A/N: clean version for you guys. since this smut had some plot interwoven through it, I included all the plot stuff. The smut part is blocked with a '*' Remember I don't post smut chapters on here so you can look at my linktree on my
抖阴社区 page if you'd like to read it. You can also read ALL SMUT CHAPS OF ALL MY BOOKS by looking there <3 But, you aren't missing any plot stuff. You can also get my FULL list of canon nsfw chapters from all my books there
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Shouto POV:
I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep until consciousness bled back into my eardrums, slowly, as if someone was gradually turning up the volume on the television.
Mr. Aizawa had given me specific instructions to stay awake several hours after my concussion, and yet, I didn't do that. Not on purpose, but I guess I'm becoming more of a rule breaker (?) everyday. Also, I guess that means I'm lucky to be alive, right? But, then again, Midoriya said the 'no falling asleep thing' after hitting your head was a myth. That means he's either correct, or I defied the laws of the brain, and was extremely lucky to wake up this morning.
But, it was hard not to fall asleep. The pain pills Lani gave me for my headache last night made me drowsy, and when she insisted she'd 'get out of my hair' for the night (whatever that means...), I quickly insisted she stay. To be honest though, I wanted her to stay for two reasons.
The first was because I invited her to come over in the first place....um....obviously for the intention of engaging with her company. But, the second reason was due to what I'd witnessed yesterday. It's not very often I feel....concerned for people. However, my senses always seemed to rewire themselves when it came to Lani, instinctively feeling emotions I never do, instinctively waking up a part of me that no one else had the ability to do.
So....yes. I was.....concerned. I didn't know what other word to use for Lani's behavior, or the way she was acting....and crying. Most importantly, I didn't know what to make of the...realization I'd come to last night, during my last few moments of consciousness before sleep took over.
Lani...had lied to me. And....I don't think she knows I'm....aware of that.
I remained on my side as the rain continued to shower the windows of my apartment. Lani was safe, right now, nestled against me in bed. She had the covers hiked all the way up to her chin which was unusual for her. Normally, she doesn't even like a blanket over her body. She always sleeps with one foot covered, but never two because 'that's too much commitment, ya know?' And no, I don't know...
But, right now, her unconscious body seemed to be seeking some sort of security, I could see it from the way she was fisting the sheets, her frame curled so tightly into the fetal position, I wasn't sure how her lungs could get enough air. Luckily, her features were peaceful, though my admiration muddled from the black and blue bruises that littered her face.
'I fell down the stairs,' She'd said last night, her voice wavering and more panicked than she'd realized.
Immediately, I knew it wasn't the truth. Not just because of the odd way she'd said it, but also because of...another reason...
I know what it's like....to be...abused. Fingerprints make a specific shape on your skin when they bruise. Ones that look just like...
Gently, I pried the security blanket from her fingers, her unconscious frame allowing me, before I slowly shifted it down to her legs. She was wearing my shirt, the one I'd lent her last night before we lay in bed. It stopped just past her bare upper thighs, but right now, I was more concerned about her arms.
With furrowed brows, I hovered my finger over the line of bruises at her wrist, trailing an invisible line to the ones just above her elbow. Through the bruises, I tried to decipher whatever happened, I tried to imagine the story. Some of the bruises are darker than others, meaning it could have been multiple people who caused them, each using a varying force of their grip.
Carefully, I shrugged the hem of her shirt up—quickly pulling the blankets back up to her hips for the decency of her bare, lower half. Then I used that same finger to hover a trail from the bruises on her hips, barely seeing them dot around towards her spine before spotting a nasty one on her shoulder blade.
Circular, big, dark, and with that particular pattern—that's a blunt force bruise.
Something stirred in me as I tried to imagine, then that feeling began to fester in my chest when the image of her tearful face from last night came back to memory. That.......that was the first time I'd ever seen her cry, the first time I heard her voice waver. It was the first time....
She looked scared.
My fist balled slightly at the thoughts, tucking her back under the blankets with more security than she'd done the first time. A soft sigh escaped my lips as I melted the side of my face onto the pillow, staring towards the rain dotted window in thought.
Who did this to her? And why...
...doesn't she want me to know?
