Friable
(Adj.) easily broken into pieces or reduced to nothing
Louis feels like something is different before he even wakes up. For starters he slept through the whole night, with no dreams that he can recall. He feels better than he has in a while and he gets out of bed almost tripping over Dutchess as he walks towards the bathroom to have a shower. He comes back to a text from Niall, Harry's friend. He pockets his phone, ignoring the text. He's going to have a good day today. He blow dries his hair and styles it as best as he can with the long ness of it all. After a long moment debating with himself, he decides he is going to leave the flat. He pulls on his coat and slips on his vans, going sock less as always, before he picks up his keys and leaves. Once outside, he shoves his hands deep into his pockets. It's cold but Louis doesn't mind. The cool winter wind feels nice in his hair and he feels refreshed. It makes his cheeks red and makes it harder to walk but Louis is glad he chose to walk rather than drive. He still misses Harry of course. When you miss someone every second of the day, it comes as steady as breathing, you learn to live with it and Louis does. He divides it's not something that's going to keep him from his life. Instead it follows him everywhere, every pavement slab, every inch of his flat, every run to tescos and every seat in the coffee bar. It rides with him in the passenger seat of his car, it waits for him in the bath. It's an ache, it's a shadow and it's his. He lives with it now. Sometimes it's enough to make him feel like he's not alone in his bed. Sometimes there are moments that hurt more. There are always little sharp edges for Louis to catch himself on. Sometimes it's just a song on the radio that he knows Harry likes or an advert for a movie that he knows Harry would be dying to see. Sometimes it's the weather when he wakes up in the morning or a boy with curly hair that comes into the coffee bar. One night whilst tiding his flat, it's the hoodie he finds shoved under the bed that smells faintly of him and he puts it on and sleeps In it. Sometimes these feel like relapses but today Louis feels good. He doesn't quite know where he is going but he's just happy to be outside. He ends up outside Starbucks and of course he goes in. He is greeted by warm ness and a strong smell of coffee. He orders a salted caramel mocha to go and let's the warm cup warm his hands. Louis is distracted but his phone feels heavy in his pocket. It's playing In the back of his mind, why has Niall text him? He sips at his drink and carries on walking. He burns his tongue but he doesn't care, he needed a better distraction. After walking until his feet hurt, he stops and looks up. He can see a hairdressers down the road. He pulls out his phone, only checking the time. He's already been out for an hour, his sub conscience reminds him that Harry could come back. He looks at his reflection in the shop window nearest to him and sighs. He really does need a haircut though. He walks closer to the hairdressers before his curiosity gets the better of him. Louis would check his message from Niall and depending on what it said he would decide to have his hair cut or not.
The message takes a few seconds to load and Louis' impatient, nervous even.
Hey Louis?
I really need your help and please don't say no! It's urgent, can you come over?
Ni xx
Louis sighs, he'll get his haircut, Niall'll be fine. He texts him back
Hey,
Really Niall? I'm kind of busy, can it wait?
Louis xx
Niall replies before Louis even has a chance to put his phone back in his pocket, let alone go into the shop.
The reply is simple, just two words but they instantly startle him and before he knows what he's doing, he's in a taxi on the way to Niall's.
The text read:
It's Harry
"Alright mate?" The driver asks shaking Louis out of his thoughts which were obviously thinking the worst that could have happened.
Louis can't even bring himself to speak so he nods. He's there after what's feels like a much too long journey and his hearts in his throat as he presses the button to get into Niall's flat. Once the buzzer sounds and the door opens he sprints up the three flights of stairs which was a bad idea as now he can't breathe at all. He kicks on the door and Niall surprises him by opening it and shutting it behind him, stepping into the hall with Louis. Louis is panicked now and Niall must see it on his face as he pulls him into a tight hug for a welcome.
"Louis I've missed you" Niall says in that familiar Irish accent that Louis could recognise in his sleep.
"Niall, what's-" Louis starts to choke out but he's cut off.
"He's not hurt or any thing, he's fine. Well he is hurt and he's not fine but it's nothing serious, but it kind of is." Niall rambles and it's don't nothing to calm Louis down. Louis steps back from Niall's much too long hug and takes a deep breath. Why has he rushed over here so quickly? Niall didn't say anything was wrong and all he mentioned was "his" name and Louis was there. He needs to stop this. Harry doesn't want him anymore.
