A/n: Finally! This is uncharted territory now. So, that means I can finally get creative with my writing instead of having boring bs that follows the MCU timeline. I know, I did this to myself so idk why I'm complaining. Anyways, it's gonna be a bit of a better, longer reading experience... yay... don't forget the angst tho :)
You stood in Rocket's office in complete and utter shock at his request, you couldn't even form words in fear of blowing up. He took your silence as a 'go-ahead' to explain his request further. "It's only for a couple of months; I don't need any accidents out in the field because you couldn't control your temper."
His mention of you temper had your teeth clenching, biting back your tongue. His request was outrageous, you knew you couldn't even last a few minutes in the same room as the sovereign, that was the whole reason you were in Rocket's office to begin with. You knew this had to be his way of a joke, a sick joke. He must've found it entertaining to take a jab at your short temper, that was his sense of humor.
You started to take deep breaths, trying to calm yourself down thinking you were overreacting. Just when the sun began to peak over the horizon, Rocket had done the worst possible thing imaginable while you were angry, the little shit smirked. It was like he knew that his request had pissed you off and he was laughing about it.
You snapped, "It's not my fault he has a punchable face; I mean come on. what if one day he decides to run rampant? None of us could stop him the last time he was here. He nearly killed you! I can't just let that go."
Rocket pondered for a moment, but you knew he wasn't serious because his smirk was still plain as day on his lips. He sat there for a few more seconds before he scoffed, laying back in his chair and propping his feet against his desk, "Are you seriously worried about that? He's been here for almost a year, dontcha think he would've done something by now?"
"I..." You couldn't deny that you paused for a moment, the anger and annoyance disappearing. "I don't know..."
Rocket did have a point, if the Sovereign wanted you dead, he would've done something by now. He wouldn't be trying as hard as he did to fit in just to get back at you all, that'd be overkill.
Oh, how you hated being proven wrong, especially by a talking raccoon... who now had a shit eating grin on his face!
You could feel your anger boiling up again, already holding up a finger with a counterargument in mind, "...just because he saved Quill one-time doesn't magically make what he did excusable, and why do I have to babysit? Can't you just stick him with Nebula or Drax?"
And just as quickly as the pride set in for your argument, Rocket completely shattered it with more of the truth and a threat. "Like I said before, you need to control yourself around Adam, get to know him otherwise you aren't going on any missions."
"Rocket! I'm not a child. You can't just ground me from going on missions."
"You're throwing a tantrum right now. Tell me how that doesn't make you a child." You couldn't describe the overwhelming feeling to throw him out the window in that moment, it took all your self-restraint not to glare at him as is. "You can't tell me what to do fur-face."
"It's Captain Fur-face, so I think I have every right to tell you what to do." You could see his canines now. He was obviously pleased with his comeback.
You slammed your hand against his desk, glaring down at him with a finger pointed in his face. So much for self-restraint, "I'm not babysitting and that's final."
"Fine by me. That just makes this easier..." His demeanor switched up faster than you could process. His smile fading and a straight line forming where it once was. "I'll have to let you go, no missions, no guarding the galaxy, none of that. You'll be right here-"
You cut him off, not believing for a second he would do such a thing, "You're joking! You can't possibly be serious?"
He couldn't do that to you, could he?
"I've very serious. So, you can hand over the uniform and get the hell out of my office." You could feel your heart get caught in your throat, his expression was deathly serious. There was no twitch at the corner of his lips, nothing but that unamused look in his eyes like it was such an obvious thing.
You couldn't deny, the moment his words registered, you were sobered from your anger. It hurt the deepest part of your soul to hear him say he'd let you go, let all those years side by side go to waste, all because you couldn't get along with Adam.
How could you?
He was the reason Rocket almost died. He hurt everyone you cared about and acted as if he was this holy being that wouldn't hurt a fly.
"Rocket, please. I've told you enough times how I feel about-"
"And I told you a million times to get over it." You could feel the lump in your throat affect your ability to breath at his words.
His last words stuck, repeating in your head over and over.
You could already feel tears brim at the edge of your eyes. You quickly turn your head away from him, your arms coming up to cross over your chest. There was no way you were going to cry over something like this, not when he seems to be lacking empathy and understand on why you just couldn't accept Adam.
Over and over again. 'Get over it' repeated.
He made it sound like such an easy thing to do, but it wasn't. Not when you nearly lost ones you considered family, ones you've grown to love more than anything in the universe. It was like it meant nothing to him.
He couldn't be so cruel, could he?
He could, otherwise he wouldn't be threatening you with such a thing to begin with.
