"It's regaining control of your lungs when you've had the wind knocked out of you. It's the tiny flower you find on the sidewalk that declares winter has taken a bow. It's the ripples that surround your canoe paddle on a quiet, crisp morning; it is the chirps of the birds that remind creation it is time to wake up. It is the bumblebees kissing purple blossoms hello. It is the blooms blushing beneath their touch. It is bare feet in dust that turn to mud as God sends long-awaited water to end the drought.
//the right kind of love//S.K.K.//March 14th, 2018//
A/N: Skip to 35 seconds in the video for him to actually start playing, lol
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Hogwarts, October 1972 (Second Year)
Sirius had been overwhelmed with joy when Poppy (the woman Remus insisted Sirius call Madame Pomphrey) released his friend from her care. Three days and likely thirteen pounds of chocolate later, it was the pair trudging up the stairs of the Gryffindor tower with nothing but their bickering slicing through the silence. Well, Remus was trudging. His legs were heavy, somehow exhausted after lounging in a bed for three days. On the other hand, Sirius was leaping and bounding everywhere like he was on some sort of drug.
"Oh, come on, slowpoke," he cried, tugging on Remus's arm impatiently.
Sirius had been in some sort of mood ever since he returned from breakfast that Sunday morning. He seemed gladder, more high-spirited than ever. He teased Remus endlessly and showered him in friendly praise. In fact, it would've appeared that Sirius had every intent on making Remus smile for the entirety of the day. Of course, no one would have minded; Remus needed to smile more.
"Stop whining and let me take my time," Remus barked, though there was no harshness in his tone.
It felt to him as if he were an old father with an errant three-year-old being tugged around a toy store without his morning cup of coffee. Nevertheless, Remus made attempts to soothe Sirius's energy by promising him more one-on-one time, taking trips with him to the kitchens for more chocolate, and attending their first Quidditch game that upcoming Wednesday – as if he weren't planning on it already.
"You're acting like a grandfather, old man," Sirius groaned, dropping Remus's hand and racing up the staircase.
"You're older than me," he jeered.
"Then act your age," Sirius challenged, that impish smirk stretching across his flushed face.
Remus liked this change of attitude, especially after the nature of their conversation the day prior. Sirius's revelation, the scars and trauma, had weighed heavy on Remus's heart, and he tried coming up with ways to heal his friend, to get him out of his current situation. Not many ideas came to mind aside from kidnapping and harboring a fugitive runaway, which might have been a capital offense to the Ministry; he certainly didn't need any more attention from them.
Sirius waited for his friend at the Portrait hole, saying the password excitedly, "Catawampus!"
The Fat Lady swung open, revealing their common room. Oddly, Remus felt more at home than ever amongst the scarlet and gold. It was warm, as it always had been, and smelled strongly of cake. He'd been unable to eat for most of his time in the Hospital Wing, and the prospect of a proper meal suddenly called to him. Lily was in the corner, watching from over the edge of her runes book. Once again, the little runt wanted to get an early start on next year's classes. According to Alice, she'd been reading up on advanced studies.
"Hi, Remus," she crooned.
Remus hadn't seen or spoken to Lily or Julienne in days. The aftercare of this last transformation had been taxing on his brain; Remus just didn't feel like talking much. So it was nice of the girls to give him his space, opting to send in the usual gifts and candies to make him feel better. It might have been cruel, but Remus really only wanted Sirius around as he recovered. He was the only one who knew enough of Remus's condition to know precisely what he needed when he needed it and when to back off. Lily and Julienne had the habit of hovering, a girl thing, most likely, and it could be a bit suffocating at times.
"Hullo, Lily," he stopped beside her, offering a gentle smile. Stacks of parchment and open books surrounded her, scribbled runes on one with potions equations on the other. It all looked foreign to him, and he scrunched up his nose in distaste. "I don't see how you do it all. Runes?"
"I don't know why I added this to my plate," Lily admitted bashfully, not granting Sirius a smile or greeting. "I'm not even in the class yet, but I've got the first two volumes read and reviewed for the professor."
"Hats to you," Remus chuckled, ignoring Sirius from where he stood. The former pouted dramatically, letting out a theatrical sigh as Remus conversed with the girl.
