3 months later...
I thought that as time went on that I would get better. That my dad would get better and that we could be okay. But that is not the case. I only miss her more and more. I don't remember the last time that I was happy, or even okay. I can't go outside and enjoy my life out of fear that I'm going to lose someone else too. I have already lost my dad. The rest of my family had to go back to work, and Elijah has school. I'm alone. But maybe that's how I'm meant to be. Maybe her death was telling me something. Maybe it was telling me that I have to be alone.
The thing is that I don't like this. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't think feeling like my world is falling apart. For the last few days, things have seemed better. I am starting to feel less alone. The only person I have to thank for that would be Elijah. He has been by my side for the past few months and I am so incredibly grateful. I think I am finally accepting what happened. Who knows, maybe the world hates me and it will come crumbling down again, but that's okay. I'll have Elijah with me.
The first holiday of many is this week and I am worried. I am worried that I am going to take steps backward because it is the first holiday without her. I am trying to get Dad out of his room to just be with family because it is Thanksgiving. The more I knock on his door the more it hurts to know that he is alone. Does he not realize that he doesn't have to do this alone? I go to knock on his door one more time, but I am stopped by someone's hand.
"The more you knock on the door, you the more you hurt yourself." I turn to see Elijah standing there.
"I just want to talk to him. The last time that we had an actual conversation was at the funeral," I say turning towards him. He pulls me into him and I enter his warm embrace easily. It is like our bodies are made for each other. I have never felt this way about him before. So why am I feeling it now? I shouldn't feel this way. Right? But it feels so right, but he's my best friend. I shake these thoughts away and we make out way downstairs and I see the rest of the family moving around the kitchen getting ready for Thanksgiving. I get to spend the next 4 days with them and I couldn't be more excited.
Later that evening, the entire family, including Elijah's parents, is sitting around the table stuffing our faces. You know, typical Thanksgiving things. About halfway through the meal, we heard a door close from upstairs and we see Dad come down the stairs. He doesn't say anything, he just sits down in his place and he makes a plate. The family looks at him as he fills up his place.
"Why are you all looking at me?" Dad asks as he fills up his plate. When we don't answer, he just starts to eat and eventually continue our conversations. At some point, Elijah brushed his fingers against mine and was slowly intertwining them with mine. I got this feeling that I have never felt before. I have a feeling that things are changing and I have never been more scared.
After we finishing eating, dessert included, we start to clean up plates and such, and I see Dad start to talk with the family. He is acting more like himself but you can see that he lost the light in his eyes, the light that my mother gave him. I don't want him to act like her death never happened, but I don't want him to break anymore that he has by accepting that it happened. So, honestly, I don't know what to do. I continue looking over to him while leaning on the wall that divides the kitchen and the living room. I feel someone's hand on my shoulder and I jump.
"Ahh," I yell jump back into a sold body. I turn to see Elijah standing there trying to stifle a laugh. I slap him on the chest and he lets out a hearty chuckle.
"It's not my fault that you are jumpy," he replies with a shrug.
"I'm not jumpy," I say crossing my arms.
"I think with what just happened it proves that you are." I roll my eyes and he pulls me closer to tickle me and I lose my footing and I fall forward onto him. Our faces are inches apart and I can't help but look into his dark hazel eyes. I have never noticed the sparkle that they have to them. My eyes trail down his face until they reach his lips. They look so soft and they are just asking for me to kiss them. Wait... I shouldn't be feeling this way right?
When I walk out of the bathroom, I am about to join the family, but I hear voices down the hall. Not just any voices, Willow and Elijah's voices. I hear a tumble and I look to see them laying on top of each other. Their faces are inches away from each other. I don't understand why Elijah doesn't make a move? The entire family knows that they love each other, but it was never the right time for them. He has been here every step of the way for the last three months, and he was there for Willow when my brother-in-law wasn't. My thoughts are interrupted by Abby's mouths asking what I am doing. I gesture for her to come closer to me, going a different away to avoid the lovebirds.
"What are you looking at?" She asks in a hushed tone. I point down the hall to where Willow and Elijah are at on the floor. I see my wife smile and she wraps her arms around my waist.
"I think the romance is finally starting," I whisper looking down towards her.
"I think so too. And just at the right time too." I give her a kiss on the top of her head and we look and see that Willow and Elijah are no longer on the floor.
One day.
I hear the doorbell ring and I push myself off of Elijah. I am just going to pretend that this never happened. It is better that way, right? I unlock the door and I see this woman standing there. She is holding a pie in her hands. Who the hell is this woman and why is she here on Thanksgiving?
"Dad?" I yell into the living room. Dad comes walking in and he sees that woman standing at the door and he is just as confused as me.
"Is this where Aria Carter lives?" The woman asks. My heart stops. Why would this woman want to know if my mother lived here? First of all, my mother is gone. It still hurts to even think about that. Second of all, who the hell are you.
"Umm, yeah," Dad says holding the door open. The rest of the family is standing behind us.
"Okay, well, I just wanted to give you all my condolences and I also made this pie, so..."
"Not to be rude, but who are you?" I ask.
"Oh, I'm Charlotte," she says handing us the pie. I take it and I turn and give to Elijah.
"Okay, but who are you? To my mother at least." I ask again.
"Oh, she had a daughter?" Okay, weird response. I thought that was common knowledge. Her body language changed, it became really closed off all of a sudden. It is like she didn't know what to say to us.
"Well, I wanted to meet the family that I broke." Huh? Broke?
"I was the one who caused the accident." What? Wait. She is the one who survived while my mother died.
"I would have come sooner, but I was only released from the hospital recently. I just wanted to meet you all." No. No. No. Why does she get to live? Why did my mother have to be the one who died? Tears form quickly in my eyes and they fall down my face. I turn and I run up the stairs and retreat into my room. The door slams shut and I collapse onto my floor.
Why does she get to live? Why does she get to go back to her family? I was finally starting to feel like myself and I was moving on with my life. Why did she have to come now? Maybe it's a sign that Elijah and I can only ever be what we already are. Maybe I'm believing things that aren't real. Maybe I'm meant to be alone.
Mom would know what to do.
Why did she have to leave me behind?
Maybe it would be better if I was with her...