It hurt more thinking about it than you initially thought, because you could see the way Rocket shifted in his seat. He was already standing and stepping onto his desk to be level with you, his expression softening drastically. It was an expression you only saw when it was just you two, an expression that you were still so unfamiliar with.
"Come on sweetheart." His voice was just above a whisper as you felt his index and thumb against your chin. He turned your head to face him, his thumb wiping away the stay tear that had left your eye.
"Groot and I told you everyone deserves a second chance." You wanted to argue back that some people just weren't worth the effort, but you couldn't bring yourself to. You were afraid you would start sobbing if you attempted to speak, so you opted to staying silent as he continued speaking. "Use Nebula as an example. She's one of the daughters of Thanos. Thanos! And we still gave her a second chance and look how much she's done for us, does that mean nothing to you just because she was raised by him?"
You knew he already had your response by the flood of tears that spilled down your cheeks, "...No, she means everything too me."
He smiled softly, his other hand coming up to cup your cheek swiping away the stream of tears. You already knew his next words, and it made you lean into his touch to try and hide your face out of frustration. "Exactly, so just give golden boy a chance, yeah?"
It hurt that he was right, and you couldn't keep denying it. "Aye Captain. I'll try."
After that things felt more strained in your relationship with Rocket, you knew he wanted nothing but the best for his team and for you, but you couldn't bring yourself to welcome Adam with open arms. Rocket could see potential while all you saw was a sovereign with incompetence, a child who lacked social skills, and proper battle etiquette. He was the very definition of a liability when it came to being a Guardian. The only thing he really did right was taking care of the f'saki and that still took months for him to figure out.
"May Blurp join us?" Adam had spoken much louder than you'd like, especially since you only stood a foot away from him.
You could already feel a migraine beginning to form, which was very rare for you to feel so, instead of answering you nodded your head. You knew if you spoke it would have revealed your annoyance and that would've compromised the 'get to know him' mission from Rocket.
You could feel the gentle paws of the f'saki against your leg, its small body was buzzing with excitement as it looked up at you. You couldn't lie, it was a goofy looking pet but he was definitely one of the more adorable pets you've encountered compared to the many weird creatures other planets considered pets.
You leaned down just enough to run your hand along the top of his head and behind his ears, and underneath his chin. There was a rumble within its throat that had it topple over onto its back, its whole body going limp wanting belly rubs. You couldn't stop the smile that found its way onto your features at the display, already forgetting the man standing beside you watching the whole scene.
You knew right then that Blurp was the only thing that was going to make your day with Adam more manageable, or at least you hoped his cuteness would keep you distracted from Adam's presence.
The first thing on your to-do list that day was feeding the animals, which wasn't to bad when you usually did it but with Adam by your side it was much more difficult. He would ask way too many questions with that annoyingly loud voice, like you were a world away when you were in fact two feet from him. It's not like you could just walk away or tell him to shut up, so you forced a polite smile and giving short, sweet answers. However, it didn't make it any better, he took it as an invitation to nag your ear off.
"What is the name of this creature?" Adam tilted his head slightly, watching as the animal took food from your palm and ran elsewhere to eat. "It's a monkey, like I've told you before."
You could hear the annoyance in your own voice, but it seemed to fly over Adam's head as he nodded, testing the name on his tongue. "What benefits do these monkeys have?"
You stuttered over yourself, honestly having no idea how to answer that. You may be from Earth but you had no clue what monkeys actually did to contribute to the life on Earth, which was embarrassing to say the least. You just shrugged, deciding it was best to just avoid answering it without embarrassing yourself.
Adam hummed, crouching down next to you to hold out his own palm for another to come take the pieces of fruit from his hand. His shoulder gently brushed your own, his warmth digging past the fabric of your shirt and to bare skin. He was like a walking heater, it was surprising he wasn't sweating from how high his body temperature was. You could already feel the gentle tingle crawl down your back as you shivered, he clearly didn't understand personal space.
Every now and again Blurp would nudge his head against your palm, like he knew you were already at your breaking point with his owner. It offered relief every so often, but it mostly had you just as annoyed. Not only did you feed him treats every now and again, you also scolding him when he tried to play with animals much larger than himself. Adam would watch as you chased the f'saki around the pin so he wouldn't get trampled, or if he scared off some of the animals.
Some pet owner Adam was.
Within the next hour you both were finally finished up, and setting off to do your next and final task of helping Drax with the kids, which wasn't your strong suit. You weren't very good with kids to begin with but more so now because you were tired, not just sleep tired but tired of keeping the facade of being friendly with Adam.
Drax was quick to put you to work, helping aid him in teaching the kids English. It wasn't to hard, most of them were very quick learners but as the classes went on one girl in particular had a hard time sounding out some of the words, so much so that she began to cry. You and Drax were very quick to comfort her, mostly Drax while you knelt beside watching silently and offering an apologetic smile.