Lily Evans and Sirius Black had an odd relationship, just as he and Julienne. On some days, the only thing that linked them was Remus. They each seemed to share the same fondness for him, joining together to ensure he got the proper care and attention. However, this was the thing that set them apart. At least, it set Sirius and Evans apart. Julienne had her time with Remus on their walks to potions and during their study sessions in the library. But, on the other hand, Sirius and Lily frequently bickered with one another during and after classes about whether or not Remus wanted their company.
Remus never gave either one an answer, enjoying his time with both of them equally. Well, not equally. It would be a lie if he told himself he felt just as comfortable with Lily as he did with Sirius. A big, fat, blatant, ugly lie.
Looking back on things, it seemed surreal to think that he preferred spending time with his roommates. If someone had told Remus, he'd be spending his Saturdays on the Quidditch pitch happily and willingly watching Sirius Black and James Potter practice their skills on a broom with Peter Pettigrew by his side, eating some of his chocolate, he would have laughed in their face. If they'd told him that his roommates would become more than just roommates, instead best friends, he would've walked away in confusion. The idea that the boy who loathed the very sight of him enjoyed his company now more than ever wasn't possible to Remus only a year ago.
But, clearly, circumstances changed, and he was glad for that.
He bid Lily a goodbye, wishing her luck on her essays and homework, and accompanied a dejected Sirius up to the dormitory.
"Pouting doesn't suit you," he pointed out with an impish smirk. Sirius remained silent, arms crossed tightly over his chest. "Are you upset with me?"
"No," Sirius quipped. He stopped in front of their door, blocking Remus from entering. "Wait here."
Before Remus could get a word in, Sirius had slipped in the room and slammed the door in his face, quick to lock the door behind him to ensure their privacy. Remus sighed heavily, leaning against the wall and trying to get a listen-in on what they'd been saying.
"What do you mean you lost it," Sirius hissed angrily. The shuffling of feet sounded through the room.
"I swear it was here a second ago, Sirius," Peter cried quietly, "I swear it!"
He could hear a low growl come from Sirius and James snicker from the corner.
"Did you check in his–" James began.
"I swear to God, Peter, if you put it in his trunk to hide it, and I find it in there, I'm going to string you up on the Whomping Willow myself," Sirius declared hotly, stomping from one side of the room to the other. Then, with the crack of a trunk opening and a loud smack, Remus couldn't hold in the laughter, and neither could James. "Okay, okay! Get into position – no, Peter, you don't – WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"
"What if I break it," Peter whined. James let out a loud guffaw, clearly entertained by whatever he was seeing. Remus could only wish he could be blessed with the image himself.
"Yeah, well, maybe if you hadn't eaten half of the bloody –"
"James had some, too," Peter accused.
"How dare you," James gasped. "I would never!"
"It was your idea!"
"Was not!"
"Was, too."
"Was not."
"Was, too," Peter squeaked, though this time more firmly.
"I'll come over there and hex the buttons off your trousers," James threatened.
"Fine by me. I needed a new pair anyway," Peter said in a matter-of-fact tone.
Sirius sighed, "Look, just, stop. Get on it, Peter, and shush. James, hold it up straight, or I'll shatter your kneecaps."
"Is that a –"
"Yes, it's a bloody threat, now shut the hell up," Sirius shouted. Silence rang through the room, and Remus was red with quiet laughter. "I'm going to let him in."
In an attempt to compose himself, Remus straightened his posture and tried to keep a straight face. He prepared himself for several things. One such thing was Peter's underwear stuck to various points in the room, socks dangling from his four-poster bed, or, even worse, Remus's clothing strung everywhere in the room. A shiver ran down his spine. What had Peter momentarily lost?
Sirius, upon opening the door, smiled brightly at him. For a moment, he was all Remus could focus on. His messy black hair dangling over his shoulders, grey eyes wide with anticipation, and red cheeks, probably from reprimanding his friends. His smile seemed genuine and satisfied of his surprise, and Remus found himself smiling back at him.
So often that year had Sirius looked troubled, downcast stares and vacant responses. The personality had leaked out of him during the summer, and now Remus had some clue as to why this was. Now that he'd known, it was hard not to flash glances at the palms of his hands whenever Sirius wasn't looking, unconsciously making sure no more appeared. However, Remus would not allow himself to take pity on his friend. Sirius would hate it just as much as he did.