"Niall, why am I here?" He asks after he's thought things over.
"It's Harry." He says his eyes darting to the door of his flat and back to Louis again.
So he's in there, Louis thinks but stops immediately when he realises that he's only a few feet away and his breathing hitches.
"It's like he's.....well he....I've tried everything....he's been like this all day....he won't sleep....won't eat.....I just don't know what to do anymore." Niall says his words jumbled and Louis doesn't really understand. Niall runs a hand through his blonde hair exasperated.
"Niall I can't help you. I need to go." The rational part of Louis makes him say. He turns to walk back down the stairs, telling himself to get out if there before he does something stupid. Niall stops him.
"No Louis you can't leave....please....just.......just let me open the door and you can see him and if you really want to go you can leave but just see him first. Please?" Niall says and he looks worried, Niall's never worried. Niall is the most carefree person that Louis knows.
"He doesn't want to see me." Louis says quietly. He's battling between his heart and his mind and at the moment curiosity seems to be winning.
"You know that's not true, would you just trust me Louis?" "He needs you, I need you" Niall says and Louis cannot help it. Half of him is screaming for him to get out of there because Harry left him not the other way round. The other half just wants to see Harry, needs to see Harry and also wants to know what Niall is going on about. He nods his head slightly and with that Niall is pulling out his keys and unlocking the door.
Louis isn't prepared for what he sees once the door is open. The flat is a mess, smashed glass lay all over the floor, torn up paper is everywhere, Niall's furniture is broken, his sofa is flipped up the wrong way and in the corner where his eyes dart to next, is Harry. His hair has grown long, too long and it is sticking up in all angles, Louis guesses that it's because he had been tugging at it. He is sitting on the floor laptop balanced on his legs, sobbing uncontrollably.
"I need him. I need him." He chokes out. His shoulders are shaking and his face is soaked and each broken cry that comes out of his mouth is a blow to Louis heart. Louis is frozen, he just cannot move. He feels Niall rush past him and kneel on the floor next to Harry's broken body and watches as Niall does his best to hold Harry in his arms. Harry's much bigger than Niall and Niall's arms only cover a bit of Harry's back. Niall's mumbling a string of words saying anything to try to stop Harry's sobbing but nothing seems to work.
"What have I done? Niall, I need him." Harry says in between sobs and Louis lungs constrict because Harry's talking about him. He doesn't know how to feel. He's breaking for Harry who is whimpering but anger rises up in him too because if he needed him them why did he leave? Because the last time Louis checked he needed him to. Harry presses a button on his laptop and Louis eyes widen because Harry's hand is bleeding and he's also sitting on broken glass. His laptop screen changes and Louis can see it from here. It's the email he sent him.
"I'm sorry Louis, I'm sorry." Harry says, looking at the screen. He hasn't even noticed Louis standing frozen in the doorway. Harry's words sink in and a quiet strangled noise comes from Louis' throat. He forces his body into action and races down the stairs. He only manages one flight before his knees buckle and he slides his back down the wall and sits with his knees brought to his chest. He squeezes his eyes shut because he plans on keeping that promise that he made himself. It's not long before Niall comes after him and Louis feels guilty because Harry needs Niall more than he does right now and Louis is trying hard to control himself because all he wants to do is hold the broken boy upstairs until he's fixed. Louis knows that he shouldn't be the one to fix this, Harry needs to fix this. And that's the only thing keeping him from running back up the steps. Well that and the fact that his lungs feel as if they're collapsing in on him. Niall easily lifts the boy, who is barely holding onto himself, into his arms and Louis can't help himself as he holds on tightly to Niall. Niall can feel Louis shaking and struggling for breath but he doesn't know what to do to make this any easier for him. For once, Niall is stuck for words because how do you fix this? They stay like that for a long moment until Louis can finally breathe properly.
"Did he do that?" Louis says in a quiet voice, meaning the mess.
"Yeah," Niall breathes. "I didn't know what to do. He just kept repeating your name over and over and then started destroying the place, I couldn't stop him. He was so angry at himself, telling himself it was all his fault and that he was a coward.
Louis bites his lip because he doesn't know how to feel about that. Louis is just so glad for Niall because he was not at all upset or annoyed about his flat and was just distraught and worried about his best friend. Harry needed Niall.