She didn't seem to care what Drax was saying in their native language, only focusing her big teary eyes up at you. Then she spoke, so softly as she pointed at you. Drax had this really soft genuinely sweet grin on his face while he stood up, and when his attention turned to you it spread into a goofy shit eating grin. You were very confused, wondering what exactly was said.
"She asks for your comfort," His words felt like they were barely whispered into your ear, like it was supposed to be a secret, but you could tell there was a small hint of something else in his words. You could feel your face heat up out of embarrassment, your heart racing against your chest out of fear of doing something wrong. You grabbed ahold of Drax's shoulder, leaning up to his ear and whispering as quietly as possible, "I can't comfort her, I'm not good with kids you know this!"
Drax finally let out a laugh, that hint of something earlier must've been his attempt at hiding it. "I know, it's hilarious. You do not know the first thing about being a mother."
You never wanted to hit Drax in the face more in that moment, absolutely hating that he knew just as much as you that you were horrible with kids. "Can't you just... ya know be a dad and comfort her yourself?"
"Are you denying a child the want of a mother's comfort?" Drax's booming voice had your ears ring and your body flinching, you realized then that you had struck a nerve. "No, no, I mean you were a dad. You know more about this than I do."
Drax squinted his eyes slightly, before smiling. "I am a very good dad. This is your learning experience."
And with that Drax excused the kids and started to guide them toward the canteen for dinner. You were stuck with the still crying child and Adam, who was still sat in the same spot watching you intently. You were very close to just walking away but the pleading within her big vibrant blue eyes had you staying in place.
Your mind raced a million miles a minute while you pondered on what to do, instinctively you held her small hands in your own not sure on what to say or what to do. You rubbed gentle circles over her knuckles and that seemed to calm her down enough to just sniffling instead of the sobbing she was doing.
It took a few seconds before you spoke, "It's okay sweetheart..." Your brain short circuited after speaking. You didn't even know if she understood you but you tried your best to continue, tripping over your own words.
"I understand your frustration, it's hard to grasp such a confusing language. I had a hard time too." You took a deep breath, not realizing you had been holding it, then she spoke again saying something you couldn't even begin to understand. Her sobs from earlier came back much hard while she looked down at your hands, grip tightening slightly while the warm droplets began to drip onto the back of your hands.
You glanced over your shoulder to see if Drax was able to come translate but you could only see a glimpse of him through the window smiling while attending to the other kids. Shit, he was to busy. How were you even going to help if you couldn't even understand what she was saying, maybe you should've taken Drax up on that offer for lessons on the language. Maybe then you'd at least be able to understand some of what she had said, so you could offer at least some comfort.
"I was punished for being imperfect compared to my peers." Adam's distant voice had you turning your head to him, your blood beginning to boil at his trauma dump interruption.
Could he not see that you were stressed enough as it is?
"Adam, as much as I'd love to have a conversation with you I'm kind of in the middle of something." There was venom in your words as you snapped at the golden man sat not to far from you, your glare pierced directly into his golden eyes. His expression flashed with something you couldn't recognize before he quickly shook his head,
"No, no, not me, her." Adam looked to the girl in front of you, your gaze followed his as you felt your heart breaking for her.
You've been to these classes, seen how they laughed, interacted, but none of them had cried like this or spoken of their time on that ship, of the experiences they had. It was horrible, disgusting, that she had been dealing with this for so long and now it became to much for her to bare. The trauma was definitely still there, it hadn't even been a full year since you all rescued them from that horrible place. You couldn't understand how they could do that to such a sweet and smart little girl, who had the potential to be something more. It was the High Evolutionary so it did make sense but it didn't make it any less mournful.
"Oh, sweetheart. No one is going to punish you for not being able to understand something. You just have a unique way of learning, there's no reason for you to feel less than perfect." You wrapped your arms around her smaller form, completely forgetting about your worry from earlier, all that mattered was that she needed to feel better.
It didn't take long for her to sob into your shirt, gripping onto it like it was her lifeline. She started to repeat a different sentence into your chest, you obviously didn't understand it but Adam had this look on his face a much deeper more meaningful look that even made you want to cry. You didn't know what it was that had him standing up to leave but you ignored it, glad that he wasn't hooked to your hip.
You stayed with the little girl saying sweet encouraging words, lifting her onto your lap while she continued to cry. It was awhile of comforting her until she fell asleep within your hold. If she was just a regular child she would have fallen asleep ages ago so it didn't surprise you it took her so long.
