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(Trigger Warning halfway through chapter)
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"josh!" tyler called out a month later as the door to his apartment creaked open. the brunet was bouncing know his heels, excited to show josh the songs he was practicing.
since the day josh bought the boy the ukulele, he wasn't able to put it down. he loved writing the songs, performing in front of a mirror, the sound of the small instrument when it was strummed, and just the feeling of hearing the music he wrote come to life.
he had no idea being kicked out of his parents house would end up with him being happy.
"jeez, ty, what's so important that you needed me here so quickly? you sent me like, 78 texts.."
"so you were getting them." tyler joked, winking as he flopped down onto the couch, picking up his ukulele. "i wrote some songs, do you want to hear?"
josh's face lit up with joy when he saw tyler genuinely happy, proud of his friend. "yeah!"
tyler smiled, then looked down at the instrument in his hands. "i wrote lyrics, too, if you want to-"
"come on, man, just play it already! im hype."
tyler, with a smile still visible on his face from excitement, began to strum slowly. he didn't face josh, but rather looked at the instrument, paying attention to where he placed each finger.
"na na na na na, oh, oh..." he slowly sang.
"when the leader of the bad guys sang, something soft and soaked in pain, i heard the echo from his secret hideaway...."
his fingers danced along the neck of the ukulele, the lyrics and strumming going along perfectly in unison.
when writing the song, the words seemed to just come to him, each lyric dripping with emotion.
now, however, josh was here, and the only emotion tyler felt was happiness.
"he must've forgot to close his door, as he cranked out those dismal chords, and his four walls declared him insane.."
as tyler sang and josh listened, thoughts were running through his mind. it felt right playing the song to josh, almost as if it were made for him. maybe it was.
he smiled as he sang. this is where he was meant to be. he loved singing, especially to josh. it made him feel at home.
singing was something he didn't even know he enjoyed until josh came into his life. and although he only recognized it not long ago, he already knew this was something he wanted to do for a long time.
josh made his life better in so many ways. tyler would be a goner if it weren't for him, and he knew it.
he probably would have been sitting in a cardboard box on the side of the street, contemplating suicide again. but then josh had appeared, and was, for some reason, determined to save him.
of course, tyler felt so deep in depression that he knew it would be a long time until he was fully okay, and he was aware of that. but now, for some reason, he was motivated to try.
the song wasn't even over, but josh couldn't help but laugh and clap his hands when tyler belted out, "josh dun!" in the middle of the song. but again, to tyler, his name fit right in. like a puzzle piece.
tyler finished the song with a large smile on his face and an overwhelming urge to hug josh. he was actually about to, when josh's phone went off.
glancing at it, josh's face turned to one of excitement. "ty, that was incredible, but i really have to take this. one sec, then i'll get back to you on that hug." he smiled, answering his phone.
tyler's smile fell, but he hid it from josh.
"hey," josh said, enthusiastically, "wait, really? you're kidding... i'm hanging with tyler right now... yes that tyler... no need to be jealous.... you should come over! you can finally meet him, he's written some really cool songs... okay cool!"
josh slid his phone back into his pocket as tyler tried his best to keep his fake smile present. "w-who was that?"
"my boyfriend, he's back for a while out of college, he's coming over! ..oh hold up, sorry... i should have asked you. that okay?"
tyler could feel his smile falter, but he kept it up with surprising ease. "yeah. fine. totally fine. i'm excited to meet him."
a few minutes later, after josh praises tyler again for how amazing his song was, there were three knocks on the door.
josh hopped up excitedly, running to answer it.
standing behind the door was a guy, around their ages, with blonde hair that was shaved on its sides. he wore a leather jacket and a pair of sunglasses, which even tyler grudgingly had to admit, looked pretty cool.
josh and his boyfriend hugged before turning to tyler, "ty, this is mikey!"
tyler weakly smiled and waved, immediately afterwards holding his hands behind his back.
mikey spoke; his voice was less enthusiastic than expected, but it was obvious he was trying to be nice. "hi... " was all he said, the awkwardness in the room drowning the two.
josh looked back and forth between them before smiling and putting his arms around them both. "wanna play some mario kart?"
and before they knew it, they were surrounding the tv. mikey and josh were having a great time, competing eagerly for first place, while tyler trailed behind in eighth.
he was miserable, yet he didn't know why. he didn't crush on josh... at least, he didn't think so.
but he did admit josh was hot to jenna barely two days after they met... he was embarrassed when sitting near josh at the movies... every second he spent with josh felt like he was in nirvana... but he didn't like him, right?
he shouldn't.
he couldn't.
