"So, what did Mr Smith say?"
It's 11:30, the ball just ended and James and I are siting on the library steps waiting for Spencer to pick us up. It was an incredible night, I'm so glad we came here.
I never really went to school events. It's not that I didn't have anyone to go with, I just never felt like it. I would always stay home with James. To be honest I would rather be anywhere if James was there, that hasn't changed.
I was hoping that James would forget about my talk with Mr Smith, but I should have known that he would interrogate me. I can't blame him, I would want to know too.
"Oh yeah, that," I mumble.
"Come on, quit stalling."
I look down at my hands and let out a deep breath, "I got in."
"That's amazing! Why do you say it like it's bad news?"
"Babe, you know if I go that means I have to say goodbye to this place."
"I know, I guess I try not to think about it."
"You know... I don't have to go."
I look up to see that he's looking at me like I'm crazy.
"You're going."
"What if I can't handle it? What if..."
James cuts me off by kissing me.
"Don't worry about the what ifs. Everything will be fine, we'll work it out together. Like we always do, right?"
"Right."
-----------------------------------
It's been months now, but I still haven't gotten used to the idea of actually leaving. I don't think James has either. It's the holidays again and it seems like he's avoiding me at all costs. I wish I could spend more time with him.
He told me he's been studying but I don't buy it. Surely he's spending some of his time studying, but I doubt he needs all that time for it. I don't think I've seen him at all this week, we used to see each other every other day. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I can't help but be concerned.
Tessa says that I'm under a lot of stress and that I need to 'report to her house immediately for a therapy session,' whatever that means.
When I approach the front door I prepare myself to knock when the door swings open. Tessa is standing there wearing glasses. Why is she wearing glasses?
"You're late," she says, turning to walk into the house.
I follow her inside, "Late? You said immediately, how can I be late when you didn't give me a time?"
"I'm sure you could have been faster than that."
"I was messaging my father."
"How is that going?"
"I'm lucky to get a message from him once a week. He doesn't seem that interested in talking to me honestly."
"He's probably a busy man. I'm sure he loves talking to his darling son."
I thought she was acting strange before, but I've never seen her like this. Maybe Tessa needs me to give her a therapy session.
"Would you like some water before we start?"
I shrug my shoulders, "Sure."
I take a seat on the couch. I'm pretty nervous about all of this, I have no idea what's going on. Tessa walks back to me and hands me the glass of water.
"What's with the glasses?" I ask.
"I thought they'd make me look more professional."
"Um... okay."
"You're probably wondering why I called you here."
"Yep," I say before taking a sip of my water.
"You're having boy problems."
I have to stop myself from spitting out my water, "I'm having what now?"
"Don't act like you haven't noticed it too. You and James have been spending a lot less time together."
"Yeah, we have."
"It's okay, I'm going to help you through this. You should lay down."
"The last time I went to a therapist I wasn't asked to lay down."
"You've been to therapy?"
"Yeah, after my mum died."
Tessa nods. I think she's hoping I'll keep talking, so I do.
"Her name was Jody. She always insisted I call her by her first name. She was such a kind woman, to be honest I miss seeing her. It was her idea for Spencer and I to move here. It wasn't doing us any good to still be living in that house, in that city."
"You really like it here don't you?"
"Of course I do. It was a rocky start with Spencer and his job. I wasn't sure how my first day at school would go too, I thought I wouldn't make any friends but I did. I'll never forget that day when James approached me at the picnic tables."
"That was so cute, he was so nervous about talking to you."
I smile, "He was. All of you were so kind and welcoming. I don't think any of you will ever know how much that meant to me, how much you all still mean to me."
"You mean a lot to us too, I don't think any of us will forget that day either."
I means so much to me to hear her say that. I've always viewed it as them taking me in, I never considered that I was helping them too. I care about my friends so much...
"I don't want to leave you all. I don't want to leave this place."
"I know you don't, but your future is in America."
"Is it? What about my future here?"
I feel a tear roll down my cheek, "What about James? I love him so much. He doesn't even know. I couldn't bring myself to tell him because I don't want to make it harder on us when I leave."
"Hey, come here," Tessa says, holding out her arms for a hug.
I accept it without any hesitation. Tessa always seems to have a way of making anyone feel better. I know she's about to tell me something important.
"There's this quote," she begins, "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were."
I feel more tears roll down my cheeks. I know she's right, but I also know that I'm going to miss James so much. I don't know how I'll get through this.
Tessa leans back from our hug, her hands still firmly gripping my shoulders.
"I want you to do something for me," she says.
"Yeah?" I mumble, wiping my tears on my sleeve.
"I want you to go and see James. I want you to spend as much time with him as you can, before it's too late."
I nod, "Thank you, I will."
-----------------------------------
When I knock on the door James's dad answers. It's a pleasant surprise, usually he's out of the house whenever I come over.
"Hey Guy."
"Hi Mr Day, is James home?"
"Yeah, he's in his room," he says before calling out, "James, your boyfriend is here!"
I hear a groan from inside the house, "Dad!"
I can tell he's embarrassed, it's adorable.
"You should probably come inside, he's been hovered over his laptop all afternoon, I doubt he'll be stopping any time soon. How are you anyway?"
I follow him into the house and we both lean against the kitchen counter.
"I'm alright."
"Only alright?"
"Yeah, I guess there's still a lot of things I have to process."
"I still remember when June left for university," he says.
June is James's mothers name, I think I see where this story is heading.
James's father continues, "She's a year older than me, so I had to wait a year to see her again, I wasn't even sure if I would. I might have gotten into a different university."
"But you got into the same one?"
"I did. I was so happy to have her back. We got married four years later."
"And then you had James."
"Yep. Our little bundle of joy."
I can't help but smile. James always gets so embarrassed when his dad talks to me about his childhood, so he made sure to make a habit out of it.
"I miss those days."
I can see the sadness in his eyes when he talks about it. Him and his wife are divorced and his son is growing up. Things are changing and it's all way too fast.
"Enough about me, you should go and see James."
"Yes Sir."
I walk to James's room and knock on the door frame. He looks up and I can see that his eyes are bloodshot.
"Yeah?" he says in a way that it seems like it causes him pain to speak.
"You have spent way too much time in here."
"No I..."
"No excuses, we're going."
"Going where?"
"Wherever we want. We're going to spend some quality time together."
James lets out a chuckle, "You say that like we're an old married couple."
I can't help but hope that we can be one day. Even though it ended in divorce, his dad's story has given me hope that one day we might meet again. And so has the quote Tessa told me about.
And if not... I'm making the most of what we have left. No matter what.