I was having a hard time with it, to be honest. Not just trying to understand it all, but also about how to proceed. It's not within my nature to force the answer out of her. I already told her at my family home that I understood wanting to keep things private. I understood that some things you can only tell once you're ready, and....and I want to respect that. Because I've been in that position myself. But...
If it's a secret that's harming her, I....well, I'm sorry, Lani. But, I might have to take back what I said. If someone's hurting her, I won't stand by and allow it to happen.
As if my internal thoughts were loud enough to wake her up, Lani inhaled deeply, slowly starting to stir. Her black and blonde hair splayed so nicely against my white pillows, the color of her natural hair was so rich. I've never considered myself an artistic person, or one for unnecessary comparisons, but the color reminded me the ravens feathers—the ones just outside my window, bathing themselves in the morning rain. I really liked it. That specific shade of black. But, most of all, I liked it on her. It was exactly right for her, exactly how it should be.
Her eyes opened halfway, and my heart fluttered when her gaze landed on me immediately. The morning sun was hidden behind the storm clouds, but if it wasn't, I'd imagine the sunrise would look similar to the pink in Lani's irises. Maybe that's why I've come to really enjoy sunrises these days.
A groggy smile curled on her features before she shifted forward in the bed, hooking her leg around my hips.
The scent of oranges and lilies muddled my brain, not enough to forget what I saw on her, but enough to calm my racing thoughts. My hand slid around her back, over the blankets, trying to keep my touch as gentle as possible so I wouldn't hurt her.
She whispered a greeting of sweet nothing into my ear, a sultry breath against the shell of my lobe that threatened to make my head spin.
I knew she'd try to forget it. I'd learned enough about her to know she wouldn't bring up last night on her own. She wouldn't talk about her tears, or her bruises, or the weird way she dumped my brand new bottle of ibuprofen down the garbage disposal, lying about its expiration date. She liked to leave things unsaid, but.....
I didn't. I couldn't.
It was one thing we couldn't compromise on. Not......not that we compromised on much to begin with.
So, I tried...as best as someone like me could...to bring it up in a....gentle (?) way. "Are you...okay?" I said with remnants of sleep still in my throat, thankful that my voice came out unintentionally soft.
It usually did around her. At least with Lani, I could recognize what empathy was.
She hummed in that way she does when she's trying to change the subject, feigning a smirk as she buried her face against my neck. The rain continued to thump steadily against my roof, the space suddenly much more intimate as her slim leg caressed along my waist under the blankets.
"I'm so okay..." Her hot breath rolled onto my pulse point before her lips slowly closed over it.
Her mood had changed from last night to now. One minute, she's going to bed with silent tears, the next minute, she's here—and...and I can feel the heat radiating off her body, off her pulse and between her legs, soaking into my bones through every searing kiss she placed on my neck.
I didn't think I'd ever get used to it. The effect she has on me.
Sparks of arousal simmered in my stomach as her body shifted against mine. I was trying to control myself and be gentle with the state her body was in. But, I just...couldn't resist her. I've never had a problem with self control until it came to her. It was like my body called her name, starting to buzz and ache from her advances in a way that was becoming all too familiar to me now.
Arousal. Not just physical, but....emotional, too. Somehow.
She could feel it from me, words not necessary as she sucked on my skin lightly, causing me to inhale deeply and let my head lull back further. Her encouraging hum of seduction vibrated against my neck, her fingers burying in my hair as she barely flicked her tongue against my throat. My hands ached to move on her, but after her hesitations towards intimacy last night, I didn't want to take it too far.
"It's okay to touch me." She whispered heatedly, seeming to read my mind as she placed wet kisses along the curve of my jaw.
I might have thought it odd with anyone else. That only after dumping my bottle of ibuprofen down the sink was she okay with intimacy now. It's as if she'd been too....guilty last night, but that specific decision....alleviated her guilt.
But, this is Lani. She can do no wrong, and she'd have nothing to be guilty for....
Right?
What is it you aren't telling me? I don't understand many people, but...I understand you, Lani...