"i'm... um...." he said after losing yet another race, "i'm gonna go to the bathroom."
"do you want us to wait to start the next round, or?" josh asked.
"no, no, it's alright, you two go ahead."
tyler shuffled off, feeling like he was back to the person he was before meeting josh. socially awkward and depressed.
he leaned over the sink, using his arms to hold him up as he stared at his reflection, thinking everything over.
thoughts overwhelmed him about josh and mikey and why did he feel so sad all of a sudden?
his breathing hitched and his chest ached.
slowly, he unhooked the latch holding the cabinet closed, and read over all the objects that lay inside. it was his old tactic, it calmed him down. he was on the verge of a panic attack that he knew couldn't surface. not now, not here.
he read over the facts written on the toothpaste tubes, the advantages and disadvantages of flossing your teeth on the floss containers, and the nutrient values on the mouthwash bottle.
read, read, read. it occupied him, pulled him away from his thoughts.
until his eyes landed on a pair of scissors just sitting there. vulnerable.
slowly, he reached out and lifted them. he opened and closed them, listening to the sounds of the blades brushing against each other.
he looked from the scissors to his arm and blinked back tears, brushing them away with his elbow.
what if-
hesitantly, he took the pair of blades and opened them, bring them closer to his arm, and just stood there. heavily breathing.
not thinking, not even realizing anything.
just press and drag, tyler.
and that's what he did. one long, vertical gash from the crook of his elbow to the edge of his palm.
blood seeped out onto the cold tile floor, creating a small pool.
he knew immediately that something was off. why was there so much?
he had cut too deep. he probably hit a vein.
"fuck. oh no." he shook his head. "no no no nonono-"
his heart hurt more than the gash in his arm, and he began crying.
"fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..."
he knew that josh couldn't see him like this, especially not with mikey, so he called the only other person who really knew him.
"babe?" jenna answered. "what's up? you never call me."
"i d-did something... something b-bad..." his voice shook as he spoke.
"tyler? where are you, tell me right now." jenna spoke, her voice full of worry.
"in m-my bathroom... but josh is here...
"i'm on my way, sweetheart, ask josh to help."
"no no no... m-mikey is here..."
"mikey?"
"h-his boyfriend." tyler spat the word out as if it disgusted him. "b-but that's not important. j-josh can't know. he can't. p-please."
"tyler, what did you do?!"
"... e-everything is w-wobbly."
the sounds of a speeding car could be heard over the phone as jenna raced there, desperately trying to keep tyler on the line. "babe, stay here, okay? don't leave, i'm almost there."
"o-okay..."
loud knocking was heard on the other side of the front door when josh answered, surprised to see the girl from the movies waiting on the other side.
"um, hi..?"
"move."
"wait, why are you here? are you stalking me or something?" josh spoke, a bit scared and confused.
"i said move, now."
"n-no, um, you need to leave-"
but he was cut off when jenna punched him in the jaw, making his already frail body fall to the ground.
it surprised her how light he was, and how there was already a bruise forming from the punch, but she had to focus on saving tyler.
she walked past him as mikey ran over to his boyfriend, who was on the ground holding his jaw.
"what the fuck was that?!" the blonde boy said angrily, standing up and blocking her path again.
jenna shook her hand, "i'm sorry, i really am, but tyler is dying in the bathroom." she said, pushing past him and running over, leaving josh and mikey confused.
"wait- what?" josh's eyes went wide as mikey helped him up.
"tyler?" jenna asked, pressing her ear to the door, but receiving no answer.
josh, held up by mikey and barely able to speak correctly, joined her, "who are you? how do you know tyler? what do you mean he's dying?"
jenna didn't answer as she instead pushed open the door, finding tyler unconscious on the floor in a small puddle of blood, dried tears running down his cheeks.
"tyler!" josh and jenna said simultaneously, josh pulling away weakly and crouching down to feel for a pulse. "mikey-" he breathed, "call 911! now!"
mikey pulled out his phone hurriedly, typing away as josh found a weak pulse. it was barely noticeable, but it was there. he and jenna were both crying as mikey talked to the receptionist on the other end, desperately waiting for the sounds of an ambulance to come to their aid.