The large door to Chief Zackly's office was more intimidating when I was seventeen years old. At twenty-four, it reminds me more of my future; what lies ahead for me?
The two guards on the outside stand with their backs straight and guns on standby while I wait for Zackley to meet me here. He was busy in other "official business matters" and decided to just meet me outside of his office, rather than just send for me when he was ready. Bran stands next to me, fidgeting nervously and shifting his weight. His anxious behavior is causing me to be anxious, so I try to distract myself.
My thoughts wander from the task at hand and take me back to yesterday afternoon when Eren had visited me. He's such a nice boy, but he doesn't seem to understand that things aren't always black and white. There's millions of tiny grey areas and millions of darker grey areas. Kind of like people, nothing really fits into one box of "yes" or "no". Kind of like Levi...
Fuck. Don't think about him right now. I wonder if he read the letter? Would he have sent someone by now with a response? No, Levi is an upfront person. There's no doubt in my mind that he would converse matters with me in person.
"Lux, how are you this afternoon?" Chief Zackley's gruff voice disrupts my thoughts, but I gladly welcome the distraction. There are more important matters at hand.
"I'm good, Chief." I salute him briefly and he dismisses me.
"That's good news. How are you liking the new position? I hear someone made sure you took some much needed rest recently?" There's a mischievous lilt to his words as he opens his office for me and Bran. I crossover into the office but Bran stays back, just like previously discussed.
Zackley furrows his brows. "Are you not coming in, boy?"
"No sir." He shakes his head and salutes in respect. "Commander Lux has asked me to respect her privacy at this time. I'm simply here to accompany her back to the carriage later."
Zackley nods and closes the door. He watched it for a moment in silence, and turns to to me with a finger pressed to his lips. After a minute or two, he directs me to sit at the small coffee table in the far corner of the room. He sits down shortly after me and clears his throat. In a quieter voice than he normally uses, he asks:
"What's the deal with that one?"
I inhale a shaky breath, and try to relax my shoulders. "I'm not sure who to trust at this moment. After Perry's death and my visit to his wife I've learned a few things, things that I need answers about." I fix a hard a gaze on him. "Answers that only you could have."
A mischievous light twinkles behind his older eyes and he chuckles. "You were always a spunky little thing. There's not much I can legally do for you but..." his voice trails off and he leans forward a bit, "I owe Erwin a favor or two. Technically since you're under his watch and care right now I can make an exception. I expect in the future you'll return this sentiment?"
I nod. "Yes sir."
"Alright then. What's the situation here?"
"Who are The Hounds?"
Zackley pales for a moment, his twinkling eyes turning stoney and unresponsive. He stands up and walks over to a bookshelf behind the small seated area. "They were a gang some time ago. Worked for the military police, but they always say to never trust a stray dog. Started selling their services to underground folks, but the church as well."
He pulls out a book, something old and tattered with the spine almost in shreds. There's papers falling out of it and some of them are sticking out at awkward angles. Zackley sits back down and passes the book over to me.
"This is everything we know about them. As far as the military is concerned, the military police stopped using their services after a job gone wrong. The military had to keep their spot in control, so it was easier to throw them under the bus. The gang was ordered to disband, a few of the members who refused were publicly hanged. However, there have been whisperings. Rumors that they're still around."
I soak in the information, making sure to flip through the book some as he speaks. There's notes scrawled across the pages, names I've never heard of before, and pictures with arrows and scribbles to the sides.
"That's not the only thing you came for, is it?"
I look up from the book, closing it carefully. Zackley has his gaze fixed on me, burning holes into my skin while I observe the book on my lap.
"I spoke to Glenda Hawthorne. She told me who my mother was. I have noble blood in me."
Zackley sighs and stands up. He walks to the big window behind him, and stands in front of it with his back turned to me.
"Your mother didn't conform to their rules. She was different. She saw the truth, and denounced her noble title. Her brothers aren't very active in the noble community anymore. The youngest took his half of your grandparents fortune and started his own business, and the eldest one took over the political duties. Even so, he never shows up personally to the meetings or balls or galas. It's always his son that takes care of everything, but the boy hasn't been seen for three years."
