While Kuya was pulling me to our house, he momentarily stopped to acknowledge Racel, "Bro, pauwi pa lang si Jacob. Take the other route. Baka magkasalubong kayo," he said bago ako hinatak ulit.
Understanding hit me cold then. Kaya pala nagmamadali at mukhang nag-aalala si Kuya Chris. He was worried about Kuya Jacob!
Racel left right away after telling me he'd call later. Pag-uwi namin sa bahay, sinundan ako ni Kuya Chris papasok ng kwarto ko.
"Kuya, I'll explain," kabado at mabilis kong sinabi.
Kuya Chris read my expression and searched my eyes. Then, his face softened a bit.
Sumandal siya sa pinto ng kwarto ko.
"Gaano na kayo katagal?" simula niya.
"Hindi pa naman po kami."
Diretso ang tingin niya sa 'kin. It wasn't a cold stare naman-more like, he was just asking for the details dahil curious siya more than anything else. Medyo nabawasan ang kabang nararamdaman ko pero hindi ko pa rin mabasa kung ano ang nasa isip niya.
"But you're dating?"
"For a while now," sagot ko.
"You didn't tell us," he said, making me flinch, but then a smile brightened his face.
"Look, okay lang 'yon. And I won't ask if he really likes you. That much is already clear to me," then his smile became reassuring. "I'm not upset, don't worry. I only acted that way dahil ayokong makita kayo ni Jacob. You know how he is."
My eyes widened a fraction. "Okay lang sa 'yo, Kuya? That I'm dating him?" tanong ko in disbelief.
"Yeah? I saw how you two looked at each other earlier and I could see the sincerity there. At isa pa, ayokong makisali sa mga gulo ni Jacob. That's his life. And it doesn't make any sense kung pati ikaw madadamay. Though I must warn you. I highly doubt Jacob will receive this in good spirit. He'll think that boy will break your heart to get even with him."
"Many people do. But it's not like that. Pinag-isipan ko rin naman 'tong mabuti. I can make my own judgments din," I explained, eager to have at least one more brother to understand me.
Kuya Chris nodded and said softly, "I know. Sino-sino na ba ang nakakaalam?"
"Sa atin? Kayo pa lang ni Kuya Travis."
His brows rose. "Alam na ni Kuya? Anong sinabi niya?"
"It's fine with him din naman daw."
"Sabagay. It's your dating life after all. We don't really have a say. Hindi ka na bata. Alam mo na ang ginagawa mo. We can only offer guidance bilang nakatatanda."
"It's really okay with you?" I asked, skeptic.
I hardly expected this. Alam ko naman na reasonable si Kuya Chris, but I honestly thought he'd be dead set against the idea of me dating Racel.
"Basta maging maingat. Sapat nang isang baby ngayon," he implied, letting out a wicked grin.
Namula ako to the tips of my hair. "What-hindi kami gano'n!"
"Talaga lang, a?" tumawa siya at tinapik ang dalawa kong balikat. "Okay, sis. I'll let you crash. He said he'll call you, 'di ba? He must be worried. Go talk."
I embraced him and reveled in the relief I was feeling. "Thank you, Kuya. Super. I really appreciate it."
"You got my full support on this one. Jacob's not gonna like it but that boy barely likes anything," he said, laughing. He kissed my head. "A'ight, goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Two down. Seven more to go.
#
True to his words, Racel called as soon as he got home.
"Did he get mad?" tanong niya kaagad.
"No. On the contrary, he seems fine with it," I happily replied.
I could hear a sigh of relief from his end. "So that's two of your brothers now."
I couldn't help but smile. "That's a progress, right?"
"This is putting us on a shaky ground. I think waiting it out will only make it worse for you. Ayaw mo bang sabihin na lang sa kanila? I'll do it if it's too hard for you."
"And risk a brawl between you? Kuya's most likely to kill you even before you get a word out. It's not the right time yet. Konti na lang. Hahanap lang ako ng bwelo, please?" I said in almost a plea.
"Okay, baby. I'll be patient. Let's have it your way," he answered readily.
It's not that I didn't want to tell my brothers. I did, so much. I just didn't want to make a mistake and fuck things up. This was too precious to me. Kailangan kong maging careful sa pag-approach kay Kuya Jacob.
I was grateful that Racel took this well. Malapit naman na ang debut ko. Maybe then, we could take a few more steps forward.
#
Quizzes and student council activities kept my attention for the most part. In the next days that came, bihirang bihira kami nakapag-meet ni Racel. There was texting, lots of it, and calls as well, pero iba pa rin kapag nakikita ko siya. I missed him.
So to do something about it, a plan lit up in my head.
Since wala siyang pasok ngayon at kailangan ko lang naman gumawa ng visual aids para sa magiging report ko tomorrow, I told him I'd drop by his condo. Kahit saglit lang, gusto ko sana siyang makita before this week officially ends. Clingy ko na ba? I hoped not.
Of couse, he was thrilled at the idea of having me around which was why ang daming nakahandang pagkain when I finally came over.
"Sabi ko sa 'yo kumain na ako sa bahay, e," I told him habang sinusulyapan ko ang mga niluto niya. There were beef broccoli, chopsuey and pinakbet. Small servings lang naman but I was surprised he prepared this much.
"They're for later, then," sabi niya.
We easily fell into a rhythm. We were side by side in his living room as I worked on my report while he was preoccupied with his plates. May faint music in the background para hindi kami antukin, and a few small chats in between, but most of the time ay nakatuon kami sa mga ginagawa namin.
It actually felt nice and comfortable. The silence was refreshing enough and just having him around felt . . . wonderful. Ganito nga siguro kapag in love. No words were needed. Sometimes, just their presence is enough.
One hour, two hours passed by quite fast. Ang tanging break lang namin ay nung kumain kami ng lunch na niluto niya.
I checked the time. Grabe. 5:30 na pala.
I hummed the tune playing from the speakers when Racel suddenly extended his limbs and let out a distressed groan. I automatically eyed the plate he was working on. Halos tapos na siya sa ginagawa niya.
Racel stretched his neck as if they ached. Napangiti ako sa expression sa mukha niya. He looked highly stressed. Pagod at nangangawit na rin dahil ilang oras na rin niyang ginagawa 'yon.
Absentmindedly, I chuckled.
He stopped moving to look at me inquisitively.
I shook my head. "Nothing. Natutuwa lang akong makita ka na ganyan. I haven't really seen this studious side of you before," I quipped.
He wrinkled his nose. "Ang hirap maging arki."
Tumawa ako. "Sabi nga nila." Inayos ko muna ang mga cartolina na nasulatan ko na at nilapag 'yon sa malayo. Then I shifted in my seat so that I'd be sitting right behind him. I ran my hands along his back to massage his muscles there.
His body shook when he chuckled. "If you'll be like that, lagi na kitang papupuntahin dito."
"Hindi naman ako marunong magmasahe talaga. I might be doing more damage than good."
"No, it's good. You're good," he assured in almost a moan.
He slowly relaxed, his shoulders slumping. Hindi ko siya makita from where I sat but I could imagine him closing his eyes and just reveling in the soothing comfort.
"Are you about done with your report?" tanong niya out of nowhere.
"Kinda. Maikli lang naman 'to. Natagalan lang ako 'cause ayoko ng pangit na visual aids."
"You can just use presentation though? Powerpoint or something."
"Traditional si Ma'am, e. Ayaw niya."
He hummed thoughtfully.
"Then since we're having a break, can we talk muna? It won't take long." He stopped my hands and turned around to face me.
I lifted a brow. "We are talking?"
"I mean, about us."
"What about us?"
His eyes were eagerly set on mine. "There's something I want to know," Racel said. "Have you thought about it yet, the direction where you want us to head?"
Tumango ako ng dahan-dahan. Out of words, I merely said, "Kinda. Yeah, ikaw ba?"
I'd thought about it a lot. Constantly pa nga. But I barely voiced them out dahil ayokong pangunahan siya.
"I've been very sure from the start, baby," Racel said in a low voice. "I just want to know if we want the same thing."
"What do you want?" I asked carefully.
"I want us official, of course."
Official. The word rang in my head like tiny chimes blowing in the wind. Ang sarap pakinggan non.
A soft frown slid into his face. "It irks me sa tuwing tinatanong ka kung ano bang meron tayo and I have to hear you say na hindi tayo. I feel like I'm being an ass to you, not giving you the real relationship that you deserve," paliwanag niya. "I want to date you. Date you for real. Hindi lang yung ganito. Everytime na sinasabi mong hindi tayo, I feel like I can lose you anytime. I want us secured, baby. Can we have that?" he quickly added, "You don't have to answer now. I can wait."
I pressed a finger to his lips, effectively stopping his train of words.
I squinted my eyes for effect kahit na a rather big smile had already slipped out into my face. "What exactly are you asking me? Say it properly. Be specific," I teasingly said despite the loud pounding of my heart.
Seven heavens! My chest was beating so hard and fast, it seemed like I was having a breakdown.
Racel squeezed my hands and rubbed lazy circles on the back of it. "Be my girlfriend," he said with conviction. "Be mine. I want you to be mine for real."
My insides melted into a goo. My smile broadened into a grin. Gusto kong tumalon, gusto kong sumigaw dahil sa sobrang saya, but the hope flittering in his eyes kept me grounded.
Hoshet. How do I answer? How do I react?
Breathe, Javee. Breathe!
"So?" he asked. "What do you think?"
"Okay," sabi ko, nodding my head fervently. "Okay, boyfriend," ngiting ngiti kong sinabi.
"Okay?" His eyes widened as if he was equal parts excited and surprised. "So tayo na? You're my girlfriend now?"
Official girlfriend. I liked the ring of that. I could repeat it over and over in my head and not get tired of it.
I nodded again. Racel exclaimed a loud "Yes!", making me laugh, before he pulled me to a happy, breathtaking kiss.
It wasn't really a planned romantic proposal. Not like the ones we often see in movies or in those famous university files. But it's okay. I'd stopped hoping for too-good-to-be true scenes anyway after my first break-up.
It was real and it's so much better. I was someone else's girlfriend now. More over, I was his girlfriend now. Hindi ko mapigilan ang saya na nararamdaman ko.
Racel was my boyfriend. He's finally mine, all mine, officially mine. Could I get any happier?
Meron, surprisingly, for two days after we became official, Racel introduced me again to his friends-this time, as his girlfriend.
The team was surprised but not that much. They already expected it, sabi nila. At sa mga ngiti daw kasi ng captain nila, alam na nilang papunta na kami do'n. Justin congratulated us over and over. Si Marco naman, I thought he'd be an ass over it but he was calmer than I'd expected. He gave me a tap in the shoulder and offered a muted congratulations.
It went even better after that. Akala ko ay imposibleng maging mas close pa kami. But again, I was wrong. We'd gotten even more closer and sweeter. It was pure bliss.
I was in seventh heaven and I didn't think I'd be coming down anytime soon. In fact pa nga, I was so drowned in euphoria na hindi ko na namalayan ang bilis ng panahon.
Just like that, it was already the week of my debut.
I was turning eighteen soon.
I was close to telling my brother the truth.