Behind him, Peter and James were holding up a banner with silk lions running left and right around the words Welcome to the Loopy Bin!
One year ago, he might have found this insulting, but now, he found it quite endearing. Not that he would find comfort in an old remark that once hit him where it hurt, rather they implied that they were all, in fact, a bit uncouth, but it didn't matter much at all at the end of the day because they were each happy with each other.
Remus smirked at James, who'd been holding his end much lower than Peters, most likely on purpose.
"Welcome home," he shouted merrily, sending a shower of red and gold sparks across the room to hit Sirius in the behind. The latter yelped in pain, fumbling into Remus's arms clumsily. "S'what you get for being a berk!"
"Now to fulfill my threat," Sirius howled angrily, wand at the ready. Bright sparks of shimmering gold flew from the tip of his wand, landing right at James's knees and sending him toppling over onto Peter. They all screamed, a mangled pile of limbs and wooden sticks.
Remus, amused, looked at the surprise they'd put together.
They'd brought up two small chess tables from the common room and covered them in, what appeared to be, the curtains missing from Peter's windows. Of course, they were supposed to look like tablecloths, but Remus could recognize their drapes from anywhere. There was a burnt spot where Peter had tried to hex Sirius after charming the buttons on his jacket to grow and shrink at random. Again, though, it was no matter. On the tabletops were small platters of food – specifically Remus's favorite food.
There absolutely had to be chocolate, and it was clear they didn't hesitate to stock up on that. Bars upon bars of dark chocolate were laid out, chocolate frogs hopping on top wildly. Finger sandwiches took up another plate. Some had been cucumber (this had been Sirius's favorite, and he most likely put up a proper fight to have them there), while others were tuna fish. He could imagine James whining like a child at the smell. A bowl of crisps was simply begging to be eaten, and, just as he'd smelled, a cake sitting right in the middle.
Now, it was evident to Remus that whatever Peter and James had eaten was, in fact, the cake. What had once been a two-layer, circular cake with frothy, brown frosting (must've been chocolate) and three large candles in the shape of witch fingers was now shaped to be a crescent moon; how fitting. One of the candles leaned dangerously to the left and dripped wax onto the platter while the others waited happily to blow out. On the top, in bright red icing, was written Feel Better Lupin.
The smile never faded.
"Who decided the cake should be brown," Remus asked smugly, "because they need to be Stupefied."
The three other boys, who'd engaged in a rather intense wrestling match, froze in place. Peter's legs had been bent in questionable angles while Sirius was aggressively rubbing James's face into his armpit. Through muffled protest, James cried 'Uncle' several times to no avail.
"See, James," Sirius shrieked, throwing his face away from him and clambering to his feet. He brushed himself off, tucking his hair behind his ear and regaining some of his dignity. "I told you it looked like a bloody turd."
"So rude," Remus gasped halfheartedly.
"Yeah, well, he wanted it to be gray," James gasped for breath, pulling Peter to his feet. The portly boy hurried over to the table, making plates for each of his friends with a soft smile. "Who the hell ices a cake gray?"
"Someone obsessed with their own eye color," Peter snickered. "I'm sure he'd look in the mirror all day if we let him."
"I'm not the one who ate half a turd," Sirius pointed out arrogantly. "Don't snap at me, James. Don't worry. I know you're used to eating shit, what with your face up my—"
"Sirius, be quiet," Remus warned, taking a bite of a tuna sandwich. His appetite had returned along with his spirits.
"Be quiet yourself, Remus," Sirius retorted, tossing his hair over his shoulder.
With an eyeroll, Remus took his plate from Peter. If he had another bite of chocolate, he might have gone into cardiac arrest. In fact, it had been the only thing Remus consumed for three days except for pumpkin juice and Skele-Gro. By now, he might as well have been pissing chocolate, according to the vulgar mind of Sirius Orion Black. Always has his head in the gutter, clearly. Peter must've been thinking along the same lines as Remus, and he piled his plate with more finger sandwiches and carrot sticks.
"Sirius insisted on giving you vegetables instead of sweets," James groaned, flopping onto his bed.
"Just because you don't look after your body doesn't mean you must subject the rest of us to your life of piggishness," Sirius crooned, stroking his hair out of his face. "Don't complain when your gut drops before your balls."