"I love him Niall." Louis chokes out and Niall sighs because he knows that already.
"I know." He replies and holds Louis just that little bit tighter.
When Louis doesn't say anything else Niall cannot keep quiet anymore.
"Louis, do you mind if I ask? What happened between you? I mean, I know he left but I was really not expecting that. He leaves everyone but you've been together for longer than Harry had ever been with someone and I dunno I just saw something different between the two of you. Something special." Niall trails off and Louis blinks hard before he answers.
"There was something special, there still is. I've never felt like this about anyone before and I don't know what to do. He's scared to love people, I know that but there's no way I can help him because every time I try it just makes my love for him stronger and it scares him away. I don't even know how I'm managing to stay down here, Niall, because all I want to do is go up and make everything better but I can't. If he wants to fix this he needs to do it himself." Louis says into Niall's shoulder and Niall nods because he completely understands. And although all he wants to do his help his best friend a little bit of anger rises in him because he's hurt Louis. Louis' never this vulnerable, Louis never talks about feelings but here he is holding back tears and shaking because of how broken Harry is.
"He's been an arse Lou, but I can't just leave him. What do I do? Nothing seems to help him." Niall says, gently letting go of Louis. Louis sighs and runs his hand through his hair, a habit he had picked up from Harry. He still never got that haircut.
"I'm going to go because I can't go up there. Listen, tidy up first get things back to normal because there's a load of glass and you could both hurt yourself. I saw Harry was bleeding, don't say anything, just clean up the blood and fix what ever he's hurt. Then hug him and don't let go because that's what he needs, even if he tries to push you away don't let go just hug him tight and play with his hair because that always calms him down. When he's calmer, make him some tea, he'll refuse and say he doesn't want it but tell him to drink it and it'll make him sleepy. Give him some paracetamol because he always has a bad headache after he's been crying. Get him into his boxer shorts and put him to bed and stay with him, hold him tight and don't let go, sing or whisper things to him because he won't be able to sleep otherwise and don't let go until he's asleep." By the time Louis finished he's struggling to hold back tears and Niall can tell so he gives him another hug, amazed at all the little details that Louis has picked up on about Harry and he murmurs a thanks as he pulls away.
"I'm going to go sort him out." He says turning to walk back up the stairs. He stops halfway up and looks back at Louis.
"Stay strong yeah? And don't be a stranger, your my friend too alright?" He asks and Louis nods. Niall looks satisfied and jogs up the remaining stairs.
"Oh Niall!" Louis shouts before Niall disappears out of sight.
Niall turns to look back over his shoulder.
"Text me later?" He asks. What he's really asking is, let me know how Harry is and Niall knows just that.
"Will do." Niall says and then he's gone.
Louis takes a taxi back home and orders a pizza which eats very little of. He has a long bath but does nothing to relax him as it makes him think and he shouldn't think. He almost cries but he catches himself just in time because he isn't going to cry. He isn't. When he's dry and ready for bed he feels more lonely than ever and switches on his tv before sliding into the cool covers. There's nothing much on and it's only 9.00 PM but Louis exhausted, yet he can't sleep. He gets up to make a cup of tea and he really needs to stop checking his phone because Niall said he would text and Niall usually does what he says. He sighs and gets back into bed. A movie is on a Louis cannot remember what it is called but the main character has green eyes. They're not Harry's green but they still remind him of Harry nevertheless. Harry's eyes today were red rimmed and swollen and they were missing something, they had no life and were defeated. Louis shudders at the Image of him in his memory and his phone vibrates against his leg softly. He searches through the duvet until he finds his phone and is quick to unlock it. It's a text from Niall.
Took a while but we got there. He's still keeps whimpering but at least he's stopped crying. Sorry about earlier it was a bad idea and thanks for the help.
N xx
Underneath the message was a picture. Harry was curled up in bed asleep and pressed up to Niall's chest. A pang of jealously hit Louis before he gets a hold on himself. Harry's curls are messy and a bit wet and his forehead is screwed into a frown in his sleep. One of his hands is bandaged and his other hand lay on his own chest. He seemed to be holding his heart. Louis sends back a quick message of thanks to Niall and tells him to just text him if Harry gets bad again because as much as Harry hurt him he doesn't ever want to Harry hurt. Louis stares at the picture until he falls asleep because even in this broken state Louis thinks he is beautiful.