JONATHAN'S FAVORITE SPOT BY THE RIVER BECAME A PLACE HE NO LONGER FREQUENTED. The heart he had carved into the bark of the tree remained a bittersweet reminder of the love he and Erina shared. A love that was like a book closed and shelved before reaching a conclusive ending. When Jonathan visited this spot, all he could think about was the life he had before Dio arrived. The symbol carved into the tree with childish love was just another reminder of what Dio had taken away. A reminder of the times that might have never ended, but did so abruptly..
About 6 years ago, Dio and I had claimed the spot as ours. Jonathan didn't seem to care, having been unable to sit beneath the tree without thinking of Danny and Erina and all the friends he'd lost because of Dio. I felt sorry that I held that spot by the river so close to my heart when the sight of it would make Jonathan's heart wrench in his chest. But even so, I found the area relaxing and peaceful. It was the perfect place to sit and read.
It was at this moment that a shadow fell across my lap, making it difficult to read the words of my book. I looked up, already knowing who was disturbing me. "You took your time," I said, tucking a bookmark between the pages of my book and closing it.
"Sorry I took longer than I expected," Dio said. He offered me a hand and helped me up from my spot on the ground. "I had to talk with father for a while," Dio continued as I folded my belongings into my satchel. "He congratulated our win. Oh, be still for a moment," Dio said suddenly. "There's a leaf in your hair."
"Where?" I asked, combing my fingers through my hair.
Dio stepped forward and reached out, his fingertips brushing mine as he tugged the leaf free from my hair. I blinked in surprise at his closeness and contact. All too soon, his featherlight touch was gone.
"There," he said. He tossed the leaf aside. It fluttered to the ground softly, spinning as it caught the light breeze. My heart made a similar motion in my chest as the surprise wore away.
"Ah, thanks," I said, flustered from his sudden gesture. I glanced up shyly at Dio to find him looking at me with a strange expression. His eyes half lidded as he gazed down at me. I felt a strange pull, urging me towards him . . . "I-is there something else in my hair?" I asked, breaking the spell.
Dio seemed surprised, blinking a few times before he answered. "No," he said, almost breathlessly. He lingered for a moment, seeming unsure whether or not he wanted to speak. He decided not to, turning around and calling back to me. "Let's go." He said.
I walked by his side. "Where are we going?" I inquired. We hadn't decided officially, but Dio seemed to be walking with a purpose.
"Somewhere," Dio answered. "You'll see."
Well obviously, I thought. I'd expected a more definite answer, but Dio didn't seem like he wanted to elaborate any more. I sighed. He was right. I'd find out where we were headed eventually.
"You could have just said you wanted ice cream," I chuckled as we entered a small ice cream parlor.
"That would have ruined the surprise," Dio said.
I raised an eyebrow. "I thought this was a reward for you, not me." Dio just shrugged in a way that said it didn't matter. "I didn't think you liked sweet foods," I added.
"I don't particularly care for them, but I'll eat them on certain occasions." Dio said.
It appeared that today was one of those occasions. We bought our ice cream and sat down at one of the small tables in the shop. For someone who claimed not to like sweets, Dio seemed to be savoring his chocolate ice cream.
"Dio? What do you think about Andrew Hyde?"
"He's nice I suppose." Dio answered vaguely, spooning ice cream into his mouth.
"Could you describe his personality?" I asked, searching for a more descriptive answer.
Dio frowned. "I could," he said, "but why are you interested in Hyde?"
"You call him by his last name?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Sometimes," he shrugged.
If Dio was calling Andrew by his last name, he either didn't know Andrew or didn't like him. I sighed. "I may have asked the wrong person," I said.
The corners of Dio's lips twitched upward in amusement. "You may have," he agreed. "If you must know, I find Hyde bothersome. Don't tell him I said that."
I chuckled. "I wouldn't. Why don't you like him?" I asked.
"I simply don't," Dio dismissed. "But why are you asking about Andrew now? Has he caught your eye?" A bitterness leaked into his tone as he added, "you've certainly caught his." I didn't know whether it was because of his distaste for Andrew or because he was feeling jealous. Either way, I answered his question.
"My father decided Andrew would make a fine suitor." I said. At that, Dio made a very ungentlemanly sound that was somewhere between a snort and him choking on his ice cream. I paused a second to make sure he was alright before continuing.
"According to father, Andrew is well-mannered and intelligent. He's got some wealth and he's kind." I listed off some of the things father had said while describing Andrew to me. "I just wanted to ask if you knew anything more about him."
"I see," Dio said. "Is your father arranging a marriage between you and Andrew?"
"Not to my knowledge . . ."
It was silent for a few seconds as we both took another spoon of ice cream. Dio and I never had any problems discussing anything, but maybe asking about this was a little awkward. The conversation was flowing just fine, but the air felt strange now.
Dio broke the silence before I could. "How would you feel if I was your suitor instead of Andrew?"
I miraculously managed to swallow my ice cream— albeit too quickly— instead of choking on it. "S-sorry?" I coughed.
Dio continued normally, as if he was commenting on the weather. "Would you mind if I wanted to court you?" He repeated his question, rephrasing his words this time. Of course, it didn't help hearing it more directly. Any misinterpretation I might have had from his unrevised question was gone now. I laughed nervously, unsure of what to say.
In truth, the idea was scary. Everyone searches for that "special someone" during their own life. They would be thrilled to find a partner to happily spend the rest of their life with. But I would always be the one losing when it came to love. I could love someone for eternity, but they would only have their single life to live before leaving me. And I would be stuck living on with a void in my heart, knowing it would never be filled no matter how many more lifetimes I lived. When two people had such a strong connection to each other, they became irreplaceable. In my life, everything was replaceable from my own body to my surroundings. I feared the one thing I could never replace.
It was so much easier for me not to get involved with love. I would always try my best to stop myself before forming a deep attachment that would inevitably become nothing more than a painful memory. It was easier to hold people at a distance. It was easier to accept an arranged marriage knowing it wasn't a requirement to love and that my husband probably didn't love me either. Yet knowing all this, Dio's question of dating still made my heart flutter with excitement. In truth, I didn't think I would mind at all if we dated, and that itself made me nervous.
I responded to Dio's question with a tone harsher than I intended. "You shouldn't say things like that," I said. Realizing it sounded like I was angry at him, I softened my tone and said, "You're awfully bold. It's not funny to make jokes like that to a lady."
"I wasn't joking," Dio responded easily without missing a beat. His gaze held a gentle warmth that washed away any words of rebuttal that were on the tip of my tongue. It was strange to see Dio with such a look in his eyes and it made my stomach do a strange jump. I could feel the heat beginning to rise to my cheeks. I wasn't fool. I knew what this feeling was. The sudden giddy embarrassment at his words, the feeling in my chest. This can't be happening, I thought. But it was, I was just in denial.
"What's wrong?" Dio asked. "Embarrassed?"
"Yes," I said truthfully.
Dio smirked at me, his eyes shining with amusement. "So you wouldn't mind if I was your suitor?" He hummed, taking my embarrassment as a positive sign. To his credit, he assumed correctly. "What about Hyde? Do you like him?"
"I just met him today," I said. "It's rather hard to judge if I like him or not just based on a short conversation."
"Is that so? You seemed pretty intent on not allowing him to take much of your time today."
I frowned. "True, but I think I was just . . . overreacting. I don't even know Andrew. And he did seem alright."
Dio rolled his eyes. "You shouldn't bother with him. You could find a better man."
I would have liked not to "bother with" Andrew, but he was my suitor and marriage was just another societal expectation that made my life a chore. "Isn't that a rude thing to say?" I chuckled. "Telling a woman not to bother with her suitor?"
"It's simply my advice," Dio said. "I don't want you to get too attached to Andrew."
I laughed. "Are you jealous?"
"No! I am simply concerned for your wellbeing," Dio said. "I'd hate for you to fall in love with him."
I raised an eyebrow at him. He was doing a horrible job defending himself from my accusation of jealousy.
Dio continued. "Love is a figment of our imagination. A yearning of our hearts for acceptance and comfort. It's a foolish desire of human nature, created by biology's need for reproduction and social― Why are you laughing?" He broke off to shoot me a playful glare.
"I apologize, Dio," I said, trying to hide my smile with my hand, "but why are you concerned with me falling in love with Andrew if you say love does not exist."
Dio's eyes widened slightly in realization. "I . . . I'm just being cautious," he said, pouting slightly. "I wouldn't want you to fall victim to . . . a fictional emotion."
I shook my head, laughing. It was cute that Dio was worried, yet unable to come up with a proper excuse to hide it. "You've never been in love, have you?" I asked.
A gentle frown slightly furrowed Dio's brow. "You're right, I haven't," he said, "and I don't want to. Love weakens people. It ties two hearts together and then, it tears them both to pieces." The way he said that made it sound like he'd been hurt before, but if he'd never been in love, then it was something he'd observed in someone else. I decided not to ask about it.
"Love doesn't feel that way," I said. "I think if you really love someone, you would rather be with them than be without them. It doesn't matter if losing them will hurt, you just need them by your side."
"What do you know of love?" Dio asked, his tone bitter.
I smiled wryly. "More than you," I said. More than you could imagine. "I think when you fall in love, you'll understand." I smiled warmly, letting my serious tone melt away alongside the tense atmosphere. "But enough excuses, Dio. You can just tell me that you're jealous. I won't judge you."
"I-I'm not jealous!" Dio exclaimed. "I just think you should be cautious and not fall for Hyde's trickery. He is very forward. It could make you . . . feel things that don't exist."
I grinned as Dio became flustered and struggled to find words. It was rare that I could make him act this way. Normally he'd just become angry or fall very quiet instead. But times like this, he was just so cute. I giggled almost unconsciously and Dio stopped talking to blink at me in surprise.
"Did you just giggle at me?"
"N-no," I said, mentally cursing myself for stuttering. It was my turn to be flustered. Here I was, worried about finding myself in love and now I was giggling with some boy. But Dio laughed and suddenly my embarrassment faded. He was happy. My heart felt full as I stared at him. Yes, this was certainly the beginnings of a crush. But how could I resist him when that smile seemed to warm every fiber of my being.