Arousal made me happy to push the questions to the back of my mind, exhaling heavily as her leg pushed into my lower back and brought our bodies flush together. My groin rutted up between her bare thighs, sending sparks of pleasure to the pit of my stomach. I couldn't help myself as I gripped her curves over the shirt, keeping my touches gentle and patient.
"Are you sure?" I murmured against her mouth, "If you're in pain, I..."
My words trailed off when her lips pressed to mine, and now, I was certain she wanted it—me. And I.....I wanted her. I always did, always so desperate to accept whatever she gave me.
I cupped her cheek and moved with her in every way, whether it was our bodies, or tongues. Even our breaths had synced together, hers so sweet as it rolled lustfully into my mouth. She seemed desperate this morning as she fisted my shirt between her fingers, her voice so stripped as she pulled me impossibly closer.
"I want you. So badly, all the time. Touch me, Shouto. Please touch me."
It wasn't usual for her to admit something so honest, and part of me wondered if she was trying to mask her vulnerability in arousal. Those thoughts in the back of my mind began creeping up again, returning to last night. Last night....it almost seemed like a piece inside her was starting to rot. Like she was fading and wanting to escape the world.
Part of me wanted to bring up last night. Like....really bring it up, if that makes sense. But....I didn't know how to. And, if I successfully did, to be honest, I wouldn't know what I'd want to say either. I don't understand how to comfort people, I don't understand how to help them either. And even though I thought my ability to read and understand Lani had gotten better over these last few months, maybe I overestimated myself, the...'empathy' that she's managed to awaken in me.
I feel like....I can't help anyone these days. Not in the way Midoriya, or some of my other friends could.
But....this was a weird thing to be thinking about during sex.
My fingers slowly glided down Lani's side, gentle with her bruises on my mind before my hand disappeared under the blanket. I grazed her lower back before I felt her lips capture mine. Not wanting to grip her body too hard, my fingers bunched at the shirt she was wearing—my shirt, before shrugging it up her middle.
The heat of her body radiated under the blanket, threatening to send me into a heat stroke, but I didn't care. Not when her bare leg shifted higher around my waist to spread herself, letting her fingers card through my hair as her tongue lazily danced with mine.
She pulled away every so often to look at me, her pink irises taking the air from my lungs each time. So heated. So focused. So lustful...for...me.
The weird sour part of me wondered if she'd ever looked at other men that way. But, the warm, almost elevated part of me was coaxed, knowing she was in my bed and no one else's. No one else was stroking down her bare backside like this, and no one else was squeezing it, eliciting a soft gasp from her throat.
"I'm so ready for you, Shouto." She panted, scraping her tongue against the roof of my mouth. "Only you."
'Only me', but she nearly recoiled when the idea of being my girlfriend had been brought up twenty-four hours ago. Did she even know those two words just slipped from her mouth? After watching her face closely, watching undulating pleasure that made her eyes glaze over, it seemed she didn't notice.
To say it was instinctual, even though she'd adamantly refused being 'only mine' yesterday, feels very contradicting.
But, once again, why am I thinking about these things during sex?
I savored her words regardless, at the idea of her belonging to me, and the possibility I'd be allowed to belong to her as well.
*
Every time I become intimate with her, the connection becomes harder for me to ignore.
Her body—I've never felt anything as good as her body. Nothing can compare, it's something I know for certain. It felt like her body was made for mine, the perfect match, and I couldn't fathom how a person could be so...compatible to me. In every single way. Whether it's emotional....or physical...or anything else my mind couldn't comprehend. I didn't understand, I knew I never would.
But, it was her. Everything was her. The sky, and the stars, the rain and the sun; I....I saw her in everything, and that was when I finally noticed the world existed around me. That was when I noticed that maybe it could be nice sometimes. So long as she was around me.
I needed her around me....all the time. Every second.
The world shattered whenever we were together and I welcomed it, because it was just her and I in the fragmented pieces of it all. It was just her and I, away from all the noise, and that's....all I ever wanted.
I've always been such a literal person. But....Lani makes me question everything I knew. About the world, about logic. Somehow, my thoughts aren't logical with her, what I feel for her, it can't be put into words, it doesn't make sense to the literal part of my brain because....it's beyond that. I don't know how to handle it. But, I know I never want to let go of it.