You held her within your grasp while you followed along side Drax to where the children stayed, the building coming into view from down the street. Adam was following a ways behind you both, being oddly quite the whole walk there. You didn't want to admit that you loathed the silence, really wanting something to distract you from the feeling in your chest when you looked at the girl huddled close to the warmth of your body.
It was a strange feeling, the maternal feelings you felt. You wanted to protect her with your life, to love her and show her what it truly felt to have a loving parental figure. You couldn't deny that it felt nice to prioritize someone other than yourself, someone much smaller who had an opportunity to be more than you were. The more you looked at her, thought about her, you could feel that maternal feeling grow into something more of guilt.
The thought that those bright blue eyes she had belonged to someone you once knew, her smile brightening up a room, her hair taking shade of that lost love, and her whole personality being a mix of the two of you. You imagined her not as she was but as a child that you'd never have with said person. It hurt, it stung the deepest part of your soul to even imagine her as someone who would never exist, maybe this was why you were never good with kids. Because the kids would never be yours, never be his.
God, you hated yourself, hated that you still felt this way. Just the thought had your heart aching and your stomach turning. You always imagined what he was like, what it felt like to be with him, what being a parent would've been like with him at your side.
You would feel his soft touch against your stomach, his feather like kisses against your neck, his strong hands taking your own to help you out of bed, his voice whispering sweet nothings to you as he rested his head against your stomach whispering stories and I love yous to the baby growing there. His hands would rub small circles against your aching feet, he'd get you every food you craved, held you when you cried, lifted you with no effort to place kisses against your cheek, he'd give you words of encouragement on those hard days.
God, you couldn't even bring yourself to say his name, afraid you'd fall down deeper down this rabbit hole of what ifs.
You shouldn't be thinking of what ifs. He could be dead for all you knew, just another person on a long list of ones you've lost. So why does he still linger in your mind?
You've had more than a handful of boyfriends and dates, so why did he make a home in the deepest parts of your heart and soul when he finally had his happy ending and left you with a broken heart. Maybe it was because no one compared to him, they didn't have his smile, his personality, his way with words that had your heart thumping against your chest, or the chill that went up your spine when he held you close, or the feeling he gave you just by being in the same room. No one compared to him, your best friend, the forbidden fruit. the one you couldn't have.
Everywhere you went people got hurt, people left, people grew, and you were stuck here hooked on a past from a life time ago, refusing to forget, to get over it.
It's funny even now, Rocket's words continued to eat away at you. Maybe he was right, you just need to get over it and move on. You had everything you could ever wish for here on Nowhere. You had people you loved, people who genuinely cared about you, people who have done the absolute most for you no matter the trek, people you could call your family. So why did you feel so lost?
You felt your grip tighten on the girl in your hands.
It was her. Front the first moment you helped her from into Nowhere to escape the grasp of the High Evolutionary, she had an unfamiliar look in her eyes as she looked up at you, thanking you. It was as if you were the first person to show her genuine love, like you were the very being who created the galaxy she existed on. She acted as if she was lucky to even coexist with you, you could see it in the way she broke down when she couldn't be the perfect little girl one time. If she could only feel what you felt when you looked at her now. The urge to protect and love her as if she were your own. And as she slept in your arms, you knew she didn't want to be anywhere you weren't and that frightened you.
"Are you alright?" There was a gentle hand against your shoulder that had your attention snap to who had just saved you from your thoughts. To your surprise it was Adam. He was so quiet earlier you didn't even realize he had been watching you this whole time.
You wanted to speak, to say you were okay and that nothing was wrong but the look in his eyes and the way his brows knitted together told you that he already knew something wasn't right. His hand came up to gently cup your cheek, wiping away the tears you didn't even know had slipped out. You wanted to pull away, to tell him to fuck off but his warmth had you leaning into his touch without even thinking. You were embarrassed, annoyed that he's just watching you silently cry and you were letting him.
Adam doesn't say a word. He just continued to hold your face within his hand as he wiped more tears that spill down your cheeks. It made your heart skip a beat at the way he gently held you, like you were going to break if he even breathed and you hated that it felt nice to just be held.
You wanted him to say something, anything so this felt less awkward, so your brain would stop thinking but you couldn't deny that you liked he didn't prod for an answer.
"Why are you crying?" Drax had broken your silent moment with Adam, the other kids already long gone into the building.
You could feel your face heating up, the earlier embarrassment not comparing to what you felt now.
You pulled away from Adam's touch quickly, forcing a small smile while you brought the girl into Drax's arms. He looked down at her, then at you and Adam. Drax wanted to say something you knew it, but his gaze lingered on Adam for a bit longer before he decided it was best left unsaid.