My breath hitches in my throat. For the first time in years there's a full feeling in the pit of my stomach. It tumbles through my bones and presses against my rib cage, allowing me to feel warm. "So I have a family?"
Zackley huffs. "Maybe so, Lux." He turns around abruptly. "I can't stop you from searching for them, it's your choice, but I'm telling you now: the noble world is cruel. You may not like what you find."
"With all due respect sir, this is something I need to decide for myself." I stand up and salute him. "Thank you for your time, but I feel that I'm needed somewhere."
He nods and dismisses my salute withs wave of his hand. I turn around the leave, the book tucked into my cape, but he calls out after me.
"Lux, Perry was always right about you."
I freeze in my stride, a lump forming in my throat. I look over my shoulder barely, signaling for to continue.
"He said you were just like your mother: headstrong and stubborn, but with the elegance of a woman. There's a difference in you though. Your mother, she used her connections and friendships to build herself up. You push people away, refuse help, try to go at it all alone. If you really think that this is something you can handle, if you're really trying to prove anything with this goose chase, you'll need to trust the people you've got. There the only ones you'll ever really have."
I turn back to face the door again, attempting to stop the shaking in my shoulders. "Thank you, sir."
Levi POV
"Hanje, I'm not hungry. Go away for fucks sake." I slam the door in her face again, and can practically hear her pout. It isn't until I hear her footsteps getting quieter and farther away that I fully relax my shoulders. My gaze travels from the wood of my door to the letter that sits on my desk.
We got word two hours ago that Lux would be returning to our campsite shortly, but the journey to the safe house in the outskirts of Wall Rose from Mitras is at least three hours. The letter that she wrote me is still sitting untouched on the makeshift desk of wooden crates.
Carefully, I reach out for it. It feels thin in my hands, but the paper is smooth. It's really nice, meaning she probably nabbed it from Perry's supply that he still had leftover in his old office. The front is sealed over with a wax seal; a rose decorates the red wax. With even more care, I peel the seal off of the edge of the folded paper and unfold the letter all together.
The first thing I notice is the handwriting. It's delicate, and elegant. It's not big loops and swirls of cursive, but it's slightly slanted and almost fitting for Lux.
Levi,
I feel that since I've met you I've been nothing but a burden, or a nuisance. I know that we are similar, and it used to bother me that people compared us, but things have changed. I can't be so worried about whatever drama and discourse lies between any longer. I know that my arrival on that day has since caused many disruptions in your life and I apologize, but I'm asking for your help. I'm not sure exactly how much time I have left. None of us do, but this is deeper than the war outside the walls.
I have to find my family. Do not mistake this as me abandoning the Scouts or Phoenix. I would never run away from my home. I would never abandon Erwin or Hanje or Eren. I wouldn't leave all of that behind to live in some posh mansion with people I don't even know. But I still need to find them so that I can know what precautions I need to take for the future. I fear that someone has been watching me. I'm afraid, Levi. I need you to understand that.
- Lux
(P.S. I do apologize for hitting you. But you deserved that one.)
The letter sits in front of me, my eyes continuing to scan over every word and detail. I'm beginning to think that I was wrong about Lux from the beginning. She doesn't force herself to feel anything, she just feels too much. She feels what's real and she expresses that. Her communication skills might need work, but I can't really say anything about that.
Glenda's words from last week surge to the front of my mind. Something about an infatuation with Lux. In a way I believe she's right. When Lux first arrived with Perry the whole balance of the Scouts headquarters was disturbed, and I blamed it on her, and it seems like she does as well. But maybe it wasn't her that disturbed the balance, maybe it was me.
Aggravated at the swarm of unanswered questions and sickly emotions invading my conscience, I make my way to the small kitchen of the cottage. Maybe if I had some tea I'd feel better about all of this. Besides, someone needs to wait up for Bran and Lux to return. Hanje needs the sleep more than I do, so it would be best if took watch.
The living space of the cottage is all dark, there's not even a lantern lighting up the kitchen. Hanje has fallen asleep by the door, her head thrown back and mouth agape as she snores away. I cried slightly and poke her leg with my foot.
"Shitty glasses. Get up."