My breathing wracked heavily as I slowly came down from my bliss, only registering in the haze of my mind how tightly I was crushing her hips between my grip.
"Are you okay?" I shuddered between my pants, studying her face for any etches of pain.
I know it hurt. I know for certain it did if her sensitivity to my touch last night was any indicator. My fingers had dug directly into her bruises, and I felt guilty for being rougher than I intended with her body in this state.
She shook her head softly to alleviate my concerns, trying to catch her breath as she gave me a hazy smile. "I'm okay." She breathed. "You felt so good, Shouto."
And while I knew she meant it, I watched the way she stiffly rolled onto her back now, biting down on her lip to hide the whimper and grimace that tried to sneak through. She shifted again, and this time, she couldn't hide her pain, cringing and curling into the fetal position as she clutched her stomach.
Immediately I leaned forward, gently wrapping my arms around her before scooting closer. "We....we shouldn't have...." I trailed off, more reprimanding myself than her.
But, she quickly shook her head, letting her forehead fall against my chest tiredly as she murmured, "Don't say that. I wanted it. I wanted to do it with you. It actually helped the pain....in the moment."
She said nothing more, there were none of her usual jokes, she didn't smile in that way that annoys me, and she didn't tease me or call me handsome. She just let me hold her tightly, so tightly, and in silence. She kept her face buried into the skin of my neck, as if savoring it, as if trying to memorize the smell of me, and each part. As if she couldn't bear to look at me for a reason I didn't understand.
Her minuscule whine of pain when her body shifted made my heart tighten, letting my arms glide up and down her coaxingly now. It wasn't hard to find empathy when it came to her. My body, my soul just naturally knew what it needed to do.
Absentmindedly, I stroked up and down her back, resting my chin on her head as I looked out the window.
And now that our arousal had passed, I could feel the weight coming back over her—over us, leaving a somber feeling in the air that I couldn't ignore. We couldn't escape it, not through intimacy. This unspoken issue of what happened to her, what she wasn't telling me.....it would require more than just intimacy to get past it, I realize.
"I think....I'm worried about you." My words came out automatic, soft and a bit distant from the pondering of my troubled mind.
"You think?" She barely teased, her weak laugh turning into a cough. "Don't be. I'm fine, Shouto. Everything is fine."
I knew her too well now to believe that, sighing heavily before speaking her name in a rare plead for the truth, "Lani—"
"—Please."
Just one word from her, but the tone of it....was one I'd never heard before. It conveyed many different answers, silent ones that weren't spoken aloud.
In other words, 'please don't ask me more questions. Please don't make me tell you more.'
Whatever was happening with her, she really didn't want me to know. And....the more she remained stubborn with that position, the more I wondered if....maybe....she didn't trust me like I thought she did. The way I trusted her.
My mouth went dry for any responses, my brain stalled for an appropriate emotion to feel. Wetness dripped on my neck, but aside from that, Lani was numb, not allowing herself to feel the stray tears that escaped her, or react to them.
I only blamed myself, wishing I was better with words. Wishing I was more like the....charismatic heroes I see at work everyday, the ones who always knew exactly what to say.
But, I guess, even when it comes to Lani, my presence still doesn't have the ability to bring people peace.
When my brain had formed a half-thought—one that really held no value, I opened my mouth, attempting to voice it out of sheer desperation to comfort her. To be that person she needed.
But, she didn't want it from me as she sniffled and quickly sat up, deciding to leave when she sensed I was about to start a conversation she didn't want to have.
"I'm going to take a shower." She said, pulling my shirt over her head before tossing it in the laundry bin.
My eyes widened at the bruises she must have temporarily forgotten about on her back. I'd seen only a fraction of them last night and this morning, but it was worse than I thought. Much.....much worse.
I felt so...incredibly nauseous.
Her entire back was covered in black and blue splotches, some of the markings starting to bleed together under her skin. My lack of response reminded her of what she was trying to hide before she quickly turned to face me, masking a wince as she pulled the blankets back over herself.
Her eyes begged me not to speak about it. To be honest, that approach angered me, but it could just be a leftover emotion I feel after seeing the sight of her back. I held my tongue, but this time, not because she wanted me to, inhaling deeply to calm the anger that was starting to rise within me.