Remus opened his mouth to reply but closed it just as quickly, knowing this argument was better watched than engaged in. Several minutes of bickering went on for what felt like seconds, Remus only being drawn out of his reverie by Sirius haphazardly asking for his two cents which hardly ever meant a thing in the grand scheme of things. Both boys went back and forth from the color of the cake to whether or not James's broom would be able to hold him up during the next Quidditch match. Remus didn't really care what they argued about, to be frank. He simply soaked in the atmosphere, relishing in the comfort of his second home.
There was Peter on his bed, gnawing on a celery stick reluctantly, spitting it out immediately afterward and replacing it with a crisp. Remus supposed their first year was full of unnecessary tension and was sure that Peter once made the comment that he'd felt stuck in the middle. Now, with it all past them, he was able to be free to think and speak, which must've lifted his burden.
There was James, now spinning on his stool with his wand pointed at Sirius's face, occasionally, ready to fire back if given the need. He hadn't been much different from who he was their first year. James was still a spitfire and an excellent dueler; he'd had much practice on the boys in their dormitories despite Ivan Strix's multiple reprimands and the loss of over one hundred points thus far. James particularly loved testing his new defense tactics on Sirius.
Then there was Sirius. There was so much to be said about him that Remus couldn't quite put it all together. He hadn't known how to feel about him their first year, and he certainly wasn't the same. There were days when Sirius reverted back to his dignified, aristocratic ways – the attitude that now reminded Remus of the boy his mother wanted him to be. Then there were days like this when he was untamed and free to be whomever he liked. Sirius taunted and jested like a boy his age should. Upon the newest revelation, Remus worried more now than he had been his first year, and the same went for Sirius for Remus.
Their friendship was odd. It was unlike Sirius's friendship with James, and he wasn't sure why that was. With James, he seemed chummy like the boys on Muggle television. It would appear as if they were brothers for life, inseparable and bonded in a way that no one would intercede. For a while, Remus had wanted that, yearned for that connection. Envy reared its ugly head in his chest every now and then at the sight of Sirius warming up to James and Peter more than him.
But then he realized there were moments with Sirius that Remus was sure he hadn't shared with the other boys. Remus had noticed that while it was nice to have those cordial relationships every now and then, it was hard to be yourself. Not that Sirius had to hide who he was from his best friends; instead, it was challenging to be defenseless--vulnerable.
Their night went well into the morning despite each of them knowing that they had classes the following day. The highlight of his night had been Peter shoving a handful of Pepper Imps into his mouth and belching balls of fires for hours on end. Even when he'd fallen asleep, tiny sparks would dance from his nose every so often. Sirius had also managed to summon an entire bottle of Gillywater, which he then coerced Remus to chug. Of course, some of the contents came pouring from his nose, but it made for a good laugh. Remus had earned a bit of money, considering they placed a bet on whether or not he could get through it without vomiting.
Remus was a few galleons richer.
Sirius had been the first to fall asleep, draping his body across Remus's bed while saying it was 'the most comfortable bed in the room.' Remus wondered how he'd come to that conclusion seeing as though he'd never slept in the bed before, but decided to save that question for later. Peter followed soon after, not minding if his pillow got scorched throughout the night. James shut his curtains for him, shaking his head to himself.
It was only him and Remus left, then, to clean up the mess left behind. Unfortunately, things were still awkward between the two boys. Memories of their rocky friendship merely a year prior continued to haunt conversation now and then. It was never on purpose, but James was different from Sirius. He was aggressive, assertive. The words he uttered had a bit more bite, whether it was intentional or not.
Remus tried his hardest to understand, and James caught himself most days. Still, it didn't stop the impact or the sting that followed days after.
"I think Sirius did this on purpose," James snickered, piling their banner into his trunk.
"He's clever like that," Remus sighed. "Scourgify."
The bowls and platters were cleared of crumbs and oil, and Remus neatly stacked them in a pile. The room had been cleared not long after, and all traces of a 'party' had been removed. It was as if nothing had ever been amiss. Let's see if Ivan would take away points now!
Remus looked at his bed longingly, sighing in defeat as Sirius's sleeping form rolled over on some sort of pillow. It was a faded blue color, which had confused Remus because his pillow had been gold. He moved across the room quietly, not wanting to wake anyone with squeaky floorboards, but froze as he neared the bed.