She barely budges, so I kick her harder. Her legs reflexively move out of the way as she stirs from sleep, and blinks owlishly at me.
"Is she back?"
"Tch. No, but you should go sleep somewhere else. She wouldn't be able to get in even if she was back." I scoff at her and walk over to the sink.
Hanje hums as she stands up and stretches. "Who went with her again? Brandon?"
"His name is Bran." I try to keep the disgust out of my mouth, but I should know by now that Hanje is too smart for her own good. As soon as I begin to fill a pot with water she giggles behind me and I prepare myself for whatever stupid thought she's had now.
"Do you wish you would have gone instead? More alone time with the commander, hm?"
"Oh shut it, four eyes. I don't trust the kid. He has some weird obsession with her first of all, and second he's too quiet." I turn the gas on the stove on and set the pot over it. I can feel Hanje smiling as she leans on the counter next to me.
"Jealousy is normal in new relationships, Levi."
"We're not in a relationship, we're comrades."
She grins wider. "I've heard the rumors, shorty. It's kind of romantic you know? Running away to elope because no one here knows about the two of you. Sounds like a solid Levi plan if you ask me."
I roll my eyes and glare into stupid glasses. "First of all, I have no intentions of being romantic towards anyone right now, so knock that off. Second of all, aren't you supposed to be a leader and stand above the stupid barracks gossip that goes around?"
"Your water is starting to boil just like your anger, Levi. Don't worry about having feelings for Lux. She's a catch if you ask me." Hanje cackles again and winks. I scoff in disgust, and start to make a comment about how she should try sleeping instead meddling in people's business, when the unmistakable sound of carriage wheels start to get closer to the door outside.
Hanje rushes to the window and grins, so I take that as a sign that Lux and Bran have returned. She hurriedly opens the door and walks outside, which causes me to roll my eyes in annoyance for the third time this evening since were supposed to be safer than this. Reluctantly I put down the tea and walk outside to meet with the two returning soldiers.
Bran steps out first and tried to help Lux down, but in classic Lux fashion she shakes him off. When I look at her face though, something is off. Obviously she got the answers she wanted from Zackley, but she looks uneasy and nervous almost. I look over to where Bran is standing and try to assess his body language. He's obviously protective of Lux, but he also seems nervous.
"How was the trip?" Hanje's chipper voice breaks the tension and she slings an arm over Lux's shoulder.
"Fine I guess. I still hate carriages." Lux shrugs, her eyes staying on the ground. Something isn't right.
"Bran, I need your help with something." I fix my gaze on him, and his back stiffens. Lux looks up then. Her eyes are shakey, her facial expression pensive.
"Me? Sir I-"
"Yes. Follow me." I turn on my heel without a second glance back at Lux. I can hear Bran's heavy footsteps following me and I found the corner of the tiny cottage. Once I deem we're far enough from Hanje or any other prying ears, I stop and turn.
"Why does Lux look like she's going to puke?"
Bran's face twists in confusion, but he's a bad actor. "Sir? I'm not sure what you're talking about."
"Tch. Don't try to make me laugh, dipshit. I don't laugh. Something is going on, so you might as well confess now."
Bran's back straightens and he puffs out his chest defensively, making me almost scoff in amusement. "I don't answer to you. What happened in Mitras is Commander Lux's business alone, Captain Levi. She doesn't need someone like you following her every move."
I stare at him for a moment in silence. Bran is a tall guy. He's probably the same age as Lux, maybe a year or two older. His shoulders are broad and the way he's looking at me right now makes me think he's sizing me up. I relax my gaze and push past him to walk back into the cabin.
"She doesn't need you, you know? Lux is fine in her own." He calls out after me. I stop walking and and turn around, my brows raised.
"I never said she needed me. However, I'm curious as to why you stick to her side like a little puppy if you know she's so independent."
He gulps, and I smirk.
"I've got my eyes on you, Bran. One wrong move and I'll know everything. Remember that."
a/n: it's a Christmas miracle,, I updated!! I'm not dead just busy. I'm on break though so maybe I can get one more update out before I have to go back to school. Happy holidays to you all, and have a great new year!!