Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say
"My tooth is aching"
than to say
"My heart is broken."
― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
Your body layed on the bed, facing the ceiling. Blankly staring up as you've just woke up from your slumber. Your tiny figure was exhausted, mostly glued to the blanket, trying your hardest to raise yourself up from the bed, instantly you regret it. Tiresome spread throughout your nerve system.
Your body ached, stiff from its previous activities.
The air conditioner coated the humid air, instantly giving you relief. You were alive, you were okay. You were breathing, and for the first time in a long time, you were glad.
Glad that your heart was still beating.
The red light by your door turned green, signaling the arrival of Jisoo. In her hands she held a white tray, a smile layering her face.
"You were out for a while." She whispered.
Her eyes watched you, as she placed the tray silently on your hairdresser and sitting on your bed. That's when it hit you and reality came crashing down on you once again.
You nearly died.
The one dream you've always wanted has now switched being into a nightmare. You didn't want to die anymore. You wanted more days to breathe and to hopefully see better days. All you've ever wanted was to disappear without even giving the world a chance.
"I brought some Bacon and Peas soup, with some bread too." Jisoo said," Do you think you're stable enough to eat?"
You place your hands on either side of your body before weakly bringing yourself upright. The body now pressed against the wooden bed frame. All the words were taken out of your mouth and you just couldn't bring yourself to talk to Jisoo.
She placed the tray on your lap before releasing a heavy sigh. Slowly taking out your file, and a pen from her pocket, she begins to do a checklist on you. Making sure that you're not acting out of the ordinary. You dip your spoon into the thick soup. It smelts really well.
Almost like home.
You remember how it used to rain the entire day, Your parents would call off at work and none of your siblings would go to school. Aunts and cousins would come home for your mother's Soup. She would stay all day in the kitchen - making sure the soup had the right amount of salt, the right amount of peas and just a good amount of beacon.
The way her long hair would be tied in a high bun and your fathers' hands dancing on her hips whilst the radio played songs of their time.
Thinking of all the memories brought a faint smile to your lips.
You wished that it would've been like that forever, but it changed.
The older you got - the more the family fell apart. At the age of 13 - your parents that were once so in love with each other went through a horrific divorce, the custody of your 2 older brothers were won by your mother and they disappeared into the depths of Korea.
Only for you to never see them again. However, the plot twist was - this wasn't what got you this way.
You were okay with the family breaking up, Your father loved you with all his heart and all he ever wanted was to see you succeed. It was the meeting of one boy that completely broke you to pieces.
He said he loved you. Treating you like a princess. Almost like a rare diamond waltzing in the streets. Showering you with all the love and attention and it instantly had you fall for him.
You told him over and over that, you are not one to love, and he was willing to do anything to be your first love - he succeeded. You and Him shared dreams that could've potentially led you guys a happy ending.
However, that's when he started to take advantage of you.
Deteriorating and taking away your innocence.
Quaking your mental health to the point where you started to be doubtful of yourself.
Then he left you. Just like that. As if you were nothing.
"Do you want me to eat with you?" Jisoo asked. Looking at you in caution.
The soup most probably was now cold.
"P-Please help me get better." You whimpered.
"Please."
Jisoo's eyes instantly water.
"Because I don't want to die anymore."
~
"Welcome back to group therapy everyone!"
The Doctor chirped.
You were now in a new room, most probably down the hall from the room has been burnt down. Today you were feeling anxious. With no idea as to why. The Room consists of yet again, Taehyung and yourself with also 4 other boys and just one girl.
The circle was well spread, a good arm's length away from one another.
You were the first patient in the room. Fiddling with your facility bracelet. After the doctor has been opened, all the room held was silence.
"Since we weren't able to finish introductions from last time due to the traumatic events. Let's restart shall we?"
"My hair is in my face."
The deep voice that dominates the room was now bouncing off the walls. This time the boy was just in plain jeans and a white restraining top. His blonde hair draped his face, wavy just until the tip of his nose.
Min Yoongi.
He sat diagonally across from you. Even though he sat so far away from you. You felt sick. The anxiety was eating you alive and for sure you could easily feel an anxiety attack come again. Your body was still in pain but you just couldn't help it...
You were scared of him.
Petrified of what he's capable of.
"Oh! Mr. Min I wouldn't mind helping you to re-"
"Don't touch me." He snapped.
Eyes glaring at the Doctor in fury. Your heart almost gave out and in just that one second you wanted to vomit. Your eyes leave the floor to look up for one split second.
Yoongi's eyes capture yours and he instantly tilts his head to the side whilst looking at you attentively.
"Come here pretty."