I made sure that Kaela wasn't worrying about me before driving off back home for the night. I had calmed down from earlier once I had spoken to Kaela some more. Luckily Luke was off as well so English was a lot easier. But no matter what I tried to do the question was always at the back of my head. Did Ashton not want to be with me because he was with Milly?
"Mum I'm going out!" I yelled as I stepped through the door. I didn't know where I was going but I didn't want to stay stuck in the house for another day.
"Is Kaela with you?" She shouted back. She wasn't as strict on the 'grounding' they had given me but she didn't want me going and having fun.
"No! She's out with other friends I just want some air I'll be back later!" I replied walking up into my room. I got changed into a pair of shorts, as it had got hotter during the day, and a vest on, with a light cardigan over the top.
"Be back before 10 or you won't be able to see Kaela all weekend!" She loved to punish me by using Kaela. Grounding didn't really bother me because I would go out anyway and I didn't like people, but Kaela I couldn't live without and she knew that.
"Mum!" I groaned walking back down the stairs grabbing my bag on the way.
"I don't care what you say back before 10 young lady or there's no Kaela! And I'll tell her mum so she knows as well!" She was not in a good mood and I didn't want to test her so I walked out of the house without another word. I wouldn't be back before 10 but she'd be asleep by then anyway.
I walked over to my car and got in. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care, I just needed to get out. I needed to clear my head and this is the only way I could. The engine roared into motion and I backed out of the drive. I drove, not even paying attention to the road. My thoughts took over my mind and all I could focus on was how stupid I was. I was stupid for thinking Ashton actually cared for me, I was stupid for trusting him, I was stupid for letting anyone in but most of all I was stupid for thinking my life had got better.
Suddenly my wrists started to itch and I rolled up my sleeves. Looking down at them I swore the old scars and bruises from the last time my life had got bad and I shook back the tears that we're spilling. I looked at the damaged skin and my eyes poured. I wasn't worth anything. I had promised Kaela that I was better and the truth was I was. Until now. Somehow no matter what Milly knew how to get under my skin. She knew how to piss me off and how to make me feel like nothing. And for some reason the last time she did it wasn't enough. Seeing me broken and damaged wasn't enough. She needed to see me lying on the floor in agony, shattered and blind. And the way it was going she was going to get what she wanted.
The tears wouldn't stop now. They were clouding my vision and when I finally brought my eyes back to the road I was driving straight towards a truck. Half of my mind wanted to speed up and drive into it but the other half got the better of me. One thing I hated more than anything was letting Kaela down, and hurting others. That man in the truck had done nothing wrong.
At the last moment I swerved, earning a long hard stare and beep from the driver. I wiped my tears out of my face and drove a little longer before pulling up into an abandoned parking lot.
Stepping out I looked around. No one was there and it didn't look like anyone had been in a while. I walked over a few rocks and steps and found myself on the edge of a cliff. A small cliff but still one. I looked over the town that was now below me and I noticed how small everything was. Nothing that happened in my life mattered to anyone but me, it didn't effect the world, my problems were nothing, I was nothing. I laughed at how insignificant even my biggest problems were. But that didn't stop them from hurting.
I must have sat at the edge of the cliff for hours because when I finally snapped out of my thoughts it was getting dark and the sun was about to set. It was still warm so I decided to didn't need to leave yet. I went over to my car and got out a blanket I always kept inside and pulled it out so I could lie down and not get muddy. Lying down on it was surprisingly comfortable and within minutes I felt my eyes getting heavier. My phone buzzed and I checked it quickly.
I'm going to bed, be back soon.
I knew that she wouldn't be bothered to stay up and wait for me to get home. I scoffed at the abrupt text and checked my twitter and other messages. I had one from Kaela.
Ash is worried. I won't say anything bc I know you want to but don't leave it babe xx
I smiled. No matter what I did or what anyone else did Kaela would be there for me. I didn't know what I would do without her. I sighed remembering that I would have to talk to Ashton at some point and lay my head back down on the blanket.
The sunset was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. From the beach it was amazing but from here it was something else. You could watch it reflecting off of the water of the sea and off of the houses and lighting up the dark streets with an ominous pink yellow color. I could see people driving off to their nights out and kids getting in from being with their friends. Everything was so calm and peaceful. Nothing was wrong, nothing was different, everything was the same and nice. I smiled at the thoughts of how happy other people were and how beautiful everything was when you took a step back.
***
My phone buzzed and I stretched as I picked it up. I checked the time yawning and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw it. It was almost 12 the next day. The sun was bright in the sky and the heat was pounding down on me. I had several messages from Kaela, two from mum and three from Ashton.
I skipped over the ones from mum, knowing they were about me not coming home and read Kaela's.
Morning, you up for something today?
They were all all along those lines and then they got to trying to wake me up and calling me lazy which I laughed at. When I came to the end of Kaela's mass texting spree I found Ashton's and read them slowly.
Hollie I'm really worried, it's been over a week now, please tell me you're okay? Xx
Is there something wrong? Have I done something? Is it me? Please just tell me xx
I rolled my eyes, why couldn't I stay mad at him? I wanted to but I knew that it would be no good. I needed to know the answer and if I ignored him I wouldn't have got one. I dialed his number and let it ring for a moment.
Just as I was about to hang up there was a voice at the end of the phone and this time it was Ashton.
"Hollie? Is that you?" He said.
"Yeah it is. Ash we have a lot to talk about, meet me at..." I paused and looked around for a sign of some sort. I didn't want to move, but I didn't want others to find out about my secret hideout. "Just meet me at my beach in 20 okay?" I asked abruptly. I wasn't going to play nice until I found out what was going on with him and me or Milly or whatever he was doing.
"Oh-okay yeah sure, anything," he stuttered, obviously shocked by my firmness. I didn't hang about with him and I knew I would give in if I did so I hung up and slid my phone into my back pocket.
As I put the blanket back in the car my phone rung. I sighed. Why was everyone trying to talk to me today? I preferred it last night when it was quiet and I had escaped it for a while.
"Hello?" I asked not bothering to look down at the caller ID. I knew it would either be my mum or Kaela, no one else ever called me.
"Hollie? Finally Jesus you took your time! Where are you? Are you free today? Are you still grounded? Of course you are but do you wanna come round to mine? Go to the beach? Do something?" As usual I was bombarded with questions and I waited impatiently until she had finished.
"I'm just out, I'm free later because now I'm going to see Ashton, I just want to talk things through with him and them I'll be okay to come and see you. I'll be at the beach with him so I'll come to yours and then we can just hang out at yours for the day. Is that okay? I just don't feel like going out today you know?" I heard her mumble an agreement forgetting for a moment that we were just talking over the phone and not face to face.
"Oh.. Yeah that's fine, sure. Take your time with Ashton I don't mind just come see me straight after okay?" She asked.
"You know I will, love you Kae," I cooed she replied quickly before I hung up and finally sat down in the car. Starting the engine I drove away to the beach, remembering the way to go so I could come back whenever I wanted to get away from everything, or when anything got too much.
As I pulled up I saw Ashton waiting there with his sleeves over his hands and kicking the sand. I gulped. This was going to be harder than I thought.
A/N: I actually had this ready for a while sorry guys! I know it's not the longest but let me know what you think of Hashton or whatever.