"I...can give you space if you want to take a shower alone." I said a bit distantly, more concerned with figuring out my next course of action.
If she won't tell me anything, I'll figure it out myself.
She shook her head, "No. Come with me. Please."
That word again. That word she can't seem to stop saying today. 'Please.'
"I'll be right there." I murmured, because all I could do was assure her that I would be. That I'd be next to her whenever she asked.
But, my words were curt, and I know she was watching me closely, hoping I'd just let go of the conversation.
With a heavy sigh, she leaned down towards me, lightly nipping my bottom lip before molding hers to mine. Her mouth was salty from the tears that leaked inside, and I allowed her to kiss me deeply, so deeply, kissing her back just as hard. Because it's all I could do to let her know I'm here.
She broke away for air, her hands trembling. I could see her withering away, activating the rare sense of panic in me. I helped her sit up in the bed, watching her get out of it awkwardly and stiffly to accommodate her injuries. Then she practically swayed on her feet, disappearing into the bathroom before I heard the shower water start.
With a sigh, I sat up in the bed, running my fingers through my hair in contemplation, the hero part of my brain already in full effect....
Maybe I should call Midoriya. Maybe I should follow her today without her knowing and see where she goes...
The sound of a phone chiming, one that wasn't mine caught my attention. Lani's phone was on the night table, and normally, I wouldn't check the notification since it wasn't my phone.
But, that notification could be a clue to what's going on with her, so taking a wary glance towards the shower, I kicked off the blanket and put on some sweatpants, walking to her side of the bed before grabbing her phone.
Text From Eiichi—
Eiichi? Eiichi....
My mind immediately sorted through the information I knew, trying to remember where I'd heard that name before. It sounded familiar. I'd heard Lani say it before. I even think I've seen him before somewhere...
Eiichi. As in....
Oh.
....her....ex-boyfriend, Eiichi?
My brows furrowed in total confusion now, blood pumping with a bitter, unpleasant feeling I couldn't pinpoint.
Why is she....still in contact with her ex-boyfriend? The same one she took as a date to the fresh heroes banquet? The reason she was adamant about me taking Momo to that same banquet?
The same man...she told me not to worry about?
I understand it would be a violation of privacy to read her messages. And if I wasn't so concerned, I normally wouldn't. What Lani does in her free time is her business. But, this...especially with what was written in the message—this couldn't be ignored.
Text Message From Eiichi
Get the fuck over here NOW. We need to talk about last night.
7:27am.
The tone of the message alone made me clench the phone tighter between my fingers. But, last night? Are you telling me....
He....was the one with Lani last night? When she obtained all these bruises? When her spirit had been broken and she cried?
My heart and brain were a storming contradiction. Why was she with her ex last night? Being with him romantically was enough to make my heart feel extra heavy. But, the possibility he'd gotten violent with her as well set my veins on fire.
I had to actively control my grip on the phone to ensure I didn't crack it. Biting the inside of my cheek, I violated Lani's privacy even more, immediately entering the passcode of her phone. I'd known the passcode for a while even if I'd never used it. It wasn't intentional. She put it in one time when we were ordering takeout and I accidentally saw. But, since it was about her, I didn't forget.
To keep some semblance of respect, I didn't even navigate to her messages, just went to her contacts and typed in 'E' without scrolling through the others, seeing his name pop up. I glanced at the bathroom to ensure the doorway was clear before grabbing my own phone, copying....'Eiichi's' number down.
I won't forget his name now.
Deleting the message from 'Eiichi' so she wouldn't know I opened anything, I closed Lani's phone and set it back on the table, looking down at my own phone in contemplation towards what I was about to do. I know she would be upset if I got involved, especially if I did what I was planning. And I don't enjoy keeping secrets from her. But...
Nothing in my heart or my stomach is telling me that what I'm about to do is wrong. If anything, I feel the opposite, grinding down on my teeth in a fit of silent anger as I quickly pressed 'send.'
Text Message To: +81-1366-xxxx
Eiichi, this is Shouto Todoroki. I'd like to have a word with you. Just the two of us.
7:33am.