Just under Sirius's arm had been his old, ruddy stuffed elephant. Ellie. Her ears, no matter how much his father swore it had been a him, were still a pale shade of cobalt, a new patch sewn in where a hole had torn through. The eyes dangled by a thread or two, and the trunk had been twisted beyond all repair from his tossing and turning. Yet, even from a distance, he could smell his home. Lupin Cottage. Lilac and baby powder. His mother. His father. It was all there.
If he closed his eyes, he could picture the Cottage. So small in comparison to the expanse of the valley, a tiny dot within miles and miles of meadows and fields. The walls outside his window were covered in vines and morning glory's, a bird's nest just on his windowsill every spring.
"We sent an owl to your parents," James murmured awkwardly. "Your mom said that it would make you feel better."
Upon opening his eyes, Remus found that Sirius had curled around Ellie tightly, cocooning her in his arms against his chest protectively. He didn't have it in him to slip her out of his grasp, so he left them be. However, something in the back of Remus's mind told him that Sirius needed her more than he did.
"It did," Remus admitted. James sat down on the edge of his bed, rubbing the back of his neck.
He hadn't changed. He might have been a talented young wizard and Chaser on the Quidditch team—but he was still God awful at communicating.
"How come you were in the hospital wing," James asked bravely. It had obviously been a question burning inside of him for quite some time. He said it with confidence, yet slight hesitation that made his voice waver.
"I got hurt," Remus began in an attempt to be vague but lost heart to do so. It hadn't been his perfect world, nor would it ever be, and in this one, he would have to make things the best he could. If Remus didn't tell James, then Sirius eventually would. Not that Remus thought Sirius would betray him, but he understood the loyalty he showed to all of his friends, and making him keep a secret as grand as this was unfair. As cruel as this world could be, Remus didn't want to be the person to cause a rift between brothers. No matter how jealous of them, he could become. He looked at James, gathering all the courage he could muster. "I have something to tell you."
"Yeah?"
The moment had come. With Sirius, it had been thrust upon him, and there was no chance to turn back. There was no way out with Sirius, and he was forced to tackle the situation head-on. The stakes had been higher, the risks much more significant. Now, there was a point of return with James, and he could easily walk away from it if he wanted to. A small part of him did. It was the easy way out, for now.
But there was a difference between easy and right, and if Remus truly wanted to be James's friend, he would have to do what was right.
"I-I..." he stuttered. "I just wanted to tell you that I- well, I'm –"
"It's alright, mate," James reassured him coarsely, not meeting his stare. "I don't judge you."
Remus let out a sigh of relief. Another burden lifted off his shoulders. He had the feeling James might have been a bit more open to the idea of his condition than Sirius, but to know that both of them were accepting him with open arms made his heart race.
"Thank Merlin," he groaned. "I didn't want to keep it from you, you know. I didn't want to keep who I am a secret anymore."
"Yeah, no, I totally get that," James muttered, scratching the back of his neck. "I mean, it isn't like you... had a choice, right?"
"Well, I think if I had the choice to pick between being a human and a Werewolf, I'd go for the human one,"
Remus laughed. James deadpanned.
"Wait, you're a Werewolf?"
Remus's smile faltered, the air catching in his throat.
"Yeah," he drawled. "That's what you were talking about, right?"
James stuttered to himself a minute, turning a comical shade of pink and avoiding any and all eye contact with Remus for several seconds. Remus watched in mild amusement, curious yet frightened.
"No, no, no – I mean, yeah. That's what I – look, mate, I don't care what you are. You're still my friend."
Remus smiled to himself, shuffling his feet together.
"Thanks, James."
"Don't mention it."
Remus glanced back at Sirius with an endearing smirk.
"I suppose I'll be sleeping in Sirius's bed?"
"Unless you'd like to wake up to his putrid morning breath and the theatrical migraines, I would assume so."
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Ah. This made me so warm onthe inside. I hate having consistently sad, heavy chapters. So here's a bit offluff and wholesome friendship for you.
Also, if you'd like, you can take a look at the links in my profile and follow me. I post updates about my writing and the process on those accounts sometimes. I'll also be posting trailers and such. Totally not seeking clout, but I just thought you guys might be interested!
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter <3