swept up. "Raven, you are so very brave. I'm glad that you have a strong caregiver to make you feel safe, is it okay if we get you patched up?" Mrs. Sable questions as she holds up a first aid kit.
My head wobbles with my nod, snot practically gushing down my chin. Clay sits back down on the couch, holding me tightly to his chest. Mrs. Sable is careful as she wipes my hands clean of blood and slips bandaids over the cuts, which are multi-colored.
"Now, it's perfectly fine if you don't want to answer Raven, but can I ask why you do not want to be tested for Autism?" Mrs. Sable sits back down in her chair. "The diagnosis would just help for us to figure out your needs, and if you go to daycare it can help advise people on how to care for you. It doesn't make you any less than others." Mrs. Sable reassures, and I swallow nervously.
"..'m been diagnosed, once. My parents didn't wike it. I got punished for it, don' want it to happen again." My voice wavers as I sniffle, tears making its way back to my eyes. Clay's arms squeeze tighter around me, and I lean into him. "Well, I'm sorry that happened, Raven. That's not okay at all, and I promise that won't happen again. This will just be to help you, Raven. You won't be punished at all." Mrs. Sable's words help, but I still feel scared.
What if Clay doesn't like it? What if he gets mad at me, and then he doesn't want me anymore?
I tilt my head up to look at Clay, clutching onto his shirt and mumbling. "Don't.. don' want you t' leave me." Clay's eyebrows screw together as he presses a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Baby, no. I won't, I promise. I will always love you just the way you are Raven, no matter what." Clay reassures me, hugging me a bit tighter.
Mrs. Sable softly speaks up, leaning down to the table and shuffling a few papers together.
"I believe we're done today, you have done a great job, Raven. It's very brave to open up like you did! I'll contact a friend of mine, Dr. Blake. I'll see if he can dig up Raven's medical records, then I'll email them to you, Clay. If you'd like, I could also ask if he could take Raven in as a patient?"
Mrs. Sable looks back up at us.
"He works well with littles and neurodivergent individuals, especially since the information you gave us said Raven has only seen your pack doctor."
Clay nods, wiping his face and standing up, with me on his hip. "I think that would be great, thank you. I appreciate it." Mrs. Sable nods, standing up and handing the papers to Clay. "Here's some recommendations for Raven, some skills to help them calm down if needed. It's a small list for now, we'll adjust it with further sessions."
Clay takes the papers, folding them and tucking them into his back pocket. Clay reaches forward and shakes Mrs. Sable's hand. "Thank you, again. We'll see you at the next session, Mrs. Sable." Clay adjusts me on his hip, lifting me a bit higher. Mrs. Sable smiles. "Of course, please contact me if anything comes up. It was lovely to meet you Raven."
I look up to Clay before waving at Mrs. Sable, and she hands me a sticker. My lips draw up into a shy smile as I look down at the green dinosaur sticker. Clay nods at Mrs. Sable before carrying me out of the office, patting my back. "I think we need some ice cream, hm?" Clay grins down at me, and my mind is put at ease.
"Ice cream, please."
Ahh I'm sorry! I said a new chapter was coming a while ago but my mental health hasn't been good. Tell me what you guys might like for the next chapter, since I have future chapters planned but I don't want to rush things too much.