"Look who still gets kisses from their mommy." A voice said at the top of the stairs. Tyler looked up and saw Josh leaning against the railing.
Tyler glared at him "Yeah so? At least I have a mom." He spat at him,instantly regretting it.
Josh's mouth twitched before he laughed. "Good one, like I haven't heard that before." He retorted but his eyes were dark.
Tyler rolled his eyes and walked up the stairs, shoving passed Josh. Suddenly Josh pushed Tyler against the wall and stared down at him just as intensely as he did outside. "You better watch it though, pretty boy." Josh smirked before letting him go and walking down the stairs.
Tyler exhaled slowly and ran to his room shutting and locking his door.Suddenly Tyler looked over on his bed and saw his porno magazines laying open, only instead of women it held pictures of men. His face heated up slowly. Josh had been in his room. He'd found his porn stash. Tyler wasn't even sure why he had them, he had just been curious. What if he told his parents? They'd kill him, or try having him exorcised or something of the sort.
Tyler got his stash and rammed it back in the small slit he made in his mattress pulling the covers back over it before ripping open his door and running downstairs. Josh sat there on the couch grinning, smoking cigarette.
"You can't smoke in here." Tyler said angrily, putting his hands on his hips.
"You're really in no position to be giving orders. Something tells me your position is taking them." Josh grinned wider before putting the cigarette out on the table.
Tyler's faced flushed red. "I swear to God if you tell anyone I'll-"
"You'll what?" Josh said getting up and standing and getting few inches from Tyler's face.
Tyler swallowed audibly.
Josh looked him up and down and for some reason Tyler felt himself getting butterflies instead of being intimidated.
"Go to a party with me tonight and I won't tell a soul." Josh said before putting another cigarette in his mouth and walking outside.
Tyler's eyebrows creased as he looked after him confused. A party? Why a party?
Tyler heard a soft tapping on his door that night. He hadn't slept a wink.The clock read 1:05 AM. He opened it and Josh came inside walking straight towards the window.
"What are you doing?" Tyler asked as Josh leaned down and swung a leg over the windowsill.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going to a party." He said and smiled a bit. He loved how innocent Tyler was. It made him that much more appealing. Josh loved dirtying up anything clean.
Before Tyler could say anything else Josh swung his other leg around and hung onto the sill by just his fingers then dropped to the ground with a soft thud, just like a graceful cat.
Tyler looked down at him. "I've never done that before." He said nervously.
"Just use the porno mags as inspiration." Josh said shoving his hands in his hoodie pocket and grinning up at Tyler.
Tyler sighed and awkwardly climbed out of the windowsill. Suddenly his foot hitched on the side and he lost his balance. Tyler let out a small yell before falling. That kind of yell where you know you're screwed but you yell anyway.
"Shit!"Josh said running and grabbed Tyler before he hit the ground, making Josh fall flat on his back. Tyler was sprawled on top of him.
"Oh my god." Tyler said staring into Josh's face that was contorted in pain. "Are you alright?"
Josh nodded a bit and opened his eyes, staring at Tyler again with the same intensity. Tyler's heart sped up again and this time Josh could feel it.
"Excited are we?" Josh smirked running his hands up Tyler's back.
"Josh!"Tyler gasped and scrambled off of him. "Don't do that."
Josh laughed a bit and stood back up. "Don't be such a klutz at the party alright?"
Tyler just nodded and walked beside him down the street. The air was warm and there was a soft breeze that whipped Josh's soft curly hair. Tyler couldn't help but glance at Josh every now and then. Josh was making Tyler feel things that the hadn't felt before, and he wasn't quite sure how to take it.
"Alright we're here." Josh smiled at began walking up the driveway. There were teens on the porch smoking cigarettes with beer bottles or cups in their hands.
Tyler followed Josh uneasily "I didn't think it'd be one of those kinds of parties."
Josh smirked and went to open the door "It's 1:30 in the morning what other kinds of parties are happening this late?"
As soon as Josh opened the door Tyler could smell booze and marijuana.The smoke in the house was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
"Josh I don't think we should be here." Tyler said following Josh through the crowd of drunk teenagers.
"Really? What about those magazines in your mattress? Do they think you should be here?" Josh said looking back at him.
Tyler opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a girl with strawberry blonde hair running up and hugging Josh.
"Josh I'm so glad you made it." The girl said and giggled. She was obviously drunk, her eyes glazed and red.
"You throw the best parties Debby." Josh said leaning down and kissing her very provocatively.
Tyler was taken aback by this and was slightly hurt but he didn't know why.He tried to ignore the feeling but it continued to surface.
"Debby this is my friend Tyler, Tyler this is my fuck buddy Debby." Josh said squeezing Debby's ass making her squeal. Tyler resisted the urge to gag.
"So this is someone from your new foster family huh?" Debby said and hiccuped. "I guess he looks better than the last one."
Josh laughed a bit. "I'm surprised you even remember the other one, I sure as hell don't."
Debby shook her head and tsked. "You're so cruel."
Tyler was becoming more hurt, more offended, and definitely more disgusted as the conversation went on. Josh looked over and saw the faint gleam of anger in Tyler's eyes.
"How about a drinking game?" Josh said smiling. Debby cheered.
"I don't drink." Tyler said glancing at the door thinking he probably should have stayed inside his house.
"Come on Tyler let loose a little bit. You're so uptight you couldn't even fit a pinky finger up your ass." Josh said, knowing that would set something off in Tyler.
It worked.
"You know what fine. I'll out drink you and Debby." Tyler said firmly looking at Debby then glaring at Josh.
"That's the spirit. Follow me boys!" Debby said leading them into the kitchen.
"Chug chug chug chug chug chug!" A group of people had formed aroundTyler as he chugged another beer. He couldn't even remember how many he'd had but at around six Debby passed out and at around thirteen Josh had called it quits. Tyler was nearing the twenties.
"You go Tyler! You're fucking awesome!" Random people shouted at him.Tyler's vision was a blur and he could barely walk straight. He giggled and shook his head as someone offered him another beer. "I'm sgood enough." Tyler slurred while feeling his way over to the couch. He sat down and laughed some more.
The couch moved next to him and he could see a blue blur.
"J.....Joooshhhh." Tyler slurred and immediately began clinging onto him.
"Woah buddy you're wasted." Josh laughed as Tyler climbed on top of him.
"Why'sre you suchan ashole." Tyler pouted and began feeling Josh up under his shirt. "You skeep teashing me."
Josh smiled. "You're wasted. Maybe when you're sober." Even though Tyler was drunk, Josh enjoyed hearing that Tyler wanted him. "Let's get you some fresh air."
Josh stood and draped Tyler's arm over his own shoulder carrying him outside. He sat Tyler down on the sidewalk letting him lean against him.
"Hm Josh?" Tyler said drunkenly looking up at him.
"Yeah Tyler?" Josh snickered a bit and looked at him.
"Why'sit they puts you in juvie?" Tyler slurred but looked up at Josh with big brown drunk puppy dog eyes.
Josh stared at Tyler for a few seconds then sighed. "I uh, I used tobeat up a bunch of kids when they pissed me off. I even hit a teacher once. Not a girl one, just the principal of my old high school. He kinda deserved it though."
"So yous wwere angry blue boy." Tyler giggled and nuzzled his head against Josh's shoulder.
"Angry blue boy? Really?" Josh laughed and put his hand on Tyler's shoulder, pulling him closer. "C'mon we need to get you home."
Tyler nodded "Oh no hold on." He said and leaned his head into the grass and vomited.
Josh was helping a stumbling Tyler home who had suddenly become very quiet during their walk.
"It's not a big deal that you vomited, it happens to everyone at those parties." Josh said reassuringly, repositioning Tyler's arm around his neck to support him better.
Tyler just nodded, sighing a bit and looking up at the stars as Josh helped him up his walkway and up the front porch.
They managed to make it inside and up the stairs without a sound.
Josh slowly laid Tyler down on his bed. "Can you undress yourself?"
Tyler just nodded and rolled over in his bed, beginning to take off his jeans.
"Alright...night Tyler." Josh said shutting the door softly.
Trigger warning. Talk of self harm and dark thoughts.
Awhile later, Tyler's eyes snapped open.
WO RTH LES S
DISGUSTI NG
SHA M E
YOU AR E W E A K
Tyler's hands went to his head and he cried softly, the tears slowly dripping down his face. "Go away you're not real. Go away." He gasped for air as he began picking repeatedly at the rubber band on his wrist.
Slap.
"You're not real."
Slap.
"I'm worth something."
Slap.Slap. Slap.Slapslapslapslapslapslapslap.
Tyler kept slapping his wrist with the rubber band until there was bright red marks across it. It wasn't the same. It just wasn't.
DO IT T YL ER
Tyler got out of bed and went to the bathroom, pulling a razor out of the cabinet. Getting a pair of tweezers, he fought to pull the blade out from under the plastic surface.
"Tyler....?"A soft voice came through the crack in the slightly open door.
Tyler jumped and the razor fell into the sink with a clatter. His face was still tear stained. "J-Josh?"
"Tyler what's wrong? Are you crying?" Josh said opening the bathroom door more and seeing the halfway pulled blade from the razor. "Oh my god."
"Josh it's not....I wasn't..." Tyler sniffed and wiped his face.
Josh didn't say anything. Instead he rolled up his boxers to reveal the inside of his thigh, where old cut scars were. They had been healed for a while. Tyler looked at his scars then at Josh's face before bursting into tears again. His head hurt, still slightly affected by the copious amounts of alcohol he consumed.
"Come on, let's go back to bed. I'm not leaving you alone." Josh said taking Tyler by the hand and going back to Tyler's room. Josh helped Tyler back into bed, grabbing a pillow and an extra blanket laying it on the floor. Before turning the lamp off, he noticed a small prescription medication bottle on the nightstand.
It read: Tyler R Joseph. 40Mg Celexa for manic depression and anxiety.DO NOT drink alcohol with this medication.
Josh suddenly felt like the worst human being on the face of the planet.